Picky Eater + Vegetarian Mom = Nightmare Dinners

Well, you found something that began to work, and stopped. He was opening up, and you went right back to the old way. What did you expect would happen? The only advice I can offer, is stop what isn't working...and do what looked to be working. Children are work, sometimes an overwhelming amount. And, then add a job to it. I get it, you feel like you don't have time. There are only so many hours a day. Well, find a way. As hard as it is, I don't know what else you can do. Sorry, but you can't expect what isn't working, to work. You know what will, so try everything you can to do that.

Have you seen a doctor for sensory issues? He needs to see one. This isn't something he will just learn to deal with, or grow out of. He needs help. 4 years is too long, to allow a child to struggle like this. It will not get any less stressful for you, to just let it continue.

Do you have him actively working with an OT who deals with sensory problems and eating? If you aren't, you need to start back with it.

Really and truly, this should be a big priority for you.

I have a friend whose son had this from little on up. And I mean after coming off the bottle. He drank twice as much milk as he needed. He would go on hunger strikes if they tried to get him to eat instead of drinking milk. From the time I knew him (from 3rd grade), he has eaten these foods: fruit yogurt, pancakes, french fries, certain fruits, carrot juice, sodas, candy, waffles, parmesan cheese, juices, bread, and yes, milk. No meat. No vegetables except for the carrot juice. No pizza (he threw up when he took a bite of pizza.) He is 20 years old now, has pre-diabetes, is huge (as in overweight) and has never been able to break out of this diet, Mom. If only my friend would have gotten him to an eating specialist when he was little, he wouldn't be like this.

He's brilliant like his dad (in math) and goes to a fine private college nearby home. However, he lives at home because he won't eat with other people. He doesn't socialize around food with others. Instead, all his socialization is centered around computer gaming. These are the kinds of friends he has. I don't think that his parents understand what this food issue has done to his life. I think he will probably always live with them and he will never get married.

I know this sounds extreme (and it is), but when I hear of a child with this narrow of a diet, I'm compelled to talk about this kid.

Please get back to the sensory therapist.

Dawn

Well, my gut reaction is that if the sensory diet was working, you should be following it still. It may be a lot of work, but it can't be harder or more stressful than what you're doing now. Also, look into OT for him. Food doesn't have to be such a battle. I'm sure it is very hard on him as well. Like I said, stick to the diet that was showing promise no matter how hard it is for you.

Well you have a child that cannot or will not eat the same way as you. That makes the world go round.

Go back to what was working for him. Yes it is a lot of work but someone has to do it. Moms do lots of things that they don't want to do for their children and say nothing about it. Learn how to make things in advance on weekends and freeze them in individual portions so that they can be heated up quickly.

Don't make this a tug of war that you won't win.

The other S.

PS Do get the specialist involved so that they may show you a new technique or approach to feeding your child.

I'm a vegetarian that doesn't eat a ton of vegetables. It's too hard when you are the only vegetarian in the house. Instead, we eat lots of pasta and mexican. Tacos and rice and beans...I make pasta with a red pepper cream sauce that is my kid's absolutely favorite (it goes great with shrimp or roast chicken).

Sounds like you need to go back to the sensory diet and adjust your own diet to make things simpler. I can't tell you how many times I just have a veggie burger for dinner......Not the best in the world, but it sure makes things easier when you have kids and meat eaters around.

Battleing over food in just not a very productive way to raise a kid. They only learn that food is a control issue.

I had battles with my mom all my growing up years. As soon as I moved out I ate nothing but candy bars for months. I would eat one in a hurry once or twice per day so that I was not hungry. So kids only rebel when they get older. Feed him what he'll eat.

If he was an adult he could fix and eat what he wants. So teach him to make choices, let him decide what he wants from a list of choices that are acceptable to you.

I realize you are a busy working mom, but if the only thing that worked was the sensory issue routine, then you should find a way to make that work. Right now your son isn't eating, dinner is a battle...is that any easier than what you were doing before, really? I would talk to his pediatrician, express your concerns and ask if the doctor has any recommendations for someone who works with working parents. Consider it a foundation and that if you can get past this, dinners will be easier down the road.

FWIW, we also remind my DD to eat, get annoyed when she doesn't or says that the sauce is on her chicken (when it is not), etc. So to some extent, a lot of kids are picky and frustrating. You need to figure out where the line is between normal kid and something else.

The other thing I'd do is offer a good food as a dessert. "If you eat x, you may have grapes." Fruit can be fun and sweet. We keep the fruit for the end of DD's meal or she'd fill up on it. Or "you may have strawberry flavored milk only if you do a good job on your broccoli."And try not to make it into a power struggle. He may cry and you can simply say, "You made the choice not to eat your dinner, so no dessert. You know the rule. You may be excused if you are done, but no treats later."

Have you thought about the cookbook by Seinfeld ? Where she hides the veggies in meals? That might help him get the different nutrients without the texture/sensory issues?
Good luck!

I have food sensory issues and so does my son. It is VERY real. I can not eat most veggies or fruits it's the texture or change in texture. I at 35 have to force myself to eat them and even then it's a struggle. The diet was working, go back to ,hard work or not this is what's best for your child. For fruit have you tried freezing it?

News flash Dawn, a 20 yr old living in his parents house and doing thing but gaming isn't anything new. That's a pretty normal thing these days. Yes those are extreme food aversions but not sure if that has anything to do with him living at home. He could learn to make his mom's food but has chosen not to because mom hasn't put her foot down.

I feel for you. My 3 year old seems to have food "issues" as well, and has other sensory issues, so I am anticipating a long road ahead unless she just grows out of it.
One thing that is a sure win for her is blending fruit into a smoothie or Jamba Juice style drink.
She also like salty stuff, so one thing we discovered is she loves dried seaweed from Trader Joes, go figure.
And peanut butter pretzels, at least she gets some protein.
And of all things, she likes nuts. She likes crunchy stuff. Most kids don't like nuts at that age, but she does.
Maybe your son will go for one of those, at least it's a few more options.