Please Help Me Figure Out What to Do!!!

He is acting out, because of the things he has been subjected to. Honestly, he probably needs counseling. NOW, before he decides this is how he will live his life.

I agree with Bug. The kid is dealing with rejection and is angry about it. He needs counciling ASAP. Also, I think it would be a good idea to get him involved in something where he can feel good about himself. Some sort of organization where he is helping others...a food bank or soup kitchen or volunteering somewhere.

You don't say how long he's lived with you but it's very common for kids like this to act out and push others away so that they can be in control. They don't want more rejection so they do the rejecting first.

I agree with counseling. I also agree that taking away band or not allowing football is a bad idea. Some kids literally only go to school for their extra curricular activities and if he's interested in something, encourage it, don't use it a gambling technique. He needs this!

I think all of you would benefit from counseling and he'll probably qualify for medicaid which can provide a case worker or a counselor. Good luck and good for you for taking him in. He already has a lot of love.

If it makes you feel a bit better, my cousin came from a REALLY crappy life and did a lot of what you're talking about and came out a WONDERFUL adult.

He needs love, stability, and good discipline. He doesn't understand why he does what he does or how to verbalize what he wants/needs because he doesn't feel that it's worth it. Also, I'm sure he's worried that showing or talking about how he feels will show vulnerability and I'm sure he was never treated very well when he did show his 'human-ness' before.

He doesn't feel safe or secure and he doesn't even like being in his own skin. So... I agree... He needs professional help.

I second the counseling suggestion. If his family was rough enough for you to be able to get custody of him, there must have been some really awful stuff going on. Enable him to help himself through it.

Yes counseling! All the punishment in the world isn't going to help because its not getting to the root of the problem.

Football or some other sport would be good for him to run and get some of the frustration out that he is holding in.

There is programs that are free with counties/ state that offer counseling. Call your peds office or the school, either one can lead you in the right direction. Our school counselor is the one that gave us a bunch of numbers and I called and talked to each one and found out how they worked and what services they offered. I found a great one that came to my house and worked with my son and then once a month had a family session.

Good luck!

I would get him on a football team now if you can. If not through the school then through the township perhaps? Hopefully the coach and team mates will be a positive influence in his life. I personally would try to have him so scheduled with all kinds of activities it would be hard for him to get in trouble. I know this is much easier said than done.

I agree with everyone else. And, he needs a strong male role model. As a female, there is almost nothing you can do (except love him) at this stage. See if the school has a male counselor he likes, or check into the Big Brothers program.

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.esJQK5PFJnH/b.1621293/k.BE24/H...

I also agree with trying to get him on a football team now. If he's not eligible for some reason, maybe you can talk with the coach.

I agree with Bug. He is clearly acting out due to his life experiences. He needs love and counseling to get through his issues. GL!!

I don't have any more advice then has already been given but I wanted to just say that you are a wonderful outstanding person for taking the child in. Add to that a difficult child and I that makes you a hero. God bless you for what you are doing. I wish there were more people in this world like you.

I agree with the others, get him into some counseling. My daughter goes to counseling at a place called Freedom Counseling in Midlothian. They are very nice and have evening hours. They will also work with you on their fees. We've been very pleased with them. Their location may not be all that great from where you are but not many places offer evening hours. Their number is ###-###-#### in case you are interested. He's very fortunate to have you. He may not realize that right now but later on he will. But you need to help him get on the right track. Good luck!

Let the kid play football. It will give him a sense of "fitting" in on a team, feeling needed, and will help him to work out his anger and aggression on the field, a place where aggressive behavior is appropriate. Of course, he will need YOUR support by watching him at his games and taking an interest in his activity. Counseling will also help him. 14 is a hard age for any kid, especially one that comes from a troubled home life/childhood. Thank you for trying to make a difference in his life. Whether you realize it or not, you are making a difference!

Find a councilor for him. If he's come from a bad family and you have custedy of him there is no telling what he has been exposed to in his short little life. And if it does not get under control he's going to get worst. And if he keeps up the bodily harm to others they will suspend him if not exspell him. Nost schools have a no talarence policy and if he wants to play football they will not put up with that behavior. Just keep assuring him you love him and are there for him and you are not going anywhere. He may have abandenment issues.

Good luck and God Bless

He hasn't come to you without damage and some baggage. He needs to see a counselor and perhaps get some life skill classes like anger management.

Get him in a Martial Arts class. It will help him get out his aggression and teach him control, etc.

I don't think HE is bad or a problem child. I think he was treated that way and doesn't know differently right now. Giving him boundaries and consequences for his actions will work.

If he wants football next year - he can't get kicked out of band. Have him talk to the football coach WITH YOU THERE so that the expectations can be set and met.

I bet he's angry. Truly angry. He was treated poorly. He was taught to behave like a bad child and now doesn't know how to NOT be "bad"...

give him love and guidance. TALK with him. NOT to him. Ask him what he wants to do, a goal, ask him to set a plan to make that goal. If it's football next year - grades and health are important...as well as social skills. Our High School football team will NOT accept students who do not meet certain standards - grades, no detention, etc.

Enroll him in Martial Arts. Please. It will help him. The Masters at a Do Jung will help guide him as well.

I would talk to the coach. See if he can have a little chat. That is a rough age, especially if you are having issues to begin with. I have seen many boys that were able to turn around with a interested and caring coach.

Sounds like a lot of pent up anger. He doesnt care if he hurts someone because someone didn't care if they hurt him. Do you have a crises counselor at school? Talk to them. Talk to his band teacher and have him talk to your cousin. talk,talk,talk till someone helps. Anger turned inward is depression. It can be beaten and it is so worth the effort for this human's whole life to be changed and society will be much the better for it. Don't look at this as a small thing that needs a bandaid. This is cancer of the soul! It's a battle you need God for. Let him help you through others, preferably through a Christian counselor. May God enable you!