Picky Eater Won't Eat

Updated on May 13, 2007
K.M. asks from Plano, TX
10 answers

Ok Mamas, I REALLY need some help here. My little non-eating angel is almost 17 months old, and I have tried so many different things to get her to eat on her own. About the only thing she eats is macaroni(and sometimes will not eat that) When I try to feed her anything, she clamps down and shakes her head and will not open anymore. I was using the Elmo video distraction method(probably for about a month now)...which does work, however it makes it impossible to feed her anywhere else other than home. Last night I fed her on the patio and we talked about birds and airplanes ....so she only ate less than 1/2 a jar of 3's baby food. YES! She is still eating baby food, only because I cannot get her to eat much of anything else...even though I know she is capable...she has a mouth full of teeth, and knows how to use them when she wants to. I guess my question is this...I have heard that distraction methods to feed are not good for them, and that you should focus on the eating and what they are eating and make it fun. Well, my daughter apparently does not think eating is fun, and I don't know why...she never has. When I feed her she only likes baby oatmeal, and yogurt, which she will eat most of the time with not much fuss. I am still breastfeeding her, and she takes that like a champ, and will do the same with a bottle while with her sitter... I would like to get her to eat before pushing the issue with the sippy cup and traumatizing her further....please tell me if my thinking on this is wrong. I breastfeed or give her a bottle every 5 hours and try to feed in between this at 2.5 to 3 hours. I worry if she does not get enough liquid, because she has just started getting constipation issues in the last few months.She gets about 20 oz a day with this, maybe a smidge more, plus some water and will not dring juice either. I would really like to wean her, and would love it if she were getting proper nutrition from her food..aaahhhh, I am about to pull my hair out. This is my one and only child, so I am looking for MAMA EXPERTISE. I can't of course force her to eat, but I am exhausted from her being whiney all the time, and waking up in the middle of the night etc...(I know she is hungry!) This all started when I stopped feeding her with Toy & Elmo video Distractions. I am trying so hard for food to be fun for her. Any ideas are appreciated...what you feed your kids that they love and is nutritious, and what ideas you have for getting food into this child who does not want her Mama to feed her anymore....HELP, I can't take the whining and no sleeping anymore.

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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

does she like things like gummy bears? I know this sounds crazy. I am a distributor for Juice Plus+. It comes in a gummy bear form. It gives all the daily servings of fruits and veggies with just 6 gummies( 3 fruit and 3 veggie). If you would like more info let me know. You can also visit my website: www.juiceplus.com/+ja69886

J.

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M.F.

answers from Dallas on

My philosophy about kids eating was given to me by a wise mom of 5: "You will never win a battle over food."
The fact is that in her little toddler world, she doesn't have much control over anything, so she will latch on to the one or two things she DOES have control over and stand her ground. One of those things is eating.
First, you have to realize that after a child's first birthday, their metabolism slows down dramatically, so they don't actually NEED as much food. Also, a child will not starve herself. Their little bodies are programmed to get what they need. If food is offered and she doesn't take it, so be it. Maybe she'll take it the next time it's offered. Honestly, there have been 2 or 3 days in a row where my kids hardly ate more than 2 bites per meal. We didn't give in to the whining requests for bed time snacks or treats between meals, or let them go overboard at regular snack times (and basically replace meal times with goldfish!). We just kept offering food at our regular meal times (which is 3 meals and 2 snacks). Wouldn't you know that when they finally got hungry enough, they sat down in front of a plate of nutritious food and ate every bit without a fuss. This wasn't "kid" food -- we're talking a regular meal. Things like broccoli (and asked for seconds!), chicken, pasta, tomatoes and fruit salad. We serve everyone the same meal. If they only want rice, that's fine. I have vowed not to turn the dinner table into a bargaining game. But, if a child chooses to eat just rice, he/she won't partake in desert. If he/she complains of hunger at bed time, I simply promise a wonderful breakfast in the morning. Maybe it sounds like nazi dinner time, but we enjoy our meals and our children (age 2 and 4) eat a huge variety of foods -- from eggplant to enchiladas; salmon to meatloaf.

My advice is get rid of the baby food and quit trying to spoon-feed her. Put food on the tray or plate in front of her and don't say a word. Don't encourage, don't bribe, don't do anything but sit in your own chair and eat and share your time with her. Whether she eats or not is HER choice, not yours. So let her have it. If she chooses not to eat, she can hang out in her crib or her room while you finish eating, then you can go play with her when you're ready. (yes, she may cry, but if you turn off the baby monitor or turn on the dishwasher, you can eat in relative peace...)
You are obviously a concerned and caring mommy. You should also realize that you're the "boss" of things, not the baby. If you don't want a kid who only eats mac and cheese, don't feed it to her every day. You get to decide what foods get put in front of her.
Does this mean she never ever gets mac n cheese? no. It means that she gets all that and more.

Sorry this was long. I tend to get on my soapbox when I hear complaints about "picky eaters." It doesn't have to be that way. What we put into our kids bodies during the first 12 years of their lives -- and ESPECIALLY the first 4 years -- is what their little cells use to grow on, setting the pattern for lifelong health (or not). We are by no means keepers of the perfect diet in our family, but when I'm making decisions at the grocery store, I have to ask myself, "Do you want the foundation of your child's health built on white bread and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, or on a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and other foods?"

S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I had the same issue with my four year old from the day she started eating baby food and is still the same today. I went around and around with her but nothing ever seemed to work. After speaking to the pediatrician about it and she wasn't concerned about it saying that some kids are just like that. But they always seem to get in what they need. She never lost any weight and it never caused any health issues so I stopped worrying so much about it. I continued and still do continue to encourage her but as long as she is maintaining her weight, growing and is healthy I don't worry about it. If your child isn't experiencing any of those problems, don't worry about it. Wishing you all the luck and try not to worry about it so much.

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J.H.

answers from Dallas on

hi hun, i just wanted to say good luck to ya. Also, have u tried letting her feed herself? it's fun for them and also gives them a little bit more freedom in a world where there are so many no's.i know it's a bit of a mess but it's well worth it to see the look of triamph (sp) on their little faces when they get that food in their mouths all by themselves! My little one goes back and forth from being a great eater to only 2 bites per meal. i just try not to force it and then the next round she eats great! one other thing u might want to check is to see how those teeth are coming in. that;s when i have the most trouble with eating. hope everything works out for you, and don't worry, your doing the best u can and that's all that matters.

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L.A.

answers from Dallas on

I do not have much to say other than this...I have a 4-yr old who only eat mac and cheese, waffles, pb&j, and a few other VERY SELECT things. The pedi said it's ok, we can't force them to eat what we want them to eat. We just need to make sure something is getting in her. The pedi told us to start giving her ensure/pediasure to make sure she is getting her protein and vitamins. She drinks that up like candy. Try putting that in her bottle/sippy cup to make sure she is getting nutrients she needs. Other than that, I wouldn't worry too much. She'll eat one day. (I know it is hard I have to tell myself that same thing everyday when I got through my daily struggles with my 4 yr old's eating 'habits')

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

Maggie's post is right on the money. It is hard because you don't want to be "mean", but the fact of the matter is that you are not being mean by insisting that she eat healthy food. Generally it gets wrose before it gets better simply becasue children learn how far to push before you cave. If they know that you will cave they will push EVERY time. Lay down Mommy law and she will learn. A typical day should be breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, Dinner, with a drink with each. If she does not eat when it is offered don't let her eat anything until the next "meal". Let her have as much water whenever she wants. Good luck.

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E.O.

answers from Dallas on

I've been told by my doctor that as long as your child is eating something, and is healthy to not worry about it. Eventually your child will want to eat something else.

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K.Y.

answers from Dallas on

What struck me right off the bat is how much she seems to be taking in. I think she possibly is truly not hungry. She can likely go to 3 meals a day with 2 snacks now and doesn't need to eat every 2 hours. Can you drop some of the nursing sessions? I was just thinking that might help her be interested in food if she wasn't so full or satisfied. Just a thought. Also try having her feed herself and take pride in it. This may make her want to return for the next meal with less problems because she has some control and ownership over it. Good luck! Eating issues & drama are no fun!

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L.M.

answers from Dallas on

I am currently going through the same thing with my 15 month old son. His diet consists of saltines, goldfish, applesauce and pretzels. He will not touch all the stuff that I thought he would love like mac & cheese, french fries, pb&j, not even mashed potatoes. I thought it was great when I could still get him to eat the baby food, but about 2 weeks ago he started refusing that as well. I do notice that when he does eat the best is when I just cut it all up, give him a plastic fork and let him do his own thing without saying anything at all to him. I guess its good to know that we aren't the only ones-I was beginning to wonder because all the kids in his class at daycare are great eaters.

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

I just read Maggie's post & I couldn't have said it better myself. I went through the whole refusing to eat anything but baby food & goldfish...until I called the Gerber hotline (I was desparate, too! :)) and the lady told me "Just stop offering baby food. She'll eat when she gets hungry.) We worry so much about being terrible mommies by starving our children, but no child voluntarily starves themselves. I know of some moms who save the uneaten dinner plate & serve it for breakfast! That may a bit harsh, but it drives the point home: "Me boss. You not."

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