Potty Traing Woes

I have no advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone! I'm in the same situation. My daughter will be 3 in June, cries when I suggest the potty. She used to be so excited about it, but not anymore! So, girlfriend you're not alone!

You may want to wait awhile before making her potty train because of the new baby. Sometimes this happens and the older sibling that was ready to train reverts backwards because of a new addition to the family and she is not getting all of the attention now. So I would wait for at least 2 months and not push it. I would just ask her if she would like to try in the potty and maybe take her when you go.

Honestly she is still VERY young for potty training. She is showing you that while you may be more than ready she is not. You are going to just have to back off and wait. I waited until each of mine were 3 before starting the process and they potty trained in 3 days, no accidents. You would rather not damage her self esteem and wait than continue down the negative road. Besides, it is easier to change a diaper than underwear, clothes, etc. etc. etc.

Have you tried to ask her what she finds scary about the potty? Not sure which ones you're using, but we have used the baby bjorn little potty as well as the seat with much success. Maybe giving her the chance to sit on the potty at a time when she's not actually using it, i.e. when her pants are up and she's wearing diapers will help alleviate the fear?

I would make her wear panties. Set a date in the future, i.e. this Saturday, and tell her that after that there won't be any more diapers and she will need to start using the potty like a big girl. In the mean time if you could get her to sit on the potty while she's going even though her pants/pullups are on, that might help. It seems like she has just chosen this issue to be stubborn and that she is using this as a control issue. Throwing a tantrum should not get her what she wants, whether it's a cookie, a toy at the store or a diaper. You may also want to make a favorite comfort item, book or toy available to use while she's on the potty to help her feel more comfortable.

If possible, I'd just let her wait until she feels more ready while being as encouraging as possible. She sounds like she just isn't ready, but that she will be ready soon. You could also suggest that she try sitting on the potty while still wearing a diaper to gradually get used to it. I think the biggest thing is just that sometimes they aren't ready, though. I was just about in despair because my daughter wouldn't use the potty, and then she just suddenly decided she was ready right after her third birthday and trained herself overnight. I had tried repeatedly and was really frustrated thinking it would never happen, but it finally did just after another failed attempt. We put her in panties and it was a disaster, but she didn't want to go back into diapers. She just decided it was time. It's hard with two, but it sounds like she will be ready very soon and that she has the idea well enough that it may be as quick and easy as it was for us.

She has most likely reverted to diapers becaus of the new baby. That is not unusual. My grandson's doctor told us not worry until her is 3. He lets us know some times and others he comes to be changed, saying he needs to clean and fresh.
We belong to mommy's group with 80 members and this is a current problem with many of them at that age. Give her time. Don't push because it then becomes a battle of wills.

does she have a older cousin or friend that is a girl? if so let her take her to the bathroom with her. my younger girl is strong willed and does what she wants on her time and i thought she would never get potty trained then her older cousin came over on a Friday and by the time she left Ashley was going in the potty. i don't know what that little girl did but she got her trained thank God. with my older one she was easy but try to take her with you when you go and tell her that this is what big girls do. and she will want to do what mommy does. all girls want to do what mommy is doing.

I'm so sorry you are so frustrated. I'm sending you a hug!! Honestly, I would let it go. It seems to be a sensitive issue for her to. If you have ruled out any medical reasons, which there sound like none, just try and relax and let her relax. I know I had two in diapers for the longest time. My older one had just turned 3 and said, " I wear big girl panties now"...that was it, no accidents. My other one was closer to 3 1/2 and was stubborn as could be. It drove me crazy. Seems they both 'trained' when they were ready and it had very little to do with me. I could beg or bargin all I wanted. She may have peers potty trained at this point, but I would back off and give each of you a break.

You are a great mom!

Have you tried taking her to the bathroom when you go so she can see that mommy is using the potty and it is ok. let her use her potty while you are on the potty and maybe she will see that everything is ok. She will also see that you wear big girl panties and she is wearing big girl panties. I did this with my little girl. I wish you all the best of luck.
C.

Hi L.,
Potty training can be the pits, I have two girls, 2 and 3. The good news for you is that she will be out of diapers at some point. We started before she was three, I would almost be crying with frustration because she would just not go, she held it for like 11 hours one day and at her 3 year appt, her pediatrition said to hang it up for a while because it had obviously become a power issue, she would roll around crying, then say she wanted to take a bath to go in there, gross. She goes to a K-3 class and at spring break I was convinced we would get it and we did.... YEAH, at 3 years 4 months, she goes on her own, I don't have to ask her and because I wasn't pushing it was her decision she did it. We did do rewards and some treats those first couple of weeks , but she got it and it is great. SO don't give up, it will happen, maybe not on your time schedule, but it will. I am so sorry though two in diapers is such a pain, but it will get better. We did try a bit at 2 1/2 also but it was fruitless, they all have their own agendas so maybe it is just not time yet. I am sure that the fatigue of a newborn coupled with the stubbornness of a 2 1/2 year old is exhausting, my quick advice is get through the next few months enjoy the new baby and remember that some of this may have to do with the new baby and not wanting to give up that baby place with you. So maybe like my Dr. said try again in a few months. I also found a book at Target called Bye, Bye Diapers, and we read it a lot. We have misplaced it, but maybe you can go online and find it, I do think it helped. When the time comes again, if there is a way you could spend just alone time with your daughter that may help and talking about the whole potty deal a little later will take stress off of both of you. Believe me I was ready to pull my hair out too. It will happen, hope this helps, good luck to you. Enjoy your babies...
B.

Have you tried using a doll that wets after being fed a bottle with water in it? Give the doll its bottle and set it on the potty so she can see what happens. Give it a bit of time. Some do not like the potty chair but like the seat put on the big people's toilet.

My 3 1/2 yr. old JUST got potty-trained. We went through the same thing you are going thru - I thought she would never go on the toilet. I just had to wait until she was ready. Also, I think some kids are scared about where the toilet contents go and need to be reassured that they won't go there too!

Well L. it seem as though your 2 1/2 little girl has a problem with her potty. She seem to be AFRAID of your potty chair. so when she go in her panties make her pull them off and wash the mess out of them and maybe this will help her in potty training her. Let me know how this work out!!

Yes! Stop now! It has become a big battle and the best thing to do is completely walk away for now. It is stressing you both out. I understand the not wanting to change diapers every three seconds because I had twins and a two year old but just after having a new sibling is not the best time to potty train any way. You just need to leave the issue for no less than a month. That does not mean you can't have a little potty seat accessible. If she goes on her own just praise her (not too much) you don't want to make a huge deal the first couple of times(after all you're not worried about it right now and it is her decision right(;) When you think you and she are not stressed out about it gradually, casually start asking her if she wants to sit on the potty. Maybe you can look at a calendar together and let her pick a day she wants to start going potty like a big girl (after you leave it alone for a while) As the day gets closer go to the store and let her pick the underwear she wants to start wearing that day. Another day closer go and have her pick out some stickers or rewards. If she is strong willed you need to let her have as much "control" over the situation as possible. Hopefully it will go a little easier. Good luck!

Wow, I'm sure you're going to get a TON of responses on this question, so I'll throw in my opinion also. The more suggestions, the better, right?
This is a toughie... She might be a little jealous of her baby brother getting to wear his diapers and just doesn't want to stop. However, she obviously knows what she's doing is wrong. I know you love your children VERY much, all of us do on here or else we wouldn't take the time to ask for help, or offer our help. But sometimes you are going to have to REALLY be tough Mommy. At first, try telling her that her baby brother needs the diapers and if she keeps wearing them he won't have any to wear. (That's probably not gonna work, but hey, it worked for one of my friends). Did you start trying to potty train her before or after her brother was born? There might be some kind of connection there...
Now her holding her urine in until she either gets a diaper or pees in her panties, on the floor, etc. could be a risk to her health. She could get UTIs (urinary tract infections), amongst other problems. I know you have your hands FULL sweetie, and I feel sooooo sorry for you. This is such a delicate issue because you don't want to associate going to the potty (or not going to the potty) as a negative thing. I will tell you this. She KNOWS it bothers you when she pees w/o a diaper on, so you've got to stop giving in. Either take her to a Dr. (who would know WAY more than I do), or stop buying her some diapers. Then you CAN'T give in. Try letting her help you change her brother's diaper, and explain to her why she needs "big girl panties"!
If you'd like to email me feel free to do so. ____@____.com I'll help as much as I can! Good luck L., you're in my prayers!

I'd venture to say the new baby brother is a contributing factor here. Older sis is feeling some withdrawal from her 'attentions' as the baby. Have her start helping (everytime) to change the baby's diaper, just give her a duty of some sort. Let her be in charge of powder or wipes or putting dirty diapers in trash just anything that she can help with. And be sure to give her lots of loving attention when you change hers...sounds like she is just needing reassured that she is still your baby girl too. Also try (everytime) to take her to the bathroom with you and 'conversate' while you relieve yourself, this may give her a more relaxed atmosphere in the bathroom without all the pressure of 'trying to get her to do a good job'. And they do all eventually come around so keep the faith.
Best of Luck
B.

Hey L....

Wow...take a deep breath and chill.....I didn't think I would get my son potty trained either. Some kids are harder than others and I've been told the oldest are hardest because they don't have a big sister or bother to show them. First I noticed that you have new family member in the house. I've been told that sometimes the older child will lose skills when a new baby arrives because they are having some trouble adjusting to not being the center of your attention. So some of that may be going on. You may want to just wait a couple of months before trying hard again. Also this time may give you a break too.

When you are ready..what helped me was to throw modesty to out the window and let your child go without anything on her bottom (while at home of course). This wasn't too hard for me because I have concrete floors. When my son had an accident, I wouldn't get upset we would just clean it up together. I had given myself a window to let this work, then I was going to do the method described in "Potty Training in One Day". It is a book that a friend used and swore by. I bought and read the book but my son was trained at the very end of my time window. Also..to get over the fear of using the toilet I let my son sit backward on the toilet. He felt safer because he could hang on the back and watch what was going on. It was a bit fustrating when we went out in public becaue he had to take his pants off completely to potty, but what ever works...

Your situation sounds so similar to what I just went through. We had started trying to potty train our little girl when she turned 2 and we we were expecting another baby in September. She had absolutly no interest in it. So we would try off and on for the next 9 months to try to get her started and she just refused, she would go maybe once a day after 9 months of trying but she was never consistent. Like you said she would sit on the potty and go a little but 5 minutes later she would have an accident. We finally started setting a timer and making her go and try about every two hours, at first she fought us on that but we stayed consistent and finally she decided that if we were going to keep bugging her she might as well go. We also of course made a huge deal when she did and she did get a small reward each time. I think when we first started trying she just wasn't ready and maybe didn't quite know how to control it. I was getting so frustrated because you hear others talk about there child being potty trained at age 2, and I know what you mean about changing diapers all the time since I also have a little girl almost 7 months.

Sometimes when children stay at home with Mom they aren't exposed to the other children enough to realize it's normal for them to sit on the potty and go to the bathroom. It's kind of like peer pressure or monkey see monkey do. Do you have a friend or family member with children around her age that do go to the potty and aren't in a diaper so she can understand that it's okay to use the potty instead of going in her diaper? Try it, after a while she'll pick up on the idea and want to be a big girl.

L.,

I too have a very strong willed soon to be three year old girl. I started trying the potty training at two and I tried all the tricks from rewards, praise, stories, big potty chair to little potty chair. She did not respond well to any of these. She started preschool about three months prior to turning 2 1/2 yrs old. All the kids at the school were older than her and potty trained- I hoped my daughter would learn by listening to the other children ask to go to the potty- I eased up on the pressure i was putting on her to go potty at home and decided to let her go at her own pace- Finally, one day she woke up and decided to start going potty all by herself and has been going ever since. (Age 32mos) She even wears her big girl panties to bed- no pullups! She has had a couple of accidents at school during nap- but that's it. I really think laying off the pressure at home (less stress on her) as well as learning from the other children at school really helped her progress! Also, you might want to stick with one type of potty (either the big potty or her little one- to be consistent) Good luck!

I know this can be frustrating, but there may be an underlying cause for her not wanting to use the potty. Maybe the sound of the toilet flushing or something in the bathroom scares her. Try putting the small potty chair out of the bathroom when she needs to go. Once you figure out what the real problem is, then you can work through that. If it is the sound of the toilet, you may try making a game out of flushing it until she gets used to the sound. You can also have her sit on the potty (fully clothed) and read books or play games to get her used to sitting on it. Just as some other moms have suggested.

Whatever you do, try not to reward her for the behaviors you are wanting to end. If you tell her she has to potty before she can do something else, (read a book, play a game, have a cookie) then don't give in, because if you do it only reinforces the bad behavior. I know that is hard, but once they realize you aren't going to give in, the behaviors should get better.

All children develop at a different pace and there is no right or wrong way to do things. My daughter was trained at just over 2 years, but I have heard of kids being trianed at 15 months and some up to 4+ years. There have been lots of good sugguestions, these are just my thoughts..... Hope they may help.

I had the same problem with my son. I was getting so frustrated and decided to give it a break for a while too. We watched a video, Potty Power, all the time. It had some cute songs and it really helped. Check your library. I also bought an e-book from www.thepottytrainer.com It helped me understand what my child was thinking and why it was so frustrating. I hope this helps!! Good Luck!!

Sit her potty seat in the bathroom You use & when you have to go tell her mommy has to go potty & have her follow you, when you go have her sit on her seat like she is going to go to, even if she doesn't have to go. Maybe doing it with mama will help aleve her fears. Also, Why is she afraid of the potty? My niece used to do the same thing you are describing, come to find out she associated the potty with spankings because her dad spanked her everytime she didn't use the potty. She was to young to understand that the punishment was from going in her pants & not related to the toilet itself. All she knew was she would get spanked because of that MEAN toilet. I am against punishing a child in anyway for not using the toilet, they go when they are ready not when we are ready for them to go. My own son was stubbron about it until he was 4, it was not being able to go to preschool that finally motivated him.

I have a very stubborn two year-old who was obviously ready to train but was fighting me 100% of the way. What finally did the trick for us was just to take off the diapers and the panties and go bare from the waist down. Then I would force her to sit on the big potty (so she couldn't jump off on her own, which she did once or twice any way). And I just started putting her on there and saying no more diapers, no more diapers, we make our pee pee on the potty now. She would SCREAM for her diaper, and cry and pout and I just calmly and firmly kept saying no and repeating the potty mantra. and it worked! in literally less than two days where we stayed home all day and worked on this, she finally saw the light and started going BOTH poo poo and pee pee on the big potty! now we wear panties while we're at home and i take her to the potty every half hour or when she asks me (we are still spending lots of time in the bathroom!!!). Then we put on a pull-up when we leave the house, and when she naps and at night time. In public I try to take her to the potty wherever we go so she'll keep up the good work. I have been averaging just 1-2 pull-ups a DAY!! I haven't changed a poopy diaper in over 3 weeks!!! That's it! Wow, this really worked for us so give it a try and good luck. Remember that YOU make the rules and if she seems ready, she is, but stubborn girls don't like change. They need to be strongly persuaded to move up to the next 'big girl' level. Don't lose hope, you can do it!

Wow you sound like me when I went through that with my daughter. Honestly let it rest. Using the potty is something they want to do. You cannot punish or push them to do it or they just won't. I know how frustrating that is. I remember it well. They say on average that potty training is a three year old skill. It is not worth your time or your daughters time to get frustrated. One of these days you are going to wake up and she will just be doing it. I started trying not pushing just introducing the potty at 2. If we made it fine if we didn't that was ok too. I did this until she was three and then I started working harder with her. She did not fully get it accomplished until 3 1/2 years old and we still had accidents for another two or three months after that. Every child is different and when you hear that others potty trained there 2 year old in three days makes you just feel frustrated. I hated hearing those stories. Hang in there just have words of encouragement for her. I know there are books out there that you can read to her and kids shows that you can buy that talk about being a big girl and using the potty. My daughter even played an Elmo game online that talked about using the potty. When she see that game now she says I am a big girl I use the potty. My daughter is now four years old. Good luck and just don't be pushy.

Children each learn at their own pace. My DD was less than 2 when she told me she wanted big-girl panties, and she was trained in less than a week. With DS, it wasn't until he was about 4 years, 3 months that he was fully trained. If you start before THEY are ready, it will take longer, and be more frustrating for both of you. I suggest backing off and letting her tell you when she's ready. You will save yourself a lot of grief.

L.. I feel your pain. My little girl would not go NEAR the toilet or the potty chair, absoloutley refused to sit on it. Then one day, I pick her up at MDO and she has piddled on the big girl potty 3 times! Have you tried having someone else talk to her or show her? Maybe she idolizes Grandma?

We also purchased a sturdy seat from Lowes, that replaces our regular toilet seat, it was $30 and has a lid for little booties, and (cough) larger booties as well. It doesn't wiggle or slide and she took right to it. We made a day of it, talked the shopping trip up, bought the seat, had lunch and came home to have Daddy put it on. All and all, a big day. Now we can't keep her off of it! I also utilize a timer that buzzes every 20-30 minutes, this way I am not keeping her from the toilet, or making her go to the toilet. I blame it on the ladybug buzzer. Works like a charm. I bought Vinyl pantis at Wally World to put over her panties and we are in business. Hope that helps!

Good luck.

wait! I was in your same position...2 little girls 15 months apart, stay at hom mom. i know how eager you are to get at least one out of diapers. I frustrated myself trying to train the oldest....you are doing the right thing by giving it a rest. she will com around!

I read in a The Baby Book by Dr. Sears the idea of letting them have a "naked day" or two. You do the first one outside in the back yard (especially if you have a privacy fence). And then after that you give her a naked day in the house. I don't know if it would work... but maybe if she didn't have diapers or panties to go in...

Also, did you let her pick out the potties or did you pick them out for her? Maybe if you let her come to the store with you to pick something out herself she would feel better about using the potty.

Whatever you do, don't punish her for not using the potty... because that could set her up for negative emotions surrounding the bathroom, which is something that could put her even further behind.

Unfortunately, welcome to the real world. I'm not sure why everyone has decided that all children are supposed to be potty trained by a certain age, but it's just not the way some children work. I have twin 11 year old daughters and an 8 year old daughter. Every one of them was ready to be out of diapers at different ages...and that age was determined by each of them. Even the twins, who were raised at the exact same time, in the exact same circumstances, became ready at different times. The most effective (and therefore least frustrating for you AND the child) is to take your cues from the child. I understand that it gets expensive continuing to use diapers for years, but in the long run it may be the best thing for everyone involved. Neither of my twin girls was potty trained until well into their third year. But it was the easiest thing EVER because once they were ready, it was like flipping a switch. They never went back again.
Good luck!!
K. I

I'll tell you what worked in our house...nakedness! It was summer and I just let my son run naked and when he had to go it was all over or in the pot! Took about 2 1/2 days and was kinda messy but since we have hard wood floors it wasn't too bad. GOOD LUCK!!

Ok. Part of the problem is the new baby. She wants the same attention and mommy time that baby brother is getting. Lighten up on the potty training for a minute and focus on other "big kid" things (you know, special things only she can do because she is a big girl). You may also want to look into play groups when baby is a little older so she can see first hand what other big girls do when they have to potty, want a toy, or need mommy's attention.
Don't beat yourself up or stress yourself out. Some things only come with time.

Hi! My potty-trainer is 26 months and is resisting like crazy to go in either of our potty chairs. Now that it's a bit warmer I'm planning on letting him go naked and just keep an eagle-eye on him. Last night he was naked after a bath and ran off down the hall. Next thing I know he was doing #1 in the hall, outside the bathroom door, with him legs spread. Naturally, by the time he got on the potty he was done. Grrr!

Get the book Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. If you want to use this method, though, you'll have to get someone to watch your baby that day. It has to have your full attention with no distractions, or it won't work.

my son who is 3 now was like that also.. I just gave up and let him do it in his own time.. And before I knew it he was doing it all on his own. Just dont push her to do it and let her do it in her own time..

Oh, L.!!! I feel for you. Where do I begin? My little toddler turned 3 on March 24th of this year. Exactly one week ago Sunday, I slept in until 7:30 while my hubby got up with her & my 8 month old. When I got up, he was outside doing something. I glanced over at Sadie's behind. It looked dry, so I neglected to go over & actually see if he had changed her yet. At about 10:30am, she came to me in the kitchen and said "Mommy, my diaper's wet...Can you change me?" I thought to myself.."Cha-ching!!" So, I took off her diaper, put her on the toilet (she didn't do anything) then I put her in some regular panties. She had an accident about 30 minutes after that. I kept bringing her every 20 minutes...no more accidents that day. On Monday, she was telling me when she needed to go. Needless to say, she's been doing EXCELLENT for the last week & a half.
I tell you all of this b/c I have been trying to train her since she turned 2. I did everything you did. Tried charts, stickers, bribes, rewards, books...etc. You name it. It just all boils back down to this: When they are ready, they will train. That is my 3rd child to pretty much just start using it one day. She's just my first one to wait until she was 3 years old!!!!! Imagine my exasperation. I've always been one to frown on a child at age 3 still in diapers. But now I understand. I have put her in panties countless times to start training her and she just never wanted to use the potty. She would adamantly tell me that she didn't want to use the potty. She wouldn't even pee on it when I would bring her. I wasn't sure if she knew what to do there or not. Even b-4 her bath with the water running she wouldn't pee. Well, last Sunday my gut told me to do it on that day. It turned out to be the day that she was ready to go with it FINALLY. I have never been happier. Just be patient. You still have plenty of time. I understand about the diaper changing also. I have 4 children, ages 7, 5, 3, and 8 mos. We literally have not had a break in buying diapers for 7 years 4 mos., and 3 days. LOL.
Good luck!!! If you need some more support, feel free to contact me!

Just relax! I know it's hard, but my daughter was very resistant, too. We also tried everything and nothing worked consistently. The doctor told me not to push, since it might make her even more anxious. I read a great book called "Potty Training Sucks" and it made me feel much better. You might try it.
Each child is different and many of them are NOT ready developmentally until 3 or older. I even knew this (I am a certified teacher trained in early childhood development) and was still at my wits end!
Hang in there - one day it will just happen. That's how it worked with us. Get some good books and videos (for her) about potty, like Elmo's Potty Time and Bear in the Big Blue house Potty Time. It might make it less scary for her.
You might also consider trying out a half-day prek program, or something similar. Being around other children going potty really helped mine figure it out!
Good luck! And don't ever feel like you're not doing it right - this stuff is hard (no matter what anyone says)!!!!!

PS - I agree with the lady with the twins and the 8 yr. old. Every child is different, and none of those 1 day programs ever worked for us. If you read the literature out there, MANY children are not ready until 3 or older! Making her go or making her clean her mess might only make her really resentful and slow everything down even more.

Hi L.

I'd wait awhile. She might be having trouble with this next step due to the new baby or maybe she is just not ready. From what I have heard from other Mom's there is no magic age. I was hesitant to start potty training my child b/c of all the horror stories I had heard, but it has turned out extremely easy & it might be because we waited. She started potty training the same week she turned three. We also had her in a preschool program since September where many of the children started potty training throughout the year, so she had some role models.

Hang in there; I'm sure some other Mom's who had similar experiences will give you some good advice.

I took my daughter to Wal-Mart to buy "BIG" girl panties and I let her pick them out. She liked to wear the kind with the ruffles on the bottom but she wanted to wear them in the front so I let her. This made her excited about not wearing diapers anymore and it was a breeze training her. She didn't want to mess up her pretty panties. Good luck!

DO NOT PUT ANOTHER DIAPER ON no matter how hard she begs! We tried everything & got so angry & frustrated w/ our 3yo boy. Finally we put him in his underwear & because it was summer-time we stayed outside & let him wet his underwear & shorts until he got tired of it. Even at nighttime--he wet the bed the 1st 2 nights & then got up to use the bathroom to avoid sleeping on wet, stinky sheets.

Since she's now competing for mommy's attention she may be trying to hold on to the baby part of her life (ie diapers). The more you push the worse it will be, I'd lay off for a little while, let her get comfortable with the new situation, and try again in a few months.

I am a stay at home mommy of 2 as well. A girl and a boy ages 3 and 1 yrs. We started potty training our daughter at 2 (because of the new baby).
She fought us every step of the way. We did all the tricks... rewards, surprises, punishing (no Dora)...Nothing worked...
We finally had to back off. We would try about once a week after that. We just get her to sit on the potty first thing in the morning. If she didn't go, we would still tell her "Good Try". If she did go, we would do the "tee-tee dance". Eventually she got it.
She is 3 now, and we are still working on going poo-poo. Don't give up, just let her get used to the idea. And don't be afraid to let her go potty with you once or twice. She may need to know that mommy's use the potty too.
Good Luck

TOO YOUNG! Just let her do this on her own. She may know what to do but she is not ready to do it just yet!

She will, but 2 1/2 is too young!