Potty Training a Very Stubborn Child

Throw some Cheerios in the bowl and make a game of it. He had to aim for the Cheerios. He will hopefully forget that this is going to the potty. Worth a try. My grandson was over three. He wanted to go to a gym class. I knew he had to be trained. So I called ahead to tell them we were coming, still in diapers and to just go along with me. So off we went. He was do excited. We looked at the class then went to desk to sign up. The women were awesome. They said they were thrilled to have him. Then they said you no longer wear diapers right! The look on his face was priceless. He admitted he did. They said sorry. Come back when you do not wear diapers. I did feel bad, but we got home diaper came off and that was it!!!! A week later we went back and he started his gym class. Never had an accident.

ADD: Just a thought - does he have any sensory preferences? Like does he have a hard time with tags or seams in clothing or things like that? Sometimes pottying is a sensory thing - pooping is WEIRD if you think about it.

Tell the people that say to "force" him that you'll be dropping him off with them for as long as it takes to make it happen, and ask them what time works for them ;) "It's my son's body, and I'm not going to traumatize him over a bodily function. Thanks."

ORIGINAL: He's not ready. Go back to pullups. It's his body. For whatever reason, he's just not able to right now. Every time he takes care of business himself, praise it. If he communicates why he isn't ready, listen. If big bro is around, ask him if he can let little bro "see how it's done". Maybe if it's being modeled without expectations by big bro, he'll relax and follow brother's lead.

Clearly, a few people are ready for him to potty train.
He's just not O. of them.
When he's READY? It will be pretty simple.
He's obviously not ready.
Back off.
Poor kid. 😐

You're turning this into a power struggle and you can't win this.
It's his body, he's still learning how to control it, and he doesn't control it expressly to spite you.
Just put him in pullups and back way off.
Praise him if/when he has any successes.
Some kids take longer to potty train but he's not going to go off to college and still be wearing diapers.
Enjoy your little boy.
Oh, and when he's grown and married with kids of his own and is complaining about THEIR potty training - have a good hard laugh about it.

When people give you un asked for advice - tell them "Thanks! We're on it! Now butt out and zip your lip!".

He's not ready. It's a developmental thing entirely - like learning to walk or talk. It's not about stubbornness, not at 3.5 years old.

Sitting on the potty for 45 minutes is a sure way to get him to hate the potty. I know you want him to produce something so you can praise him, but you can't make a child drink 24 ounces and then sit and wait for it! That's not teaching him anything at all except that the potty is a miserable place.

Yes, put him back in diapers. Until he's developed enough to get the "full bladder" signal to the brain and then get himself to the potty and then release the sphincter muscle so he pees, there's no point in pull-ups. If he is showing some interest in a few months, put him back in pull-ups as if this current round of trying never occurred - just do as if it's the first time.

He knows he peed after the fact - that's good. It's the first start. One day in a few months he'll tell you ahead of time. If he does that 3 times in a day, then do the pull-ups so he can pull them down easily and pee by himself. But it's not the product (pull-up vs. diaper) or the incentives (stickers etc.) that make a child develop this ability. You will face the same thing with nighttime dryness - that is an entirely separate developmental step and you cannot "train" it or push it or incentivize it.

I promise you he will not go to kindergarten in diapers. Just let him be, no shame, no urging, no pleading. Don't set up a battleground over this. You have enough on your plate.

Your child is not ready to potty train. Just because YOU are ready doesn't mean HE is ready.

Your husband is correct. Put him back in diapers. Counterproductive for what? You haven't potty trained him.

Please just stop. When he says he has to go, then run and take him, praise him. He will let you know when he is ready to train.

Keep him in diapers or pull ups and drop it, for now. You are right, he's holding it intentionally, and he's winning. He's not ready, for whatever reason, so save yourself the hassle, the time, the energy, the frustration of all these failed attempts at potty training him, and wait until he's ready.

It's not "counterproductive." Your husband is correct.

i'm a bit leery of hanging a 'stubborn' label on a little fellow who is still practically a toddler. if he's 'intentionally' holding it, it's because he's anxious, not because he's defiant and wants to fark you over somehow.
i'm more concerned about your 'people' who think it's okay (let alone do-able) to 'make' him potty train.
i think this is an instance where you should listen to your sensible husband.
khairete
S.

Ok, I'll be that "somebody."

One of the things that the child needs to learn in order to be successful is what it even feels like to need to pee. They need to make that connection, and one very effective way of doing that is to have lots of accidents. Whether you put them in underwear of have them go commando, they will learn by finding themselves with pee running down their legs. Most kids are not going to make that connection wearing a diaper or pullups. They just won't.

You tried doing underwear for a few hours and then put him in a pullups. That's not going to work. You have to leave him in underwear for a few days in order for him to understand.

I would back off for now. It probably has turned into a power struggle, and you're not going to win this way.

Look at your calendar. Look ahead a couple of months. Is there a 3 day weekend anywhere? Maybe Spring Break? Surely there is a window somewhere where you can do this. If you really can't find a window anywhere, pack extra clothes and have him wear underwear. That's really the only way he's going to learn.

The turning point for both of my boys was seeing dad pee standing up. They just didn't want to sit. Get a stepstool. Fill dad with liquids all weekend. :-) Have him go in with dad each time. Have a ridiculous dance party when he finally does it himself.

When my son turned 3, everyone was on my back that I should put him in some sort of pre-nursery program so he could start to learn to be away from Mommy a bit. So I found a little program at a nearby church, 3 hrs 3 days a week. When I told the director of the program that he wasn't potty trained yet, she looked at me like I had 20 heads and said he HAD to be potty trained before he could start the program. Soooooo, I chose a week shortly before the program began to introduce him to underpants, the potty, going number one, number two, etc. Long story short, he took to peeing in the potty like a champ, but pooping? It turned into a 6-month long power struggle, with me growing more and more desperate because he was slated to begin regular nursery school in the fall and this was FULL day, 3 days a week, also potty trained required.

Like you, I tried the sticker charts, M&Ms, little prizes, all the tricks that seemed to work for everyone else to no avail. He simply wasn't interested.

My absolute low was the day he pooped a pair of new underwear and smeared it all over his room. I made him help me clean that up, believe me.

Anyway, here's how I solved the situation. I took him to the toy aisle at KMart and said you may pick ANY toy on the shelf, regardless of price, on the condition that you cannot have the toy until you poop on the potty. I put the reward under his control, rather than choosing it out for him. He picked a Transformer set with two characters, probably around $30 or so. When we got home, I made a big show of putting the toy way up on my closet shelf and told him as soon as he pooped on the potty, he could have one of the Transformers. No joke or exaggeration, I laid down for a nap about an hour or so later, heard him get up from his nap, tiptoe into the bathroom, sit on the potty and bingo! He pooped. Totally knew how to do it the whole time. He was just too stubborn until I let him choose out for himself the one thing he wanted most.

Since he had chosen a set of 2 Transformers, we played out the exact same scenario the next day with the second toy. On the third day, he - being no dummy - asked what he'd get if he pooped on the potty again. I told him if he did it two days in a row, I'd take him to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. After that, I continued to space out rewards for about another week, each smaller than the one before, and then no more rewards after that. Just big boy underpants and praise. He's never had an accident since (he's 8 now and would be completely embarrassed to know I'm telling this story).

This exact scenario may not work for you and maybe your son is still not entirely ready yet, but look for that thing - toy, trip, experience, restaurant, whatever - that he wants so much more than playing the power game. I'm usually the last person to advise bribery of any sort with a child, but this was one instance where it was soooooo worth it.

No pull ups, ever!

Use trainers to contain the mess, but let him make a mess. PM me if you want. I'm starting the process with my daughter TODAY. She is more than ready, she was doing the holding thing, we waited a few weeks, and now she is peeing on the floor. She wakes dry from nap, in the morning, and can put pee in the toilet. Does she want to? Of course not, does she want to use a diaper? No. I get pinched when I try to change her! she is too big for diapers, and that be that.

I don't take her on a schedule or force it. I just race her to the potty when she starts to go. She will catch on quickly, I have no doubt. Meanwhile, I just carry around cleaner and paper towels. She only goes three times a day, so it's predictable. If I think she's going to go, I will have her sit with my iPhone or pad. That works. I was close to having her trained a few months ago but then we went on holiday and got off track. In any case, I'm blocking off the next few days to focus. We were out of the house this morning, but as soon as we got home she got naked. We'll do the same everyday until she gets it.

Perhaps your older son and dad can help him understand about peeing in the potty. Maybe your younger son can watch them and he may try to copy what they are doing. Perhaps if you put Cheerios in the potty, and he tries to aim, it will be a game for him. When you are constipated, you may not have the sensation that you need to pee. 24 oz of water is a lot of water for a little boy to drink without having to pee. Talk to the doctor to see if he is stretching his bladder out and if that is a problem.

Some just take longer. Our little guy turned 4 in December. Lots of people told me the same as people are telling you. But, I know my sweet boy best ... He was not ready. Fortunately, his preschool didn't require him to be trained. About 5-6 weeks ago, I decided to follow the same chart his teacher uses for behavior at school ... 5 days dry (after school only) and he got a treat. Then another 5 with all day (including at school). Then 7 days twice and now we're on a 10 day dry cycle ... He hasn't yet gotten a whole 7 days in a row, but he's only having accidents at home and we just clean up, move on, and no sticker that day. He's gotten to the point he's embarrased when he has an accident and we just remind him he's doing well and to listen to his body.

ETA .... Don't know how you feel about Caillou, but these books have helped.

http://www.amazon.com/Caillou-Potty-Time-Hand/dp/2894507496

http://www.amazon.com/Caillou-No-More-Diapers-Hand/dp/289...

Ok a few things I notice:
-don't make him sit on the potty for 20 mins. You take him & have him stand to pee for a minute. If he doesn't go you try again an hour later.
-take him to try & pee about 20 mins after he drinks something
-he's close, don't give up but tread gently.
-have him watch your older son & dad. Have them go pee together.
-i think I would try having him go around your house in underwear. If he
has an accident, don't get mad at him. Just quietly take him to the
bathroom to see if he has to go anymore & give him dry underwear.
-it's good that he knows he's peed & comes to tell you. I'm telling you I'm
pretty sure he's getting close. Give or take another month or so. Try to
be patient. It's a developmental stage & girls are generally easier than
boys.
-when you think he may have to poo (this one is harder, have him sit on
a toilet insert on the big toilet w/a stool by his feet & don't have him sit
there very long.
-when he does pee in the toilet, praise him. Get him a small trinket toy
-same thing when eventually does go poo in the toilet (this takes a wee bit
longer than peeing in the toilet) praise & use wet wipes to clean but don't
put those in toilet. Get him a small toy. It's a celebration & it reinforces
the positive.
He'll eventually get there. He's very close by age & developmentally. Try
not to let it get you down.
-He'll eventually become regular (poop-wise).
-Also, if you can't do the 3day method, try this....when you have to take him anywhere (bank, store, baseball field etc.), take him to the bathroom while there & have him "try". You may be surprised. Again, remember he's getting close.
-when your older son goes pee, ask him to take his brother too (when you
are at home)
-have him drink lots of water, veggies, fruit (esp fiber)

I would put him in underwear and ditch the pull ups. Take him to the real toilet for a couple of minutes after he eats and whenever he wakes up. Also if you haven't been in 2 hours. He needs to know what having an accident feels like to make the connection. Babies are born disliking being wet and dirty. We then teach them to pee and poop in a diaper and sit in it. You now need to reteach that lesson. I would completely give up on praise, stickers and fuss and just assume that peeing and pooping in the toilet is an expected part of life. Not a big deal. Kids do tend to live up to expectations. And yes, you probably will need to stay home for a few days until your child 'gets it'. Sorry you have another kid and a husband, but your child is not going to train faster because it is convenient for you.

You are making it a power struggle and the other posters are right - you can't win a struggle. But you can make it a non issue by just giving him the underwear and letting him have the accidents and removing all the drama. This really is why it is better to train them before they are two - the whole rebellion mindset isn't there yet.

It is so NOT developmental. It is completely societal. More than 1/2 the world's children are trained by 12 months. Prior to disposable diapers the average age American children were fully trained by was 18 months. This was only 40 years ago so I simply don't believe biology has changed since then. It is not that he isn't ready. It is that you missed the window where he would have been enthusiastic about pleasing you by training.

I can tell you what I did for my kids, I can not say for sure it will work with yours since all are different. I put them in pull-ups and just waited. I didn't push for them to use the potty, just made sure they knew it was an option. I waited until they were peeing in the potty about half the time (always celebrated it when they did with praise) and pooping in the potty mostly all the time, and then we went to undies. The first day in undies for both of them was hard,with so many accidents that day that my oldest was begging for his pull up, but I said no and remained him that he had been using the potty for a while now and he knew what to do. The second day there was only a few accidents, and then by day three only one or two. Of course we still had occasional accidents for a few months, but after those first 3 days they had it down well because I never actually "trained" them, I just let them find their own way.