"Positive Discipline" Approach - Feedback, Please!

I did buy it. My opinion is that if followed it neuters the parents in a lot of realistic situations. Their approaches aren't' bad, but the examples and scenarios they provide make it seem more realistic than it is. Like most all books, there are things you can take from it. Its not 100% bad. I don't think parenting should be harsh, but sometimes as a parent you really need to take charge and have the upper hand. This philosophy will not give you the tools to deal with a child when the child needs to understand and follow your direction "No!"

I have read "Positive Discipline, The Toddler Years" when my son was an infant. I loved it. It provided me the mindset and the techniques that I would later use. I am not sure what your exact challenges are but don't try to use every technique exactly. Like the book says, you need lots of tools in your toolbox! If you are consistant, loving, but firm when you need to be and flexible when you can be it will all work out.

I practice positive discipline but to be honest I have not read the book. There is a very active Yahoo group which I do actively follow. My son is 6-1/2 and I have been using this approach probably since he was 2-1/2. I think it is a much more respectful approach to the child and at least as 'effective' as mainstream punitive parenting - at least based upon my observation of other kids DS's age. It makes sense to me since my goal is to raise a child into an adult who has internalized a sense of right and wrong, is curious, questioning and empathetic. Please note that positive discipline is by no means permissive or jellyfish parenting which is not effective in any parenting approach. If you are interested in joining a PD group, feel free to PM and I will get you the info.

I do not (and have never) used 'consequences' (beyond the natural ones like gravity) with my son as this is not a positive discipline tool. I have found that most of the techniques are more effective as my son has gotten older. He is much better at problem solving now than he was at age 2 and much more able to predict likely outcomes.

Good luck,
D.

I have not read this book per se, but I have tried positive parenting techniques. What I have found is that these techniques--especially reflecting on the outcomes of one's actions and the effects on the child or or others--work best beforehand, not after the fact.

For example, when my son was younger, and we were out at a restaurant, he'd sometimes say "I want to run". I would then ask "Well, do you think that's a safe thing to do here?" or "What do you think would happen?" We would talk about how he could cause an accident or make a server drop the meals because this is someone's workspace, not a running-around place.

You can reflect on outcomes after the fact, esp. negative ones, but at this point, I find it harder to treat negative outcomes as a "positive". The authoritative parent is gentle AND firm, and for me, I need my son to know that there are limits. For example, if he chose to run in the restaurant after our discussion, we would leave immediately, even if it meant me sitting in the car with him while our food was boxed up to take home. Playful Parenting is much the same way; you can do the playful strategy before the line is crossed; after that, you need to stick to the consequences/boundaries you already have.

A lot of what is 'positive' is about the technique, and not necessarily if the child feels it is 'positive'. Giving either/or choices is a good idea at this age (My son is five and makes lots of noises right now: "You can make that sound in your room or you can be quiet out here"). We can rephrase some of the wishful-thinking lies we hear "Oh, you really wish X happened, don't you? That sounds like fun. What else do you wish?" (instead of busting them for lies-- but only when appropriate).

I think Positive Parenting is like any other philosophy-- it should be one tool in the parenting toolbox. I've worked with kids for a long time and there is not One Single Philosophy which I have found to be universally useful. I have to have a LOT of different skills, techniques and responses as a parent (and preschool teacher) because each child will respond differently. Overall, though, I think this technique/philosophy is very valuable to add to that toolbox. :) Good luck to you!