Potty Training - Albuquerque,NM

You didn't say whether he's pooping in underwear or Pull Ups. If you're still putting him in Pull Ups, it's no wonder he still poops in his pants. What does he have to lose? My son wouldn't poop in the potty either at 3 1/2 so I'd put Pull Ups on him to do so. Once I took the Pull Ups away (tough love, but I did it), he didn't want the embarrassment of pooping in his "real" pants and finally did it on the potty. Actually, he did poop in his real underwear once and he was so horrified, he never did it again. If he's pooping in underwear, then you really need to consult with his doctor. There has to be an underslying problem if he doesn't care. Good luck,

Hey H.,

Okay, so here's my opinion: don't push the potty training. I don't know if you've asked him if he wants to wear pull-ups again, but I'd tell him, in a loving way, that if he can't poop on the potty, you'll have to put him in pull-ups again. I'd say, "You don't have to poop on the potty right now if you don't want to. I'd really like for you to, and I think once you get the hang of it, you'll want to, too. But if you really don't want to, you don't have to. However, poopy underwear is really pretty gross to clean up, and I am going to insist that you wear pull-ups until you decide you'd like to try the potty again." He might be relieved. There will be people who tell you-"don't go backwards-he'll never poop on the potty until he leaves home for college..." but I think that's a bunch of malarkey. Kids all learn, or decide, to potty train at different times. My daughter wasn't trained until she was 3 and a half. We encouraged her, I got mad a couple of times-did potty treats, the sticker chart,etc...and then I just let it go. I stopped being ticked that she wasn't using the potty on my time schedule, and I swear that once I relaxed, she did, too. Was it an overnight Christmas miracle? Nooooooo. But, honestly, she made the decision to go on the toity once and for all and that was it-straight to night-time panties! I can't promise you that this will work for you, but I'd give it a try. Why be stressed out about it, unless you think there really is something physically wrong with him? My completely uneducated guess is he's probably fine. There are kids that aren't completely potty-trained until they're 5, God bless their mothers, and it's a mind-over-matter thing. Bigger battles to fight, my dear. Just act from a place of love and compassion, take a deep breath when you're changing his pull-ups (though, not directly over the pull-up in question) and give him a chance to make the decision for himself. If it doesn't work, what have you lost? If it does, you gain an empowered little guy who's proud of his accomplishment, because it is truly his.

Good Luck, sister,

Al

For my son, I used rewards. I kept a candy dish on the back of the toilet (with a lid on it)with sugar free hard candies in it. Everytime he pooped in the toilet, not in his pants he got to choose a hard candy. Of course he wanted the candy so he made sure to go poop IN the toilet. (After a while it becomes a habit to go in the toilet, not your pants.) He also got to put a cool sticker on the calendar everytime his pants were clean and dry ALL day. After he got 2 weeks of stickers EVERYDAY he got to go to the store and choose a new package of anykind of big boy underpants he wanted. (Not moms choice of underwear, but his)

It took my daughter longer to poop rather than pee in the potty. I just kept up the encouragement - no sticker chats, or rewards, just the feeling of being a "big girl", and doing it "like mommy". With a boy maybe I would emphasize doing it like "Daddy". I offered very consistent, enthusiastic encouragement, but never made any big deal if she did not want to try. I was very matter of fact about it, even when it was driving me batty having to deal with poopy diapers. It took a long time, but eventually, she was ready - I sat with her the whole time she was pooping and talked with her "What a big girl" "I am so proud of you" - I think we read our potty book as well. She was proud of herself after she did it, and she never went back to diapers after that.

My son was the same way and I had to give him cold showers. Cold enough to get his attention, but not freeze him. It worked for us.