Please Help! - Tishomingo,OK

ABSOLUTTELY NOT!!!!!!! you need to switch doctors!!! If you have marital issues you need to talk to your husband and possibly seek counciling But marriage is suposed to be a Binding HAPPY covenant. If you consider divorce you will never know the the joys of having a deep commitment with somebody that is unconditional.
My husband and I have our own things to work on but i tell you I can always count on him and I love him so much more now then i ever have I love him so much it is a love beyond an emotion. We trust each other completely and we made the choice that divorce is NEVER and option. when you do that you can then choose to be happy or miserable.....I am choosing to be happy You should be able to feel you can give your ALL to your husband without feeling condemed. IF you dont feel that way dont call it quits call it a goal to work towards!! I encourag eyou seek a better marriage on many deep levels with your husband. dont quit, you can never know the joys and peace it brings. Especially when you honor God by honoring your commitment....

I am forty four years ol with grown kids. I spent 8 years after my first husband died trying to raise them myself, it was very hard. You may or may not know if the Dr. feels the same for you. I say life is to short to spend it in a relationship where you are not treated as an equal, but if you leave be prepared before hand with a plan to possibly be on your own for awhile. good luck

I would keep the crush thing to myself, that kind of info can come back to you later on. I also suggest marrige counceling with your husband so that you can feel like an adult and he can work out is issues.

Ive been where your at before. You can love your husband and still long for him to treat you affectionaly and as an equal. And when this dosent happen after a long time you begin to search emotionaly if only as a fantasy.

I don't think you should tell your obgyn. I think it's normal for people to crush on their dr especially if they are cute. I did very much so when I saw him through my last 2 pregnancies. It has to do with seeing them so often and they are dealing with a very personal time in your life so a crush is only normal. Telling them will only end in disaster. First of are they married?? To admit a crush to a married person is very wrong. Second if you admit the crush you may not be able to keep them as your obgyn as they may feel uncomfortable. As for your husband, if you are not happy in your marriage then don't stay you have to do what is right for you. But I definetly wouldn't mention your crush to your obgyn.

You have a WHAT on your WHAT?
You shouldn't say anything to your doctor... that's crazy. He knows YOUR married... so what would he think of you if you tell him you have a crush on him?? He probably wouldn't think very highly of you. Then figure out what you are going to do about your marriage. Work it out or leave... those are your options. Then and only then should you pursue other relationships. And again... a CRUSH on your OBGYN????? For some reason... I find that terribly strange. Please don't tell me that you've 'flirted' with your feet in the stirrups... for some reason.... that is all I can picture. ewwwww.....

I think that you should seriously think about that situation because you could gain a good friend or you can lose a good Obgyn. First you should see if he is married and if he shows any signs of interest towards you. I don't think that you should come out and let him know if he seems strictly perfessional but if he someone that you feel totally comfortable with discussing that then you should tell him. 1st on your list is to figure out what you are going to do about your husband situation, maybe you should sit down and talk to him first. But if you are not happy at all you should just leave but don't just listen to your friends, listen to your heart. You have to make you happy not your friends and family.

I wouldn't tell him b/c he's obligated to be nice to you and when you're having problems with guys in your life than it's easy to get crushes on someone else. I don't think you should divorce your husband,you should talk to him about it and if he doesn't stop you should definitely leave him. That's always how abusive relationships start.I'm not saying that he is or that he will be,but it sounds like the typical guy that is...

Hey T.!

I have been here done this! The fact that you are even the slightest interested in someone else, no matter who it is, is a big red flag you should address! If you are having feelings for other people this means that you have lost most of your feelings for your husband.

Leave the OB/GYN to the side, I know from experience that the first person you see after divorice or martial issues seems like the most sexy interesting and nicest guy you have ever met in your entire life! Its of course not really true, everyone has quirks and issues. Remember that!

First off is to deal with the issue at hand and your current relationship with your husband. I see in your profile that you have two small children. Small children cause lots of messes and usually put a damper on the love life! I also see that you are fairly young, I was also 22 and newly married with two kids 2 years apart. It would be interesting to know how long you have been married and how old your husband is.

I would suggest you get someone in the family to baby sit for the night, send the babies away and take some time to really discuss things with your husband. Try to keep everything on yourself, avoid words like always never and avoid saying things like "you did this". Instead discuss how YOU, T., feels. Give specific examples of things said or done that made you feel as though you were being treated like a child. Talk about how you feel and tell him that you want to work together to get your marriage back on track. Some people like to write this down and read it as it helps keep it focused on and track.

His responses will tell you what needs to happen.

1) If he becomes violent for example then join your kids at your relatives house!

2) If he crys or withdraws from the conversation then you may have a depressed or overwhelmed husband on your hands, come up with a plan on how to address the things in his life that really stress him out or make him depressed. Knowing is the key! Some compromises may need to be made to help him through may help the situation and get things back on track in a couple months.

3) He may be surprised to know that you are unhappy or that he is contributing to it, sometimes its a big adjustment for everyone with marriage and kids so early! I found that instant family is alot for guys and it takes a while for it to sink in. If this is the case then my suggestion is that you need to establish a regular date night, have conversations and maybe make "key phrases" that when said will remind the other they are ticking you off or being hurtful.

If this doesn't work for you or you think the relationship is beyond this sort of conversation you can consider marriage counseling (sometimes pasters or priests will do this for free or get paid therapy).

If you decide to end your relationship with your husband I would suggest being on your own for around a year before entering any sort of serious relationship. Having independance and a clear head can help avoid entering the same type of relationship again.

Good luck!

Good Morning T.,
I know exactly how you feel about your husband. I've been there and done that. I think for your peace of mind you need to find someone that you can confide in and have a support system for when your husband has an episode. I also advise you that if he is ever violent you must, I repeat must, go to someone you trust and let them know. I'm not sure where you are but in Camden there is a place called the HOPE house where they can help you out of just such a situation. The number is ###-###-####. Please call them if you need to. Your family may see things you don't realize are jeopardizing you and your beautiful children. As far as your crush on your OB/GYN, that is such a common occurance from women who are in your position.You aren't getting the intimate attention that you need or crave at home and your doctor has intimate knowledge of you and your body because of his profession. Please don't tell him, that would make for a very uncomfortable position for both of you. I wish you the best of luck and many blessings. God Bless, C.

First of all, having a little crush on your doctor is actually very common, but is just that. A little crush. I don't think a "little crush" should even be taken into consideration when dealing with your husband. That is just silly. My advice to you, get over the obgyn, and start working on your marriage. It's sounds to me like you may not be taking your commitment to your husband serious enough. I'm not trying to be rude to you, this is just what I see. I don't have a clue why any grown woman would suggest that you "feel" your obgyn out. That is about the goofiest thing I have heard in a while. Since you have a 3 month old, you shouldn't need to see your ob for a while, and will more than likely just get over it anyways~!
Good luck, do the right thing. You are a mommy now!!!

First and foremost, I don't think it's wise to open any new doors until you deal with the most pressing issue, which is your husband. If he is nagging you about visiting your friends, that is a sign of obsession & possession, which is generally followed by domestic violence. In this type of situation, you must really be careful! Nobody's home is spic and span clean all of the time, especially when there are kids around. If he wants his house to be a museum, then maybe he needs to work on that.... But houses are to be lived in...

As far as the OB/GYN, That is a sticky one.... I agree with KL, in the fact that you should feel him out, see if he's married and if he's the slightest bit interested. If so, then you can put your cards on the table. But beware of the risk involved, you could end up losing your OB/GYN all together.

Good luck, prayerfully you'll have a revelation on how to proceed with this issue.

T.,

Everyone goes thru bad times with relationships! My advice is to do NOTHING in regards to your doctor and pray. Many people have crushes during troubled relationships but it is up to you to decide how to proceed. It seems that you have enough on your plate with small children and a troubled marriage to add more. I suggest concentrating on your children and husband with your whole heart and realize how lucky you are to have them. If you find in the end that your marriage is not repairable, get a divorce and then deicde if you need to seek out other men. Good luck!

I would first suggest finding a new OB/GYN...perhaps a female one. I would tell your husband how it makes you feel to be treated the way he treats you. Try working things out. IF things do not change and you decide that you deserve to be treated better and file for a divorce, BE ALONE FOR A YEAR!
It takes a year for people to get their heads out of the rears after a divorce. It gives us the time we need to learn how strong we can be. If you do not take this time for yourself you will end up hopping from one bad relationship to another. In order to break the co-dependant cycle, you must first become indipendant.

I hope this helps...when things seem really bad lift your head a prays God, He can be your only strength and guidance through the darkness.

Please think about your children and what is best for them. You made promises to your husband when you got married, probably to be with him until death do you part. Nothing should stop you from working things out.

I had a slight attraction to my OB/GYN when I was prego with my first, I was going through a hard time with my boyfriend turned husband and here was this nice stable man with a good job that was only interested in making sure me and my baby are ok. The thing is, that is his job. At my post partum check-up I realized that he was a short kind of silly looking man that (still kind) were it not for prego hormones, I would have never noticed.

Hi T.! My first piece of advice is do what you want to do, not what your family wants you to do. Not everyone in your family will love the person you are with-EVER. I learned this the hard way. Be true to yourself no matter what. The other part of my advise is to determine whether your feelings for your OBGYN are real or if you are having them because things at home are not up to par. I would figure that out first before revealing them to the OBGYN. Also, figure out what you want to do with your husband before revealing your feelings. You don't want that to become a messy situation. Be careful! Make sure you protect your children from any and all repercusions of your actions!~T.