Please Only If You Have an Older Son than Daughter

He is becoming a man - dad at this time needs to step up (if he hasn't already) and be his role model and confidante. He needs to give him some hard work to do - like manual labor, work with his hands kind of stuff - rebuilding engines, building something, etc.

I'm sure the son picks up on the different treatment, and that might fuel the rebellion. You've got to show love, no matter what he is showing you. Our kids have to be convinced that we love them unconditionally. I know it's hard when they're testing you - but start with noticing and commenting on anything (no matter how small and insignificant you might think it is) that he is doing RIGHT.

I have raised three boys and all are fine young men now in their 20s. They were each different and each challenging in their own way at various times. Decide what you can "favorite" your son on...ie help with yard work or other (as one said "manual labor") things...praise how much help this is etc. Try very hard to find positives...we often find this so much easier with strangers than with those we love! You can do it and you will get through it! I will admit at times I did hand my sons a bottle of midol and tell em they were a bit moody...then walk off...this generally generated a MOM!!! And then a laugh. Told em act like you are PMS and I will try to treat it!

I have 2 boys that are 4 and almost 7 yes and I find myself feeling the same way. My younger son is more agreeable and behaves better, my older son is angry and cops attitude with me. No advice, just know you are not alone.

This may not be your answer to your question, but I have been reading a book about my 3yr old & in the process I have come up with a way to get my daughter to behave (she is 16) I think that it will also work for any kid that lives at home. Ok so they were talking about a Marble Jar, get marbles for chores done. Now this is for 3 to 7yr olds. So I was thinking about the reverse for the 16yr old. Give her (I am going to use poker chips) a set amount to start off the day with. Each one marked with a # each # means that she loses whatever we wrote down for that #. So like #1 she loses 30 mins computer time, #2 could be 1 hour computer time/TV time etc. She does something wrong she draws a chip puts it in a basket & at a certain time at night at least 3 hours before bed we will go through & see what she loses. She pays up that day & starts fresh the next day. Gets all chips back. She hated the idea & so I know it will work LOL. GL

Hi L.,

I know different things work with different kids, but I have to agree with Kathie B. Love him like crazy! I have an older son (11) and twin daughters (8). My son is overall a good kid, but we do have this attitude problem with him sometimes. Only toward us, never anyone outside our home. The girls are easy going, obey quickly, etc. I tried the tough love, discipline immediately, etc., and it was a nightmare. I am still a firm believer in the discipline, he has to do what he is asked to do, but sometimes in the middle of all of it, I just give him a hug, tell him I love him and tell him he needs to do what I ask him to do with a good attitude. Sometimes he smiles and goes off to do it and sometimes he goes away still irritated, but it is still better. They are never too old for a hug, even just a sideways hug. I have another friend with two older boys and a younger agreeable daughter and we have talked about it before and she agrees when things start going south with her son it is usually the lack of positive interaction and physical touch. Also, he needs to spend more time with his dad. Doing guy stuff and getting some of his dad's time. Good luck!

It is a phase that causes headaches, ulcers and emotional changes on both parts. The son is the first child and flexing his wings into adulthood. Little sister has probably witnessed these actions and decided to be the opposite of big brother for attention. Your son might feel the difference and is acting out. I would suggest that the two of you spend separate quality time together (bowling or something) and get to know each other again with no yelling and screaming at each other (I know easier said than done).

My two are 3 and a half years apart and the older was always doing or picking on the other. She did learn to defend herself against his verbal attacks.

Yes dad needs to step up to the plate and respect must be a key issue for you, your daughter and your husband. He also needs boundaries whether he likes it or not. Set some goals for projects and see what happens. Good luck to you. The other S. kids now 36 and 32

I have an almost 22 yr old son and a 19 year old dtr. I too had similar problems. My daughter has always made good grades loves life she graduated high school and is a freshman in college. My son did not stayed in trouble his sr year in high school. I tend to do more for my daughter since she gives back so to speak. So it is a reward. We gave my son a truck when he got his license he proceeded to tear it up with in a year so he does not get anything else to drive. We bought my daughter a car and she babies it, both were older vehicles.
So with out saying more, I do believe it is a reward intead of a gender. You may lean towards gender wise just because she is your shopping buddy, but bottom line it is a reward.
Hope all gets better. It did for me. My kids use to fight all the time they finally can tolerate each other.