Alright, I am really frustrated and do not know what to do. We have tried everything possible. My oldest is 4 years old and we can not get him potty trained. We have been trying for about a year. He stays dry for the most part but will not go by himself. We have to remind him to go. He will not go poop in the potty without it being a big drawn out thing. We are getting so frustrated and have no idea what to do next. Any suggestions would be great. Thank you!
if you haven't tried putting him in regular underwear yet, I would give that a shot. That is what worked for both of my boys. Sometimes they just need to feel the wetness on their skin.
Leave him naked at home.
Put a potty chair nearby him where ever he is.
Maybe he still does not know his body... nor its cues. It is also biological based and their bladder/brain/nerve development.
Popping in a toilet, is always the LAST thing to be 'mastered' for toileting.
It must be something with 4 year old boys. When my son had to poop, it was a 30 minute ordeal. Didn't matter when or where we were. lol we were at a hockey game, and my friend said he would take my son to the bathroom- I questioned Andrew if he had to go one or two- when the response was 2, I told my friend I would take him and why- he said not a problem and went anyway- 30 minutes later they came back adn my friend was rolling his eyes- I just laughed and told him someday he will beleive me when I speak :) You can't Make your son be potty trained- or go faster or more often, whatever-As I am sure others have told you- they go at their own pace, not much you can do to change it.
If he is pooping in his pants make him clean them. It is to show him that cleaning it up is no fun! That's what it took for him to poop in the potty. I made him clean it up about 4 times. After that he decided he didn't like cleaning it up. I would put him in the shower underware and all. Make him take his underware off. Give him the shower head (we have the detachable kind) and soap and say clean your underware. He would clean most of it. Then I would take it and say clean your butt. Hw ould work on that. While he was occupied with that I would finish cleaning the underware (if needed) while he wasn't watching. Then I would check his butt and if he was clean he would get out. New underware would go on and we would go on with our day. Of course this only works at home. As far as the rest I can't help. My kids just kinda "got it" after a few days. Also, it may take stopping completely for a couple weeks and restarting as others have said.
Sounds like you are at your wit's end! But hopefully you will find a method that will help the both of you. I would suggest that you start over! First potty training is just that...training, sometimes it takes longer than others. I would start by making a schedule..every 2 hours to start and yes your participation is going to be very heavy during the next few weeks, so be prepared not frustrated. Start with a timer, set it for 2 hours ahead when it goes off, take him to the bathroom and continue until he starts going himself or says that he has to go. At this age they won't go 90 percent of the time without you, it does get better the older they get! I am sure that he shows signs when he has to have a BM..firmly say we are going to the bathroom, set him down and if he refuses or has a tantrum, simply say I know you have to go and you are going to sit here until you do. Be the parent, don't let your child ramrod you into something that you don't want. No yelling, cursing, threats etc.. just lay down the facts and stick with them.
I agree with some other posters that it would be a good time to take a break. Just stop with the potty for the next 2 weeks. Don't say anything about it. Then, maybe try a new approach. Think about things your child likes that could be insentive for him to go. If he's been wanting to go to preschool, explain that boys in preschool go potty in the toilet. If he likes a new toy, maybe he can earn it through being potty trained - like when he stays dry for one week, he can go to the store and buy something little. Some kids really strive off of positive charts - a star or sticker each time they go - they really like to put them up and see all of them accumulating. Another idea is to go to the underwear - just do it. Maybe he has to play in the kitchen or outside all day, but he'll be in underwear. When he goes and messes on the floor, he helps to clean it up - buy some gloves and show him what to do. A few times of that and he'll get the picture. It's not "punishment", it's teaching resposibility. (If I spill something on the floor, as an adult, it is my responsibility to clean it up).
I guess overall I'm saying to take a break, then think it through and find a way to pass the responsibility of potty training to your son. Whatever you think will motive him, work with it, and he'll get the picture. At 4, he really is old enough to do these things, and when the ball is in his court, he's more likely to respond! Stay positive - no time-outs or negative comments, just state the facts, show him how to be responsible for his actions, and move on. Good luck! We've all been there and understand your frustrations!
my first reaction when reading your post is -- give him the control he's wanting. He has to want to train on his terms. stop the power struggle. after a year everyone is frustrated, i say drop it, reasses (sp), find a new approach, be positive - if nothing else is going on with him he will train, reinforce... i hope i'm making sense. good luck.
I have to share this, as I had the same problem many years ago, he is now 43 years old. ;) During his training period the plumber came and took the old toilet out, while the new toilet was awaiting installation, I painted a bulls eye with nail polish, in red on the bottom of the bowl. The plumber put it in with a smile. Every time Billy went to the bathroom, he had a goal. To hit the bulls eye. It did the job and was fun for him too. Good luck....luvu
