Potty Training - Canoga Park, CA

Hi J.,

I'm a mom of 3 boys and 2 girl, plus I owned a preschool for many years. It is very common for boys to remain in diapers until they are around 3 1/2 and I wouldn't even get too excited about it is he were 4 years old. I had a 3 year old son, who had a very difficult time being potty trained. He wanted to go to preschool (during a time when I didn't own one). At that time preschools didn't take children who weren't potty trained. We were closing on the time he would begin preschool, but he wasn't potty trained. So, I decided to just turn the entire thing over to my husband. I asked him to take our son into the bathroom with him every time he had to use the toilet. It only took one week and my son was using the toilet on a regular basis and doing it right.

I now have a daughter, who when she was little wouldn't do anything until she could do it right. So, I understand that part. My thoughts are that maybe your son, would benefit from your husband taking him in with him to use the toilet, too. If your son had no obligation to use the toilet, he'd be able to see how it is done right for a male person. My guess is that your son witnessing the correct way for him, would spur him into action and add bonding with his father. When I did that week on male modeling, I completely took myself out of the picture. I no longer asked my 3 year old to watch me or his 17 month older brother use the toilet. We just had him go in with his father to watch with no pressure to actually use the toilet himself. It took the pressure off our son and suddenly we found him in there all by himself. I hope my experience will help you.

J.,

My son turned 3 about 2 weeks ago and we struggled to get him potty trained. We too tried everything. Finally about a week before his bday he told me he wanted to wear his big boy undies and has been in them ever since. If your son can wear undies most of the time then he is ready. I told my son that after a week in undies we were throwing out all the pullups and his diapers. We did this and he has been potty trained now for over 2 weeks (Even at night for the most part). My pediatrician said once you put them in undies do not put them in pullups or diapers at night or when you go out. You have to be consistent otherwise it is very confusing. I would suggest keeping an extra change of clothes for him with you when you go out. He'll get it. I also told my son that if he wanted to go to preschool he has to be a big boy and use the potty. I got him really ecxited about school and I think that helped. I told him big boys use the potty and babies wear diapers like his little sister. Good luck!

Several people have talked about your son maybe wanting to do it perfect or wanting to be independent and in control. When we bought my son a potty watch, he LOVED it and started picking up on doing it himself really quick. Just google "potty watch" and you'll find it. Don't worry, though, he'll get there. We haven't even begun nighttime potty training and our son is a HEAVY sleeper.

Lots of books and articles about this, so I wont go there - but would like to help by reminding you that being that uptight about getting things right and not making a mistake is usually learned beaviour ... that is not desirable especially at his age!
How can you help make him feel more happy go lucky and relaxed in general and not care about or laugh off '' mistakes'' ?
Where did he even learn this concept?
Perhaps examining this will help you both, and in a lot of other areas also, so all is happier and easier.
He has a LOT to learn and the idea is that learning and achievement step by step, should be fun and build his self esteem.
Best Wishes!
A

My son will be three in April, he spent a whole week out of diapers with no accident at all, he has spent a morning with me at my daughters preschool in underwear and used the preschool toilet 3x, two pee's and one poo. He currently doesn't want to wear underwear, or at least not if I have anything to do with it. He'll wear it on days that he wants to. So my situation is I KNOW he can go on the toilet and has complete control but he wants to do what he wants to do. Do I sweat it? Not at all. Sure, I'd love for him to be in underwear but I know he'll be out of diapers soon enough. My daughter was almost 4 when she was potty trained.

I see you have young twins, so I can see why you are tired of changing diapers, hang in there. He'll be wearing underwear before you know it. Mine changes his pee pee diapers himself so maybe you can get yours to help out there if he isn't already?

Good luck,
M.