Playmates Not Wanting to Play

I think it's a combination of age differences - both in development and idiosyncrasies. After playing with the younger child (your son) for awhile, the older children may simply want to play in an "older" (3&4 yr. old) fashion. Plus, having a 4 yr. old daughter I've noticed that starting at about age 3, she started having all kinds of attitude that was much worse than any terrible-2. What was great for her a minute ago, is suddenly not OK. So, it may just be a phase for the older children. Finally, after hosting many playdates for my moms group, I've noticed that 1 to 1 1/2 hrs. is about all the kids in the 2-4 yr. old age group can handle. After that amount of time they start getting cranky, arguing, fighting, etc. I think the fact that the older children start out playing with your child shows that they like him and want to play with him. I wouldn't worry too much about it and I wouldn't give up the friends - it's MUCH harder for us moms to connect with friends than the children!! :) I think it's just a phase. Try to direct your son toward more individualized play (puzzles, blocks, etc.) when the other kids start needing "alone time". Also, you could ask the other moms if there is something that your son is doing that their children don't like. They may be able to give you a little insight. It's super hard to watch your child be rejected by other kids, but they seem to work through it pretty well themselves. Enjoy your mom-time - it's great that you have a circle of friends!

You cannot force a child to play with your child or vice versa. It has to be up to them and fun for them, when moms intervene then it stresses them out and the situation. Bring something he will play with alone from home and set it up if the other kids want some down time. Trade off who's houses you go to too as kids gravitate towards someone else's stuff and may interest them more.

I tell both of my kids (who get upset if one doesn't want to play with the other) that playing by yourself is fine and most of the time they will see the other is having so much fun they will join back in.

All you can do is explain to your son that they don't want to play right now and distract him with something if you are still visiting with the other mom.
For a child to play for a solid hour with another child at that age, that is huge and a long time,so they may truly need down time.

Why should you have to give up your friends? Now is a great time to teach your son he cannot control other kids, that he can play by himself just fine and they will probably come back and play with him. If you lower your expectations your son will follow suit. He has a life time now of friendships that will be up and down and he needs to learn at a young age that he cannot force anyone to do what he wants necessarily. Hang in there and don't let it effect your friendships! Unless the kids are being mean to him, I see no reason you have to stop socializing when the kids do.

I think it's amazing that they play together for an hour! If the attention span for the kids is about an hour, then either bring some stuff for you son to play with when they move on, or maybe even better, limit your playdate visits to the hour timeframe for now. As the kids get older, they will get better about playing together for longer periods, but if they are "forced" together now, you run the risk of the older kids feeling 'forced' to play with your son, and then wanting nothing to do with him as they grow older.

I'm with Celeste. I'm impressed that they play that long. This is your cue to either end the play date on a happy note, or change the venue or activity. Nothing will ruin the good times faster than children whining about who won't play with who....

Every year at this stage is HUGE in milestones and what interests the kids. I think it is amazing they play together for an hour! Perhaps that would be the indicator to end play time and put in a show for the kids if the moms still want to visit?

My son, at 4 years old, went through a phase of not wanting to play with 2 year olds. It came out of nowhere, and went away after about 6 months.

I would either keep the playdates shorter, or bring along a couple of things in your bag that he like to play with alone when the other kids move on (like crayons or a book for you to read to him.) I don't think this phase will last more than a few months, and I wouldn't want him to get a reputation of being a pest.

I agree with many moms who have already posted. At 4 and 3, they can't be expected to be good hosts/hostesses. Alone time is totally normal and I'm glad to hear that you are getting one hour out of it! He'll learn quick and he'll be the older kid in the situation soon enough...and he too will want his alone time. Don't give up on your friends, because you are going to find the same dynamic (or worse) everywhere you go. Best of luck!

That is really hard. My son needs "Alone time" too and my younger son just doesn't get it.

Maybe if you shorten the length of time you spend with your friends, that might help. My son is only good for about an hour. Then, he wants to do his own thing.

Don't give up on your friends. With the age difference in the kids, it's hard for the older ones to keep playing with a child who may not understand how to follow the rules or understand how to make believe.

Next time you go. Take a special toy or crayons so that when the older kids need "Time Alone" your son has something of his own to do. Good luck!!!

V.,
While some kids may always enjoy playing with other kids, at that age kids like to be around other kids. They like to play alongside other kids. It's called parallel play. Some may even decide to play alone all the time. It's normal. You need to bring toys that your son can share and/or play by himself. You can also have an activity for your son as well. One hour is already pretty good for the kids to play together. Remember too they are toddlers and they get bored easily. Maybe that is a sign that the play date should end. You can also explain to your son that sometimes kids need time to be by themselves and it's not because they don't like him. It's hard for a two year old to understand that yet. It's good that he is getting to socialize with other kids. Good luck to you.
N.

V.,
this is an absolutely normal situation.All the kids are normal, this is their pattern of attention focusing.

If you are interested in young children's psychology, it would be a good idea to start doing research. You would feel much better if knew how exactly the child's brain develops.
At this age, children do not focus for a long time on one thing. To play together for an HOUR is a very good timing. At the time when you see that the interest in playing together starts to fade away, it is a good idea to prevent the upcoming little conflict by interfering most gently with the suggestion of some different kind of activity. If I were one of the moms, I would announce: 'Story time, kids! come all here, let's cuddle up on the carpet and look, what an interesting book I have for you!" and read them a story with big nice illustrations.
You really did not mention how they play together for an hour. Playing hide and seek differs from playing with lego blocks. The activities need to be alternated.

Every single child needs an 'alone' time, to learn how to focus and concentrate on some activity that requires attention. Sometimes we can monitor it, sometimes the time just comes. The wise thing to do would be for an adult (parent, kindergarten teacher etc.) to watch the child: how he/she feels, how reacts, how interested she/he is, how easily gets distracted, and then adjust the activities according to the state of mind that the child just now happens to be.

we need to be wise and creative, us moms!
Good luck to you, V.!!

My kids understand that if we have company, while I entertain the adults, it's THEIR responsibility to be good hosts to the kids that come over. They can have some "alone time" after the company is gone. No matter what age the kids are that come over, it's the proper thing to do to be good hosts and not neglect your company. I feel sorry for your 2 year old. I have a girlfriend whose boys are 8 and 5. My boys are 4 and 2. My 4 year old gets along fine, but the things they want to play are a little advanced for my 2 year old and sometimes he ends up playing alone, which HE is fine with. But my friends 8 year old will often notice my 2 year old playing alone and drop what he's doing to try to engage him in something together. She's got some good kids that she raised right. It makes me sad to see my boy play by himself and I REALLY appreciate my friend, AND HER KIDS, playing good hosts to my kids when we're there. Maybe you could ask the other mom's kids, "My son feels a little left out sometimes and it makes him sad. Can you help him to not feel alone and sad while we're here?" Kids that age can understand "sad and alone" and maybe they'll have sympathy. Maybe they don't realize how it makes your little one feel?

V.

I experienced this when my daughter was young as well. I always wondered what was wrong and why they would play separately. I would just let them do their individual thing and let them find their way back together. I would sometime try to plan a group activity when friends were coming over. Maybe you could do a craft or play a game all together. Don't stress, playing with others is a learned activity for some kids. Maybe you could approach your new friends as concern for your own child instead of directing it at them. Hang in there.