Potty Training - Paterson, NJ

I agree with you sometimes we have to push children a little, especially boys. Both of my kids were pottytrained by two. I did it when I knew I could devote at least a week to the process. It is more difficult for working mom's I was a stay at home mom. Not finding a daycare that will work with you can definately hinder the process. I think pull-ups are a waste of money. Just be consistant use regular underwear(sometimes messy) and it should be done in a few days. Let's face it if we leave the decisions up to the kids the job would never get done!!

As a mom to 6 almost grown kids, I always believed in potty training before they could talk and refuse to go. Bowel movements are the easiest way to start, since they begin to be secretive about going. They go into a corner, behind or under furniture. When they do this, gently tell them its time to go potty. But introduce them to the potty seat before you want them to use it. I dont understand this 'modern' way of waitng till the kid can speak full sentences. The kids on tv can sing entire songs about going in their pull-ups. By the time a child can sing songs diapers should be long gone. You sit a baby in a car seat without asking him, you sit him in a high chair without asking, so why not put him on the potty without asking. Here's the potty, sit.

The idea of child readiness for potty training came from pediatrician Brazleton, a great doctor who changed the way that many people parent for the better. However, I disagree with his idea of potty readiness. He believed that children needed to be able to say to vocalize the need to go to the bathroom with words. He overlooked several important facts; babies know when they need to eliminate and they give other non verbal signals. We choose to ignore those signals because we are a diaper culture. Much of the rest of the world doesn't use diapers or uses them in a limited way.

I choose to pay attention to my daughter's elimination signals when she was an infant. We started using a potty when she was 4 months old. From the time she was 6 months she was pooping 99% of the time in her potty. We do use cloth diapers but more of a just in case rather than this is where you pee and poop. She is 18 months and sometimes we only have one wet diaper a day. She uses a hand signal to let me know that she has to go. She even wipes herself after she pees.

So, obviously I disagree that you have to wait until 2 or 3 years old. In fact I think that can be a very hard time to introduce the concept because that is just when children are getting a sense of autonomy and saying no to things.

Look at diaperfreebaby.com for more info.

I'm surprised that your pediatrician has not told you that muscle control for toilet training is not complete until 4 years of age. Some children want out of wet diapers and some don't care. 18 months is very young to expect total potty training. I hear more tales of children sitting on a potty for 10-15 minutes and then going somewhere and fill his/her diapers. Busy children have more to investigate than stop for a messy diaper.
I'd day keep trying at intervals but on the potty for a short duration. Whenever it turns out right, give praise for a job well done.

Hi there.

Both of my boys were potty trained at 2! My oldest was in diapers at night until 3 and my little guy who is 2 1/2 has not wet his bed in 2 months. I stopped putting diapers on him at all at night. I know he may have an accident here and there, but I'm saying this because IT IS POSSIBLE to potty train earlier than we're "taught". My son knew when he was peeing...sometimes he's tell me, but there were no major readiness signals. I just kept sititng him on the potty, giving him lots to drink and just teaching him. he got it really quick and I'm SOOOO happy to be done with diapers.

One thing I would suggest though, if you do try to train early, is that if it's not working out, just forget it for a month and try again. If it will be frustrating for you and your little one just wait a little while longer. But there is no harm in trying!!!!!

Good luck.

I introduced the potty to my son at about 16 months and I just let him sit on it. I would sing to him while he was on it, so he could get excited about it. He wouldn't do anything on it and then walk away to pee in his pullup or pamper. Eventually he got on the potty seat more and more until he started himself. I never forced him and never felt upset about the lack of progress. Good luck!!

Hi M.,

There are so many issues involved here, but I don't think the subject is ignored.

The "waiting for the child movement" please. My daughter would still be breast feeding if I let her and she's eleven. She loved it so much. People forget that both Mother and child have to be comfortable - not just the child. My daugher hated wet diapers and I had her potty trained by 18 months. She would rip the diaper off if it got wet. She ran around nake alot. The "nake kids" potty train early.

If baby is lazy and parent is lazy (which I have seen) the kids can be 3 to 5 before they are fully potty trained. Also many parents work and that can delay potty training.

If you are ready to began potty training - begin. With my daughter when I went, she went. She never let me go to the bathroom alone, so I gave her a book and told her to sit on the potty and she did. Once she peed in the potty and was so shocked and it was totally by accident. For boys if dad goes send your son inside with him. Boys take longer with moms and girls take longer with dads.

The first part of potty training is just having the child do what you do in the bathroom. The fun parts, like flushing, washing your hands etc.

Hi M., As a mother of 5 I know from experience that you can try as hard as you like but a child will not really be trained until they are ready. Many parents brag about how young they trained their child but in reality the parent(s) were trained. Some have actually harmed their child by trying too early. There are some children that really LIKE their wet or smelly diaper. I am glad you believe in family values, so do I. You must also believe that you cannot rush something that is a maturity issue. Grandma Mary

There's no law that says you have to wait till a child can speak to potty train them. If you feel you ready to start training, I say go for it! Just keep in mind there may be accidents. And if there are accidents they will be your fault, not the child's. Since he/she can't tell you when they have to go yet, you have to know when to put them on the potty. And some days you may miss the tell tale signs or your attention may be else where for a few minutes. Basically, at first, you will be the one that is "trained" not the child.

M.,
I do believe much of the "readiness" talk is from the diaper industry. If you look at the commercials, our children will be in kindergarten before they go to the bathroom. I just don't think that is right. However, I do believe in "readiness" form of parenting. I can introduce all sorts of things, consistently and my daughter has to do her part too...to be responsive to it. I have to do my part...to introduce it in the first place, and to encourage it, make it interesting, adjust it to her learning curve, etc. So, I started off by just taking her to the bathroom with me. I'd just let her watch and we'd talk about it. One day I asked if she wanted to try. She cried as soon as I put her on the potty. I let some time go by, still let her watch me and we did lots of pee-pee and poopie talking. One day she looked in the toilet and pointed and said pee-pee and poopie. So, I asked her again if she wanted to try. I put her on and it was fine. Since then, she will tell us Pee-pee potty or poopie potty. Then we go to the potty together. Mostly, she just sits, wipes and flushes. But, she's interested. She's peed twice and pooped twice, and that is it. Now, we're buying underpants and giving her lots of pants free time around the house so she makes a good strong association with the sensation of going. So, we're doing it sorta step-by-step. I hope she'll be potty trained by about two. She's 21 months now. Good luck, and when in doubt. Look to your child and look to your family. You have to do what is right for your child and what makes sense for your family. That has always steered me in the right direction!

Hi M.,
The kids aren't suffering wet diapers. They are mostly in disposables, so they don't know that they are wet. I think that the parents would like them to train earlier, but the kids are not uncomfortable in their pampers and pullups, so they have no motivation to use the toilet. Most children are not cared for fulltime by a parent or single caregiver, and most of our caregivers cannot watch a single child for toileting signals during the day. There is also the convenience and time commitment. During my days of having children in that age, I had friends who started training younger, and the process took anywhere from months to 1.5 years! I personally don't enjoy the toileting process, don't have the patience and dont' find it cute, so I kept my kids in diapers longer and trained more quickly (the first in 4 days, 2nd in 3 weeks). Dont' get me wrong, if they'd asked to go or shown some strong interest before, they would have been taken, it's not like we didn't have a potty sitting there in the bathroom, they were told what it was for. But again, disposable diapered kids dont' often take the initiative.

There seems to be two different views on potty training. The "potty wisperer" believes that the child should be in control of this process-when a child is able to communicate to you that they have to go then they are ready. Likewise you shouldn't remind them all the time when they are training. While I understand the thinking behind this I am of a completely different mind set. I have 2 girls(2 1/2 and 11) and also own a child care center with 200+ children. My recommendation from my own experience is that you introduce the potty to them as soon as they show interest. This doesn't mean that they are actually potty training though, but instead that you allow them to imitate you by sitting on it etc. I also keep big baskets of books and small toys next to all the potties in our house and make sure to have a child potty seat for all of them. This way when they want to sit on it you can immediately respond. At first going in the potty is "the accident". Don't confuse it to actually being ready to go on the potty all the time. BUT when they do go in the potty make a huge deal of it, clapping horrays etc. With such a positive response they will eventually want to go on there. Once you realistically see some cause and effect from them, usually around 2 years old the next step is consistency! I tell the parents at my school that it takes about two weeks of constant attention, but realistically in only a few days they usually get it. At our house we call it "potty lock down". During this time wear only undies (no pull ups!). You have to get economy packs of them. Then you ask, ask and ask. "Do you have to go to the potty?" There will be accidents-lots of them at first! And your child will get upset. But if they are upset because they are uncomfortable then you know you are on the right track. Don't falter and go back to pull-ups. If your child is ready he/she will decide to go on the potty rather then be uncomfortable. The key is to always stay positive and consistent. If they are upset, still be positive-ie. "it's okay, accidents happen, next time we will get to the potty faster, you can always tell us and we will make sure you get there" etc. It isn't easy but it is only a few days out of your life. Another good supportive thing to do is to play lots of videos in the car and during "t.v" time that are about the potty and read books about the potty.
Every child is different and reacts to different strategies. You just have to do what feels right for you and watch their clues. Good luck!