Potty Training - Redding,CA

I have not read the other responses. My son pooped in the potty once or twice and then refused. He would go hide and poop. This went on for weeks. I then decided it was time to take action. I would look for his cues of when he was going to poop (like hiding under the bed or a under the blankets). I took him, sat him on the potty and held him down. He was crying and trying everything to get off the potty, but then he just had to go and guess what... he said "mom, it wasn't that bad." It took 2 times of me holding him down (yes he screamed and cried) but the third time, he came to me and said, mom I have to go poop. (This was after trying to reason with him, giving him rewards, bribes, etc.)

Hi K., I only have one girl, so not sure if this will help or not. But she's also a very smart girl and didn't pick up on potty training for a LONG time because she didn't want to. For her it was much easier to go in her pull-up and keep playing than to stop having fun and use the potty. I had been employing the "they'll get it when they're ready" and "don't push" approach. Then I read the website of a lady online who wrote a book about it -- can't remember the book name because I didn't buy it. I just went with the advice on her website, because my approach wasn't working and because she claimed to have trained 300+ children in no more than 3 days as a preschool teacher. In so many words, she likened potty training to AA. You have to understand and accept that you have a problem for behavior to change. That was like a light going on for me. I had been telling my daughter that accidents are OK (and of course, real accidents are, but going in a pull-up isn't really an accident). So I had a very sweet, understanding and kind conversation with my daughter about how now that she was a big girl who went to a big girl preschool class and didn't use a bottle anymore, etc, etc, etc, that she was too old and too big for pull-ups. That it was NOT OK to go in them anymore. And despite all my squeamish reservations, we went straight to underwear all the time during the day. No more pull-ups. We had a "no accidents" potty chart (14 squares - ideally 2 weeks) where she got a sticker on the chart for every day she had no accidents, and when she filled the chart she got to pick out a new toy at the toy store. So we used bribery, too :o) She did have a few accidents in the underwear for the first couple days or so. But after that, she got it. And then I was amazed that our next step was nighttime, right away. Once her "daytime" potty chart was full, we started a nighttime one -- 14 squares and for every night of no accidents she got a sticker. When it was full, she got to go to the toy store and pick out a reward. For nighttime, the first night or two were rough -- I think she didn't really sleep just waiting for when she had to go because she REALLY wanted to pick another toy. But after two nights, she slept normally and only had an accident maybe once in that two week period.

So for us, the key that changed everything was making sure she understood that she was suddenly, now a big girl and that going in a diaper/pull-up wasn't OK anymore. And therefore she wouldn't wear them anymore. I was shocked at how well and how quickly this worked. Good luck, hope you find a solution! After attempting potty training for over a year, I know how frustrated you must be!!!

Hi K.,
I feel your pain! I have 4 year old boy/girl twins. My daughter was super easy potty training and at 2 1/2 when we told her she was going to wear big girl panties now she was so excited. Never had accidents ... .a total blessing and we knew she was just eceptionally easy! We tried with her twin brother but he showed no interest in wanting to go in the potty for anything so we didn't push it. At around 3 we thought ok let's get him pull ups (not the best idea I guess). He learned from his dad to go pee in the toilet and that was great. But when he needed to poop he would say "mommy I need a pull up" and after 3 1/2 he would even go and get them himself and put them on. I mean all we had to do was change him. YES, they are SUPER smart kids but I know boys tend to be slower in this potty training process. My hubby and I were so tired of changing his poop all the time. About a month before his 4th birthday (a month and a half ago) my husband and I talked about what else could we do? We had tried every trick and just could not get him to ever go! I mean we would have these long talks in the bathroom with him and tell him how he's a big boy now but he would constantly say "I can't" or "I'm not ready yet" or "boys don't sit on the toilet". So we finally said we're just going to say they don't make pull ups/diapers for 4 year olds and see if he understands. The night before their 4th birthday we left 1 pull up in his drawer so when he needed it we would say "this is it. This is your last one". And guess what? It worked! Well he cried the next time he needed to go and it was heart wrenching as a mom to make your kid be that sad but we figured when he's gotta go what will he do? He will either go in his pants (which he said he wouldn't) or will be forced to use the bathroom. Somehow that worked for him. I know every kid is different but I just wanted to share our story with you. When I read your post all I could think of was our son! And this is all still so fresh in our minds.
I'm sure that day will come soon. Maybe our trick will work for your son as well or maybe it wont. I felt like I had tried everything at one point!
If you ever want to talk more you can always send me a message.
Take care and best of luck to you!
S.

My son is the EXACT same way - he's 3.5, typically goes every 3 to 5 days & YES, he's been like that his entire life - not every kid needs to go every single day. Fully pee trained, only poos (usually) at night, while asleep, in a diaper. Doesn't matter what I try to bribe him with or how many times we have him sit on the potty. I'm convinced it's all gonna be on his own time & I need to just forget about coming up with something new. I figure the longer he's around other peers at school & playdates, hopefully seeing them use the potty when they need to go, then that will probably have a great influence than me trying to convince him it's better to use the potty. He's had several successes on the potty & each time we made a big deal out of it, but I really am beginnging to believe it needs to all "click" in his little brain for him to be successful every single time. And there's nothing I can do to rush that. Maybe your boy has something that will motivate him like others have mentioned, but my kid is definitely on his OWN time with things. Good luck!

My sister in law was in the exact same situation with her almost 4 year old son. They had tried everything but still he would ask for diapers when he needed to poop. Finally they decided to figure out what would really motivate him, and use that as a reward. He desperately wanted a bike, so what they did was put a big jar in the bathroom, and every time he pooped on the potty he got to put a dollar in the jar. When the jar was full (to make sure the habit was established), he would get his bike. It worked, and by his 4th birthday he was fully trained and zooming around on his new bike. He just needed a motivation big enough to get him over the hump of not wanting to do it. I really hope you get this figured out! My son is 2.5 and trained on pee but not poop, and I'm starting to think it may take us quite a while too.

Dear K.:

It is hard to get control of those muscles. Does your little boy have a time when he usually poops? If you can anticipate maybe he does not have the patience or ability to relax so you might try having him sit on the toilet or potty chair and you could read together or have a good talk about what he likes to talk with you about. Maybe even sing together so he isn't trying so hard that he tightens up those muscles.

He might not like to be alone or feel pushed so standing by or doing something for yourself might not be as helpful as sitting calmly down and making this an alone time with you.

It might work..Good luck. He will get over it in time..I dont know why girls are sometimes faster than boys, but that seems to be the case, Work on the fact that you know that he knows in advance when he is going to poop in his diapers and encourage him to announce it to you so you can rush to the bathroom and have him put it there..

Great Grandma N.

No more diapers. How long does he "hold it" before you give in and put on a diaper? Wait that long, then put him on the potty and wait till he goes. It took my 4 year old son about 4 hours to get the picture. He went, I congratulated him and told him he was a big boy and no more diapers. I never put another diaper on him. He still slept in pull ups, but didn't poop in them. Just peed and not very often. Oh yeah, if he poops his pants, dont let him wear any the next day.

Hi K.,

You said that when he was at this party, he pooped in the potty.
At this age, they want to be like their peers and copy each other.
If he had the opportunity to be with other boys more often (playgroups, play dates...), he would begin to copy their behavior and poop in the potty. At the beginning, I guess he would do it only when others are around and then hopefully it will get the natural way of doing it.
That's the way my son gave up the bottle. He was very attached to it. Then we had one of his little friend over for 2 days (her mom had a business trip). She was on the sippy cup. After 2 days, he was on the sippy also.

Another thought: my son also pee but do not poop in the potty. We know it's because he had several episodes of constipation/painful poop in the past. So, he always try to hold it for as long as he can. The position of being sitting on the potty help him go, and that is why he refuses to.

Whatever road you take, you'll have to be patient!

Hi K., My sympathy is with you. I kind of went through something similar with my eldest son and only later on with my second son did I come across this idea which might have helped. {My husband took the 'he must sit on toilet' method - lots of unhappiness for awhile and eventually he got there. But it wasn't pleasant}

Instead, have your son wear his diaper ON the potty. Let him poop IN the diaper. Let him get accustomed to this posture (sitting on potty). Then, (not sure of the mechanics) cut a hole in diaper so poop can fall into potty. Let him get used to that...Finally, try without diaper...and hopefully he is then comfortable with potty/toilet.

Please don't make your child clean up their own mess, you won't accomplish anything except inducing trauma on your poor little guy. Not to mention the fact that we're talking about fecal matter here, he could end up very sick, 3 year olds don't understand the concept of bacteria. I went through the same thins with my now 15 yo daughter. My advice, stop buying diapers, and watch all day for the poop cues. I had to catch my daughter in the act and get her right on the potty, then lots and lots of reward and praise. It took about of week of constant vigilance, but she got it eventually. I understand your frustration, but hang in there, he'll get it.

Well im in the potty traingin stage myself with my son who is two years old and he doesnt completely refuse to poop in the toliet but he wont tell u when he has to go even though he is well aware of his peepee time. He started pooping more in the toliet when he got lots of praises from everyone in our house which is grandma grandpa me and any other family that might be there as well. I have a best friend whose son is two and when they get together my son is more inclined to use the bathroom by himself because he sees the big boy do it. so set up play dates with kids who are a little older or at least fully potty trained. Also I'm doing a potty chart too, he gets one sticker for a peepee and two stickers for a poop it hangs on my wall in my bathroom. I made it myself. you can get ideas through the computer as well. stickers came from the dollars store. Another option is letting him be in the bathroom with u while u are going or dad and tell him step by step what u are doing in the bathroom ie mommy is pulling down her big girl pants and is ready to make a poop in the toliet .... mommy is rolling the toliet paper around her hand and is going to wipe herself like a good girl. when you are done tell him clap for mommy for being a big girl... you clap too. and then he can see what the reward is mommmy is flushing te toliet and washing her hands so we make sure mommy isn't getting poop anywhere its not supposed to be. U can also incorporate that with his bath time." we have to wash our butts so just in case we missed any poop. hope its a help try something for more than a week though be consitant maybe right after always eating as well and explain well we just filled our tummys up so lets go try and make room in there. he will eventually be set like a clock.lol

I agree with J. V. stop buying the diapers and make him clean himself up afterwards. My 4th child didn't potty train until she was 3 1/2 and we had the issue of her not going poop in the toilet. She would do it in her pants and expect me to clean it up. I started making her do it and I know it sounds really mean, but even put her in a cold shower. Just a couple of those and she understood that we meant business about her taking care of her own business. He has shown that he has the control to hold it until he has a diaper, why can't he do the same for in the potty? Good luck.

If you're tired of buying diapers and changing them, then stop. Put your son in undies and just go on your way. He is old enough to clean up his own mess, so make him do it himself.

I'd do a little ceremony, making a big deal out of the fact that he is a big boy and able to take control of his own boy. Then, I'd stop making it easy for him.

I'd recommend you get the book "Mommy I have to go to the Potty".
For boys, it is harder for them to get. I feel you are expecting too much and you are not hearing him...

In the book, some kids fall into the thought process of "everything will fall out, if I sit on the potty and poop!".

As for the other kids, I'm sure they too, were using the potty. If not, then yes, it was more of a goal...but not a realistic goal. He is getting close and you still have to remain PATIENT!

You also have to remember that he is different from your daughter (and boys mostly train closer to four years of age). Girls WANT to be clean~ boys could care less in most cases.

I recommend you be patient, calm and show support. Sit down and TALK with him. My son is five and he and I have had so many conversations about things that could be bothering him or not.. the point is, I GET Down to his level of thinking. Parents tend to forget this important factor. Communication goes both ways, and even at his age, he can talk to you.

Introduce POSITIVES, but try to avoid the negatives. Taking away right now is not going to help him go potty. This is his deal, not yours. Help him with it by going thru it with him (on his thought level.).

And no..I do not agree with either poster below as that can be traumatizing to your child and can possibly introduce a set-back later when he is stressed at Preschool. My son (and my nephew) both reverted due to stressful events after being potty-trained. (We had a change over in teachers and a boy was locking kids in the bathroom.)

You have to take a positive, loving and nurturing approach. Even then if it occurs.

A friend of mine went through this very thing you described with her then 4 year old boy. She got fed up, and made him change himself, which was messy, but she said after about the third time he got the idea, but she had to stand back and watch him struggle, but since she persisted, he decided the potty wasn't so bad afterall. I hope it helps, and he will get it eventually, it will be okay!!

D.
Sorry, I didn't see you "what happened" post. I was just making a suggestion that worked for another mom who didn't enjoy it but it was a good answer for her. Good luck to you, you'll do fine, and I don't think anyone assumes you don't love him or aren't a good mom, don't get offended, of course you love him! Take care & have a great day.