This question is not so much for stay at home moms, I am thinking of families with two parents working regular M-F daytime hours. I am wondering how often your kids have friends over or go to their friends homes. I sometimes feel like my daughter doesn't get enough of that, but I have no idea what is typical. We both work, so she is in an after school program every day. So she plays with kids every day after school. But other than that I find it hard to find the time. On week nights there is time to make dinner, eat dinner, clean up after dinner, take a bath and go to bed...not much more than that really. Weekends are the only time left for errands and family time. She has friends over occasionally, but certainly not every weekend. So...what is it like for your family? Are we like everyone else who works full time, or are we anti-social?
Sounds like us. Once or twice a month on weekends, but we also get together w/ family friends that have kids our daughter's age every now and then. Sooo much to do on weekends!
you are not anti-social! Personally, I never allowed playtime in the evenings. On the other hand, we were blessed with a very safe neighborhood throughout our sons' childhoods.....we simply didn't have a need for playdates. Playtime was after school & on the weekends.
We had extra kids over or our sons spent the night somewhere else - hmmm, about once a month. We also did fish frys, barbeques, etc with the neighbors....so there was a lot of interactions going on. + we travel 1-2 weekends/month....heading into the big city or to our family lake house to be with family/friends. Not much time left after all of that, especially with sports/Scouts/religion school!
We are in the same boat!!! My kids go to daycare/preschool Tues-Friday. My son only plays with the neighbor girls on weekends (there aren't any boys his age to play with). Hopefully once he starts school this fall he will find some boys to play with. I don't think you're anti-social, just working to support the family. When you work ft, when is there time during the week for playdates?? I think as long as she has the social interaction at school for now that's enough (depending on age). My kids are 5 and 2 and I don't think they need to be playing with other kids all the time. When they are older more independent they will have more than enough time with friends. I like hanging out with them and doing family things on the weekends because these days are going to end before we want them to and they won't want a whole lot to do with us.
No, you are just busy like everybody else. While I am home now, most of SD's childhood I worked FT and so did DH. When she saw friends it was usually on weekends (EOWE) and occasionally we'd invite her best friends to have dinner and hang out, usually on a Friday night or if there was no school the next day. If the child was also in after care, the parents gave us permission to pick them both up. A mid-week visit was pretty rare during the school year. If the friends' parents were home in the afternoon (one girl's mom worked PT and was often home by the time the kids got off) then SD could go there vs aftercare (we told aftercare in the AM if this was the plan) til we got home from work. This was often the case in middle school, when the kids "aged out" but it was still nice to have them under someone's supervision. We knew that family well, they live nearby, and for a long time the daughter and SD were best friends.
I am a stay at home mom now, and we still only have an actual "play date" like once a month with another mom friend of mine who has two that are similar in age to my kids. The kids go Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to the YMCA, the 5 year old to Preschool, and the 3 year old is in the babysitting room for 2 hours with other kids, while I exercise, and then Sundays they have Sunday School with our Church friends. The YMCA has only started this year, as have the play dates. My kids are not anti-social or socially challenged because of their "sheltered" life.
As a kid, both my parents worked, I went to a babysitter's house from 3 - 5 years old for half the day and she has a little boy nearly my age, like a little brother to me. I was an only child till 6 and a half, and we lived out in the country, so we didn't have any kid neighbors to play with. I went to preschool 3 days a week from 3-4 yrs. old and then on into k-8. We didn't move into town until I was 10, and I had VERY FEW friends come over before that, and it was very similar to your situation after I was 10. I was never shy , socially stunted or anything else, I had lots of good friends,and 2 of the friends I made in elementary school are still my good friends now.
One thing I think helped, was that I did do lots of extracirriculars from age 10 on - which I think helps form bondswith like-mided friends/peers. I was in Camp Fire (like Girl Scouts, but co-ed) in elementary school, volleyball, cheerleading, Band and Choir in Jr High, then in High School, I was in Concert Band and Choir, Tennis, 2 School Musicals, Show Choir, Madrigals, Marching Band, Pep Band, Math Team, Spanish Honor Society, National Honor Society, and Scholastic Bowl, plus I was very involved in our Church, especially our Music Program. Keeping busy kept me out of trouble, I was too busy having fun with all my good activities for getting into trouble, and it gave me and my friends time to be together doing something we loved, but also supervised by coaches, parents, teachers.
I think you are doing just fine!
Jessie
It's just too hard during the week to have kids over. We usually have kids over on the weekends (maybe every other weekend) and plan our summer days to include friends in our fun activities. Yes, you sound like other families...just busy, not anti-social.
Because I think our core family is much more important in this time of disintegrating family bonds, I don't feel that they have to spend more time than they already do with their friends. My daughter asks to have her friend over practically every weekend, but really, they only have sleepovers a few times a year. Anti-social? Maybe :-) With both of us working too, it's just too much to have other kids around too during your down time. There isn't any time after school, that's filled with homework, sports & music practice, chores, bath, reading, bedtime. Weekends - we try to spend time together doing something fun in addition to chores that don't get done during the week. We make time for friends, but it's not very often really. Not sure if I was helpful because we probably are anti-social :-P
I'm sure that while play dates would be fun, she has plenty of interactions at school. If you need your time, keep it, or do the dinner thing, like Kristy G. suggested. I'm a SAHM but my kids are in 1st or preschool half day and we really don't do play dates b/c I feel the kids get socialized at school. Plus, my husband and I are extremely protective of our weekends -- that's family time.
I am now a stay-at-home mom, but when iwe both worked full-time, we would get together with people once or twice during the week. We would often go to their houses for supper and the kids would play while we talked and did a bit of clean-up. We would sometimes have people over, but mostly we went to other people's houses. Now, after a few moves, we have people over less. I think most of that is just still getting to know thw town, but we're trying to work up to two or three times a week having people over.
Honestly, I think play dates are overrated - especially if she's in an after school program and getting the social interaction there. I find it very hard to give up our family time and "recharge" time that we get on the weekends. We live in the country, about 5 miles out of town, so sometimes it's just a pain to have to cart my kids somewhere to play for two hours. An occasional friend over is fine, but I would never consider us (or you) anti-social! I don't play with my friends every week. =)
