Potty Training a Resistant Almost 4 Yr Old Boy

K. - Get rid of the Pull-ups. I used them with my son & as soon as I got rid of them, it just clicked that he needed to go in the toilet. They are too much like diapers. I bought the plain white cotton training pants. He will not like the wet feeling. It will take a few days but it will be worth it. Good luck!

What worked with my son, was keeping him naked for a week. He peed on himself once and hated it and used the toilet by himself after that. Hope this helps.

My son was about 3 years 8 months before he was potty trained. I tried everything on the sun. Then someone suggested letting him run around naked and putting the portable potty close to where he was playing. We stayed home the whole day and by the end of the night he was going in the little potty. I told him if he got the feeling to run to the potty. He was so thrilled when he finally went. The next day,I moved the portable potty to the bathroom and it worked. He never had one accident. I moved him up to the regular toilet within a couple of weeks. Good luck.

How long before your trip to Rome? If it's late in the summer I would go ahead with the potty training and hope for the best on the trip. I had lots of success telling my son that we ran out of diapers (with a surprised look on my face) and then having him run around with just a t-shirt on and nothing on the bottom - he peed on the floor a couple of times and pooped just once (at night, I miraculously found a diaper in the bottom of the drawer). Do you have big boy underwear? Take him with you to buy it so he can choose which ones and when he's successfully putting most of his pee and poop in the toilet, let him wear a pair. It's so hard - as someone else said, all the power is his, and you can't MAKE him go. Never tell him "It's OK" when he has an accident (it's not!), instead use something like "Next time, let's try to get it in the potty." Good luck - I can imagine a 4 year old poops like an adult!!

My best advice is to get rid of the pull-ups. I know it's a pain for you when there are accidents, but we discovered it set our child back when she realized they're just like diapers. Then make him change himself by taking off his clothes and putting them in the dirty clothes. We read "potty training in one day" and they had some helpful suggestions. Best to you!

It's not surprising a lot of the advise is conflicting. I think sometimes you just keep trying until you find what's best for your child & family. Here's my experience.

My son was the same way. About 6 weeks prior to his 4th birthday, I told him I would make him a deal. I would completely stop bothering him about potty training until his b-day if he promised to try his best after his b-day to use the toilet. He agreed. At the time, I wasn't sure if I was just giving myself a rest from the potty training, or if it really meant someting to him.

The day after his 4th birthday, he comes out of his room wearing 4 pair of underwear and dragging the box of pull-ups to the garbage.

For my son, the idea that he was in control and it was HIS choice, made the difference. Good luck & enjoy your trip!

With a kid this old, the sitting him on the potty part seems pretty useless.
It isn't as if you are trying to condition a very young child to understand that he should do it there by catching him in an fortunate accident and then reinforcing the behavior.
He is not pre-verbal.
He understands the concept, but he just doesn't want to do it.
So instead the very act of approaching the potty has become an issue of control.
So quit bothering him about it.
The potty only needs to be available.

The pull-ups should go right away, because they make it too easy to just keep using them.
He has no motivation at all to change, because he has no problems with the current setup.
He's like an astronaut - he has these comfortable things to wear that mean he doesn't have to deal with toileting at all.
He doesn't have to take a break even - it's all invisible.
You do all the work, and basically he has no responsibility.
It simply doesn't impact him, since he doesn't feel any discomfort, and you do all the maintenance.

So just switch him now to underwear, and let him learn to be responsible for what he can control.
Try to figure out what his actual schedule is - how often he needs to get to the potty, and try to remind him only appropriately.
Not every hour, but near when he typically might need it.
And don't ignore, or diminish his mistakes.
They are not okay - they make a mess, they interrupt everyone's day, and he needs to mend his behavior.
Keep it light, but don't make it nothing.
"That can't be very comfortable, you take this and rinse it, and I'll find you some clean pants."
Make him help with the clean up, so that the mistake is a nuisance to him too.

You need to make this his issue, not yours.

hmmm...put fruit loops in the toilet and have him aim at them. a bulls eys with nailpolish on the bottom of the toilet and have him aim..something to make it fun?

Check out www.askdrsears.com. He has some great advice. Our oldest was not fully potty-trianed until 4 1/2. At around 4 we were able to get him to pee in the potty most of the time but not poop. We were frustrated and moved cross-country with a just turned 4 year old boy chnaging him in public restrooms and the car. It wasn't fun but what can you do? It was either change him or stop twice a day and launder his clothes and the carseat. We tried very hard to be patient and fianlly what worked for us was a lot of patience. We did switch him to plastic lined training pants after our move when he was 4 years 3 months. We might have sooner except we had moved to the Alabama gulf coast three weeks before Hurricane Katrina so the thought of underwear to wash when it was hot humid and no power was not appealing. About a week after putting him in the plastic lined training pants he started peeing in the potty about 2/3 of the time but it still took another three or four months for the poop. We had to catch him having a bowell movement and run him to the potty for that to work.

Best of Luck,
H.

I have 5.5 yr old twin boys and 4.5 was the magic age for them. The would use it occasionally before then, but never consistently. I also haev a friend who has 2 boys and they were each 4.5 when they potty trained. It just takes longer for it to 'click' with some.

I had tried a reward system for my boys and everything and it just wasn't working for them. When they were ready, it literally happened over night.

Good luck! And have a great trip--with or without diapers!

I totally understand my boy just got out of diapers and he'll be four in December. And I was getting worried myself. He had good days and bad days. I think he need to learn with a few accidnets. No more diapers. But I think that's the only way they learn. Especially boys, their lazy. You need to physically take him to the potty every hour or so. And, try cherrios in the toilet. Where he tries to pee pee on them. Or, the pee pee and poo poo dance. Me and my hubby, will make a big thing out of it. When ever he went to the potty we'll dance and sing. Good luck.

Try a poop specialist! Yes, they are out there. We got help from a behaviorist who specializes in poop! His name is Mike Wilson. He is in San Jose. I am sure there are others. Keep it positive. Don't worry about your cruise. We've been on cruises with kids still in diapers. You will manage just fine. Be aware that the trains in Italy do not really follow a schedule so make sure you give yourself plenty of time to get on the ship if you're anywhere in Italy and you're not on a shore excursion from the ship. Have a wonderful time!!!

Hi K.. I agree with the others. Ditch the pullups. If you are able to stay home with your son take his pants/underwear off go outside and let it go. Put the potty chair out there if you want. I let my son pee on our trees. That was what sealed the deal with him. Of course, I did have to "let" him pee on other people's trees for about 2 weeks - I always called before we visited people. The other thing you could try is the cloth training pants. When he pees or poops, it will be messy. He'll know he wet himself. Pullups are virtually dry because of the absorbant gel/chlorine stuff in them so he probably doesn't know he's wet. Or he's not wet enough to care. It is true when they are ready they are READY. However, at 4 that is pushing the limits of any mommy... Good luck and I hope you find what works for you and your little boy soon!

i had an early potty training boy and it is completely because he had such bad diaper rashes that he spent every moment home with no pants on from 16 months on. took a few months for him to use the potty regularly and then it took us only about 2 weeks to get him to not have regular accidents when we decided to step it up. let me tell you there was a period of accidents on the floor, but for us it was necessary because of the severity of his rashes. i dont think a four-year old would like seeing his poo on the floor. he knows its not cool. and for the accidents, stock up on bac-out enzymatic cleaner, plain old vinegar, and cloth diapers (they pull the liquid right out of carpet) i bet your son will surprise you.

oh, also, we stepped up the potty training from naked-time to having him wear pants and communicate or take them off himself to go on the potty about 2 weeks before going on a trip. i thought we were foolish and that he would get confused, but it worked out great and not dealing with diapers while travelling was awesome. i was almost like he could accept that there was a new set of rules in this new place.

i wish you luck and patience. and positivity throughout this frustrating time. this too shall pass!

I can relate my 3 year old was the same until I put her in underwear and for two days we peed and pooped in them. She didn't like peeing her pants,by the third day in the evening she was potty trained. She was so proud of herself. I told her she had to learn to pee in the potty and she did. I knew I had to make the decision for her. She was comfortable in her pull ups and doesn't like change. She did expierience some anxiety. But she was so proud of herself when she learned and it really boosted her confidence. My friend had to push potty training on her 4 year old son as well. They all learn eventually Good luck!

You've gotten a lot of great advice, I am struggling with my 3 year old on this but wanted to let you know what's worked for my friends- they switched their kids to regular underwear and plastic pants and the discomfort of being wet helped expediate the process.
Don't fret though, if it takes him longer than you expected all kids are different. When I was little I always took my time doing things, it would drive my mom nuts, she'd rush into my room and to "help" would partial dress me and then rush out to do more and when she came back she always found I'd undone every thing she did and was doing it in my own way. She hated it but I just had to do everything in my own way and time. Eventually (try when I was 25) she stopped pressuring me to do things how and when she felt they should be done and she realized that in fact I do get things done, just not like she would.
Anyway, as I like to joke about my daughter, the longer she takes to potty train the less I have to worry about her premature dating LOL ;)

I agree with switching him to regular underwear. I have been trying this with my 3 year old. One thing I did notice with him is that my mother sent him about 4 different packs of underwear. He seems to like the Thomas ones the best so I use that as motivation in that he only has two pairs with Thomas on them and if he wants to wear them he needs to keep them clean. Once they get dirty it may be 4 days before he gets to wear Thomas again.

Hi K.,
Sounds like you're a busy lady! Does your son like to travel and go places as well? If so, you can use that to your advantage. Now that the weather is warmer you can limit his play time to outdoor activities in regular underwear. Yes, underwear and NOT pull up diapers. A diaper draws the moisture away from the skin making it comfortable to be wet. Underwear gets soaked and then cold.
Put a port-a-potty outside and let him figure it out. Don't hover and check on him...just tell him this is your potty to use and you may not come in the house with wet pants so use the potty and let me know if you need help.
At four years of age, even if he's delayed with physical motor skills, he understands consequences. Most kids this age who haven't trained themselves are thriving on the control for a variety of reasons. If you stop monitoring him and turn the responsibility over to him he'll take charge. You will have to discipline yourself to stay home for at least a week, wash lots of wet pants, and put up with crying and protesting. Take the diapers and pull-ups out of the house (out of sight for him) and have at least 10 pair of underpants.
Does he go to preschool or engage in play groups? If so, let him know that the rules are changing and he won't be able to go to the groups until he uses the potty. Use the old fashion carrot/stick philosophy. Good luck.
A.

Hi K.,

I had always heard to wait until they area ready, and I also heard that little boys train later than little girls. Well, after my son's third birthday came and went, I decided he could use the potty, he just didn't want to. I used the advice contained at www.3daypottytraining.com. It worked wtihin days. Now, we are diaper/pull-up free both day and night. My son will be four in November. Good luck!

Dear K.,
I never had any trouble with potty training either of my two children, a girl and a boy, born 10 years apart. But I have known so many people that have trouble.
My friends had a baby exactly one month before my daughter was born. He weighed over 10 pounds and she weighed 5. When his mom went back to work at 3 months, I baby-sat him and basically raised him right along with my daughter. My daughter had long been potty trained and I cringed everytime mom brought the boy over in a diaper, even still at 4 years old. I loved the kid with all my heart, don't get me wrong, but changing a 4 year old's diapers is not a happy experience, so I potty trained him. I started by saying that we all use the big potty at my house and I took his diaper off of him first thing. Then, we would go into the bathroom. I lined him and my daughter up like little ducks behind me. I would go first and then wash my hands. Then it was Angel's turn and she got to wash her hands. Then it was Garrett's turn and he got to wash his hands. (Even if he didn't go). At 4, my daughter was old enough to play along even if she didn't have to go so we could "help" him. We'd have a snack or play a game, and then it was right back to the potty line. Sometimes, Angel would have to go in the middle of some activity, so, everybody went to have a turn, but she got to be first in line that time. And he still had to take his turn and then wash his hands. Whether he went or not. Well, these kids had been raised together and don't you know....it wasn't long before Garrett wanted to be the first in the potty line. And he started using the toilet. Everyone had to be in the potty line and try, but the person who really was going to go potty got to be first. Due to her busy work schedule and everything, the first thing his mom would do was put a diaper on him and he pooped/peed in it at home. But every day I started over at my house. And he used the toilet. Finally, one day when she came to get him, I said that he doesn't need diapers anymore. He got his clean diaper out of the garbage and showed her. Then, I said, before he leaves tonight.....everybody to the potty line. He and Angel went to the bathroom, each took their turns, washed and dried their hands, and his mom about fainted. I had told her that he was using the toilet at my house, but I don't think she believed me. Until she saw it for herself. She started the potty line at home, even if it was just the two of them, and that was the end of the diapers. Eventually, he just went by himself and washed and dried his hands afterwards.
So, if you son isn't really keen on trying it at home, maybe you have a sister or someone from your church that you trust that he can spend some time in the "potty line" with at their home or at Sunday school. Little kids that age generally don't want to miss out on getting a turn at what everyone else gets to do.
It's worth a try. Good luck and have a fabulous time on your trip!

K.,

I had the same problem with my son. He is now 4. I did everything I could think of including setting a timer for bathroom trips every 45 minutes! Nothing worked. I would sit him on the toilet and he would do nothing for half an hour and then he would get off and immediately go in his pullup. You could try cheerios in the bowl and have him try to hit them. You could let him go naked (this worked for a friend of mine but I just could not get myself to do this). Last summer we too went on a trip and I did not want to pack the pullups. He still refused to go in the toilet. Then, the Monday after we got back, he told me it was time for him to wear underwear and we have been dry ever since. Sometimes kids just won't work with your timeline.

I hope this helps.

D.

Potty training can not be left up to the four year old, they will wear diapers until they are twenty if you let them. Pull ups are diapers! Take them off and put on under wear immediately. Catch him first thing in the morning when you know he has to go, even if you have to wake him up and set him on the toilet. Every half hour to hour after that until he proves he can hold it. Don't ask if he has to go. Your job is to take him to the toilet and sit there until he goes, his reward is that he gets to get up and go play. The answer will always be no if you ask if he has to go. They would rather play and pee in a diaper than take time to sit on the toilet. Getting parents to participate is harder than potty traning the child. I've trained at least 30 two year olds and have had no problems, but they go home and the parents can't get them to go in the toilet, because they won't spend the time it takes to listen and pay attention to the childs schedule. If you put on a pull up they will pee in it, that is what they have been doing for four years and that is all they know, trying to stop that won't work. Take them off. Good luck

With my son we sat him backwards on the toilet giving him a batter sense of security of not falling in while at the same time he could see himself pee in the toilet. This worked really well for him. Maybe have dad do it and show him then he will feel like a big boy. Also for poop show him even if it is yours how when you flush it it goes away.

Skip the pull-ups, you have to go cold turkey. No diapers what so ever, only when they sleep. There will be accidents but you have to be patient. I would really recommend to download this woman's pottytraining manual, helped me so much.(Costs 20 dollars, but was absolutely worth it.)
http://www.thepottytrainer.com/
Don't wait one more minute...it will only get worse. Go for it.

Well, he is in control and it may just be a control issue. He has to have power/control over something.

We took away Pull-ups and put on panties, lots and lots of panties. We spent many days in the backyard. I brought the potty chair outside and put on the panties. We played outside ALL DAY LONG for days on end. If the panties were wet, they were wet. Soon, my daughter decided to sit on the potty. In a few days, seh was using the potty all of the time.

Night time is a different animal. She's six and still in Pull-ups, but we've recently moved to the ones that get cook when wet. The cool feeling is stopping the peeing. She's slightly wet or dry most nights now.

Be patient and start what every plan you choose AFTER the trip. Take Pull-ups for the trip.
Stephanie

Our son was also in no hurry to get out of pullups. What finally worked for us was an system I got from my sister-in-law. She used little cars and we used small toy dinosaurs. We bought a package of little dinos that he wanted, and if he stayed dry all day, a dino would be waiting for him at breakfast the next morning. If he had a wet day, one dino went away (we choose which one). It took him a while, but when he got (and kept) all those dinos he was really proud and so were we.

Good luck!
K.

Hi K.---

Don't lose hope! My 4 year old just started going potty on the toilet just a few months ago. It WILL happen. For some kids, it just takes longer. I have two other older children, that started going potty earlier than this one for some reason--it is frustrating, and pull ups are expensive. Suggestions: Potty books. I bought a few of them, and he did enjoy reading them. Also, he goes to preschool during the day and his teachers there were a BIG help reminding him to go to the potty each hour. Also, he saw other youngsters going to the potty-this encouraged him more. Remind him often to visit the potty, and reward him with a lot of praise--tell him you are proud of him, even if he doesn't do anything-tell him you are happy that he tried.

BUY UNDERWEAR! My mother suggested that I buy him underwear and let him wear it. Let him choose it if possible---I know it may be scary to risk leakage, but just put a pair on (training underwear with extra padding) him so he can feel like a "big boy".. It works!!

It will happen---keep the faith. Last summer I went to Portugal with him still in pull ups--it wasn't that bad, and he did use the potty there a few times as well. Pack the pull ups with you, but they do sell them in Europe as well. Good luck! J.

At four years old, it's a matter of will rather than ability. Two methods I've heard of from an Amish guy to potty train a child who refuses to be potty trained are as follows. Method 1 is probably the "gentler" way to go. Method 2 is probably more effective!

Method 1: Withhold sweets or another "big kid" treat or privilege, because, you've "decided that since he's too little to go in the potty, he's too little to eat any sugar." He can't have it anymore until he gets potty trained. You must be 100% consistent in enforcing this!

Method 2: Tell your son that, since he's a big boy now, his messes are too big to clean up in the house. When he needs a diaper change, bring him outside, and cheerfully and sloppily wash off his bottom with a hose. It takes an average of four "washings" to potty train a child using this method.

Hi K.. I just want to tell you not to feel bad!! We're in the same boat!! My son will be 4 in Sept. and he will go on the toilet if he is naked all day and that's it! He wears pull ups too. He didn't start walking until he was 14mos and my theory is he's a little behind in things because I was induced almost 3 weeks early-- he wasn't ready to come!! So my point is don't feel bad - I'm there with ya!! Good luck, hopefully something will work before they're in high school!! LOL

Just take the diapers away. Explain to him that from now on he will be using the toilet because he is not a baby anymore. I'd make him run around naked from the waist down at least the first day, so he's not tempted to wet his pants. And then stick to your guns - don't go back to diapers no matter what. Good luck!

I'm torn about what advice to give here. I love the ideas of the Moms who say to just take away the pull-ups and be done with it. I bet that would work with some kids. I just know that this would have backfired in our case so I'll share my tale in case you have a very strong-willed boy too. My son was over 3 when he finally potty-trained but he is VERY strong-willed and we had a tough time. I guess we were really pushing the potty-training without realizing it, and he rebelled. We were giving him little prizes and giving lots of praise for using the potty for a long time. (Also we had a new baby which was hard for him). Basically, after the baby came he started holding in his poops and wouldn't poop no matter how bad he had to go. Finally he held one BM in for 5 days and we had to take him to the doctor. Our doctor said to stop the potty training for a while and put him back in pull-ups. We had to give him mineral oil so that he couldn't hold in his poop anymore. Amazingly, after just a few more weeks in pull-ups, he started going in the potty again and eventually just potty-trained himself. We had also tried taking away pull-ups and having him wear training underpants (which are hard to find but we bought them from Tiny Tots Diaper Service in Campbell), but he freaked out when he saw them and refused to wear them. So in short, it seems like your kid's personality has a lot to do with potty-training. I've also heard of some people having good luck with the Potty Train in One Day technique but I think that's often when they are younger. Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

I just potty trained my 3 yr old son. He would sit on the potty forever and not go. But I just took him out of the diaper during the day and put underwear on him. I would take him to the bathroom 20 minutes after a meal, and then every hour during the day. The first week he would pee in his underwear and would cry because he didn't like the feel. And after a week he stopped having the accidents in his underwear. I would stop the pull up thing they are just like a diaper so my theory is kids will still wet in them and not care. Good luck.

On the bright side of traveling with a child in diapers - you don't get the urgent "I need to go potty - NOW" while you're in a place where you have no idea where a toilet is. Both my daughters began using the potty later (about 3 1/2) and when they started they just started on their own. Have a nice trip.

I feel your pain and was tired of all the advice myself. But it really is true-- he will do it when HE is ready. My son will be 4 in a month and he's only been trained 1-2 months. He has the world's largest bladder, so making him go every hour only made him mad. He's also very stubborn. Wet underwear/pull-ups did not bother him. One day he just woke up, said he wanted to wear underwear, and he has been ever since (except at night -- but he's dry except once a week at night, so we're probably going to wean him off of that). All I can say is that I know what you're going through and it may seem like there is no end, but there really is. Our running joke is that he would be at prom/graduation in a pull-up. The only thing I can think of that changed right before he made the underwear decision himself was -- he started preschool, with mostly 4 year olds. They called him a baby. If I had to do it over again (if I can ever get pregnant again), I would start training earlier! Best of luck to you.

Hi K.. First of all,you didn't say if he is pooping on the toilet or in his pull-ups. It may be a sign of what is up with him. For instance, if he understands what main purpose and "important job" that the Toilet is used for(be creative) And second, Good Luck! Kids can be very frustrating. Especially if they think they are being pressured. Like my youngest son. After trying different ways and I finally decided to put a sturdy step stool in the bathroom. Which we also used for washing our hands and brushing our teeth. I then told him that only boys and not girls could make bubbles in the water hole and if he ever wanted to practice making bubbles to let me know and I would help him learn. I also told him to ask his daddy if he made big or little bubbles. The next day my husband asked me what out son was talking about and took him with him the next time He went. To say the least it worked. Not over night, but at least by the end of one month it was at least 90% better. You can also buy toilet targets to help in training. But, at 4yrs, I wouldn't be surprised if giving him the responsibilty of becoming a "BIG BOY" at his own pace with loads of excited encouragement might help you hurry him along. Once again, Good Luck, M.

My advice ... stick to the pull ups. The long trip would just set him back in his potty training most likely anyway. He WILL train when he's ready. My youngest was almost 4 1/2 when he finally decided he was done with diapers and pull ups.

My pediatrician told me "When it comes to potty training, the power is all their's. So let it go and don't worry about it. I've never known a kid that graduated from high school still wearing a diaper."

As long as you've confirmed with your Dr. there isn't any medical reason for him not training, I'd let it happen when it happens.