To me, she's saying loud and clear that she's not ready yet.
I think you need to do your daughter and yourself a favor and go back to pull ups or diapers. You can always put on underwear under either one, so she can "feel" wet, and you don't have to clean up such a mess.
If you're not going to do that, making her clean up her mess has a history of working real well to prevent pooping in the floor (or in underwear, for that matter). Get a Wal-mart bag, have her use toilet paper to pick up the mess and put it in the wal-mart bag, then dump it in the potty and throw away the bag.
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever try to potty train a child with diarrhea. It's hard enough to make it to the toilet when you're an adult and know the sensations that mean an accident is about to happen - for a child it is traumatic to lose control just when you're trying to gain it. (IMHO)
As for your husband, I strongly suggest that you let him know that, while you respect his opinion, unless he is going to stay home and - potty train, enforce naps, become a language therapist - he is just going to have to trust you to do it at the time that is right for your daughter.
I'm a teacher who recently became a stay at home mom via becoming a daycare provider, and I've noticed my husband becoming more critical too... that stopped when I asked him to start working over time, since we needed more money and he was the one in charge of making it. He got a stunned look on his face and thought I was serious (I've always been against overtime - favoring family time instead) - until I informed him that if I was going to pick up his "slack" with the kids, he should pick up mine with the salary. That was what it took for him to realize that I am doing the best I can, and they are turning out just fine.
You can always bring your husband to your daughter's next pediatrician appointment, too - and ask the doctor about verbal development, naps, potty training, and what pressure to perform does to a kid.
Good luck. :)
S.