Please Help Me

My advice is to try to keep him up in the afternoon. I would try to cut back on his nap time and get him good and tired. If he's a bear with no nap, maybe try to change it around some so he's up a little later in the evenings and get him good and tired for bed time. I went thru that with my oldest daughter, she would not go to sleep in her bed at all and ended up sleeping with me everynight. I dont recommend that because it was very difficult getting her in her own bed when she got older. I would do that only as a last resort. Good luck

L., I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you need to seek a specialist. I recently saw something similar on TV it was a couple who had a son who literally would never sleep and was cranky all the time because of it. They found it had something to do with the spinal cord at the top of the neck. Doctors said it was extremely rare. Good luck I hope everything gets better soon.

L., From what you have said, I think his inner clock is confused, because he sleeps at grandmas, and stays up all night. Ask Grandma to keep him awake, and occupied , don't hold him and rock him to sleep. It may be helping her get through the babysitting day, but it's not fair to the child or the family. He just needs to play in daytime, and get really tired then go to bed early at home after dinner and bath. Could she take him outside to walk, or to the park, or even get interested in a learning tv kid show. Good luck. Bf

L.,
I feel your pain. I too have been at a breaking point, screaming & crying that I didn't ask for this & wanting it to be totally different. You are not alone...lots of good mama's go through something like this. You are doing the best you can do with the circumstances. Every situation is unique & similar at the same time.

Remember, you WILL get through this & have a STRONG bond between you & your son when it's over...stronger than you can imagine...and it's very cool! Hang in there!

One thing that worked occasionally for me was to put my daughter on the dryer & turn it on...just take a glass of wine in there & let it go! ;0

BIG HUG!!!!

L.

Dear Help me...

Have you tried asking your mother not to let him take so many naps at her house. Limit that and tell her if she could only let him sleep for no more than 2 hours. I know you are a working mother so getting home at night and trying to tire him out might be difficult. But you might want to get your older son to play with him. Until he gets tired.

I feel your pain. My DD was the same way. It was so hard on me that I am pretty sure we will not have another, so I do completely understand. She is wonderful now, but it literally took until she was 2 years old for her to consistently sleep through the night. You mention that you tried the CIO method. This is what finally worked somewhat for us. But it took almost 2 weeks of doing it. What I did was allow her to cry for 15 min, then go in and pat her back (not pick her up), then leave, let her cry again 10-15min, go in and rub her back, then leave. I am not going to lie, it was horrible, but it FINALLY worked where she would at least sleep through the night 1/2 of the time. she would still wake up almost every night until she turned one, then it slowly went to once a week, then once a month, and now she sleeps through the night almost every night.
I am so sorry you are going through this, use your resources (your husband, your mom, etc). Go to a counselor, take a day off from work and just sleep. Do whatever you can to make yourself stay sane. You can do it!

First, I don't thin he is spoiled. I have to say that right off. I think he is getting too much sleep and Grandma's AND he wants to spend time with his Mom, Dad, and brother. My suggestion would be to have Grandma cut his nap lengths. Not cut out the naps, but jsut how long they are. I would say that the two hours morning and afternoon are too long if he is not sleeping at night. If Grandma hesitates at this have her keep him overnight one night when she will have him the next day as well. She may realize that he needs more awake time during the day so he CAN sleep better at night. If you try that and that doesn't work, I would suggest you spend the night at Grandma's with your son and pbserve what Grandma is doing. It could be that she has a certain technique that he has become dependent on. With my son, he needed one of three things done - me to rub his head or rub his feet or he would scratch the mattress to create his own "white noise." With my daughter, she wanted me to rub her cheeks. It was nothing for her to wake up in the morning with bleeding sores on her cheeks where she had awakened in the night and soothed herself back to sleep by rubbing (scratching) her cheeks. She will still do that sometimes if she has had a particularly trying day or is too tired.

If neither of the above Grandma's house tips are any help, I would do one of two things, either put him in a playpen in your bedroom so he can see you with a few soft toys. That way you are right there and he can entertain himself and see that you are right there. Or I would put him in bed with me at night. If you do put him in bed with you, I would recommend that you have a co-sleeper or something of that nature so you can wean him to there and not your actual bed and then keep moving him farther from your bed until he is back in his own bed. It may take months to get him there though.

Good luck to you. I do hope you find something that works for yall.

I was trying to not let my 9mo cry it out because we were in a small home and I didn't want my husband tired at work, or my 1 yr old woke in the middle of the night. I was so exhausted getting up 4 and 5 times a night trying to keep him quiet. In this, I was teaching him that I would come to comfort him in at least some way everytime he woke in the night.

I finally decided for everyone elses sake in the home that the little one was going to have to understand that at night he stays in his bed without Mommy coming to comfort him at all after the initial bed time routine.

The first night I let him cry it out (wear himself out) it was 2 1/2 hours. Each night it was much less. Might I suggest starting on Friday night when perhaps DH and sibling don't have to get up for school or work the next day or two. It will be rough for a couple of nights, but in turn will create so much more peace for your whole family.

Mommy will be rested! Baby will be more content through the day because he is rested and understands the routine of his days.

A little hope...my son is 3 and has been laying down for naps when told and sleeps throughout the night since I quit trying to comfort him in the middle of sleep times. He plays hard during the day because he has the energy and attitude to do it. But, rests when it is time.

Don't forget to give him lots of cuddles and loving before he lays down and when it is time to get up.

Yep, I agree with the other posts that said it seems like your son is getting too much sleep at GM's. The best trick to getting babies to sleep is to follow a rigid stable routine. GM needs to have nap time,playtime,lunch time,and snack time at the same time every day. 2 naps ONLY. 1 to 1.5 hrs long each. A morning nap(10:30ish) and an afternoon nap (3ish).
Then after you pick him up,feed him dinner,bathe him, story time, then bedtime. Everything at the same time everyday.

He may be getting spoiled at GM's so perhaps you may need to invest in putting your son in an in home daycare. Maybe just for a month so that he can get on routine. In home daycares are smaller than regular daycares and a good way for your son to interact with others without feeling overwhelmed.
It will be about 150-200 wk but it may be worth it if you want peace at night again. You need your sleep too!!
A month should be long enough to get him on a routine(daycares are structured and do everything at the same time every day) and then you can put him back at GM's and have her follow the routine they used.

Young children need structure. It is the key to sleeping through the night and eliminating day time tantrums. I have a 2 yr old and an 8 mo old and our routine is very strict. I can put them both to bed awake and they fall asleep on their own. Although, it probably wouldn't be as easy without the Ocean Wonders light mobile!! Its the best thing sicne sliced bread!!! :-)

And L., if all else fails, as a last resort, try the night nanny. Its a lady that comes to your house in the evening and trains your baby to sleep. I haven't used one but have heard good things, altho it may expensive. But again, there is no price on sanity and SLEEP!! :-)

Here are a couple:
http://www.dallasnanniesonline.com/serv_new.html
(go to "our services" and click on night nannies)

http://www.nannyasap.com/lisa.html

http://www.mbfagency.com/Dallas-nanny-sitter-positions.aspx
(scroll down to night nannies)

You poor thing. You sound like you might be getting depressed. Go to your doctor and get on some meds quick. As for baby this is not unheard of. You need to try some wacky methods with this one. I used a swing for mine and also figured out the vaccum put him to sleep as well. He is now 5 yrs old and finally sleeping through the night. My doctor always said he suffered from separation anxiety. This could be why he sleeps every where else besides with you. Once your on an antidepressant you'll feel more able to cope and deal with the problems at hand. I know it feels like hell but it actually gets better. I would never suggest to anyone to take antidepressants and I use all natural remedies for just about everything but I had to do it while my son was a baby just to survive. It made a world of difference and baby survived too. I might also suggest going to whole foods and asking them if there is anything natural you could give baby to help him sleep. I also have a crib that connects to the bed. It's called a co-sleeper from pottery barn. That is what I had do to get my little one to sleep. It eased his separation anxiety. Hope this advice helps.

He should be getting only 2 naps a day at GM house. One in the morning and one in the afternoon. Other than that, GM should be interacting with him. He needs a routine that can be followed at GM's and at home. It really sounds like his days and nights are confused.

As for holistic, I HIGHLY suggest Hyland's Teething tablets! I bought these for my daughter and before I gave them to her, I tried them myself. They helped me calm down to get to sleep and they are all natural. She loves them and asks for them now when her teeth hurt. We are currently cutting two uppers and she is going through a lot of "teethies".

Lastly, I fought the CIO method forever. Then finally had to give in to it for my sanity. So you may need to move your oldest son in with you or your husband for a few nights and let your youngest cry it out. The dr told me... no one has ever died from crying. I made sure all her needs were taken care of... drink, food, diaper, warmth, sleep buddies & music. I did not go into the room. I listened to her from outside her door crying silently myself the whole time. After 3 nights at age 7 mos, my daughter finally understood night is for sleeping. Now at age 15 months, I can just put her to bed at 8:15 and she talks to her puppy for a few minutes and then lays down to sleep. You can do this for the sanity of your home!

GL! My thoughts are with you!!!

I feel for you! I only had to go without sleep to that extent for a couple of months--I can only imagine how crazy you must feel after 9! I'll admit that I haven't read all of the responses, but I have two suggestions that worked for us: first, have you tried giving him fennel tea? Our daugther was colicy, and that worked wonders. make it very weak, and give him a couple of ounces, lukewarm, in a bottle. It both helps the digestive tract, in case he's having gas or reflux, and also is just naturally calming. This helped us a lot.

The other suggestion is to have your pedi check his heart for a murmur. I know this sounds scary--and it is--but I'm convinced that this is part of the reason our dd was such a poor sleeper in the beginning, and also why she was small for her age. It turned out she had a congenital heart defect, which we got fixed. While the experience itself was awful--and I'll pray that you won't have to go through this--it made a HUGE difference with our DD to get this problem fixed. She went from 30th percentile to 90th for size within 3 mos, and became a champion sleeper. Naps had been a struggle for us, too, and all of those problems went away once she got healthy. Obviously, you want to do what you need to for your son's sake and your own! GL! I'll pray for you!

L.,
1. Ask your mom to stop the naps at her house.... you may have to stay home with her at her house, take a day off, and prevent the naps.

2. Ask your mom to come over to your house and put him to bed for several nights, showing you what she does, then gradually start taking that over.

It's alot to ask but she's your mom. Personally, I think he's sleeping alot more at her house than you think.... there's no way he wouldn't be sleeping at home. He still might not sleep as much as you'd like, but if he's not sleeping at all at home, then he's sleeping at Grandma's way too much. There's just no other answer.

One more thing to try... ask your doctor if you can give your son a little liquid Benadryl before bedtime... just to help him get into the routine of being sleepy at that time. It works for some kids.

Ok first things first. 9 months old 1 nap only during the day. See if your mom can bare with you for a little bit and put him down from 12 to 2 no sooner and wake him up at 2 no later. Don't know what bed time is or wake up time is but plan on at least 9 hours sleep for him. The books say 11 at that age but mine never did. 1 hour before bed announce to him that is it time to start getting ready. Offer him something to eat that he really likes to fill his tummy and give him a dose of benadryl. Then a warm bath and make sure the lights are not real bright in the room when you dry and dress him for bed. Pick 3 short songs I used, twinkle twinkle, you are my sunshine, and the abc song. Put him down in bed without making the room dark but not much light. Sit beside his bed so you are fairly comfortable and tell him you just want to rub his back and you are going to sing 3 songs to him. After the 3rd song start a routine now I use Love you, sleep tight, see you in the morning, and then our little joke is pickle butt. I tell him I am going to the potty and will be right back. I leave the low light on and do not shut the door. If he starts to cry go back over and reassure him you will be right back. Leave the room for 2 minutes if he is screaming then go back in and tell him see I said I would be right back and repeat the song routine. Then tell him you will be right back and do the same. Grandma is there everyday it is a constant in his life. Do not take this wrong but you leave him and when you pick him up you have alot to get done before bed. do not under estimate his understanding at this age. He knows which cards to play with you. Think about it. He sleeps in your arms but not in his bed. He wants mommy!!! I even went through a short time where I had to put a air mattress on his floor by his bed and sleep there with one arm up in the bed till he was good and asleep. Alot of times if he can roll over and see you he will be content enough. You are going to have to break all the rules about spoiling him then wean him off the spoiling. Just remember he is his own person and it will frustrate you more if you expect the same from him as his brother and your frustration will up set him more. You need your sleep even if it is on the floor beside him. Good luck you can do it. And anyone who says that have not had days when they wish they could just run away from the house and kids is not dealing in reality. Mine is 3 now and I still have those days.

It's his habits and he wants to be with you and not miss anything. I totally know what it is like to want and need sleep.

Tell your hubby to watch them a few hours at night or more on the weekend so you can catch up on some sleep if possible.

You rock him, he wants that and wants you to hold him.
I rocked and held both of mine whether they wanted it or not..*L* I never let them cio, If they need me, I am there.

Okay, try this..rock him to sleep and put him down. If he wakes, try to calmy/softly soothe him and pat and rub his back. Just stay calm...you can try to softly sing to him to see if that helps if needed. It won't take long to see if he is going to be wide awake again,(don't let him get wide awake again, you have to find the right amount to not over stimulate him) pick him up and sway with him and see if that can put him back to sleep or go back and rock him again and start over, carefully putting him down. He maybe will get in the habit of this after awhile and know you will be there.

If you still need sleep, just go lay down with him.
Put a quilt on the floor if you have to.
You can leave him once he is asleep or sleep too.
My first didn't want to miss anything and never wanted to sleep and that is what I did.
I went to sleep with him at first and then gradually started getting up and I would go back and do the same if he woke up. Then I could just go and read one story and we would sing some songs and then he would go to sleep. Well we did all of this all the time, but I gradually took myself out of the picture. Now, we moved twice and I had to start this over again at each new place until he was comfortable again. I believe it took around 2 weeks to get in this habit each time. The first time may have taken a little longer because we were both learing a new routine.
Also, always watch to see if baby will soothe themselves back to sleep. Sometimes they will and we interfere and make that a habit. But first, you need some sleep.
good luck

Have you thought about asking your mom to help at night just a couple of times to see if that does the trick? See if it's definitely still easy for her to put him down at night, even after he wakes up in the wee hours. If that's the case, then I'd have to say it sounds behavioral, not anything physical. Sounds like he has separation anxiety issues with you and your husband, but obviously not your mom. Usually, when they're great about going to sleep with one person over another, it's that (as much as he probably loves your mom) he doesn't mind "leaving her", where he does with mommy and daddy. When they go to sleep, they don't see you anymore and when they wake, you're not there. Sounds like he just likes being with you. And, as much as it seems early to cut out the two naps, maybe it would be better if he just had one in the middle of the day. Does he sleep better Sat. and Sun. nights when he hasn't had a nap during the day?

When you say he "stays with your mom", is it at her house? Maybe he doesn't like sleeping at your house, specifically- is he comfortable? I'm sure you've thought of all these things, but in case you haven't. I've had similiar situations with kids I've watched. They went to sleep great for me, but not mom and dad.

This kind of situation makes me really re-think becoming mommy to a second one. Ours has always slept well through the night, so I get afraid that it might not be the case with a second. They're always so different, aren't they?

Oh, also, have you tried white noise? A fan in the room or music playing? Ours definitely falls asleep better with those things (has trouble tuning out noises, as he doesn't like to miss anything). He awakened this morning with a bad belly and needed his music to help him get back to sleep (thank God because I didn't want him up since 5am- he slept 'til almost 9 with the help of the music getting him there).

Hi my name is V.! I am a 31 year old married mother of 3 boys, ages 9, 4, and 2. I am a working mother now, but I stayed home with them until my youngest was close to 1 yr.

From what you are saying, it makes some sense to me as to why he is doing this... he needs more time with you! Some children just simply need more attention than other children do. My 4 year old is similar to your 9 month old! As he got a little older, I noticed that he is more sensitive emotionally than his brothers too. I found that when I managed to take out special time for him one-on-one, and also one-on-one with daddy too, it made a world of difference! It works best if it's on a regular basis.

I know that is hard to do with work and other family members to tend to, but it is worth it! Personally, I went as far as to re-budget our household money situation and made it to where I stayed home longer. Without paying for child care, and using less gas in the car, cooking at home instead of eating out (including my husband's lunches!)etc.. we somehow made it work! And being at home completely stopped the madness!

But if that's not an option for your family, just cut corners with your time instead! For instance, daddy could go to the grocery store and take him along; time could be set aside each week to get off a little early from work (if your boss will sympathize) and use that extra hour or so to be alone with him; take time on weekends for special-one-on one outings or playtime with you and daddy together AND seperately. Try this for a good month or two- and I promise you it will work!!

Also, I recommend that you insist for the napping to stop with your mother. One nap a day is ALL he should be having! Especially if it's a 2 hour long nap. She will have to break the cycle of his sleep patterns that he developed with her. It makes HER day easier for him to sleep the whole time- while making it absolute torture for you at night. I hope I am not sounding harsh when I say that! It is just that I used to have a sitter that did the same EXACT thing!! (are we related?? haha! j/k!) But seriously- she let him sleep practically the whole time he was there, making her day a breeze! Not cool!!!!!

So try these things and I promise you- you it will all stop!!

V.

L., I totally know where you're coming from. My son has had sleep issues (not napping well, waking up in the middle of the night, waking up early in the morning ready to play, etc.) but he's doing better now. I would say that your son may be napping too much at grandma's. I've heard/read that at his age, he should have 2 naps that are about 1.5 hours each and then sleeping 10-12 hours at night. Also, I've heard that the best nap is when mom (or grandma) decides when the nap starts AND ends. I know we've always heard "don't wake a sleeping baby" but I've had to do it to help my son's schedule.

Also, Supernanny's book suggests putting the baby down and when he starts crying, wait a few minutes; go to him and try to calm him without words or eye contact; leave and when he starts crying again wait twice as long as the first time; same routine and wait twice as long as the second time; and so on. I know this takes LOTS of patience but it might work.

I gave my son Benadryl for the first time when he was about 9 mos. old. I tested it on him during the day just in case it had the reverse affect on him. My doctor's office said that for his age and weight I should only give him like 1/2 tsp. I gave him less than that (about 1/2 mL) and it seemed to work pretty well. BTW - I've heard that Motrin works better for the teething, so that's what I've been using. Hope this helps. Please keep us updated.

Hi L.-
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. We don't have the "no sleeping" thing to deal with, but we have our own set of problems anyways. Just day to day mom and baby stuff.
Reading your question and concerns really made me feel so much better. I too have been at the "breaking point" and wished I wasn't a mom anymore. It's like no one tells us what we are in for...
It is so nice to know that you are not alone and not a bad mom. I don't know if you have tried "gripe water" yet- but I would suggest it. It is an all natural liquid supplement that really helped my son get comfortable when nothing else would. You can get it at United Marketstreet or at Once Upon a Child.
My other mama instinct tells me that your son is afraid or uncomfortable for some reason, and that is why he doesn't want to sleep. Maybe you could try a white noise machine or soft music or a nature sound CD or something. I would also suggest maybe telling your mom not to let him nap so long in the day anymore. If he is worn out he will HAVE to sleep sometime.
Again- I want to tell you to hang in there. It sounds like you are a good mama that just needs some sleep and I will pray tonite that you get it.
Good luck!

L.,

Did you try to turn off the music and fan at night? Also, I would try to sleep over at your mom's and see if he will sleep there. Perhaps it's environmental.

The only advice I think I can give you is that Grandma needs to cut down on the naps at her house. Sounds like he's getting too much sleep. Tell her she needs to play with him to keep him up.

Just wanted to add that we've all been there with those thoughts. Many times I have just wanted to run out of the house & never go back. I don't because of how it would affect my son's life. I'm not blaming you at all because we've all thought those things. Don't be hard on yourself. :)

I really hate to say it but it sounds like he's super spoiled. If he goes to sleep fine at grandmas then apparently there's nothing physically wrong with him. With the cry it out method you don't just wait 30 min. or an hour you don't pick them up at all even if it's 4 hours you just check on them every 15-30 min. to make sure they're ok. It might take a while but eventually he'll realize he has to go to sleep at your house just like he does at grandmas. I had to learn this the hard way with my oldest son but my husband finally put his foot down and made me do this method and eventually it worked. Good luck.

1. Is he hitting his milestones? Sitting up, babbling, etc on time?

2. Does he look you in the eyes and try to engage, or does he want to stay up and entertain himself?

3. I've been where you're at. I swear by 1/2 a teaspoon of Benadryl and a swing.

4. I've had some of the same thoughts, too. To quote my husband, it's OK to think about running away. It's ok to have a savings jar for it. Sometimes just knowing it's ok to think about lets the thinking work its full therapeutic magic, instead of stressing over negative thoughts in addition to everything else on your plate.

5. My 2 (3 in January) year old is now reasonably on track for growth, and sleeps - thank you GOD - from 10 pm to 6 am with a nap from 11:30 to 1. It isn't as much as he "should" sleep, but it's a good sight more than he was.

S.

I really feel for you. I wonder if your son is allergic to something in your house. I ask, because when I was a baby my mom said I would scream and scream and scream, wouldn't sleep and had no signs of ear infections, tummy aches, etc... I ate fine, but was on the small side. Every time my mom would take me over to my grandma's house I slept soundly- for hours and the minute they brought me home again I would start crying. They moved when I was a few months old to a new house- and I just stopped. Mom says I slept soundly the first night in our new house. Turns out I was allergic to natural gas and our new house only had electric. Mom completely forgot about this until I started having severe headaches in high school chemistry class and we couldn't figure out why- I only got them on days we use the bunsen burners (natural gas or propane!).

Perhaps your son is the same way and there is something at your house that he is allergic too (especially if he isn't sleeping until 4 am). It was my way of saying that something was wrong- screaming and crying and not being able to sleep. Think about what is different at your mom's house from yours and see if you can pinpoint anything. Talk to your doctor and see what they suggest (these types of allergies are very rare, but until he is old enough to talk he can't tell you what is wrong and won't show the typical signs of allergies- breathing issues, congestion, coughing, rash- I never did and my mom was where you are at now- beside herself).

God Bless and Good Luck.

Have you asked your Mom not to let him take two naps at her house and to cut short the one that he takes - so that it's not two hours long.

It might be that he's getting too much rest/sleep during the day so he's wide awake at night.

I would start there.

Good Luck

you're not alone - reaching a breaking point can sometimes be a good thing, especially with the support you seem to have. you're a good mama -- that is clear.

just to share a resource that was most helpful to me (2nd only to prayer!) was the baby whisperer forum. highly recommend it for understanding, mommy-comaraderie, support, and how-to's.

*hugs*

Maybe he is sleeping too long at your mom's. I feel for you and am so sorry you are having to work full-time and stay up most of the night, too. The only thing I can think of is to pray for you and your husband and your son. I'm sure this won't last much longer.

I have 3 suggestions don't let him take 2 naps during the day, of corse hes tierd hes been up most the night. Next, he needs to learn to self sooth and put himself to sleep so do a schedule of getting ready for bed take a bath give a bottle sing a song read a book then night night, he may scream and it will get worse before it gets better, it should take 3-4 nights if your consistant then hell know what to expect. PS never lay babies down with bottles they can get ear infections. 3rd if all else fails use benadryl, it will help him to get back on a sleeping schedule. HTH

I feel for you. It partly sounds like he has his days and nights mixed up. If your mom could keep him from taking the afternoon nap, and you could soothe him and do a bedtime song and put him to bed EARLY , so he won't be so tired he can't sleep. He may party miss you and therefore won't sleep, so if he was comforted by just playing or your singing to him about 20 min. of an evening, you could see if that works. I know with family supper etc. you may think there's not time, but in t he long run, if you are up all night, it would be a small part of the day to get him in a sleep routine for the night, as you have to rest too or you can't be there for him, and also your husband and other child are being short changed. Try rice cereal right before bedtime also, that always helped my kids sleep longer. Hope something works quick

I am sure you got a lot of advice.. I wanted to recommend to you this book.. Healthy Sleep Happy Child. I read the book and it really helped my little boy sleep. He is 15 months old.
You are a good Mom. It is very stressful when we can't sleep. My prayers are with you.

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...

I am so sorry about your troubles. I completely understand the frustration that motherhood can cause. Especially, when no one is sleeping in the house. My daughter was a crier as well. Maybe not as bad as your son; however, I remember that she went from sleeping through the night to not sleeping when she started teething. It sounds like you may have tried some of these things; however, when she would wake in the middle of the night I would check on her. However, I would change her diaper and comfort her while the crib. Never picking her up and was consistant with this every time. She soon learned to comfort herself to sleep. Although still has night wakings every once in a while which I think is normal. It sounds like you have a more extreme situation. I have a cousin that had a child that had horrible colic. They did not sleep for two years. They had to take turns walking her around the house every night becuase she just would not sleep. My thoughts are maybe you and your husband could take turns so that someone is getting sleep. You probably are already doing this; and this is probably what you don't want to hear. The other suggestion that I would say is maybe get a second opinion from another pediatrician??? Also, make sure you are on a consistant schedule with him... goes to bed at same time every night. Children really need to be on a consistant schedule so that they know what to expect. You may already be doing this as well. I hope things get better! Good luck to you.

I agree with a lot of the responses...less sleep during the day especially. All of my kids took 2 naps until about 18 months, but all kids are different....so try that.

And, have you thought about moving your older son out of the room, just for a while? Just until the younger one gets his issues worked out. It might be fun to make a pallet in your room or in the den once everyone goes to bed. That way, you can let the baby cry it out and not wake your older son.

I let all my kids cry it out. I know you will feel insane, but it's a power struggle. He knows that if he cries long enough you will eventually come in there and rescue him, but, bless your heart! For your sanity, you've got to let him work it out on his own. Once you've made sure nothing is medically wrong, and maybe given tynenol or something just in case it is teething pain, just let him cry. HE WILL eventually fall asleep, and be consistent. Every night will get better. I also used the "healthy sleep habits, healthy child" book. A life saver.

Keep us updated! Be strong!

Just to touch on the sleep thing, keep him awake all day for a few days so he can get used to sleeping at night he will get into a routine quick and keep him on the same routine no matter what and only one short 2 hour nap during the day after he is on a schedule. I think he has his days and nights mixed up.

HTH
A. J

I know how you feel, honestly. My 12 mo old finally started sleeping on her own when I stopped nursing at almost 12 months.
I have a 5 year old in K too. Here are my suggestions...
First, how late do you work? I know it doesn't seem like it should mean anything, but I'm a SAHM, but my hubs is a coach, he's never home. Works late nights, weekends... all the time. My little one will go down easy enough at 8:30 or so, but she WILL not stay asleep if she hasn't seen him all day. she'll wake up when he comes home and won't go back to bed until he plays with her. Its become so predictable. Its deflating to me, when I've spent all day at home, being mommy, dealing with all the cleaning and chasing and bills, etc... then I work so hard to get them both into bed, and then she wakes back up. Sometimes till 11:30. Its crazy.

Both mine were born at 37 weeks too... the baby is UNDER 3% size of her peers. So I know how THAT feels. I try to feed her cereal right before bed. Beechnut makes a great NIGHTtime cereal with extra protein to help them stay asleep.

Have you ever heard of Colic Calm? Its a great natural product that we SWEAR by. She had reflux really badly, even though she was totally breastfed. I researched it online and found Colic Calm, and it worked WONDERS. I recently purchased more, to see if it would help her relax when going to bed. It is great for teething, colic, hiccups, tummy aches, and its VERY safe. I gave it to her last night, and she did wake once at 9:30, but I was able to get her back to sleep in her crib, with me just holding my hand on her tummy.

Sometimes, I admit I have to resort to letting her watch a video to fall asleep. Those days I'm at the end of my rope, just feeling drained... like when I haven't accomplished a darn thing at home!
I know how you feel... I'm so grateful that I don't have to work with this baby... I NEED to, but we choose not too. I understand not everyone has this luxury... and it is a luxury in these days. I know that I'll have to return to work someday and it kills me...
try some of these things, you can find it at www.coliccalm.com. Read some of the testamonials. If its teething, its WAY safer than tylenol. Also, you can find some Hyland's Sleep calm at any healthfood store. Don't give both to him, but try one dissolvable tablet to see if it helps.
Also, just another thought, my first was a very spirited baby and she was very easily overstimulated. We had to ban Finding NEmo for several months because she would get so wound up by it. Is there anything that is getting him overstimulated in the evening?
Speak with the grandma, see if she can try to shorten his naps. He may be a night owl. She may need to do more physical play with him to tire him out at night.
Keep me posted... we have similar stories so we might be able to help each other out!!!
good luck and dont give up!

bless your heart. mine just aches for you. i have 3 girls and i have never had this problem but a lady i work with has 2 sons. her second son, now 9, sounds almost exactly the same. her son, calvin, continued this no sleep pattern until he was 2 and then began to sleep a few hours at night. by the tiem he was 2 she made rules for him of what he could and could nto do while everyone else wa asleep. that sounds horrible i know. but 2 years ago when her son 6/7 she finally found a good childrens psych. and worked with her because calvin was having so many problems in school concentrating, he was tired and angry, etc... they discovered that calvin is basically bi-polar. his regular doctor put calvin on add meds at 5 but it only helped temporarily. calvin is now on a small regulated med and goes to counceling. calvin now is on a & b honor roll and plays football and soccer. he is doing great. his mom always wonders, what if i could have found out sooner. i could have slept the 1st 3 years of his life. i am just wondering if there could be some connection to your son. maybe talk to a different doctor, get another opinion. you need to ask for some outside. maybe one night a week your son could stay the night at gramma's. it must very difficult and you obviously love your son very deeply. it takes a lot to walk away and take a break. you are doing a great job. you must keep your sanity b/c they all depend on you. pray pray pray!

He sounds like my oldest son. You don't mention whether he was an early baby, small baby and whether you're breast or bottle feeding. If you are breastfeeding, it could be something in your diet. In hindsight, the majority of my son's grief and sleeping problems were likely due to my consuming dairy while breastfeeding. The proteins from the food you eat do make it into the breastmilk. In addition, anything else you consume does as well.

If he's on formula, he could still be having reactions to that (either the cow milk based or soy - both are top allergens for kids). Reactions do not have to be overt, nor are they always immediate.

And, if he's on solids, he could also be reacting to other allergens. Allergens have an additive effect, thus once a child has one reaction, others are more likely as the immune system can only handle so much. He may also have environmental allergens and a HEPA air filter in his room (and removing carpet, curtains and stuffed animals) might help. Also, the HEPA filter provides wonderful white noise - we have them all of our bedrooms and none of us can sleep when they're not on.

I will also note that most pediatricians are absolutely clueless about the negative impacts of allergies - unless they're overt. They get one course in nutrition and allopathic medicine doesn't train them to look for subtle signs.

Also, smaller and early babies often have difficulty in adjusting from being a fetus to being an infant. And, some kids just have a higher need for physical connection.

Also, I believe another key is that you work fulltime. He is most likely wanting the physical connection with you - thus he'll sleep while rocking but not when you put him down (and the fact that he sleeps for your mom is a huge redflag that this may well be the root issue). Have you tried putting his bed right next to yours or bringing him into bed with you? And, CIO, as you have found will not work in these cases. Babies have a profound need for that physical contact. And, btw, I'm not judging that you work - I too worked and thus found that my kids needed that extra physical contact at nite. It is really, really important for both physical and emotional development.

Also, since his brother is away during the day, he may also miss that interaction. My two sons had a strong bond from birth and my younger son still has a high need for contact and connection with his older brother.

Also, you might try a homeopathic remedy (if the above don't help). Boiron remedies can be found at Sprouts (and Whole Foods I think).

I just have to disagree with those mothers who suggest giving a 9 month old baby medication to make them go to sleep. Although Im sure there are MANY kids out there that have taken it, the bottle specifically states that it's for children 2 years and over, so unless prescribed by a doctor, you could be giving your child something that his body can't handle yet. It may seem harmless now but it could be doing something negative that will come out later down the road, and then you'll be wondering what caused that. I also agree that your son at his age needs to take naps durning the day, just maybe not 4 hours worth. I would also turn off the lights/music/fan as those are just distractions! GET HIM IN A ROUTINE if not already on one. I agree w/giving him undivided attention before bed! You seem like a very devoted mom, and its great that this website is here so you can express your frustrations and know there are a ton of other people out there going through the same things. Definatley try to find a way to get some sleep for yourself becuz you won't be able to handle everything if you don't! And definately communicate this situation with your mom and try to find a compromise with her regarding his naps. Maybe you should try to come by her house one day when she is about to put him to sleep w/out him knowing it, and see what it is she is doing to get him down! Also I agree you should try having her come over and see if she puts him down easier than you do. If so, then its probably a case of him not getting enough time with you and daddy! I also agree with seeking a second opinion medically. Better to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later! GOOD LUCK..and we'll all be praying!

Ask his Grandma to limit his naps to two a day. At his age, he should not need more.

Next, about forty minutes before his bedtime, give him a lavender bath. Johnson's makes a stronger scented lavender. After his bath, rub him down with lavender lotion, read a story to him in a dimly lit room and then rock him...but not until he's asleep. Just until he's comfortable. (Stop the lavender once he's four years old, it's not recommended for boys.)

I suppose my point is to make a routine. A very specific routine. It will take about one week for him to adjust, but I promise it will help. My first son was not a sleeper and my second son was a sleeper. I know how the lack of sleep can make a mom go crazy. For your own sanity, he needs to limit his day time naps. He also needs some very constant attention from you. He loves his mama and needs her more than anyone else in his world. He may feel that he is missing out on you when he has to go to sleep and it makes him upset.

Good luck

It sounds like he is sleeping too much at your mom's house during the day. She needs to play with him and put him down for nap late in the afternoon. Late enough so he won't fall asleep on your way home, but also early enough to get a good couple hours. You mom really needs to work with you on this, I know it will be hard for her to do, but it should take a couple weeks to get his schedule turned around and then you should start seeing some benefits from it. This way he is not sleeping 3 two-hour naps a day and up all night, I mean that is six hours of sleep, he is 9 months old not a new born.
Good luck!

Bless your heart sweetie!!! I know you must be at your wits end. I've never experienced to that level!! I'm wondering-have you had your mom come over for a night? There is some kind of difference between the two if he's sleeping over at her house and not at yours. Where does he sleep at her house? And could she work on cutting the naps down to maybe an hour or so? Maybe he's just getting too much sleep at her house. But I think look at where he sleeps there compared to your house and maybe see if there is some kind of comfort that he's missing. Maybe it's the light-does he have a night light?

Hope some of this sparks something? I don't really know what to tell you and it seems like you've pretty much covered any other area that might have been an issue.

Also-you might ask your mom to maybe watch him for a weekend or something. You and your hubby really need a rest! I think that might help refresh things just to get once complete nights sleep you know :)

Good luck and update us if you figure something out

Hi L.,

You asked for a holistic measure...adaptogens may be the answer to your prayers! My husband and I ordered an incredible book off Amazon titled Adaptogens, Herbs for Strength, Stamina, and Stress Relief by Winston and Maimes. From the book "There is a category of herbs called adaptogens that help the human body adapt to stress, support normal metabolic processes, and restore balance. They increase the body's resistance to physical, biological, emotional, and environmental stressors and promote normal physiologic function".

This section relates to your situation: "Many people suffer from insomnia and related sleep problems. Stress can disrupt the regular circadian (time-related) secretion of cortisol and can be a major cause of sleep problems. Adaptogens regulate the production of cortisol, reducing stress. A relaxed, less stressful body allows for better and more rejuvenating sleep".

The 10 most potent adaptogens on the earth, with the highest therapeutic and healing properties available, are now delievered in a fast acting oral spray, called Tunguska Mist. Go to www.VitalHealth.TunguskaMist.com to learn more.

I highly recommend you try Tunguska Mist PM for your son. PM will help him relax and fall asleep naturally. PM is NATURAL and non-habit-forming.

Instead of commercial drugs that can leave you drowsy and fogged in, use PM (a natural sleep aid) for a sound, peaceful night's sleep. The 10 beneficial adaptogens in PM also assist in reducing stress and improve your immune system while you sleep. They taste great and with the intra-oral spray you get over 90% of the nutrients absorbed immediately, which go to work within seconds. A serving is 6 sprays; for children under 100 pounds, 1/2 a serving is recommended. So I suggest 1 or 2 sprays (inside the cheeks) and see how he does, then go from there.

The National Geographic Channel or PBS just aired a program about stress. Scientists have found that stress can be passed on to the fetus and children may be predisposed to certain health issues because of stress at an early age. Wow!

My husband and I have been using adaptogens for a long time. We're passionate about helping people reduce the damaging effects of stress on the body and restoring balance naturally, without medications. Good luck and God Bless:)

Best regards,
N.

Don't blame yourself or drive yourself crazy. It sounds like more than the normal "sleep issues" we all hear about. First thing, I'd ask the pediatrician, if you haven't already, to see if he has problems with reflux, or some other physical discomfort that's difficult for a regular person to figure out. I've seen a lot of moms write about sleeping problems and reflux problems.

If they can't find a "physical" problem, maybe there's a sleep center that can do pediatric cases - perhaps he has real sleep issues.

Take care and good luck!

Have you tried the lavender and chamille air freshener for your house. Or even the lavendar baby bath and baby lotion. Warm milk.

Hi L. - I am a grandma (age 50) who keeps her 1 year old grandson and a friend's grandson, age 9 months, and another friend's baby age 6 months. I know you said you do music at night but I am wondering if you have tried any of the Baby Einstein tapes? I use these tapes every day with my little ones and they are like magic. I use them when they get restless and just have them on for music sometimes while they are playing, but I really use them for afternoon naps. I have the larger Graco swings with the bigger seats and I put them in the swings with the pacifiers (those who have them), their blankets and pop the "nap tape" in and they are out like lights and they sleep a good two hours every day. Thank goodness for Baby Einstein. They watch them over and over and it is beautiful music for them, a nice calming effect for both of you! You could try the tapes at night maybe while cooking dinner or get into a relaxation mode, whatever would work for the both of you, maybe try a new routine. Remember that children pick up on mom's stress and I know that is hard. I went through that with my daughter-in-law with her new job and the baby. I hope this helps.

I feel your pain, and I'm so sorry..... I had my own problems with my son's sleeping habits until he was 9 months old... then I got this great book: "Healthy Sleep Happy Child"... which helped me turn around this whole crises. It took a lot of work ... and tears ... but it finally worked.

P.S. Please let your son keep his naps... he needs them, if he gets more tired during the day, your problems will get worse during the night.

Hi L.,

I just wanted to send you a big (((hug)))!! This too, shall pass.. My son didn't sleep thru the night until his first b-day. Now, at 3, he sleeps pretty well at night, with just the occasional night waking.. I will say a prayer for you b/c I know how upsetting this can be.

K.

Have you tried a chiropractor? I have a great pediatric chiro suggestion in Hurst if you are interested (Drs. Jim & Cindy Haggerton at Lifetime Family Wellness Center), and can help track one down elsewhere if needed.

Also, have you ever tried wearing your baby? It seems like he just wants/needs to be with you. I know you work during the day, but maybe try it in the evenings, and weekends. It seems like he is okay falling asleep with your mom because he spends all day with her and is close to her. I'm not criticizing your choice/need to work, but perhaps he just needs to spend more time just being with you.

L.,
I have no idea if this will help but are his tonsils large??? The reason I ask is because my daughter who DID sleep all through the night and always has, now for the last 8 months wakes up 3-5 times a night. We couldn't figure out what in the world it was until we started talking to the Dr.'s and realized her Tonsils are HUGE. Why does that matter? Because after all the Dr's and specialists they recommended we do a sleep Study to see if she has obstructed breathing from the large tonsils and guess what? She does and she has Sleep Apnea. We have to have her Tonsils Removed and they say, she will sleep heavinly once this happens. Just a thought. Check that out if you haven't. It's not his fault he is waking up. Meaning SOMETHING is making him wake up and it very well could be that he is not getting air, "choking" and waking up. Most people wouldn't have thought of this. Hope this helps. Good luck. By the way, my daughter had colic AND reflux. Fun times.

Get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I can't remember who it's by now even though I've recomended it so many times. Be warned though, it is the cio method. I think that maybe once you read it, you'll feel better about it. At 9 months he is very capable of putting himself to sleep obviously, since he does this at GM's place. I have to say, he's working you! :) They are super smart, but super sweet if they get enough sleep. Good luck to you, it makes us ALL crazy when we don't get enough sleep...I feel for you! Does it help to know this, too shall pass? :) didn't think so.

Hello L.,

could your son have other allergies (not food related) from something in the house and that's why he can't sleep? where does he sleeps at GM's house? can you duplicate the setting?
get a t-shirt that your mom has worn (before washing it) and hang it near his crib. maybe he associates grandma w/sleeping. have her record a story or a song on cd/tape, etc. and play it for him when he goest to bed. have him checked by a chiropractor. well, good luck. you're getting lots of responses. I really hope you find the answer. can he stay at grandma's one night to see if he will sleep there? ~C.~

Your baby is looking for grandmother and he wants her to put him to sleep, he can't understand why she is not at your house.Grandmother probably sings to him, I know because I would sing to my grand baby and he would go to sleep. maybe if you would play some music and leave it on he would fall to sleep, music is pleasing to their ears. Try singing along with the music, that usually get their attention. I will be praying for you and your baby.

S. K.

It sounds like he is sleeping too much during the day. Have you asked grandma to keep him awake more during the day and then tried to get him to sleep. He is 9 mos old and at the most maybe should take a short nap in the morning and one in the afternoon. If he is more activie during the day he will be tired at night.

L.,

I can feel your frustration and I understand. My son did not sleep through the night until I finally took him off the bottle. I realized that he was getting to much milk during the day so then he did not eat. Well he was getting hungry through the night. As soon as I took him off of the bottle it was like a miracle. Best thing we could have done. I know you mentioned that they ruled out acid reflux but have your tried giving him Gripe Water? It calms them and its all natural. This also helped us tremendously. Hang in there I know its tough our marriage also suffered greatly because of it. I will keep you in my prayers.

Dear L.:

I may not be very helpful, but perhaps I can commisserate with you and give you a bit of perspective.

My oldest son was the same way. He ended up having some health problems, but much of the sleep disturbance was just due to his personality. I suspect that he wanted (needed?)to spend quality time with me.

The positive side of this was the attention allowed him to develop very well. I suspect the extra attention is why he began to read at age two and develop equally surprising physical abilities. He has an average of 4.3 and plays varsity sports in High School. We expect his athletic abilities will allow him to continue to play sports on into college.

On the negative side, I became so exhausted that I developed a health crisis. You will not be able to sustain the kind of attention that you are giving your son (at least while maintaining a full-time job). It may hurt to ignore his cries even when you know that his basic needs have been met, but this is not a sprint, raising a child is a marathon. You must maintain your physical and mental health. I would hate to see your health deteriorate like mine did - for a while, I could barely even take care of his physical needs.

Good Luck to you,
I'll keep you in my prayers.

Jen

I see lots of moms on here say to either have your mom cut his naps shorter or have no naps at all but that is NOT a good idea at all. He will be harder to handle and it will make it worse. My son takes two long naps a day and still sleeps all night. (10-12 hours) I know this sounds crazy but have you had your mom come over to try to put him to bed at night? It sounds like he just might be "used" to her. My son didnt start sleeping through the night until he was almost 1. Just a few weeks ago! But he only would wake one time at night and eat and go back to bed. We always put him in his crib awake because he has to learn to fall asleep on his own. No soothers! That means no rocking, no light up musical things in his crib etc. I know exactly how you feel though because I used to think I was losing it and I was so tired all the time. It does get better. Just make a good routine. We give our son a bath, then a bottle to top him off, then sing "rock-a-bye-baby", do our prayers and lay him down. We dont use a fan though cuz that seemed to wake our son up. We also use a little night light. And we bought a "noise" maker at Bed Bath & Beyond, we put it on "waterfall" sound to drown out any noise that we make. I wish you the best and will pray for your sanity too!

Benadryl to help him feel sleepy. No naps so he will sleep at night. Once he gets into a new habit, and sleeping and the ritual are habit, he will do better. You can also put him on the floor next to you and you sleep on the floor. He can't go anywhere and will be right next to you. Block the door if you have to. My mom had twins after me and that is what she would do during the day when she couldn't hold her eyes open anymore. Shut the door, block it with her body and let them play on the floor next to her while she napped.
You can also let grandma have him for a night or two for you to get some good sleep so that you can cope better. Sounds like you and your hubby need a few nights of good sleep.
Good luck,
L.

Try giving your sone a bath right before bed time. Johnson and Johnson has a bath product that is good for calming. I have found that having a set bed routine including a bath has always helped my son get to sleep.

I truly feel for your...you sound like a great mom who is doing everything she can but is getting to her wit's end. You may have already read it, but I really recommend "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." This book saved us. I would echo the posters who said cut back on the naps, and get your mom to try to keep him up more during the day. And per the book I recommend, you may have to start putting him down very early...5:30 in the evening or so...please read this book if you haven't already...

God bless you!
B.

Hi L., I know that you have gotten a lot of responses, but I just wanted to agree with the previous poster that you should get the book Healthy Sleep Happy Child. It has worked great for us and includes chapters with information for solving problems. Please do let your child nap at Grandmas! An overly tired will never go to sleep, so at least let him nap. Besides that, most children take two naps until they are 15 months old. The other advice from the book is have an ultra early bed time, for example, four hours after he wakes up from nap number two. In our house that is 6pm. I hope this helps, but I know that the book could answer a lot more questions. Good luck!