Photo Etiquette

'She sent me an email asking her to email her specific picture files for this purpose, never asking it was okay if she used my pictures'...

So she asked for the pictures to use, but didn't ask your direct permission? To me, it seems like you gave her permission by sending her the pictures. So yeah, to be honest, I can't see how/why you would be upset.

Besides, how bad it is really?! There's a really nice gesture behind it, so what's the problem? Are you upset you didn't think of this first?

(I'm really not trying to be blunt, I honestly don't see the issue here).

I can totally see where you are coming from and have had this happen to me, too. I'm also guessing there is a little more to the back story.

My SIL (also never married or has children) has taken pictures that we shared with her (because we lived in another state and that's the quickest way to share pictures... post them in a secure format like that). She posted pictures of me having just had my first (and one of me getting ready to breastfeed) on MySpace without our knowledge or permission. We told her to take them down and a year later we found them on FaceBook (back when it was first started). She has since asked for pictures to make gifts with. Ummm. No. She doesn't have normal boundaries and she has crossed the line too many times. AND, they are my kids. I make photo gifts for almost every Christmas and birthday for my MIL.

You are not wrong. She crossed the line suggesting she was going to do it and not asking what you thought of it. It would have been one thing if she said, "I want to make a calendar of the family, could you send me some pictures of your kids." Then it is up to you what pictures you send and you know what kind of gift she will be using your pictures on. Now, if you normally make family calendars and she is wanting to do it...I'd be upset about that.

I know this sounds bad, but we do not share any pictures with her unless we print them. I've since heard that she has taken pictures of our girls on her phone and shared them with her reject friends. We only post about 5 pictures of the girls on FB in a year. We are super private with our girls' images. They have not given us permission to share their images with the PUBLIC.

Just my 15 cents. :D Good luck. Set boundaries with her, and keep to your guns.

If she sent an email asking about certain pictures, I think that was her asking to use them, backwards as it might have been. I think you need to clarify with her.

I would consider the request. Even if you are also doing a photo gift, find out what she's doing and if they could be complimentary.

I can see where it would upset you but What did you think she was gonna do with the pictures? I do agree that kind of gift is usually given by the parent especially since she has no children of her own. Maybe her heart was in the right place but just not thinking.

This is one of these new problems that did not exist a long time ago before the internet.

But I guess this like you (back in the day) giving everyone a set of photos you took and then she had more copies made and makes a fancy scrapbook with them as a gift.

You essentially gave her the photos by sending them to her on the internet, so she can use them for what she wants. even make copies.

I agree it would have been nice to have asked you if you were going to make a book and give it to the same people, but I think it is essentially ok for her to do this.

She probably thought since you had them up and everyone has seen them, she would do the step farther and make the book, thinking you were done with the photos since they are posted,.

If you were really going to have the same type of book made and given to the same people..I agree to see if the 2 of you can go in together to give it.

I really feel like this is not worth having hurt feelings, just remember in the future to make it clear you want to be able to make books etc as gifts from the photos you post.

I know I have not learned how to read other peoples minds yet.

it would have been nice if she had asked (although she *almost* did, if she's a reticent person that may have been her way of asking) but i wouldn't make waves. some people feel that pictures shared on the internet are there to be shared further. next time just be clear that you would prefer that no one use the pictures without your express permission.
khairete
S.

you SIL is a wack job. My biggest problem is that SHe shouldn't be the one to make a photo gift of your kids. The only only only way that would ever be ok is if it was of the whole family. Like she had 3 picts of grandma and grandpa alone, and 5 of herself, and 3 of you and hubby and then the 3 of your kids. Not just your kids, that is for you to do.

Posting photos on the Internet, even on a secure, pasword protected, members only site is not the same as having them in an album at home. Once something is out there, it's more or less public. If you had mailed prints to her, and she used those, would you be upset? Once something leaves your hands, you give up a certain amount of control.

If it's important to you that people ask before using your photos, tell them that. Don't hint or hope they'll know without you saying it, but don't be angry, either. Just say, "Before you use any of my family's photos, please ask me first."

A partial solution would be to only upload and share "web only" files that are very low resolution. That way, they'll look fine online but can't reasonably be printed out.

She did not go to your home and take pictures out of your album. Perhaps understanding that will help your attitude. So far as what you did you had every right to point out that you were planning on doing the same thing. There is no point in being redundant.

The only problem is she may still make a photo book and leave out your pictures. Perhaps you should contact her and see if you can do a collaboration. That way it is less work for you or her, you get a really good photo album, and it is a better gift than if either one of you did it by yourselves.

My sister does this a lot - using photos of the family to make photo gifts for people. However she does use her own pictures or ones I've posted on my blog/facebook. She has the time/energy to do this and I'm grateful, sometimes she does a book for us. I don't think its strange for her to want to do this, but asking first is always helpful! :) Families LOVE pictures of each other in lots of forms, so if you are doing a photo project just coordinate with your SIL and do something different, someone do a calendar and someone else mugs, t shirts, etc... Grandparents can't get enough, lol.

Best wishes!

First and foremost she should ask your permission to create a gift. How does she know you weren't going to do the same. I think it is kind that she would want to do that and was probably at a loss as to what to gift to your inlaws. However, now that you have told her you are doing photo gifts hopefully she will back off.

Well, she DID ask you for the pictures via email. You said no.
I think the photo gifts are the least of the "issues" in your relationship with your SIL!
(She WAS, after all, just trying to do something nice for your in-laws. Can grandparents have too many photo gifts?)