Please Help - Pasadena,TX

If my brother did this to my child I would call the police, file a report and let my brother receive the punishment and court mandated anger management classes that he so clearly needs. You clearly are far more forgiving than I would be in this situation. What does your son think you should do? Maybe you could call your brother, tell him that his behavior was totally out of line and go from there but tread lightly and carry a big stick, so to speak.

Break the ice? What? Your 35yr old brother assaulted your child. Over french fries. I don't care how close you are with him or what kinds of problems he's going through, the bottom line is he physically assaulted a child. Are you really ok with that? It seems like you're trying to find ways to defend your brother and let him off the hook, when in reality, he should be arrested. If some random adult off the street had punched your son and hit him with a bottle, you'd call the cops, wouldn't you? Why are you tip-toeing around your brother? If my brother had done that to MY son, he would no longer be my brother. End of story. My kids come first.

I think he owes your son a huge apology. I don't care how rude your son was, your brother hit him. Not okay. I think you should definitely talk to your son and let him know that he was disrespectful but in no way shape or form did he deserve to be hit and you are going to talk to your brother about it. And you should do just that. Tell your brother you love him and are worried about him but that you don't want him around your kids until he gets his anger under control. Nobody under any circumstance should hit your kid(s.)

Am I the only one that is confused here???
It sounds like you are more concerned about your brother than you are your son? Your teenage son was assaulted by a 35 y/o man!! I would be furious!!!! And I am pretty sure I know how my hubby would handle it.......

I can see why his wife is divorcing him if what he views as PROPER is that if a person forgets 1 dollar's worth of fries... they should be punched and strangled.

Also that children learn "respect" by being terrorized and beaten down.

I'm so sorry your cousin's wedding was turned into 2 grown men beating up a teenager. The last time I saw that happen I broke the man's knee. Guess it's lucky I'm not family.

I think you should file a police report. This was assult over French fries and a 16 yo attitude? Your brother has an anger problem, and it needs to be documented and your son needs to be protected from further assult. Your son may have been disrepectful, but adults are held to a higher standard, a legal standard. Any olive branch you offer your brother should be heavy on insisting that your brother get anger management, and that he never use violence toward your son again. Always call the police when a family member commits violence, it is the first step for some people to get the help they need.

M.

I am shocked that you are not infuriated that a grown man ( I don't care who he is) punched your son! That is completely inappropriate. It wouldn't even be appropriate if something bad had happened, let alone...I'm sorry...missing french fries?? Your brother needs counciling, and I would tell him that.

The ladies that recommended you call the police are absolutely right! It should have been done that night though (really, he was punched and hit with a bottle)!! This sounds like a giant mess. Protect your son, it doesn't matter if your brother is having troubles at home.

You already got some great responses - just wanted to add my vote: your brother was in the wrong - the police should have been called. Think about your children and what message this has sent - that it is OK to act this way when you don't get what you want?

No on the letter and that you are there for him, yada yada yada... If you are trying to patch things up, meet with him in person - you and your husband only and tell him this can never happen again or you won't be able to have him near your family - your kids come before him - they need your protection.

I'm sorry, but your brother's behavior was not only uncalled-for but illegal. The police should have been contacted and your brother should have been removed from teh situation. He's not treating you like family and you do not owe him the same courtesy. Your brother clearly has psychiatric issues that need to be addressed. Honestly, use your judgment here- what would you have done if a stranger treated your son this way? 911- and press charges- exactly.

You do not need to do anything here to "break the ice". Your brother is a violent individual who should not be permitted around your children. You do NOT need to be there for a person who physically abused your child. Your female cousin is absolutely wrong here and you would be crazy to reach-out to him. The odds are pretty good that his "marriage" issues also involve violence.

Stay away, far away from him. Brother or not... he's bad news and your son is owed an apology- should he choose to hear him out. That would be up to him. Do not, under any circumstances allow him to be near your children without you standing right next to him- if at all.

Your brother assaulted your son. If you're not going to press charges, tell him that he needs help and that you won't be spending time with him till he gets it - but you say he treats your family badly, so why do you want to spend time with him? Having a tough time doesn't justify violence. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean they get to slide when they do crappy stuff.

You need to report him and press charges. Just because he has marital issues and is family is absolutely no reason to let it slide.

Your son was attacked, violently by a grown adult... punched, hit by a bottle by his friend and, choked, coerced to a second location to be further assaulted outside.

Also, go ahead and write a letter, but let him know that for his own good, you will file a formal complaint with the police department and request that he be required to take anger management courses for his own well being, and that you wish him the best of luck and hope to maintain a family relationship, but you cannot allow this behavior to slide and that your son will be waiting for a sincere apology.

You should talk to him and get his side of the story. He is your brother so before writing a letter, you should call him or go by his house and talk. Apologize for your son's attitude but let him know that it is not alright to physically hurt your child. He must be going through something in order for him to fly off the handle like that. Talk to him first and if that doesn't work, then send the letter just to remind him that you love him and you are there for him for whatever he may need.

I'm sorry, but he punched your child for forgetting french fries? Your brother needs anger management help!

Your brother should be arrested for what he did to your son. He assaulted him. He did this because your son didn't bring him fries? Seriously? And you are worried about your brother? What did you say to your son? I'm glad you at least took him out of the situation.

I am not sure whether you should write a letter but if you do the first thing to say is that is it NEVER ok to punch your son. I would not try to comfort your brother. He was very wrong and he should do something to acknowledge what he did and apologize for it. I am not saying you can't facilitate a discussion with him but I would never put up with violence.

OMG, Hitting your son NOT OK. NOT OK AT ALL. Who the H*** does he think he is doing that, over french fries and attitude. NO IT IS YOUR JOB TO HANDLE YOUR SON not him!!. He should have come to you and let you handle it from there. OOOp's happen when large family orders are made, shoot my hubby forgets something of mine EVERY time he goes and my order is alway the same, Yes it makes me made, but hey he went so I did not have to. poop happens, and next time if he wants his order perfect then maybe he should have gone with him.

I would have a face to face meeting with him, and tell him. "Bob I love you you are my broth and I apreciate the appology;however, for the future I need to clear the air. Please from now on let me and my hubb handle joe. It is my job. I would hate anyone to have ill feeling towards you because anyone disagrees with how you handled him, let me get those judgments."

Good luck. WOW I would have been so mad

Your brother thought that it was appropriate to punch a 16yo over missing french fries????? He is the adult and your son is the child (teenager yes, but still a child). Is that how he disciplines his own kids???

I think that for the sake of everyone, both parties need to apologize to each. And your brother especially. And that you & your DH need to have a sit down with your brother and explain to him that no matter what buttons the 16 yo child is pushing, he is the adult, and he is supposed to be able to handle it--handle it by not losing his temper and resorting to violence. But, to smooth feathers, both of them need to apologize to each other.

I'm so sorry that this happened!

I kind of scanned the answers here.
I had thought I have nothing to share but, in fact, I do.

There was a question here a few days ago by a woman
in a mixed marriage. She was bothered that (seemingly)
a lot of people out in public seemed confused or dumbfounded
when they saw her and her husband together,
and they were particularly curious about their (beautiful) children.

A few people, including me, told her that the behavior she was describing was, in a large part, connected with WHERE they live.
That, if they lived in certain other places, they would not be faced
with this kind of public behavior toward their (unusual) family appearance.

So . . . I wonder if at least part of the situation here, with GEOY's brother,
may be associated with where they all live. GEOY has shown sensitivity and compassion by letting us know that brother has been having some problems, in his marriage and in other areas.
So, she's somewhat cutting him some slack for "losing it" with her son.

But, in Texas, where men are men, and the law of the frontier
isn't so far in the past as in, for example Boston or Philadelphia,
perhaps brother felt more entitled/permitted to go to physical violence
than he would have in a different environment.

Which is not to excuse his behavior, of course.
Just pointing out one more element that may have not been considered.

Back to 16-year-old. The original request was from this particular uncle.
So kid SHOULD (doncha love SHOULDs) have made a particular mental note (or better, on paper) about uncle's order.
When kid started getting overwhelmed with other orders,
he or someone should have written them all down.
I wonder if maybe he made some notes about all the orders
that followed Uncle's original request but didn't write that one down
because he thought he HAD it, or . . . . whatever.

Of course uncle's behavior was inexcusable.
But I don't think I'd call the police on this.
I think a meeting among the adults to confront brother
with his behavior, with discussion of what options
they recommend for him to work toward getting himself into
a more appropriate way of being when among other people.

Teen son should be given an opportunity to express his anger,
resentment, whatever, with adults other than this uncle.
The two of them should not have a face-to-face meeting
until uncle has had a discussion w/adult family members
as described above, and has expressed an ability
and intention to 1) apologize to his nephew, and 2)
learn some techniques for dealing with his temper/flashpoints.

just my 3 cents.

violence... a 35 yr old punches a kid.... No.. I don't put up with that.. sounds like your brother needs anger mgt. classes. To think, that kind of violence over fries... of course it really wasn't about the fries , which is why I think your brother needs to get some help..
I am floored when I hear of adults hitting kids.. even if your son was out of line verbally.. .violence is not the answer...

Brother or not you need to call the police and file a report. Your son is first and foremost your concern. You need to let your brother know what he did was wrong and illegal and he needs help. Family is family but violence is violence and if your brother acted like this with your son and has other issues with the family (his distance and such) then he needs help, more so than you can give. I will say this my cousins (2 of them) have had serious issues with the law over the years and I am married to a LEO (Law Enforcement Officer) and my family knows that I love my cousins and wish them well but I put my family first (husband & daughters) and they will never be around my cousins without me there (if ever). Yes it causes issues but my first responsibility is my immediate family.

Geoy,
I have a thing with respect, to get respect you have to show and give respect! It's that simple, it doesn't matter who you are and how old you are. We teach our children by example!!! If I was you I would call my brother over to my house and have a talk with him. Let him know that you love him, he is your brother, but that he has no business hitting your son. If your son needs to be discipline, that is your and your husband's job! not his.
Try having them both apologize to one another, and just keep on going.
Hopefuly this won't happen again.
Blessings

I just want to say you REALLY ROCK for trying to mend the situation! Whatever feels right to you, you should do. How can you go wrong in extending a hand out to fix things. I don't think it matters how you extend it as long as you feel good about it : )
You are obviously a very devoted family woman and both your son and brother are lucky to be related to you : )
Be well!

Your brother is the youngest boy and is the middle child. I think there is something more to the family dynamics than what you are willing to acknowlege. Does this excuse his appalling behavior toward your son - absolutely NOT.

When siblings are younger, they sometimes bond closer with other siblings and can end up leaving a brother or sister "out in the cold" - unintentionally, of course. Your family sounds like a very loving and caring family and I believe you truly would like to forge a stronger bond with your brother. Sounds like he really could use it in his life right now.

Your brother and his friend owe your son a major apology. Call your brother and talk to him. Don't put it in a letter. His appropriate response to you should be shame, remorse, and a willingness to swallow his pride to mend the damage he did to your son. If he does, arrange for the two of them to meet with you and your husband present. If your brother is not willing to be accountable for his actions, then be prepared for another altercation at the next family function your brother attends or just don't go. Watch your son's back at any event where your brother is present. And, make sure your brother understands the police will be called if he threatens or harms your son in any way. Instruct your son to give your brother a wide berth.

I'm not sure what sort of bottle your son was hit with - possibly a beer bottle? I know of many family functions where people drink alcohol and everything is fine. However, there are those folks who are unable to control their consumption and resulting behavior. If this is a contributing factor in your situation with your brother, discuss it with one of your older brothers and give them a job of watching over their "little" brother and keeping him in line.

I hope you are able to mend fences with your brother. Just remember the safety and well being of your son is your first priority.

Shira P. - I'm still laughing about the "frontier men" comment. Just the other day I was so excited to find a semi-circular sofa at Ikea to fit in the corner of my teepee (I'm orginally from Oklahoma). I totally get your point. Hope you have a wonderful holiday season!