Potty Issues - Three Rivers,TX

Usually this kind of thing is a result of anxiety in their lives. It can be something that you would never imagine is causing him anxiety because it may seem so insignificant to an adult. Have there been any changes in his life? Even the smallest one. Is there anything coming up that may be causing him stress? A vacation, the end of the school year, thoughts of being in a new class next yr, etc. Talk to him and see if you can get it out of him but often they don't even process what is bugging them. Anyway, help him feel a little more in control of his life for the time being. Whatever you do, don't scold him for the accidents. Have him help you clean up the mess but don't make a big deal out of it at all. In fact, be encouraging and remind him that it's okay and he'll get back on track soon. Good luck.

I agree with the previous posters about stress or anger. When you talk to him, try lying down on the bed next to him and talk looking at the ceiling. My son didn't like when I made eye contact with him on touchy subjects. Even as a teen, he did well talking when I was driving and couldn't make eye contact. And I did all those talks that teen boys need that way.

Child development specialists believe that a situation like this is a classic power struggle. It may have started with some change in the family dynamics or a specific event that distressed or angered the regressing child (perhaps being teased or bullied by someone and wishing for the tender, loving attention they got in babyhood). A child has very little power, so behavior like this gets attention. Punishing for potty mistakes often simply makes the struggle worse.

(There's also a possibility that he has a physical problem that worries or shames him; more on that at the end.)

I'd have a quiet talk with the child if he were my son. I'd open with, "So, sweetie, you've been making a lot of pooping mistakes lately. Will you tell me what that's about?" Then give him lots of space to answer. He'll probably start with "I don't know!" and possibly refuse to meet your eyes, at which point you could say, "You were doing so well, and I thought you were happy being able to use the toilet." Then wait. Every little thing that he offers, respond to kindly with, "Hmmm," or "I see." If he gets to something with some emotional content, draw him out with short, simple, encouraging questions.

At the end of the talk, you may want to offer him a choice. Put a very small amount of power in his hands. Suggest, "Well, this is sure not a nice thing for either you or me, so, would you like to be in diapers again? Then you can decide for yourself when you're ready to be a big boy." Kids often respond well to this, and will want to get the big boy pants back after they're sure you won't try to force them to abandon the diapers. This may take a few days or a few months, often less if their peers are using the toilet. But kids usually will make this choice for themselves when they are ready. And diapers do make for an easier cleanup than undies.

But if your little guy tends to have constipation, there is also the possibility that he's developed a condition called encopresis, in which solid poop blocks the bowel, causing stretching and numbing, and he actually can't feel it when fresh, wet poop gets forced past the blockage and he soils his pants. Then he might also avoid telling you because he's embarrassed. If he appears to be leaking fairly liquid poop, get him quickly to a pediatrician – this situation can become very hard to clear out and generally requires medical oversight.

Good luck. I hope you get to the bottom of the problem soon.

Perhaps try going the other direction with it. We told our three yr old son if he were to be potty trianed we would take him to the big boy zoo. We have a small zoo here but we would take him to the Houston Zoo. Perhaps there is something that your son would really be excited about that you could bribe him into not pooping his pants!!! Good luck. Let us know what really worked for you.

My friend has 4 year old twin boys who are potty trained but she was having trouble with one of them because he refused to poop on the potty and kept going in his pants. He was always a regular pooper and would go every day, usually at some point in the morning. He also loves playing the Wii. So she finally started telling him each day that he could not play the Wii until he had done a poop in the potty. He was not happy about this, but after 3 or 4 more days of pooping his pants and not being able to play the Wii, he finally made up his mind to do it in the potty, and then he got to play the Wii.

Not really sure if it's exactly punishment so much as withholding something he coveted UNTIL he did what was expected. It worked for her (though it may not work for everyone) and might be something to consider, as well as making him clean up his own mess and rinse out his own underpants when he makes a mess of them.