POSSIBLE move...again!?

Updated on February 08, 2013
M.B. asks from Clearwater, FL
7 answers

I am officially BANNING my husband from going to his annual conference! Everytime he's gone he's come home telling me of "future" plans, which always include relocating. And this time is no different. He simply texted me and said "big changes are happening this year! Hope your ready:)" I asked if these chsnges required a move and he said yes. In the last 3 1/2 years we have moved from Phoenix-Charlotte-Orlando-Clearwater. And who knows where they are planning this time! Sigh....don't get me wrong I'm very happy he's got such an awesome job that pays well and as his boss has told me "we have big plans for W within the company" I'm just tired of the moving. Has anyone else moved this much due to a job? I feel kinda bad because my son LOVES his school, we finally found him a dr that cares and helps him. I can't tell my husband to turn down whatever they have planned because he does want to move up within his company, but I want to get a house someday!

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So What Happened?

Added finances are not his motivation, like I said he's paid very well. He just has the desire to go further in his career. I can't be upset with that can I? Some people are content never going further in life....
Added: we HAVE to move again his job is relocating him and he doesn't have a choice. It's either that or quit and find a new job. And considering he's been with his company 10 years that won't happen. Good thing we won't be to far from where we are now only a couple hrs so we could still use the same dr.

More Answers

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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

Sounds like military life. You get to stay anywhere from 2 to 4 years at a place depending on your job. About the time you get settled in and know where everything is in the town/city you get orders to move.

Sometimes you have to think of the moves as chapters in your book of life. Every move is a different chapter and chance to start over and make new friends and do new things.

If you do decide to put your foot down you will have resentment and possibly a divorce. Your husband has high hopes and he is trying to get there to provide for you and your family. This is what he knows and the only way he can explain it to you.

Yes, there will come a day when you do not move and the big van does not show up at your front door to take your things away and you will cry. I know I did when I realized they would not be coming to my door any more.

Just sit down together with paper and pen and draw out where he is going and what you want and how the two of you will make these needs complete. How many years, how many more moves and when it will end?

Good luck.

the Other S.

PS I knew that if I didn't get along with a neighbor one of us would be gone soon and we could put up with the dfifferences for that year or so.

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R.S.

answers from San Antonio on

I am not in your boat...yet...but my husband's company's main branch is in a different city. It looks like they may be closing the location here...and I am trying to figure out how I would react if they told him they would keep him on if he relocates to main branch headquarters. He likes his job well enough and the company does big work...

I love our house and school and doctors...etc etc etc...

So I really feel for you that you have moved so many times already.

With the questionable economy we really have to think long and hard about if he could find something else here or if staying with the current job/company would be better...

I am sending you a hug...and maybe will be asking for moving tips soon!!!

1 mom found this helpful
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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

Ugh. I know that you have big challenges with your son and as a mom, I can see why moving is a huge thing to ask. I would bet your H doesn't understand what he is asking. When you have a set up for your son to be successful, you don't want to mess with it. I think if you didn't have these challenges, you would be happy to move.

I think H does need to look at the whole picture. He kind of sounds ADD.
Do the whole Pro and Con thing with him in writing. Family stability does count.

Do your own seminar. Three topics, family stability, family long term planning, meeting life goals vs individual growth.

Financial stability doesn't have to come at the cost of a family. You can find other ways.

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L.N.

answers from New York on

same story here. we just moved to sc 2 months ago. been moving every couple of years. i have to say this last move is doing me in. kids are missing their old school and friends and i am lonely too. next time my husband says we are moving i will show him the door.

V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I don't have any experience with excessive moving, but I guess my question for you would be:

Are you going to resent him for this in the future?

If you are going to resent him for this... Not worth it. Sit down and talk to him and just lay everything out on the table.

If you aren't going to resent him for this, still tell him how you feel about it and that you would really like to settle down in one place eventually (Although give a more definite deadline, like 'before the kids are in high school' or 'before the kids have moved out'... You know how men are ;) ), but also tell him that you are willing to do a couple more moves before then if he HAS to do it to move up in the company.

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

M.,

You need to sit down with your husband and discuss the fact that your son is now school age and needs some stability. Even the military usually doesn't move people more often than every three years!

I would let your husband know that he has an obligation to his children to provide some amount of stability and that means not moving so often. Tell him that you will not move before the end of the school year and that future moves need to be discussed as a family before he agrees with his boss to a move. He needs to practice saying "I am extremely flattered that you thought of me for XYZ but I need to discuss this opportunity with my wife."

Yes, you can tell your husband to turn something down - but I am not sure whether he has already committed this time.

C.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

Wow, must be difficult either way. We moved around 3 times when I was a kid and it was difficult for me to become close to people because I knew eventually, I'd have to leave them behind. This alone would give me pause in my decision to move, since I have been in that situation.

I would consider how your son feels in addition to the moving up in the career part of it all. If your husband's paid well and you have enough $ to save up and get a house, I'd stay, especially if your son loves his new school, friends, and doctor. If his salary was the pits, maybe then I would say to give moving a bigger priority, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

You never know, eventually, his career can still move up even if he decides not to move. I think your son needs some degree of stability, considering you have moved 4 times in 3.5 years. That's a lot of moving for any child to deal with. Why change a situation in which you're all happy?

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