Potty Problems - San Jose,CA

Dear H.,
I know how you feel! My son is now nine, and thank goodness, he does go to the bathroom on his own. But, getting him to make a bowel movement in the potty was so difficult. I tried the gradual approach for about 18 months and it just did not work. So, at 3 1/2 year old, we did potty training "boot camp". First, I logged the schedule of his bowel movements for about a week. For him it was about every 36 hours. Then, as we got closer to the ETA, so to speak, we stayed in the house all day - my mother was there, too, for encouragement for him and moral support for me! I took away his pants, and had him running around the house with no underwear or pants (it was the summer). He was not pleased about that, and he pleaded with me that he wanted his diaper, but I told him if he had to go, then he needed to use the potty. It was really difficult to watch, because I knew he was uncomfortable as he was holding it in, but I dug in. Finally, it looked like he couldn't wait any longer (dancing on tip toes was the tip-off) and I rushed him on the toilet, and (thankfully) we made it in time. Then, amazingly after that, he went #2 on the toilet everytime after that. Not the most graceful solution, I know, but he was due to start preschool the next week, and he had to be potty trained to start. Granted we had one accident at school soon afterwards, but no problems since then. I hope this helps you. Good luck to you--

When my nephew was three 1/2 he was still having issues where he would poop in his pants and didnt want to go in the toilet. Every time he would do it my sister would clean it up and felt that it was an accident and give him a warm bath and hug him and tell him it was ok. My mom and I knew that he could control when he pooped and my sister made it ok for him to poop his pants by being sweet and calling it an accident. So one day our mom was watching him and he pooped his pants. After she cleaned it up she told my nephew, that was gross, I will not clean up your poop again, you need to go in the toilet next time or you will clean it. The next day he pooped his pants and like my mom said she would, she made him clean it up himself. He had to hold his dirty underware and ya know put the poop in the potty and clean himself up. He was so disguisted and even gagged and as a result, he NEVER EVER pooped his pants again. Pooping in the potty was way easier than having to deal with the MESS of pooping his pants. Especially as they get older...the poop is more like a grown up and needs to be done in a toilet.

Positive reinforcement did not work with my nephew and sounds like its not doing the trick with your son. Maybe you should stop get rid of the diapers and have the toilet be the only option. He might be scared to go in the potty, but he might be more upset about pooping in his underware and if he does go in his underware, he will hate it if he has to clean it up.

Hope this was a little help...
Good luck!

Hi H.,
Have you brought your concerns to your pediatrician? It is common for children even at 4 years old to have accidents, but less common to not EVER want to use the toilet when he has a bowel movement. Watch what your child is eating, too. Perhaps he is a little constipapted and using the toilet frustrates him. Not knowing your child personally, it is difficult to give advice, which is why I suggest going to your pediatrician first. He/she will have lots of great wisdom to pass on, and probably knows your son well enough to help you determine what is at the base of the problem. Good luck! :)

Unfortunately, I don't have a solution to your problem, but I can share your pain. My daughter is 3.5 yrs old and has been pee potty trained for over a year now, but also refuses to poop in the potty. I've really tried everything, and people keep telling me that no one goes to college in diapers, and that she'll do it when she is ready. It's so frustrating. We forced the issue and told her no more diapers, and she just pooped in her big girl pants. We took the advise of others and let her sit in it for a while so she could feel the discomfort, and even made her clean up her own poopy panties, but she didn't care. In fact she liked cleaning the dirty panties! We have tried all kinds of incentives from food treats to presents and did charts with stickers, stamps, poopy dance, whatever, but she just refuses. She knows when she has to go and will just hold it in if we make her sit on the potty. Then that causes discomfort and it's a nightmare. We also tried asking her to pick a day when she would be ready (a friend of mine had success with her child by doing this). My daughter picked Christmas, and we did a big countdown and told her how proud Santa was of her, but when the day came she told us she didn't have to, or that she would do it next time. Good luck to you anyway!