Potty Strike!

Updated on June 22, 2008
S.P. asks from Littleton, CO
9 answers

My daughter is nearly 3 and has been potty trained for several months. We had tumbling class on Monday where she hurt her genital area and when she pottied the next couple of times she said it hurt. Since then, she says it doesn't hurt anymore but will no longer go potty on her own. She has held it for 12-15 hours and then has an accident. Therefore, yesterday we started making her sit on the potty until she goes and it has taken as long as an hour. While she's sitting on there she is crying the whole time and sometimes says she doesn't want to let it out. I emailed her Dr. but it doesn't seem like a medical condition but more emotional. I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried rewarding her when she goes and have taken it back to the basics of potty training but she's not having it. It's been harder now than it was in the beginning and it's taking a toll on our family. Has anyone else experienced a potty strike and what did you do?

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T.S.

answers from Provo on

I have a 3 year old that wouldn't go outside, she got stung by a bee and freaks out whenever she sees any bug and at first it was anything black on the ground, carpet, couch or anywhere. I was really concerned about her and my husband and I talked to a psychiatrist about her. He said that when kids get hurt they don't know how to get over it quickly. Their little brains just process it slower and we need to comfort them and help them feel safe while they overcome it. It kind of sounds similar with your situation. It probably hurt and where it didn't hurt before she might be scared that it could start hurting again. My 3 year old will finally walk to the car on her own and will stay outside and play even when she sees small bugs but still needs comfort and reassurance when she sees a big bug. It will probably just take time.
T.

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N.W.

answers from Salt Lake City on

When my daughter said it hurt to pee...I told her that when it hurts to pee, I get a cup of very warm water and pour it over my pee-pee while I'm peeing...then it doesn't hurt when I pee.

You have to kinda pour the cup into your hand and let your hand divert the water over to where the pee comes out.

I also told her a really warm bath helps my pee-pee heal faster. It helped her to have something she could do to help it not hurt.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Just let it go. Making her sit for a long time is just going to cause more of a power struggle. Give her some time, tell her no girl rewards or big girl things if she cannot be a big girl and leave it alone. Tell her when she is ready to be a big girl that is fine. If she is holding it she will cause herself a bladder or kidney infection, it may be time just for pullups again for a while or just setting her on the potty several different times during the day.
She had a trauma down there and it is normal for her to be paranoid. Just be patient and give it some time.
My daughter regressed at three when her little brother came along and I had Santa call her and tell her he would only bring big girl toys if she was wearing underwear again and going on the potty, she did a 180 in a matter of minutes and we never regressed again....

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L.C.

answers from Denver on

hmmm, forcing her to sit and have her cry will probably not help the situation. It's one thing she can control and you won't win but likely make it worse. I'd have her doctor to see her to rule out medical reasons. Then if there is no medical reason then let it go for a little while. Put her back in pull-ups or let her have accidents which is probably better (not for laundry). Try to fill her with as much fluid as possible to keep her peeing. When she does have an accident, let her clean herself up.. change her clothes whatever. Don't you make a big deal about it. But do make sure there is not a medical issue. if it hurts she could have a UTI or something....

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S.L.

answers from Missoula on

I am having a similar problem w/my son 3.5yrs going poop. We found a ladybug kitchen timer and I have him sit on the potty in the am and again at night. We tell him matter of factly that he needs to sit there and try for just 10 minutes and when the ladyubg timer buzzes...he can get off. He struggles and fusses but a lot of the times he "goes" before the timer even buzzes. Then he gets a sticker on his potty chart and praise. We have been stuggling with this since March after a tough poop. He is scared it will hurt. I know it is very frustrating and I have even cried because of the anxiety and stress. It's scary to think they are holding it in and can get sick/infections from it. Hang in there...try the timer and just be matter of fact. Good Luck!

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S.R.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My son had a TON of potty strikes. He was very difficult to potty train. He was so sensitive and every little thing would set him back, like getting hurt physically, or other kids saying something mean, or having an "accident,"
or getting a rash, or being scared by a loud flusher in a public restroom.

Your instinct is to MAKE them sit for a long time, as you did yesterday. But I found that instinct is wrong. If she is crying and upset about it, that will make it that much harder. She will fear not just physical pain from the potty, but will develop anxiety and emotional issues around control and the potty too. As difficult as it is, you need to let it go and not push too hard. I had to do that over and over and my son was over 4 before he finally stayed potty trained. I thought I'd some day have a 12 year old in diapers at times...LOL, and would get anxious that he was taking longer than the kids of others I knew. But fueling my own anxiety and letting my own feelings of adequacy get wrapped up in it did NOT help anyone in our family. I had to learn that the adage about letting them go at their own pace was true, and does work.

Talk to her calmly about what happened. Explain that bodies heal and she will feel better and be able to use the potty again without pain. Be very consistent and patient with this message. Maybe tell her about another time when she got hurt and later felt better, or share an experience from your life (not necessarily with the potty, but with injuries that healed).

Let her know you understand that she is worried, but you have confidence she can use the potty again soon. Then don't push. Put her back in pull-ups if you have too, give it a few weeks to calm down, then try again later. Stay calm when she has accidents (hard, I know) and let her help clean them up. When sufficient time has passed that she seems less anxious about it, talk to her about it again. Then you may priveleges (or not having priveleges) with her. That's what worked for my son. Like he couldn't watch his favorite TV show on days he had accidents, but otherwise it was no big deal.

Good luck! It will get better. Just be patient with her and with yourself.

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A.P.

answers from Denver on

This may be overreacting, but I would want a doctor to look at her vagina. Sounds like she hit it hard enough to hurt to go pee. Maybe she's just scared, but I would want to be sure. As a little girl, I didn't like to go pee very often. I would hold it all day at school and wouldn't go til I came home. My mom had to remind me to go pee all of the time. If I were you, make it a fun thing. Take her to the bathroom every couple of hours. Sit her on the potty and read her a book, sing songs, etc. Try and get her to relax and forget the whole potty thing. Maybe even have the tap water running while she's sitting there. Don't put a lot of pressure on her. This will all pass. ;)

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W.L.

answers from Boise on

I would try talking to her in a calm manner explaining that when she got injured it hurt to use the potty, but she is healed and she should trust that it is all better. I have found that explaining things to children in a very calm matter at a different time than when they are upset helps. I would also explain that by her holding her potty makes it harder for her to go when she finally does. I would keep reassuring her until she calms down and goes. Good Luck!!!

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S.B.

answers from Denver on

totally normal. she probably got scared. Just forget about it. Use pull-ups of plastic liners (which are uncomfortable anyway). Make her panties easy to get to and tell her were to put dirty ones. Then forget about it. Make suggestions she go like when you leave the house, etc. but then say, your choice...you will know when it is right for you. she get back into the hang of things in two weeks or so.

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