Potty Trainin Woes

my daughter will be three at the end of august and we just went though the same thing with her. It took my husband and I tag-teaming over the weekend and literally catching her when she had to go pee (she had underwear on) and putting her on the toilet. The first three times or so, she screamed like it was the end of the world and my husband had to restrain her. After that, she realized it was no big deal and started going without a fight.

Do any of your friends have older children that your daughter looks up to? Sometimes the idea of being able to do something "Like big kid so-and-so" is a powerful motivator.

Every child is different and IMO every family should feel free to potty train at a speed that suits them and their children best (after all, "Age at which you potty trained" is not a question on college entrance exams or job applications!), and if a child is acting really terrified of the potty, I would consider taking a few days "potty holiday" (no mention of potty or potty training) because for some kids, pressing the potty issue more just makes them want to dig in their heels and resist more.

and now when the weather's warm, if you have a good amount of space in the backyard, it could be a good time to try the "big t-shirt and bare bum" method - have the potty out in the yard and have your daughter in a play dress or dress-length t-shirt, so when she feels the need to go, it'll be really easy for her to just sit down and go (for a lot of kids who are just training, it's easier to feel that they need to go when they have a bare bum, and they can sit themselves on the potty right away without having to struggle with the pull up or underwear). For one of my girls, I did this in the kitchen after dinner because she'd usually need to go pee within the next half hour - she'd play with refrigerator magnets and things and then would sit herself down when she felt she had to go - for her, it was a great way of learning to recognize when she needed to pee and since our kitchen had ugly old vinyl flooring I wasn't too worried about cleaning up accidents.

Try cotton training pants and rubber pants on the outside. If she wants diapers, make sure that she can feel the wet and yucky. I know it is messy but she needs to know the consequenses of not going in the potty chair and that is to be really uncomfortable. Believe me, she will HATE it and want it to stop and that is where the potty chair comes in. Good Luck.

T.

she may not want to potty train because maybe she sees some cool interaction between you and the baby when you change the baby's diapers or with her when you change hers. I would put on a show that the changing of the diaper is a real drag to you and let her know you CAN'T WAIT to never have to change another diaper and how you would LOVE to have a big girl who could/would potty in the toilet. THEN, put potty training pants on her and let her experience wetting her pants a couple of times. I can't express enough how important it is to take them out of diapers and put on the training pants and LEAVE THEM ON! Do not go backwards back to the diaper and DO NOT use those potty training diapers - the bottom line is they are still diapers and kids aren't stupid. A diaper is a diaper whether you pull it up or wrap it around! She just has to know that mommy would love to have that big girl and then also find some stuff to do with her that is "big girl" stuff and try to associate that with big girls going potty on the toilet.

Hi P.,

I just posted a similar question on 7-15, take a look to see the advice I got. It really does help to have some input and support. I think Mamasource is a lifesaver!

My child was not however showing any "fear", just lack of interest and "love" for her diaper. She also does not tell me when she has to go and is a "hider". It's been an interesting week. I believe that the ideal time to train is just before 3 yrs. At 3 yrs. if they havent learned then they lose interest and rely on the diapers. (sort of just become lazy about it) They're old enough to do it though so I think you'll find that getting rid of the diapers and explaining to her that now that she's 3 it's time to learn to go on the toilet. That it's a skill she must learn. If I hadnt removed the diapers from the picture, my daughter would not even be trying. Now she basically has to learn another way to go to the bathroom and you have to teach her what that is. The thing is, they really do feel proud when they start getting it and they have success. Expect messes, use a diaper at night still or maybe in the car or when you go places, but I'd try to stay home as much as you can where she can have just panties on for about a week. Some thin plastic pants over the panties has helped me out a lot if you can find some.
Keep me posted. L.

I was fortunate to have learned about infant potty train w/ my 2nd born so that was way cool. Also oldest of 10 so I changed a lot of diapers.
My first suggestion is to be w/ that fear of yours. I'm sure that little psychic child of yours knows your fear and on some level is feeding off of it. Hay, who wouldn't. Not getting trained means staying home w/ mom! What child doesn't want that. Friend s are cool but getting "socialized"- it's just not the same as home and snugs!
Work that fear energy and talk to your daughter as a spirit- not in voice but in yr mind, like when you're going to bed- make a little meditation of it and see if you get any pictures or msgs back from yr daughter. This can be very insightful and only takes a short time. Pay attention to the info you get and follow yr inner guidance.
This will make a real difference.

That said, I also suggest going to cloth if you don't already do it. Disposables are just too easy and they're made too comfy these days. My younger sibs would slip off their diapers as a babe b/c they were so bulky and bear bottom is just way better, you know? Then, there would be an accident and all sorts of fam members yelling, "the baby peed!" or "the baby pooped!!!" and then people of all ages running for diapers and asking if the baby needed help getting cleaned, etc. That big fuss totally taught 'em 'that's not what you do!' I think a little praise is worthwhile but not every time and not w/ great enthusiasm. My approach has always been VERY low key. Keep it casual. Poops arn't something to celebrate. They are just normal and necessary. There's no thinking about it, or accentuating attention on the matter. You just go, wipe, flush, wash. You just do it. I think down playing it is cool. You could consider saying hey this was important to me but whatever- I know it'll be important to you soon. Just tell me if you need to go and I'll help you. Then you can still ask occaisionally like before going out, "do you need to pee? My kids and I alwys need to go pee at the same hrs.
Good luck. I look forward to hearing how it goes. Just remember, it seems like forever now but it won't be- it'll go faster than u think. Visualize that!!! YAy

I watched Dr. Phil today and he had a really good techniques that apparently works really well. I had never heard of it before. You may want to check it out.

Agh, I feel your pain. This probably won't help one bit, but I'm in your shoes. My three year old son wouldn't even sit on the potty. Now he's consistently peeing in the potty and we're still working on the other one.

Well, he loved his diapers and wouldn't even sit on the potty to try it out. Not even candy would sway him. I took him to pick out underwear and got his favourite theme characters. I told him he could wear them when he didn't need diapers. Of course, I've been talking and talking about how proud I'll be when he can use the potty, etc. Then I told him the diapers were all gone and committed myself to that.

Then I gave him to my mother-in-law. I was told she gave him a lot to drink and took him to the toilet every hour to try to pee. I don't know how she got him to sit on it. She said to let him pee on the floor, wet his pants, and point it out to him and tell him to use the potty next time. When he didn't buckle down, she had him sit on the potty until he did pee, which took about two hours. Everyone in the house praised him like crazy every time he used the toilet. She said to just keep on asking if he needed to pee and to remind him to tell someone if he did.

He's being more difficult about the pooping. I've been patient, understanding, very praise-full and proud of his peeing accomplishments, etc. Yet he kept pooping in his underwear. I kept reminding him to use the potty and to tell me if he needed to go, and he wouldn't. So one day he pooped and I refused to help him change his underwear for a little while. I carefully explained that he needs to do his poop in the potty and not in his pants and he needs to tell someone when he needs to go poop. He didn't do that and he had to live with the consequences. When he asked to be changed for the third time and looked really uncomfortable I relented and helped him. He started pooping in the potty at his grandma's house. He still hasn't done it for me yet.

My son hasn't been advanced to the next level in his preschool because he's not potty trained yet.

Don't know if ANY of this helps, but I wish you all the best!

I'd just back off for a while (a couple months at least) and not push her. She will be ready when she is - probably she will decide she wants to go too when she sees others her age going.
My little sister (I'm 7 yrs older than her) did not use the potty until she was 4 and saw another 4yo go to the potty while at our house (and my mom had a 2 yr old & was preg, so you can imagine her relief when this happened!)

Don't make it a power struggle. Be grateful you're changing poopy diapers rather than poopy underpants. At least that's what I'd MUCH prefer!

Hello P.: I wanted to share a story withyou. It is true and hopefully will give you a laugh and hope.
When my third child was not potty training-- he was old enough but I didn't want to have him be a big boy yet. My older children took him into the bathroom and locked me out! They kept him naked in the tub til he went pee. They came out and got him lunch and snacks lots to drink they actually did this for an entire day and at the end of it he was fully trained in both areas. You see my daughter who was about 8 and her brother had had enough of diapers and all the smells that went with it!! As adults they laugh about this.
I have found with all my children that they seem afraid of going poop in the toilet. One child said they didn't like the toilet water to splash on them when it went into the water. I now have grandchildren and they will fight going poop at any costs.
I know of a young mom since it is summer got a plastic pool and let her little one spend a lot of time playing in it with the rule he had to go use the potty - it was a special reward and one that they could both live with and that child learned to go pee and poop in the toilet.
Have you tried moving the potty chair where the TV is? Have her sit on the potty while she watches her little shows and she will relax enough to go. That is how one Grandchild learned. Have you tried her just sitting there while you read her a story- I know that makes for reading to go later on but it might be worth getting her started.
Be patient and just remember that your child will have it down by the time they go to kindergarden, pre-school is important but it is not earth shattering if they don't go right away. Let her take the extra time needed since she is young, and time is what you both need. You are a young mother with a lot to do with sometimes not enough hours to do it all in, and are trying to do it all the way the books and TV shows say to. Give yourself a break and appreciate the good you are doing with your little ones and Good Luck in your adventure of parenthood- it is like nothing else that you will ever do and more rewarding than anything else. Nana G