Potty in the Middle of the Night

Hello...I am a mom of 3. 5 yo boy, 4 yo girl and 11 mo girl.
All kids are different. My 5 and 4 yo are still peeing in the middle of the night. My 5 yo is only once in a while, but is a complete sound sleeper and wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night. I still have to put pull-ups on them in the middle of the night. All I'm saying is be patient. Some kids can go right away without going at night, some go for years

Getting up in the middle of the night is just something that will come once she has the daytime figured out. Typically it takes a few months so don't get stressed out. If it goes past that you could wake her to empty before you go to bed and that cuts down on the length of her night... but it is totally premature to try that yet. Good luck!

Hi C.

The advice given is great. Here in Australia we don't worry or do anything until a child is 5 and 1/2 if they are still wet at night. Girls do tend to mature quicker than boys and you will know when the time is right by the nappy or pullup is dry for several nights or she wakes to ask to go to potty. Goodluck.

About me:

I am a 48 year old mum of a 10 and 1/2 year girl who was a bedwetter until age 5 and 1/2 when she did a bedwetting programme she became dry. I am also a nurse who helps kids who have bladder problems and do the bedwetting programme.

Don't worry about it! Every child is different and you will know when your daughter is ready to stop wearing a diaper at night when she consistently wakes up dry or simply starts waking up to use the bathroom. In the meantime, just have her wear a diaper (or pull-up if she prefers, although they don't hold as much) at nap and night time and on long car rides if you think she is likely to fall asleep. Also, I recommend getting one of those vinyl mattress covers that zips all around the mattress to protect it. Top it off with a waterproof but cotton-topped mattress cover (that goes on like a fitted sheet -- get two if you can so you have one at the ready in case of accidents; Kohl's, if there's one near you, carries them and they often go on sale for about $20 a piece). This will keep the bed comfortable for her but protect the mattress for you.

I have three daughters 5 1/2, 4 and 13 months. My older girls have been out of diapers for 2 1/2 and 1 year respectively but both still need to wear a diaper at night. This is not uncommon. They both sleep hard and simply do not wake up when they need to go. I have gotten very negative feedback from some folks about this, but I would rather that my kids do not have to experience the shame and humiliation I felt as a child when I occasionally wet the bed (which is also normal). Granted, I would not shame them, but I can't say I would be all that pleasant, no matter how much I tried to be, if I had to get up in the middle of the night every night to change bed sheets, not to mention the sheer volume of laundry that would result. My oldest daughter is eager to be done with the diapers, but accepts our explanation that her body must not be ready. For a while we even tried cutting out letting her have a cup of water near her bed during the night, but, ironically, that would fully wake her because she would wake up thirsty.

I know lots of folks whose kids potty trained and simply didn't wake up during the night to go and still woke up dry, even when the kids were very young. But I also have a good friend whose 7-year-old daughter and 9-year-old son wet their beds almost every night. The boy especially is embarrassed and feels bad about himself because he does (the parents do not shame him -- in fact both parents also were bed wetters as children). My point is, every child is different, so you need to do what works best for your family.

One thing that it might help you to know is that the average age for kids to potty train during the day is something like 36 or 38 months. Your daughter is ahead of the curve for the daytime stuff and that's great. Something that may or may not happen (it did with my older one but not with my younger one) is that in a few months she may regress a bit and have a time period where she has a bunch of accidents. As I said, it may or may not happen, but I know it's pretty common, so don't be worried or surprised if it does. For my daughter, I think the novelty of using the potty wore off for a bit AND she saw that her younger sister was getting some "extra" attention during diaper changes. Every so often, she would refuse to wear her underwear and would ask for a diaper instead. We'd ask her if she was sure, and if she still asked to wear the diaper, we'd let her. We didn't make a big deal out of it and it rarely lasted even a whole day. This may be something you encounter with a new baby arriving at your home.

In the end, my best advice is to keep focusing on and being positive about the daytime stuff and let the sleep/potty use thing unfold over time. It will happen eventually and you and your daughter will probably feel a lot less anxiety about it if you just let that piece go for now. If it continues past an age where you are comfortable with it, talk with your pediatrician about possible causes and solutions such as medication, bed-wetter alarms, etc. (although these are not things I think any doc would recommend for a child this young).

When I was having my second child (my first two are only 18 months apart) a lot of people really pressured me to get my older one potty trained because, they said, it would just be so much work to have two in diapers. In the end, it really wasn't that much extra work at all. And, even if you are worried about the expense of having two in diapers, remember, you will be using only two or three diapers a day tops (nap and night and maybe one for a long car ride) for the older one, so you will go through them more slowly and spend less on them.

Finally, one last thing you may find helpful: if your daughter happens to get any stomach bug (there's one going around our community right now, which is why I mention this) and gets diarrhea while she is still working on getting totally potty proficient, offer her the chance to wear a diaper if she wants to. It might be a little scary for her to use the potty if she has loose bowels -- it's different than regular BMs -- and she might be frustrated if she doesn't make it to the bathroom in time (and it'll be a big mess for you). I wouldn't force it, but, if she's not feeling well, it can be a relief for her to just let go back to the familiar.

Good luck -- with the potty training and the new baby!

Hi C.,

We used Pull Ups till my son was almost 6 at night. once I started seeing the Pull Up was dry in the morning for a few days in a row, I'd try underwear. At her young age, she probably just isn't mature enough yet physically to control it.

Sometimes it takes a little while for your child to get it.

Good luck!

Night dryness is a totally different matter than day time control. It is a biological process at night, where a child's body has to grow to hold urine, wake up when the bladder is full, etc. Basically you have to wait for them to "grow into" being dry at night. You can help by having her pee before going to sleep and not giving her lots of liquid before bed, but otherwise, only time will help.

Hi C. - I totally identify with that issue. My 4.5 year old was trained during the day for quite a while before we even tackled the night time thing. Honestly, I didn't make it a big deal at all and pretty much waited until she was ready and was aware that her friends weren't wearing diapers at night. The way I figured, the diapers were extra security just in case but no bother to me or her. I of course continued to encourage her to go potty just before bed, but didn't see the harm in letting her wear the diapers. A couple of her friends mastered the night time thing pretty early, but since my daughter didn't seem to be going for it, I didn't push it. Finally, she started complaining about them and took getting up at night more seriously and we've only had few accidents since leaving the diapers behind. My advice is pick your battles and gauge your child's interest. If she really doesn't seem ready to get up at night, don't push it because wetting the bed will just make her feel bad.

Good luck!
~Liza
30 yo single, full-time working mom of 4.5 year old girl.

Hi C. - Being able to hold the urine in throughout the night is a physcial maturity issue, not an emotional one...

Children's bladders can take many years to mature to the point where they can hold it in all night. It really has nothing to do with wanting to.

And staying asleep through wetting the bed is also perfectly natural - she's been doing it for 2 1/2 years! She wets, she lays in it until someone comes and changes it.

So this is not at all about her wanting to or not. It's about her body and the way it works.

My daughter didn't get out of pull-ups until she was in second grade. Some stay in them much longer.

Please just make it a normal, natural, course-of-life and growing up in her own time issue. Because it is really nothing more than that!

Hi C.,

We have this same issue with our preschooler. We keep her in pull-ups at night. We always offer her the option of wearing underpants, but most of the time she wants to wear the pull-ups and was even starting to wake herself to go. You can't push this one. If she doesn't wake up, she doesn't wake up. No 2 ways about it. She actually hadn't had an accident for quite a few months, but when she had a cold a few weeks ago she had 2 nights when she wet the pull-ups, and now is back to normal again. I was talking to a friend recently who has a daughter about to finish 1st grade. She is also still in pull-ups at night. Hope this helps.

I think it really varies from kid to kid. I asked the same questions when my older daugher potty trained right around the same age as yours. She was 2 1/2 when our youngest was born and I really wanted her out of diapers before that. She did great but she will now be 4 in a few months and still wears pull ups for bedtime. She doesn't usually nap but the times when she has she just pees before she sleeps and we haven't had any problem. That said, I have no desire to actively encourage her to get rid of the night time diapers right now. If she starts to show a desire to stop with them we can try it but I am still up in the night with my younger daughter and don't see the point in getting even less sleep! I have talked to people whose kids do the nighttime training aywhere from 2 to 5 and even beyond that. I figure when she can do it, she'll do it - I can handle a pull up at night so that we all sleep better! Good luck!

Hi, We are at the same point with our 3 1/2 year old son. He's completely trained in the day, though night time is hit or miss. In speaking with some of my friends, one told me that her pedi told her, "at this point, nightime is for getting a good sleep, don't worry about potting training then." I took that as good advice and it is what we are holding to at our house. We put him to sleep in a pull-up, and there are nights when he will call out to pee, but it is completely up to him at this point, we are not pushing it. so, I think as long as the day is going fine, you are all set for now.

Hi-
2 1/2 is pretty young to be diaper free at night. She probably isn't ready. Keep using pull ups until she remains dry through a sleep time for many consecutive days. Then try letting her go without. She will be proud of being dry, even in a diaper. I have a boy, and he was dry for naps at about 3 1/2, and nights soon after. They say girls are usually earlier, but 2 1/2 is very early for night time.
R.

hi C.. your daughter is very normal and some kids pee in the night up till 7 or 8. a great resource on this is askdrsears.com dr sears is a pediatrician and his wife is a nurse they have 8 kids and have been practicing for over 30 years.

my son did fine but my daughter pees through the night after trying lots of frustrating suggestion i did some research and discovered that peeing at night can be due to a child just being a heavy sleeper or a small bladder and that they will outgrow it. i suggest pull ups and an save your energy for more pressing problems.

about Me
i am 28 also and have three kids jacob 8, hannah 5, and ruthie 1 yr

C.,

Aaahhh...the unspoken issues of nighttime potty training. My sister has three kids. Her oldest now 12 was a breeze...as soon as she was trained during the day, she stayed dry at night. Her son now 10...still has to wear pullups at night. They have tried everything under the sun (alarms, charts, take him at night) nothing has worked. Her youngest just trained at 6! So...relax...about 15% of kids do not stay dry at night until they reach the age of 12, their bodies just aren't ready yet. I think the important thing is not to make too big of a deal out of it. None of my three sons are trained at night...but I am not concerned...yet!

Good luck and congrats on the new one!! H. Z.
Mom to Spencer 4 1/2, James 3 1/2 and Wilco 10 1/2 months

Hi C.-

I don't have an answer to your "when?" but I can tell you my experience with a very headstrong, perfectionist (now) 6 year old daughter. She understood the concept at 18 months-right in the middle of our relocation to a different state. That bolluxed everything up for quite a while. She was not reliably toilet trained during the day until she was 4! It was all about when she was good and ready- Just like the experts say-

As for night time; she did that sooner (3 yrs). The "secret" for us (shared with me by my mom, a retired, early-childhood educator) was to pick her up and put her on the potty about 11pm before we went to bed.

The first 5 nights or so were rocky- She woke up very grumpy and disoriented with difficulty getting back to sleep- After that she didn't even wake fully, but would ALWAYS go when placed (and steadied) on the toilet. Not only did she stay dry through the night, but she slept a little later in the morning too!

I basically kept doing this until she became too heavy for me to carry (around 5) but it worked like a charm- In fact, I can still get her to sleep a little later in the morning if I get my husband to carry her to the bathroom before we go to bed.

Good luck!

Hi,
Congratulations. Most children don't train at night for a year is what I have heard. A diaper at night is ok, let her know when it is dry for a while, she can switch. Her body, and bladder, is still growing, and probably isn't big enough. When she is old enough, it is just going to happen. No one can "learn" to do anything while they are sleeping. She is doing great during the day, focus on that success.The nights will come. For about 20% of boys, less girls, that might not be for years. The bladder isn't big enough until it is big enough, no training can influence that, it can only impact when they are awake.
Good luck,
D.

Hello,
I think it differs for each child. Both of my daughters (ages 3 and 5) sleep in diapers. I have tried withholding fluids, and waking them in the night to pee, but with no success. They still wet the bed. Two of my friends kids have never needed diapers once they were trained. I don't really think we did anything differently in training our kids- in fact we even did some of it together.
I discussed this with my pediatrician- since it upset me that they couldn't go all night. He said that some kids bladders don't grow at the same rate as their bodies and are physically incapable of holding it at night. He said not to worry about it and just use a diaper at night. So that's what we do. I don't make a big deal about it. It's better than washing sheets!
I figure when it becomes important to my kids then we'll worry about it again. Right now it works for us to just use the diapers. They are in charge of taking them off in the morning and disposing of them properly. I still don't have change diapers.
Good luck,
S.

My son was trained about 3yrs old, a little older. We just concentrated on the daytime training. I still put him in a pull up at night, I think it was about 4mo or so before he was ready to go without during the night. It does take some time.

C., my 2.5 year old daughter is in the same boat :) To be honest with you, I am thrilled that she is out of diapers all day and don't mind putting her in one at night (she doesn't nap in one during the day; as long as she pees right before going to sleep she is fine). I'm just happy that she's sleeping well at night and don't want to muck with that over a diaper! Good luck.