Playing with My 4Yr Old Is So So Boring!! Please Help!

Hi, C.,

One more response for you............

In order to get him to play more on his own, you might try playing with him for 5-10 minutes, then say, "Oh, shoot, I forgot to _____. I'll be right back, sweetie." Then leave for just a couple minutes and come back. Hopefully he'll still be playing where you left him. Then the next time, do it again, and be gone a couple more minutes, and increase the time you're gone little by little, until he is actually playing alone for 20-30 minutes (which he should be able to do at this age with no problem). With luck, this will work! Just don't try to be gone too long at first, or he'll just come looking for you and not trust you to come back like you said you would.

Blessings, J.

Hi, C.,

If he is doing the same things over and over then I get it, you can only look at trains for so long. These are the things that stimulate him right now, but the good thing is that at 4 yrs old his mind is a ginormous sponge and it is easy to find other things that stimulate him. With about 15 minutes in the evening and VERY little money you can help him get interested in other things.

color eggs (who says it's just for easter) all you need is eggs, food dye, water and vinegar. let him color them and mix the colors to see what blue and yellow make and so on. peel the eggs and let him eat one or help make egg salad with you. save the shells, let them dry and crush them and let him glue them to paper to make a collage.

make bean bags. just put beans in a children's size sock and tie off the end. you don't even need to sew. let him practice tossing them in a laundry basket.

draw or print of basic shapes or pictures. put rice paper (you can get it at Michael's or Hobby Lobby) over the picture and let him trace them out. Or let him use cookie cutters as stencils.

get pipe cleaners and let him make pipe cleaner sculptures.

help him make a drum from an empty oatmeal or coffee container that he can decorate with contact paper and markers or crayone. do maracas with beans, dixie cups and glue. he can make his own marching band.

put a fine layer of salt on a cookie sheet with his name written on the bottom in sharpie marker and let him trace his name, or do shapes. you can do the same with lotion.

let him play with shaving cream on the table. mix in a little bit of jello powder and it is colored shaving cream. do two different colors and let him mix them and see what color he comes up with.

tear different colored pages of tissue paper into small pieces and let him stick them to clear contact paper and make sun catchers to hang in the window.

Get window paint (I have even seen it at rite-aid)and let him draw art on the windows.

get a giant cardboard box and talk about what he wants it to be...a car, a fire truck, a puppet theater...and help him cut out the windows or draw on the decorations and then let him play pretend with it.

mix water with a couple of different boxes of jello to make edible finger paint and let him paint on a paper bag that you have cut open and made into large art paper.

get different clothes from the thrift store that will encourage dramatic play. Hats, scarves, shoes, boots, vests, etc.

Use froot loops cereal (the off brand of course) to sort colors and make patters and then make necklaces or bracelets.

The key is to find things HE hasn't done before. He will have a ball, he will be learning something new, and you will have fun watching him be engaged. Plus if he is occupied he will be practicing entertaining himself and won't need you to do it as much.

Hope this helps!

L.

Is this post for real? I've been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years - since my son was born. I've >never< been bored. There's so much fun stuff to do!

Go outside and walk the neighborhood or at a park looking at trees, collecting leaves and poking bugs with a stick
Play-doh at the kitchen table
Bake cookies or quick breads together (kids love the kitchen!)
Fill a plastic bin with sand or rice or dried beans with scoops and stuff to play in (put on floor with newspaper under it to help clean-up)
Build forts out of random household items (blankets, sheets, pillows, etc)
Take him to a bounce house place like Monkey Joes, or the Children's Museum, or the zoo
build cool stuff with Legos... you don't have to build the same thing, you build some girly thing while he builds his guns/ships/lightsabers but just sitting together talking and doing the same activity will help

As for the toys... it sounds like he has too many of them. Kids get overwhelmed with too many. Box up 3/4 of them and put them away in the garage or closet or basement or something. Just put a few out for him to play with. He'll probably start playing with them. We only have 3-4 toys in our family room at a time and I rotate them in/out every couple weeks. It's like getting new toys when we switch. With fewer toys they spend more time on one toy. It might make him want to play by himself more.

Hi C., what would you want a 4 year old boy to play with? this is his learning years and he will be 10 before you know it and you will look back and see how silly you were to complain at what he wanted to play with. They grow up so fast and someday you will wish that he was back at the age of four instead of 16 and want nothing to do with you. At 16 they will be off driving and then you will wish you could be doing things with him. I used to take my boys to all school activities and when they started driving and didn't need me to take them places there was a big void in my heart. Now they are on their own but I have many good memories of when they were younger. By no means was i a perfect mom but I do have a lot of good memories.

Hi C.,

I am a stay-at-home mom and I completely understand how it can be difficult and stressful to fill an entire day with things to do. My son is only 19 months old so I don't know if I can be of any help at all, but I am enjoying my time with him so much more since I started having him help me around the house instead of just thinking that I had to play with him and entertain him all day. He's happier now too because all he really wants to do is what the big people do.

We have a little broom and a swiffer so he follows me around the house when I'm vacuuming. He also helps do the dishes (mostly he stands at the sink and pours a cup of water into another cup, but he thinks it's fun). I also have him help with cooking (he can stir or help pour things into a bowl).

I don't know if you are handy with tools, but he might like helping you fix things around the house. We also do art projects (helps me I if get everything out in advance) and play music and dance, have story time (maybe you could ask your son to tell you the story based on the pictures?). We also go on walks in the neighborhood with a little bucket and he collects things (leaves, acorns) to take home. Maybe your son would collect leaves or sticks to make an art project?

I don't know if any of these ideas would be useful to you with an older boy but I know that I've been a lot happier since I started thinking about other things to do than playing with toys. At least I hope you know that I understand how you are feeling!

He is WAY too old to not be playing by himself at least prat of the time. I think a lot of parents run into this after assuming they have to entertain their toddlers all the time and not leave them alone. Kids need to learn to play and explore by themselves! Put half of the toys away and rotate through them so there's always something "new". Give him open-ended toys that he can pretend with. Try these:
A large box to climb around in - make a door and a window or two
A Rubbermaid-type large, shallow container filled with dry beans or rice.
Go to Good Will and get a couple old pots he can bang on

Let him sit on the couch by himself if he doesn't want to play. He'll get bored eventually and read or play with a toy. It's not your job to entertain him, but he sure thinks it is at this point!

Trust me, if you had a girl that always wanted to play kitchen that would get boring too. Take it from a Mom that knows! I swear, my 2 1/2 year old could play kitchen all day every day! HA! I would do like some of the other mom's suggested. Set aside a certain amount of time to play just with him. Like maybe 30 mins after breakfast, 30 mins after lunch, etc. The rest of the time he will have to learn to play by himself. If he just wants to sit on the couch, then make it boring for him. No TV or anything like that. Just have him sit there. I'm betting that he'll eventually start using his imagination. Independent play is a skill he has to learn. Mommy won't always be there for him! Get him involved in your daily chores. He's old enough to help sweep the floors, rinse the dishes, sort laundry, etc. Those are all skills he'll need to learn at some point, might as well start now! The more enthusiastic you seem about teaching him, the more enthusiastic he'll be about learning. Also, it's tough, but you have to remember that he is his own person. Not many little kids I know like to play school, especially since he goes to school already.Does he have art supplies? Construction paper, crayons, colored pencils, washable markers, glue sticks, and safety scissors are a HUGE hit w/ my oldest daughter and the 4 year old I babysit for. They will sit for HOURS and color, cut and glue. You really do have to do what he wants to do/play at this age.

Hi C.. :) thank you and join the club. my lil boy is 5 now, and yes playing is boring. Not to mention everytime we play, our dinos have to fight, and his dino has all the powers in the world, and mine might be the big T-Rex, but it is so whimpy, one hit and off to the vet it goes. when you play school, let him be the teacher maybe, my lil boy prefers that. Sorry i have not come up with any ideas tho. What about Vet...? thats not too girly, takin his pets (stuffed animal) to the vet, yer the vet. Or we set up the house like a zoo with all his dinos, toys, stuffed animals. Its a change of pace and fun. Or play hide and seek with items. Fun and learning :) take 5-10 small items, take turns hiding them and finding them. Actually one of my lil boys favorite games. I am also a SAHM, love my boys dearly, but find playing boring. GL and God Bless :)

Ha ha ha C... I know what you are going through..it'll stop though.
I went through the same thing with my son who is turning 12 soon but he also did play by himself. Just don't look worried or look like you know you are expected to play with him all the time. You can do some of the stuff other moms have suggested and some have come up with loads of ideas. Encourage him to play with his trains and stuff by starting together and you can flip through a magazine when he gets going. Observe him from time to time and let him know you are there. It'll stop though. NOT to worry.
I think I will be going through the same thing again soon. Just as I thought I was done, I got pregnant again and my baby boy is now 11 months old, starting to walk and thinks he and I are one.. but we have lots of laughs as I am sure you both do too.
And yes, my sympathies, how I detest Thomas the train. but for some reason, boys are fascinated by trains. I've made my soon to be 12 year old promise he'll do the Thomas thing if the baby shows an interest in it later on.
Good luck. And don't worry, you are okay and don't be harsh on yourself. Instead, get creative. When you are really really sick of boy play stuff.. go outside or go to the kitchen! They do love washing up at the sink. All those bubbles and pouring and rinsing.. !!!

And why is it he expects you to play with him all of the time? I used to set aside about 1 to 1 1/2 hours to "play" with my children and I worked full time. We played things like board games, put together puzzles, and worked on different craft projects. We took walks, played catch, basketball, etc.
If he is forced to entertain himself he will and it sounds like you just aren't into the boy stuff, but guess what, you have a boy.
Try playing some things like catch, soccor, basketball. The exercise will be good for you too. Take a bike ride, go for a walk and collect pine cones you can use to make gifts for grandparents and teachers during your next "play time" together.

Hi, C.. It can be hard to entertain someone that is so young when the things that they like to do are not "fun" for you. My son is 4 and he loves the computer. We play games and a Jumpstart Preschool game together. Also, we play on Webkinz together. These are stuffed animals that you buy and then you can play at the webkinz website. The games are fun for him and for me! We also play things like UNO and go fish. Try some new things with him that you may find fun too. I hope that this is helpful. When it comes to imaginative play, I feel your pain!!!

some peoples answers have been a little mean, we are not all "playgroup leader"types and some of us find it difficult to play with children.
my son, who is now 7 only, and i mean ONLY wanted to play with thomas trains, from the time he was 2 until.....actually still, but luckily the last year or so has digressed a little bit, he now reads and plays the computer.
I did used to find thomas really boring, but i would set myself a timer for 30 mins and play with him completely undistracted a couple of times a day, and that would keep him happy, then we would go to the park or outside to play.
my son never liked to play alone, and had no siblings so it waS all me, also because he was so single minded it was difficult to find friends for him.
he will grow out of it, so its just time to act interested, set yourself some time to play with him, then tell him you have work to do.

I completely hear you! I love being a mom, but hate playing little kids' things with my kids. I have a 7 year old daughter who was always begging me to play Barbies with her and a son who was always bugging me to play hot wheels. I can't help it, I'd rather be raking leaves than play those types of things! At first I felt bad about it, but then I realizd that I just needed to figure out things we could do together that weren't so torturous to play. I went out and bought games that were geared toward younger children. Things like Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, stuff like that and it was SOOOOO much better. When the kids would ask me to play, I'd say "sure, let's play a game". Granted they'd still ask me to play those other things with them, but I was able to explain to them that I enjoyed the games more, and they could play those other things on their own. And you know, I actually think it was better that my kids learned to play those things on their own because they have learned how to entertain themselves, so when we're home they're never bored.

I would treasure this time because once it's over, you are going to miss it. I would just try to expand on the things that he wants to do, start with his activity of choice and build on it, talk about where the train is going and what the people will do when they get there, tell him that he gets to pick a game and then you get to pick one, etc.

Hi C.,

You have many good ideas already, but no one has mentioned simply taking turns choosing what to play--he picks one activity, you pick the next. So maybe one day you get power rangers and school, the next day power rangers and store, etc. (My now-14-yo was really into playing store at that age--now is a math whiz) Taking turns is a really necessary skill and he will get good practice with it this way.

I also seem to remember from my psychology courses (admittedly back in the dark ages) that kids need lots of repetition at this age, it's their way of cementing skills (hence the reading of Good Night Moon EVERY night, etc). Don't quote me on that, and perhaps someone can correct me or elaborate on it.

I like the ideas of going outside, to library, to a MOPS-type group, and "helping" around the house too.

Make sure you have some "me time" sometimes so you don't feel overwhelmed.

And remember, "This too shall pass", and quickly, too--before you know it he'll be in school all day. you may even get nostalgic for those power rangers!

K. Z.

My son being the oldest always had me or my husband to play with as a young kid and never really learned to play alone (unless it was video games) so I would encourage you to try and have him play by himself some... set up structured boy games and toys for him to play while you do something else for a little bit. Start with 10 or 15 minutes a day he must play alone... like have him build you a really great city out of blocks then you can play together knocking it down or driving his trains through it. Or play doh, ect... something that gets him playing alone and gradually increase the amount of time he plays alone but ALWAYS reward him for doing a good job of playig alone (pouting alone doesn't count... the idea is not to get your alone time but for him to learn how to entertain himself) by playing with him after the time is up!
But I have to say OK wow, what is wrong with you?No little boy wants to play school or sit and color. Take your kid to the park, play ball, get some sports equipment. Be glad he wants to play with you.... before long he will not want anything to do with you mom. He won't want to be seen with you or have you hug or kiss him. Playing with you or even talking to you will be the last thing on his mind. SO What if you don't want to do what he wants right now. Get over it and have fun with him.... however he has fun. I know it can be stressful at times to have to be mom, dad, playmate, friend, housekeeper, cook, maid and everything else but if you can't actually enjoy playing with him the way he wants.... fake it until you make it!

I know you've already updated this site, but wow, I thought some of these answers were pretty harsh! I admit that your letter doesn't paint the most flattering picture, but it doesn't sound to me like you don't love your son, either. I mean, you're a grown woman. There would be something pretty wrong with you if you thought 4-year-old entertainment was exciting and intellectually stimulating all of the time, and you're not a boy! I don't have any advice or ideas (there are already good ideas), but I do not think you should feel bad for the way you feel. ^_^

Holy cow! I find playing with toddlers one of the GREATEST THINGS IN LIFE! Try to be "in the moment" and let your imagination take part.

When you're playing school, tie in things like "P"....the recognition, the sound, etc. for power ranges, then other words that start w/ "P". It's a way to keep things that interest him in the learning process.

How about making cookies in the shape of trucks, planes, etc.? I have those cookie cutters so I know they exist.

How about puzzles? Get a variety of them and set boundaries. If you have a power rangers puzzle, then NEXT time we do a different one......maybe TOY STORY, etc.

Take turns.....do something HE wants to do and then have him help you - even in the kitchen and/or cleaning - kids LOVE to feel their worth in helping adults - EVEN IF IT MEANS IT TAKES LONGER.....build their confidence. I use products that don't contain chemicals. Abbie LOVES helping with everything I do. Picking out berries at the grocery, opening the door if I have something in my arms, etc.

Taking turns will ALSO teach him that "it's not all about him" and that he needs to learn to try new things and think about what others want and how they feel.

Make playdough, do crafts.....even if that means you make a car, etc. from items at home.....cars out of vegetables (celery as the body of the car, carrot wheels, etc. There are a TON of things you can do! There are even books that give you ideas of things to "make" w/ food.

Some of these things are a way to compromise. You are doing something creative and new and he still gets his "boy" stuff at the same time.

2 words - Play Date!

A. He's a boy / B. He's only 4 - He won't like what you like and if he did I'd be really worried. This stuff is obviously not boring to him. He needs to be around other kids his own age.

It can be rather difficult to find things to entertain a 4 year old, but you are rather blessed in that he does want to play with you still. SO - first, embrace that, and try to let your imagination go. It may not be your first choice, but try to follow his lead.

At this point, too, you can try to introduce him to games like Candy land or maybe a card game or two ("concentration" (finding sets of cards - 2 8's, whatever), or "go fish"). You can also try to see if he'll color with you. Finger paints, silly putty with the comic's section, play dough, stickers...there's got to be something you can find that will be fun for both of you. Leapster games can be fun too. Our oldest daughter has loved to play on my computer for the last few years - www.starfall.com www.pbskids.org and www.sproutonline.com are some of her favorite websites - along with Disney, and Nickelodean too, of course.

Good luck!

I have read many of the responses and think they are great. Keep it simple and laugh a lot! Since he is going to school now, have you thought of a way to stay at home and make money? I had to go to a job when my kids were little and hated it. Now my son is 17 and I am a SAHM. Work right here from my computer at my pace. If you would like information let me know. I have been a nurse for 35 years and love the career change. You just keep giving those hugs and try some of the great advise. You sound like a very loving mom.

My child is only 19 months, but I've got lots of experience as a schoolteacher. I would recommend getting outside! I've never seen a kid who doesn't eventually fall in love with nature if not discouraged (for example, letting him jump in piles of leaves, playing in sand or with safe organic garden soil, jumping in puddles, etc.) As long as you are enthusiastic about all of his safe if messy discoveries, the enchantment never has to end. Most kids will happily play outside much if not most of the day, as long as they have appropriate dress, enough to eat, and enthusiastic people to explore with! Local parks with playgrounds or trails, or even a garden in your yard can be endlessly exciting. Also, Cincinnati and Hamilton Cty parks both have great naturalist programs which tend to be cheap or free.Have you ever heard of the book Last Child in the Woods? It talks about the importance of nature experiences in developing the whole child, including their sense of wonder. Also, have you considered playing with materials like clay or paint? YOu can find nontoxic varieties of these. Perhaps if you make his options more interesting and creative, you won't be so bored! Also, having too many toys can be overwhelming. I would strongly encourage looking into the Waldorf educational system--you can find lots of good ideas if you look on line, for activities for kids that stimulate thier creativity and learning.

I feel bad that you feel that way. Why don't the two of you make a schedule together. Put it on your frig. Time for him to play independently and time for mom to do some things independently. Put in trips to do during the week like the library or a kid group. Libraries usually have time where your child does something with the librarian while mom or dad are in the library doing their own thing. Also some communities have programs for mom and child to do things with others too. Are there any museums that you can visit once or twice a month? Zoos? Parks? Have reading hours. By putting this schedule together you are seeing time for yourself and your child sees his time too. It will help him to get prepared for school and we know schools have routines. Hopefully you and your child will be more excited about this new routine. Good luck.

I don't mean to alarm you, but my son was similar and it turned out he is autistic. He did not do parallel play with peers, and was focused on certain toys all the time - Thomas, trains, bottle caps, maps, credit card logos, etc. He did not like to do pretend play except for his own imaginary village where no one but his dad and I could know about. He would never do the hand motions to group songs. So if that sounds like your son, may want to have him evaluated for that.
On the other hand, I found that having a Mom's group was a lifesaver. I went to MOPS, but there are similar programs everywhere. We would go to playlands, etc, and while our children played, visit with each other to have some adult time. Trust me, he will be in school soon, and on to other things. I also tried to incorporate his interests into other things - I would make us a bag lunch, and go park near the train yard and we could watch the trains, etc.

i hear ya.

i had an "aha" moment the other day when my daughter kept begging me to do something i just wasn't in the mood to do that day. i realized that what she really wants is my attention and love, so i explained to her that i didn't really want to play that so we agreed to play dollies instead. she was totally fine with it.

i realized that in order to spend quality time playing with her does not mean i need to play exactly how she wants. keep trying to find other activities. we LOVE spending time in the kitchen making muffins, "egg boats" (deviled eggs with a pretzel stick) desserts, bread, etc... and coloring and crafts too. (we just got those little bead things that you make designs out of and iron together, they are really cool and great for small motor skill development!) going to the park, having friends over to play, building things, adapting adult board games to kids... those are all things i enjoy more. also, turn your imagination on and try to pretend with them, really engage in it and make it fun for you. try to be silly!

even if you don't consider yourself a crafty or artistic person... go to a craft store and pick out a project. there are all kinds of kids crafts that are awesome and fun to do together.

I always thought little boy stuff was so much more fun.Trains you can build little cities around and lanscape it etc. I never really liked the boy action figure's though I always thought they made little boys expect too much of themself's.The weather still isn't too bad maybe you could teach him how to fish, my nephew still love's it and so does my niece.Out door adventures are a lot more fun. I also used to get modeling clay and we would have little contests to see who could make the coolest thing and let a friend be the judge.He loved getting the first prize ribbon. Maybe your son just needs to learn to pretend a little more in his play. Arts and crafts are usually a good thing for both boys and girls.Crayola.com has alot of cool stuff for just about any holiday coming up and other seasonal coloring pages and crafts. Maybe you just need to enjoy playing with him regardless of his choice.Good luck.

C.,
I know how you feel. My daughter is 4 and she wants to play the same things with me all the time. It does start to get boring but I have started asking her to help me do things around the house. She helps me cook, wash dishes, help with her sister and do laundry. She seems very interested in helping so our time together is spent doing activities like that instead of playing with toys. She eventually gets tired of rinsing dishes or helping me cook and goes off to play by herself. She never wanted to play by herself but she is getting better at it.
We also have too many toys. Like another mom said, pack up most of the toys and rotate them. That way he will think he has something new to play with ever few weeks or so. He might be overwhelmed with the amount of toys. I know our daughter was.