I have a almost 5 daughter, almost 3 son and a 1 year old daughter. My older 2 cry for EVERYTHING I NEVER give in and always correct them to ask nicely but they always throw fits and cry and screem. Lets start with the older one...How to get her to stop throwing fits and crying for toys or yelling that her brother took a toy that HE had first but she wants it?? For the fits I have her go to her room to calm down and relax and then she can come out. Any ideas??
For my little guy almost 3 he is VERY defiant and does what he wants to, he used to be my sweet little boy that listened and behaved. He cries and yells all the time and will not listen to me for nothing is I ask him to behave when we are at a resturant, I almost dont want to take him out anymore. Any ideas for punishments? Time out does not work, going to his bed does not work and talking to does not work he just thinks he is the funniest thing and will go right back to misbehaving...
Please HELP what to try next??
I tried www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com for my daughter when she was three, almost four. It took about four or five days, and we haven't looked back since!
Establish together playtimes and alone playtimes. They need to know each other has boundries.
Establish toys - which one belongs to who, who can play with what. Put up everything and only let them play w/one or two toys at a time.
Sharing - divide and separate, and use a timer. Put them in different parts of the room, set the timer and let them know when time is about to be up. If they throw a fit when the timer is up, they still don't get the toy and you can take away one of their one or two toys you let them play w/(see above).
They are being disrespectful. No child should laugh at any grown up, esp during discipline. Do you have any idea what will happen if he does that when he starts school?
A pop on the mouth or leg might not hurt. One time when I was young, I broke the railing on the stairs by climbing up the wrong side of the railing. My dad started scolding and was really really angry and I started laughing at him. He popped me on the mouth and sent me to my room. He was a loving and kind man but I can see now why he had to do it. I never laughed at him when he was serious again but I never resented him for it either.
I love the book Parenting the Strong Willed Child by Forehand and Long. My sister used it for my niece who was a real handful and it worked beautifully. I've used it with the kids I work with and will be starting using it next week with my daughter who will turn two Wednesday. It is easy to read, based on research on what really works, and helpful for those kids for whom typical parenting just doesn't work.
First, ignore the crying and screaming. Hard to do, but if they don't get attention for it, they will eventually stop. Praise them when they are sharing and playing well, but be firm and tell them you can't understand what they are saying when they cry, scream, whine, etc. I also read once about a mom who recorded her kids whining, then played it back for them the next time they started. Gives the kids a little jolt to hear how they really sound.
Second, I raised 6 kids, who now range in age from 28-15, with 4 grandkids. Same rules on toys now as when my kids were young. If they fight and argue over it, it's gone. Take it away from them both for awhile. They'll find something else to do if you are consistent and they know you mean it. With 2 of my grandsons, who also have trouble listening, I sat them both down and explained Nana's house, Nana's rules. It took about 3 weeks (I watch them every monday while mom works, they are 4 and 3) but now they listen and follow the rules. If they start to cry to get their way, they get time out with their nose in a corner, then talked to. At this age they are old enough to understand they have to act a certain way. If you can get them under control at home, then so long as they know the rules still apply in public, you should be able to enjoy outings with your kids again. Just don't hesitate to correct the behavior before it gets out of hand, at home or in public.
Has there been a dramatic change lately (moving to a new home, change in schedule, family situation, death of a loved one or pet, etc.)? Sometimes kids can act out because their stability has been rocked. Kids have so little control over things that they find it comforting to have a routine schedule, something they can rely on that doesn't change. If something has changed recently, that may be affecting their behavior.
Also, you may want to consider taking each child aside separately and having alone time with them. Not to run errands or anything, but something fun that just the two of you can do together. Maybe they're acting out for your attention.
If all else fails, when they are calm, just take them to a quiet corner where they can be alone with you and ask them to explain themselves - you might find out that they have an underlying issue they're battling with.
Hope this helps!
Dr. Sears has some expert advice for this...
go to his list of topics here;
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior
as for the yelling and tantrums, all that can be found in his 'bothersome behaviors' section
You are doing a fine job, they are kids and this is normal. I think that you are consistent and that is the key... Your #2 is watching his sister and copying a little. They are also testing limits, which they will continue to do. Take a lot of deep breaths... it does get better and easier... Stop going out to eat for awhile, or go out without the children...
I have 3 kids, my first two are two years apart from each other the third one came almost 10 years later from #2. Anyway, I was in my 20's with the first two, 30's with my 4 year old... such a difference. I can now laugh at the 4 year olds actions sometimes, I'm not as hard on him when he starts crying and throwing a fit, I might say, that doesn't work on mommy, you'll have to blame your sister and brother for ruining it for you...
It will get better for awhile, until teenage years... then you'll wish for these years back...
I do know how hard it is when the kids are crying and the house is a mess, you are tired and have to deal with the frustration, but take a deep breath, look at them, these are your babies and they do need you, they all want your attention...they do love you!
