Police Wife?

GOD BLESS YOUR HUSBAND AND YOU AS WELL!!!!!!!! Please tell your husband that I am so very appreciative of his sacrifice, love and dedication to help others and to put away those scumbags!!!!!! I cannot relate to your story, I am not a police wife or even related to a police officer. the closest I come is having 2 family members in the armed forces. they get hated for serving their country even when they dont like what they are fighting for.

BIG hugs to you, your husband and your children. and again a BIG THANK YOU to your husband for helping put away the bad guys, and a BIG THANK YOU to you for loving and supporting your husband in his career.
I will pray for your husband and for you and your children as well.

I'm not a police wife, but I am a navy wife. My husband retired from the navy after 27 years (he's on his second career now.) It's not exactly the same, but it sounds very similar. I can definitely relate to most of what you said. It was dangerous, he was gone ALL the time, he worked/was gone for holidays, long/odd hours when he was home... A lot of the same things you described. And we moved every two years, so I was always far away from family.

Extended family used to joke ( I think ) that they didn't believe I actually had a husband - they said I made him up! LOL Because I attended virtually all family gatherings (weddings, etc.) without him.

I found it all much easier to deal with when I surrounded myself with other wives.

Hang in there! Thank your husband for his service and to you and your family for the sacrifices you are making.

I'm sorry you are so stressed about it!! My husband is not a police officer, but I worry about him all the time with the job he does, and we are alone a lot as well. But I thought I'd tell you something that my husband has taught our kids. When we talk about jobs, he tells them that the toughest job is a police officers job, and that it is the most risky job too. He says every day when a police officer goes to work, he puts his life on the line, not knowing what is around the next corner. And he teaches them above all, to respect them, and do exactly as they say, always, even if you think they are wrong. I know it is probably really hard on your family, but I just wanted you to know that people out here really appreciate him, and what he does!!!

I cannot totally relate. But I can relate to some of the weird hours, and always (or almost always) missing milestones or holidays. My husband is an Air Traffic Controller. They have gotten a lot of bad press in recent years and are totally taken for granted. But for 16 years he worked every Saturday and Sunday because he was lower in seniority and couldn't get those days off. He has missed more Thanksgivings and Christmases than he has been home, b/c those are some of the busiest travel days of the year! He isn't home for dinner during the week much, and is often not home until after the kids are in bed. OR he is up and gone to work before anyone else in the house has even thought about getting up (his shift on Friday can start as early as 6:00 a.m. which means he leaves home around 5:00a.m.).
Half the country is oblivious that they actually DO anything. And when the anniversary of 9/11 rolls around in 11 more days, they won't be mentioned. Even though, for the first time it was ever done in the history of powered flight, EVERY SINGLE AIRCRAFT (except military and Air Force One) were put down on the ground. They did it in miraculous speed and it was done safely. Sure, there might have been some irate folks who were stranded somewhere they didn't want to be for a day or two...b/c their plane was forced to land at the nearest airport that could accept them (runway length and space on the ground being quite important factors), and then weren't allowed to fly after. But there were actual people on the radio telling those pilots where to go. The pilots don't just pick and choose what they want to do. That would be CHAOS and dangerous. It was done orderly and timely and safely, managed by air traffic controllers all "just doing their job". But not a peep is ever mentioned about that. Anybody care to take a guess what the average number of aircraft IN THE AIR over the U.S. is at any one time?
Sorry--- sort of went off on a rant there--- tee hee
But, yes, I can relate to the strange hours and how that affects family life. My kids can go 2-3 days sometimes that they never even SEE their dad. And he isn't overseas or on a business trip. He is sleeping in the house the same as us. Except sometimes he is sleeping when we are up and the kids have to 'shhhhhhhhh' because he has to get back up (after a couple hours nap) to get ready to go back in for an overnight shift, after working 6 a.m to 2 pm already that day. Or "shhhh" b/c he just got home from working that midnight shift and is trying to sleep on Saturday morning when the kids want to get loud b/c it's Saturday.... If we want to travel when the kids are out of school for holidays (Thanksgiving?)... Dad can't go. Because even if he gets "lucky" and gets Thanksgiving Day off, he has to work Wed and Friday, so we have to go without him and leave him to spend it at home ALONE if he does end up getting it off, or not go and miss an opportunity to travel to visit family when the kids are out of school. Christmas is the same way... It doesn't matter what day of the week Christmas is for most folks. Their business or office is closed, at least PART of the day. Not so in the air travel business.
I will say this though.... our kids are getting older, and they understand why Dad can't always be part of whatever else we are doing. Or why they need to play outside or quietly or not invite a friend over that day/night. When they were smaller, it was much more difficult, b/c they just didn't have the capacity to understand why things were like they were. So if your kids are really young, hang in there. They will understand better as they get older and that will make it easier on you.
Hugs!
And thanks for your husband's hard work keeping us safe from the criminal elements!

My hubby is not a police officer; so I can't relate in that sense. However, I have amazing respect for them. I used to work at Starbucks, and I would always give the cops free drinks (even when my boss told me not to.) I can't imagine how stressful and hard it must be. But I think it's great of you to support him. What he is doing is wonderful and brave! Drug dealers are the scum of the earth! I wait up for my hubby too bc he works late a lot. I get scared that he'll get hit by a drunk driver or something when he's driving home late. I will keep your family in my prayers!

My husband is a civilian who works for the Police Dept.. Since he is a civilian he does not have the Body armor or helmets or weapons instead he has a video camera.

So not only does he also have strange hours and dangerous situations.. he does no get their pay or respect. He also is the manager of one of the departments.. This is not a glamorous job, so essentially his title is a civilian City Employee. Talk about not glamorous. But our family looks at him with great respect. He has good benefits and we are able to live in a nice home and send our daughter to a wonderful college. Eventually he will have a nice retirement.

It reminds me of the military. You get to at least see your husband, in the military they are sent away for months at a time. And many times over and over.

A Policeman's spouse is also a job. Your job is to be the cheerleader, the proud crowd and the stoic supporter. Many times not able to share any information with him. It makes you a very important person in our community, because you keep your husband happy and your family together. This is what he needs and craves so that he can be at his best.

Your life is different from most people's, but I know people do appreciate these men and women that sacrifice so much. They are the secret hero's.

When you miss him, write it down on a note, so You can give it to him at home or slip it in his pocket.

Make sure you also have your own interest so you do not lose yourself. If you feel like you need to speak with someone, you should seek out a therapist. You have a lot to be stressed about. You are not living an ordinary life. You need to be able to be heard. A Therapist is an excellent way to not feel like you are losing your mind.

My brother was a police officer (now retired), but I was young enough that I didn't really understand or appreciate the dangers. He worked primarily traffic, but your hubby has a FAR more dangerous job.

I admire those people that can handle the stress of being a LEO, and their families....

Are there any spouse support groups where you can talk to others in similar situations? Even just a telephone support group?

Be sure to thank your hubby for me... he is one of those out there keeping our streets and cities safe!

Wow, I totally feel for you! I cannot relate at all to how you must feel. My husband travels and there is a lot of alone time for me, he misses a lot with the kids, and I always get worried about him when driving home after long nights, but nothing like what you are feeling. All I can tell you is that Yes, you hit it the nail on the head, this is what you signed up for, and it is your job to give him the "safe" haven to call home. The hours he works, and situations he gets put in are not b/c he just really loves to see you stressed- but you know this. All I can say is that for the fear and worry you feel- well you are just wasting a lot of your energy on something you cannot control. No matter how many nights you spend bitting your nails it will not keep him safe, no matter how many ball practices you sit at alone will not make him work less, and no matter how much time you spend trying to control it will not make it change. I don't know your religion, but I know that for the fears and worry I have, I give them all to God. He is the one in control- he loves you, your family and your marriage, and does not want it torn apart or to be filled with stress and worry. HE is in control! Cast your cares on him, he will bless your life in unbelievable ways. Give control back to the one who has always had it, and live a stress and worry free life. Be able to enjoy your marriage and don't spend it trapped by fear. Love and hug on your husband, and let God love on you! I pray this will all work out for you! God bless you

Dear Natasha,

I can not relate, as I am not a police wife, but I did want to just say God Bless you and your husband. Thank you for his service to make everyone else a bit safer and thank you for being a supporting and loving wife.

I wish I have words of wisdom for you, but I do not. Just know that you are appreciated!

I thought it was interesting, a recent study came out showing that the police officers job is the #10 riskiest job in America. However, the mere fact that he is wanted/hated by the "bad guys" would have me very nervous and worried as well, especially knowing that the job has a very high emotional stress rate as well that heavily effects marriages, so I truly feel for the families of these men and women, and feel every grateful for them.

I know this isn't the same situation as yours, but my husband used to be a driver (#8 on the list), and he would be gone in all types of scary weather, very late at night, holidays and such as well.... I was always worrying as well, especially on icy roads when he was very tired late at night, praying he would return safely home. One way I coped was staying busy, surrounding myself with positive people, reading my scriptures and going to school, to be prepared just in case something happened and I had to be alone and the main source of income.

I probably wouldn't tell people he was an undercover narcotics agent in Mobile though! You never know who is lurking online. :) Anyways, I hope you all can one day, have a chance at a less stressful/dangerous lifestyle, or at least remain safe and in peaceful with your current situation. Maybe, make lots of little home videos with him, encourage him to write in a journal and do as many family things you can do. My dad had terminal cancer while I was growing up, so he made it a point to do these things so that if/when he died, we would have fond memories of who he was.

The list of dangerous jobs in case you were wondering:
1. Commercial Fishers: 116 Deaths per 100,000 in 2010;
2. Loggers and related: 91.9/100,000 -- Same place rank as 2008.
3. Aircraft Pilots and Flight Engineers: 70.6 -- Up from #6 in 2008.
4. Farmers and Ranchers: 41.4 -- Same place rank as 2008.
5. Mining Machine Operators: 38.7 -- Up from #8 in 2008.
6. Roofers: 32.4 -- Up from #7 in 2008, becoming more deadly.
7. Refuse and Recyclable Materials Collectors: 29.8 -- Down from #5 in 2008
8. Driver/Sales Workers and Truck Drivers: 21.8 -- Up from #17 in 2008.
9. Industrial Machinery Installation, Repair and Maintenance Workers: 20.3
10. Police and Sheriff's Officers: 18.0 -- Up from #12 in 2008.

yep, I'm married to a police officer (love of my life too!)...he's been a Detective for the past year, which has helped with his schedule, as he always has a weekend day off now so great for us as a family. He was also on the SWAT team for 4 years (recently resigned to give other guys an opportunity to be on the team) and that was stressful as he was on-call 24 hours a day and the situations for SWAT team being called are SERIOUS! And, for years prior, I was always going to family get togethers/holidays alone...lugging two little ones, not so much fun! But this work is his passion, I try to be as supportive and understanding as possible. He does the same for me in my career. My two little boys really look up to my husband and I think that's really cool. I say a prayer every night to keep him safe!!!!

I was a marine wife and I am now a police wife, lol! My husband was a marine when I met him and for the first 2 years of our marraige. Now, he just started a new job out here when we moved 9 months ago as a police man. Of course I worry about him too. The last 2 weeks he was working 12-16 hour shifts 6 days a week. I was beyond exausted with the kids and everything else going on and I ended up getting a head cold on top of it. Thankfully he is back to his regular shift except for 2 days a week he does do a 16 hour shift. Stay strong and just try to keep yourself busy

I have been a cops wife for 17 years. I know how you feel. I decided a long time ago to give up my career for the sake of our family. I felt my kids needed someone that would always be home no matter what. When we were first married he was literally on call 24/7. I felt like my kids would never know who that man was that would walk into the house once in awhile depending on his shift. If they were in school and he was put on the swing shift they literally never saw him unless he had a day off. I am fortunate that several years back he became the technology officer. His schedule is more regular now. He is with a very technology driven department that has become testing ground for communications for the rest of the country. We guard our phone numbers and don't give them out to anyone. I remember the years of crazy phone calls and it drove me nuts. I still have those moments where if he is late getting off his shift I worry. You aren't alone. It isn't easy. We are fortunate that we are very close and both of us are very strong in our faith.