My daughter recently started feeling somewhat left out at school. She has always loved going to school and never complained about social struggles until this year. It is hard to watch the bounce leave her step. I know this is all part of growing up but does anyone know how might help her through it? She does gymnastics and I set up play dates frequently but somehow those connections aren't carrying over to the school setting. She talks about being worried that certain girls don't like her or she worries they will get mad at her if she asks to join them at recess. As a result, she has been swinging alone.
Tell your daughter to look around the playground for another girl that isn't playing with anyone. I bet you she is not the only one. Then role play with her on how to start a conversation. "Hi, do you want to come swing with me?" Be sure to tell her that lots of 9 year olds have poor social skills and if someone says no to her to try not to take it personally.
if it's recent, that's a relief. i know it's hard to think of 'relief' when your kid is suffering, but it doesn't sound so much like a personality thing as a phase thing. does that make sense? not something she's struggled with her whole life, so she just needs to get over this hump.
i think most kids hit a wall where social status suddenly looms in importance, out of proportion. so a kid who may have formerly been confident and cheerful suddenly feels on the outside.
it's a tough place for a mom to be, but i'd caution against being too vigorous and pro-active about 'fixing' this. you want her to feel not only socially comfortable, but empowered, so want to avoid making her feel as if her friendships can be manufactured.
the smartest (and easiest) thing to do is to find other outliers and form unlikely friendships from the others who don't necessarily fit in right now. often these little groups become the new in-crowd. and it's a big and lovely life lesson to experience how being nice to someone who is marginalized can blossom into something more.
and even if it doesn't, being nice to someone who's marginalized is a good thing to do.
never hurts to do a little role-playing. you be her, and tell her to be the girl who concerns her the most, and have her respond in a fashion she thinks would be the most hurtful. then you give her a variety of thoughtful responses. like if she thinks the queen bee would say 'what are you doing here? you're not one of us' her response could be a cheerful 'you're right! i totally over-estimated you!' or a more low-key 'i wrongly assumed you were cool people. i apologize for interrupting you' (or whatever a 9 year old version of that would sound like<G>.)
i mean, it's not likely that they'll throw rocks at her or call her names, right?
you could have a quiet word with the school, but don't go overboard in having adults intervene, it could backfire. just keep quietly and confidently inspiring her WITH confidence. if you trust her to get past this, she'll pick up on your backstory and carry it forward with her.
ETA what i would NOT do is homeschool over it, homeschool advocate though i am. i disagree with new granny that self-esteem is (or should) be so fragile that a child needs to be 'protected.' obviously a kid who is being hammered, or abused, or ripped down needs protection, but most normal kids going through most normal childhood experiences need to be empowered, not bubble-wrapped.
homeschool should be about the best opportunity for academic achievement and a family philosophy, not someplace to hide.
khairete
S.
She doesn't have to like everybody and everybody doesn't have to like her.
Cliques happen - and some are nasty.
Sometimes we want to be part of the popular crowd without thinking too much about if there's anything about that crowd that's particularly likable.
Hanging out with a bunch of stuck up snobs isn't as much fun as some imagine it to be.
Your daughter should risk asking to play.
Nothing ventured - nothing gained (or you'll never know unless you give it a try).
If anyone gets mad at her - so what?
Your daughter should never feel she's responsible for anyone else s emotional state.
Happy, mad, sad - the other person needs to get over themselves.
Keep up with her activities - having friends in lots of different settings is great.
I'm so sorry she's going through this. I am in Oklahoma too and have never heard of Omega so I looked it up. I assume she goes to a pretty small school? If she's happy with her gymnastics friends perhaps you can invite one or two of them over for playdates and foster those friendships?
I truly don't know what to do other than hope she can make another friend outside of her classroom.
Knowing what I know now, I'd home school. Self-esteem is too fragile to sacrifice her to that daily.
