Potty Training Accidents on Purpose?

My daughter used to do it, mostly at daycare. After the teacher made her undress, clean up herself, and redress by herself, she stopped. Before she was potty trained, she did regress for a bit. There was a 6 month period between being potty trained at 2, regressing, and re-training.

She might have regressed or she may be angry at you and doing it since that is something they can control. However, she may also have a medical problem. A couple of years ago my daughter began peeing herself all the time after being completely trained for almost a year. At first I thought nothing of because it was early summer. What kid likes to come in to pee if they can have lots of fun outside? But it kept happening and it was actually getting worse. It got to where we could go nowhere without several spare outfits. We were actually starting to discipline her. However, I took her in for an unrelated case, mentioned to the doc what was going on and after answering a few questions she ordered x-rays for my daughter. My daughter was extremely backed up. It was so bad that it was applying pressure to the bladder (and other organs) which caused her to not be able to control when urine was expressed. I had absolutely no idea she could be backed up, let alone to that extent, because she was pooping, just not like she should have been and I didn't know this. She wound up on laxatives for a while to clean her out. It's not as bad as it used to be. She's pooping normally and she rarely has problems during the day anymore. However, she does still have a slightly week bladder so every once in a while she might have an accident during the day and she still has to wear pull-ups at night.

Your daughter is still really young though and if there are no medical problems, I woudn't worry about it that much. When my girls were that young, I kept a potty chair for them to use since the toilet was upstairs. If I noticed it had been more than about an hour since they brought their potty to me to dump, I would simply place them on the toilet until they went which was often in a couple of minutes. They'd simply gotten to involved in their playing and were ignoring the signals the body was sending. If she tells you no, and it's been at least an hour since she's gone, pick her up and sit her on the potty until she goes. Give her a book or small toy to play with. However, if she hasn't gone in about 5 minutes, let her down to play. But don't leave it for another hour, don't wait any longer than 20-30 minutes and place her on the toilet again. The longer it is until she goes, the less time you leave between sittings so you can hopefully catch her before she goes in her pants. After awhile her body will get the hang of it and you shouldn't have to do more than 1 or 2 sittings. I rarely had to do more than 2 with my girls. If she's getting enough to drink, she should be using the toilet every 1-2 hours so if it's gone longer than that, she's probably dehydrated. If you get her in the habit of going every hour, it will help both of you immensely. Remember, even if she says no, if you think it's been long enough since the last bathroom break that she should have to go, place her on the toilet.

Good luck!

My daughter went through a similar phase - about 6 to 9 months after she was trained she started having accidents. These only happened at home,and usually later in the day....but it could happen up to 8 times in a row. I did take her to be evaluated with no medical cause. She was just going through a growth/develpomental phase and had been showing more independence and her sleep schedule had been changing (she was very resistant to naps during this time). Thankfully she only seemed to have these accidents when she was in the comfort of her home - never out in public. Asking her to go to the potty more often was no help, it just took patience and time and she worked out her schedule on her own.

well the first thing I would ask if there have been any major changes in her life - did you just have a baby, going through a divorce, move, death of a relative? Anything big and stressful could cause this. Or, did a younger girl move in next door who is still in diapers?

If it's not that - the next question I would ask is what happens when she pees in her pants? Is she getting lots more attention when she pees in her pants than when she doesn't?

I am not a fan of rewards and punishments - but I am a proponent of NATURAL consequences. so, if she pees in her pants the natural consequence is that SHE (with your help) has to stop playing, wipe up the mess on the floor etc (if there is one), wipe up her bottom/legs etc, change clothes, old clothes go into the washer etc. That leaves less time for playing.
I would also praise her when she DOES go to the potty out in public (and at home if it ever happens). that way she will learn that if she goes in the potty GOOD things happen and if she doesn't go in the potty she has consequences.

I would try as hard as you can to NOT get emotional with her - which is really hard when you are so frustrated!!!!

Hang in there!

Don't ask her if she needs to go -- just take her to the potty every 1/2 hr. My little one is 5 and every time I ask him if he has to go he says no -- but then will race to the abthroom 5 minutes later needing to go. At 5 he knows when he has to go adn 2.5 she may not. altho she's been pt for a while now.

I agree with Shawn W., stop asking her if she has to go. Tell her to go. If you have to, take her by the hand to the bathroom.

Don't ask her if she needs to go: Tell Her to go use the bathroom, once every 1-2 hours; if she tries and doesn't go, send her back in after 40 minutes or so. Don't bring up the accidents.

Just curious: any big changes going on? News of a pregnancy? Sometimes regression has to do with changes in how they are playing (they get more engrossed at some periods of development), and often it has to do with the child reacting to change. Could even be within the last few day or the last couple months---some kids have a delayed reaction.

Also, keep her with you as you deal with the accidents. She cannot go play until everything is cleaned up. If she's independent enough to be going potty, she should be changing her own clothes. (if she can't do basic pull-up/pull-down pants, it might be too soon). When my son (or my preschoolers) wet, I have them go into the bathroom to change clothes, clean up, etc. and have them change themselves. I'll hold open a plastic bag for them to put their pee clothes in, or your daughter can carry her laundry to the washing machine. I don't expect kids to mop up their pee, but I do expect them to facilitate this by bringing me rags (I keep a big basket at a kid-friendly height) and packing up their plastic bags into their backpacks.

This isn't something I would punish, because you don't know why she's doing this. It sounds like most kids and regression: they are usually trying to figure something out. I believe some kids go through phases where they really try to see how long they can go before having an accident-- kind of testing their own limits. You don't say, either, what your daughter's response to these accidents are, but as a former nanny, I do know firsthand how frustrating they can be for us.

Also, if she asks for something besides underwear, be sure it's diapers, not pull-ups. They just confuse the situation.Otherwise, just be clear that "It's TIME to go to the potty" every so often (especially if your intuition is nagging at you). I even did this with 5 and 6 year olds, just made a natural space in what we were doing, so we didn't have the round and round "Do you have to go?" "No!"

Don't forget, too, that this is the age of testing autonomy, and so it's almost their job at two and three to tell you "no".

Good luck-- and wishing you much patience!
H.

Attention getting. Are you pregnant? Is she sensing some stress in the house or a big change coming up? Regardless, simply have her take off her own clothes and teach her how to wash them out in the sink, squeeze and hang to dry. If she pees on the floor or carpet, etc, have her clean it up - don't get mad or give her extra attention good or bad b/c of it directly. But do make sure that at other times of day - before nap, after nap, etc, you are cuddling her, reading to her.