I have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter. Lately my 3 year old is expressing the want for her own space. We have a toy room, but it's easily accessible to both girls. Both of their toys are in there too. Being an only child for 2.5 years, my oldest is used to playing alone. Now that the baby is up and mobile (walking, getting into everything) my oldest has really started to get frustrated. They have a really big bedroom and we're considering moving some of the toys upstairs. I have mixed feelings about this. I feel like she's too young to be playing upstairs all by herself. I would rather she be where I can see her. There's not really anything she can get into upstairs that will hurt her or cause any damage. She's a really good kid and I trust her to not get all crazy and make a horrid mess. Well, anymore of a mess than a normal 3 year old makes :)
My husband's all for moving the toys upstairs. He hates the clutter they cause. I, on the other hand, really prefer that she stay downstairs. What do you all think? Is she too young to be upstairs by herself? Or do I just need suck it up and realize that this is just one more step in her road to independence?
Thanks everyone! We had a talk with the 3 year old about playing upstairs. We've decided that if she feels like she needs to get away, she can go ahead and go to their room and play for a bit. She's taken advantage of the alone time a couple of times this weekend. It seems to give her a chance to reset if she's feeling frustrated by her baby sister.
Let them play together, it teaches them to share. They are both young and want the same type toys. When the conflict gets too much, remove them from each other and let her go upstairs to play for that moment.
Just one more step I think. My youngest just turned 3yo on Monday and he's been playing by himself in his room upstairs for a long time. It's baby-proofed including the dresser being anchored to the wall, so I had no safety worries. He does just fine.
I have 4 kids (7,5,3,10months)and mine all sleep in the same room....different beds of course. We have one play room! I really think it has bonded them together. They love playing with each other most of the time. Sure sometimes the young ones bother my oldest who is 7 but they seem to work it out. However, if you feel like moving a few things upstairs to give your child some alone time you might consider getting a baby monitor that has a TV camera on it. I have a "Summer" camera which I use for my 10 month old and that would allow you to look in on her.
Hope this helps.
I don't think your daughter is too young to play alone. However, I think it is a tricky and iffy question, because you have a younger one, too. What if you had to attend to your baby downstairs and the older one had something happen upstairs? Can you get from one place to the other with ease? The split attention is difficult, and I would personally think you want to keep them in the same room.
If there's nothing upstairs that will cause a problem or any way for her to get into real trouble, I would let her have a little freedom and independence. Kids can flourish if we parents stop hovering over them all the time. And maybe she won't feel as resentful toward her baby sister if she is allowed her own space and the opportunity to get away from her once in a while. My stepsons were only a year apart and always had to share a room, do everything together, etc. and they were constantly butting heads. Granted, some of that could also be their personalities, but now that they have their own rooms, and separate activities and friends, there is less conflict.
Admittedly, as the older sibling, I appreciated having my own space away from my younger brother, and I used to spend hours playing quietly alone in my own room, so I might be a bit biased. My brother and I played together all the time too, but it was when we both felt like it. I would give it a chance and see how it goes.
If you are in the financial position, you could get one of those "baby corrals" and make your daughter her own space in the play room. Leave some toys out that are appropriate for the 1 year old, and in the corral you could put some of the 3.5 year old's stuff. You could even get one of those little play houses that are meant for indoors, and use the baby corral to make a "yard" for her stuff. :) That way your older daughter can roam in both areas, but still have "her own" space.
I would keep her downstairs at that age and just section off one area for the baby to be in. sure she could probably handle it but i think you need to make thing easier on yourself and not be wondering or calling her every five minutes. If you do have her up there, have a baby monitor on.
I think its fine.
Your daughter is expressing ... her feelings and what bothers her and independence. And quite frankly, older kids do NEED to get away from "baby" sometimes.. it can be real irritating.
Its a 'break' for them.
Just use a baby monitor... upstairs, so you can hear her downstairs... that is what I do. I use my baby monitor, STILL... as a way to hear my kids upstairs and/or downstairs.... and they know to talk to it... to tell me things or call for me. Like an intercom.
I even use it when we have play-dates so I can hear the kids....
We have an upstairs and downstairs... and we cannot ALWAYS be on the SAME floor... all the time. That is not practical....
My kids are either upstairs or downstairs or one upstairs and the other downstairs.... and its fine.
AND, I have to do things too... we cannot all be in ONE room all the time, at the same time.
all the best,
Susan
Wanting her own space without the baby is part of being the oldest. She will have to get use to it. At our house there times when everyone has to play together and times when you can play by yourself. Living in a family means figuring out how to get along with siblings and parents ans thats means being in the same room with a little sibling.Good Luck!
J. O
mom to 5 and number 6 in December
My almost 4 year old is going through the same thing with his 18 month old brother. We have a little toy room that he can close the door to if he wants to play by himself and it helps a lot. There is a lot less "Mom, he's in my stuff!" being yelled. I think she'll do fine upstairs, but honestly, she probably will get bored/lonely upstairs by herself and end up coming down pretty quickly. If you trust her, I'd say go for it. I've found that sometimes my husband has a more clear view of what the kids are capable of while I still think of them as babies. I bet you find that she does fine and you enjoy the peace a little bit too!
The only hesitation that I would have is that if you start letting her go upstairs, the younger one will want to too, and at an earlier age than the oldest one. If it were just your 3 year old, I would say go for it. It also depends on the type of child you have. We don't know her like you do.
I would def. let her play upstairs alone, she should be feeling independent and not become afraid of leaving mom's sight. Make sure its safe and i like the baby monitor idea. Soon she will want little toys that will be choking hazard for the toddler so maybe another idea is to make the toy room only for her -use a baby gate and keep only the baby's toys out in family room.
My son is 3.5 and plays upstairs by himself... I will go up there and/or call up to him to check on him every 5 minutes or less.. I don't leave him for a long period of time, maybe 30 minutes (with calling or going up 4-5 times in between that time)... He has toys upstairs and down but lately he's been playing with the one's upstairs.. I think if "you" feel comfortable than you should let her go upstairs (but continue to check on her).. If you feel that "uncomfortable" about it then maybe it's just not time..
I have 11 month old twins and a 3 year old. We allow my son to play in the toy room in the basement unattended. This gives him a chance to build with his blocks (the babies love to play with whatever he's playing with) and whatever else he's into at the time. I don't see anythig wrong with it and it has cut down on him getting upset that the babies are always playing with his things.
I have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. I usually tell my 5 year old, "Your little sister wants to watch and do whatever Sis is doing cuz she thinks you're super cool. You can play alone in 20 minutes when little sis takes her nap, get over it." She does get frustrated. Lil Sis is ruining everything, knocking over her castle, or just annoying her. I think it's good for them both to spend some play time together and learn how to behave and deal with those emotions. But, that's me and I'm an only child.
My concerns of your older one playing alone is that your younger one will be alone as well. Perhaps a baby gate in the doorway upstairs so big sis can't run downstairs to show you something and fall. And, you will have to check on the kids in 2 places now and there will be toys in 2 places.
She doesn't have to be alone to be independent. My suggestions: let her make more choices (between 2 things or you'll be there all day) like what she wears, or what she eats for lunch. And teach her patience in waiting for her little sis to nap so she can have alone time. Also, I put the lil one down to bed 30 minutes before the older and spend that time with her and let her know it's big sister time with mom and dad. Makes her feel special.
