Phantom Baby?

Hi M., I'm a first time mom too but my daughter is now almsot 16 mos old!! I had perpetual morning sickness my entire pregnancy so I can't say I missed being pregnant, but I did miss feeling her inside me. I agree with other moms who have posted that once the baby is born, you will be in such awe and LOVE, (not to mention fatigued!) that I don't think you'll miss the pregnant part! WHAT I ENJOY NOW IS THAT MY DAUGHTER AVA POINTS TO HER BELLYBUTTON AND I TELL HER THAT IS HOW SHE AND I WERE CONNECTED FOR 9MONTHS!! SO YOU HAVE THAT TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!

Oh I felt the same way! I was so excited for my son to be born but I would get so sad to think about not being pregnant. Heck-he's almost one and I STILL miss being pregnant with him. Every time I see a pregnant woman I feel a little jellous..lol One thing that I did that I'm SOOO glad that I did now looking back on it was this: I would write all the time. Write little notes to her. Tell her that she kicked you a lot today and that you can't wait to see her. Tell her that her room is finished or just something like that. I wrote notes to my son while I was pregnant about everything that I was going through and it is something that I will cherrish forever (and hopefully something he'll cherrish forever too when he's old enough to read them). I also kept a private journal for myself about all of my emotions. And now looking back on all of it-it's almost as if someone else wrote it. All of those little memories that I wrote down would have been lost forever if I wouldn't have taken the time to just sit down and write about how I was feeling and about him kicking me or about him getting the hiccups. You'll be so glad that you did it. I read one of the letters that I wrote to my son 2 weeks before I had him the other day and I just cried and cried...lol I wrote to him about how I felt like I already knew his personality and about how thankful that I am that he's my son even though I haven't even met him yet. I also wrote down some advice for him and my hopes and dreams for him and for our family.

Just enjoy these last few days of pregnancy and good luck to you!!

J.

Congratulations on being part of a miracle. I don't remember freaking out about the baby not being inside anymore. I remember after a few sleepless nights wishing she was still inside, or after listening to the kids scream while I made 287 trips to the car to carry in groceries. Enjoy the quiet for the last few days. Life as you know it is over after your first labor pain. You will no longer go anywhere alone, sleep through the night, if you nurse you will have moments when you feel like the baby only sees you as a lunch wagon that has a service to check under the hood, kick the tires and maintain the wipers and keep the engine clean. After a few hours mother's amnesia will kick in. You will remember your labor and delivery experience with fondness and wonder what you were worried about. Your little Maggie will soon be in your arms and you and daddy will find yourselfs wrapped around her little finger catering to her every whim, entertaining her with singing performances during the moments when she thinks her world is out of kilter. You will find yourself not having enough time to freak out about her no longer being inside you. You might freak out when you start calculating how long it will be before she has her first broken heart, her first day of school, her first "true love" or when she looks you dead in the eye and says "can I have the car keys please" and rolls her eyes as you review the rules about the car. Best of luck M. and dad. Life as you know it is about to change in a miraculous way. Your journey through life is going to take a huge detour but the ride is amazing, frustrating, full of joy, major sleep deprivation, excitement as she first smiles, crying when she takes your finger in her tiny little hand for the first time, slamming doors as teenage hormones kick in, late nights worrying as she goes to the prom, taking her to her first job. May your family always have enough.
Keep us posted,
C.

M., I'm glad to see someone else felt "anxiety separation" during the last weeks of pregnancy. I remember feeling embarrassed telling my husband that--it just seemed so silly.

The Good News: As soon as I saw my son's face all those earlier feelings melted away. I was just so happy to finally see & hold my baby (in my arms instead of in my tummy). ;) When I had to have him close, I just held him. But, I could walk away as well.

You're going to be fine! But, should you start to have serious unrealistic thoughts and feelings or severe depression, let your OB know. I suffered PPD with both my babies & getting help ASAP is the key to recovery.

Blessings over you and little Maggie~
C.

I had the same concerns. The honest truth is that you have no idea what you are heading into right now. You will be so tired and so overwhelmed that you won't have time to miss being pregnant and it won't seem like the baby is missing because she'll be right there with you every minute of the day. Tivo a ton of shows now because you are going to need something interesting to watch on tv to keep you awake at 3 am after you have only had 1 hour of sleep in 24 hours.

In terms of it being your first baby and you are fearing something happening to her... keep an eye on that. I had the same problem with my child (my first). It's been a year now and I still have this intense fear of something happening to her. That caused me high anxiety which over the year led to a post pregnancy eating disorder. If it really is overwhelming your thoughts you might want to consider a therapist. The only thing I would change in hindsight is to have had someone to go and talk to after the baby came. That would have helped me cope with all of the new changes and stressors and I wouldn't have felt so alone, even with my wonderful husband by my side to help out. Good luck.

Well, I can't speak for everyone else but I just had my first child in April this year. The first few days for me were a little weird. Whenever I wasn't holding my daughter I felt out of place, especially when I would go somewhere without her. I would constantly touch my belly looking for her. What worked best for me was to get straight back to my normal routine and working. Until my daughter was 3 months old she slept in my bed. I was so worried about SIDS that I couldn't let her out of my sleep at night while she slept. Eventually that worry faded too. I recommend holding her alot to feel better, that always works for me. Good luck!
Mindy & Brooklyn

Hi M., OH!!! Do I remember the day being pregnant with my first child (girl)!!! How sweet it is!!! I'll make a long story short. You will soon have your new baby girl in your arms and the sight of her will put you in a different frame of mind and you won't think much about these anxieties. Enjoy her now and get your rest!!! I know how you feel, but don't worry!!! Stay Blessed!!! Deborah

I think it's normal to miss pregnancy, it's such an beautiful and intimate time only you and your baby share. I missed it some after being pregnant, but I was so glad the discomfort was over, it didn't last long.

You will be going through a million different feelings after the birth due to emotions, hormones, etc. My son was in the NICU for 4 days, and we went throught the roller coaster of "Is he OK, Is anything wrong with him, Will he come home with us". Even after all this, when we did take him home, I remember looking at him in the car seat and thinking "Oh my, what do I do with him now". I went through a few days crying thinking "Nothing will ever be the same, I will always have this huge responsibility, I won't be as free as I once was" even though my husband and I were extatic over his arrival and being parents. I was terrified of him the first couple of days, not knowing what to do and wondering if I was doing it right, and being scared I was a bad mother because of all of these thoughts and fears.

I would advise that you have a family member or someone stay with you after you come home to help you with the baby and help you get rest. You are new at being a mother, and you may not realize it, but your baby is new at being alive, so not only are you adjusting, but she will be adjusting to the shock of life outside the womb as well.

One thing I have learned, the fear that something will happen to your child will never go away. She is your most vunerable and exposed nerve now. I still worry about my son even when I know he is safe at home with my husband or my mother. It sounds like you are religous, as am I, so I just pray sonstantly for him. Your fears in that area probably will never go away completely, but will decrease as she gets older and less helpless. Congrats and God Bless!

M.

Hi,
I think the fears your having are a normal part of the process, life is full of gains & losses, sounds like you'll be a GREAT mom. As for the backache, why don't you get a professional prenatal massage , it would be good for both of you. Call the Getterman Wellness Center ###-###-####.

Hope you have a wonderful birth,
LW

No way I thought I was the only one! After having my son I missed being pregnant; the bond that we had, it was almost like a secret. Then all the sudden I had to share him. It saddened me a little. But the bond I have with him now is way stronger. though I still miss pregnancy. As for comforting your self after she is not in your belly I suggest breast feeding.
Jas

I am not sure about anyone else, but when I had my boys, I felt a very strange "emptyness". It kind of felt like my mind knew the baby was out, but my body still had to register it. It was very strange and something that no one or book ever discribed to me. But man, holding your baby becomes natural and you can't think of life without them. Remember, this too shall pass. :)

Good luck,
M. M

Congrats on your baby girl!
Well I want to start off saying that felling goes away but it may take a little while. You know there are not many ways for you to sleep right now. I am a tummy sleeper, most of the time, so after having the baby I went to sleeping on my tummy right away. I would wake up upset then I would relize that I had already had my baby. Also I was/still am terfied that I will leave my child in the car when I go into work. I travel an hour one way to work. When he was small he did not make a lot of noise in the morning so I would kind of forget he was back there. I would drop him off at the sitter and make my way to work but then I would look back there and still see his car seat and think he was still in the car. It is normal most women go throught post partum. I thought I was going to be one of those women that didn't but I did a little. BEST of LUCK! She will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen! J.

Well, you will probally not have time to even worry about her not being in your tummy. Enjoy the quiet times right now. Soon you home will be filled with the baby sounds the coos, and the laughter and just the excitement of the baby. When you first have the baby you just stare at the baby and see how amazing God is how you and your husband can look like the baby it is so awesome. Some nights will be filled with crying and just you have no clue what to do. Other nights the baby will be so quiet you go in just to see if the baby is breathing you find yourself so wrapped up in the babies life it's incredible. But please always make time for your spouse, that relationship will be so important. Allow him to be with baby as much as with you. You'll be find. Take care

T.

OH HONEY,
You are going to be so happy to actually see her face AND be able to sleep on your stomach AND not have to pee every 5 minutes you are going to forget all about not wanting her to be in you anymore. I totally thought I would miss being pregnant...I can promise you won't!

I totally understand what you're going through. I've been married for almost 3 years and we just had our first baby on August 30th, and before that I couldn't wait to get my body back, but I was terrified of her coming out into the world. SIDS was a HUGE fear. It still is, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. The first 3 weeks I only slept 2 hours a night and never had more energy in my life! That wasn't because she was staying awake, though. Anyway, the fear passes. For the first 4 weeks I kept having these weird little visions of finding her dead in her cradle. I would be dressing her for bed and imagine that this was the outfit that I would find her dead in. It was really stressful. Anyway, I feel more safe, actually having her in my arms. There are things that can go wrong in the womb without much warning, but probably not as far along as you are. The biggest thing that comforts me is just being able to hold her in my arms. I don't ever want to put her down, and I'm probably spoiling her, but I don't care. She's my baby girl. I thought I would miss having that bond of her being inside me, but I'm just so glad to have her here, and have my body going back to normal that I don't care. Hope everything goes well with the delivery. Good luck, and congratulations!

M.,

Don't worry, by the time you get to sleep long enough to wake up with some kind of anxiety attack it'll be about dropping your daughter off at kindergarten! :) Seriously, though, you'll be so busy settling in to your new life and role as Mommy that will be the least of your worries.

Good luck!

A.

I went thru the same thing with our last child, I was not even supposed to be able to get pregant again, much less carry a baby full term, I felt that loss, I guess more so because I knew that would be my last child, it does hurt a little, but the little ones keep you busy, and you will be fine, Get a hobby and stay busy, mainly keep busy with things to do for the baby, making baby blankets, thats what I did.
Good luck to you.

D.
Mom to Tj 16
Melissa 14
Whitney 7

I am so glad that you are enjoying the home stretch- you are almost there!!! However Maggie is going to be fine, and so are you. I really never felt that way with my first, he is 3 now, but I am going to give you the advice tht Victoria Osteen gave me @ 39 wks, enjoy this time of pregnancy, enjoy your sleep, and get prepared for a true adventure. You will enjoy holding her and loving on her, way more than feeling her, just wait and see.

Good Luck!!!

I was scared I would miss being pregnant too. But let me tell you, as soon as they place your beautiful little girl into your arms, you will feel such an unbelievable yet indescribable love for this person!!!! You will be so happy to have her, hold her, see her....you shouldn't miss the pregnancy too much cause you'll probably be so busy with taking care of her and just actually being able to hold her, look at her... it's just not the same as being pregnant. I at times still miss being pregnant and my daughter is now three years old!!! =) It's all going to be okay. I'm so excited for you!! You have a hard, challenging job ahead of you, but it's soooooo worth it. Good luck.

M.,

I remember the first night I put my daughter in her crib and left the room. She was two days old and we had just left the hospital. I remember being anxious, like I needed to watch her every second or something would happen. I stood over her crib for about 15 minutes and being so exhausted, I realized that I couldn't do this for the next 18 years. So I walked out the door, went to bed and it was terribly difficult. But it got much easier with time. By baby #3, I took him home after 24 hours, put him in the crib and said "when you get hungry, cry and I will come in and feed you. For now, I'm going to bed!" And I enjoyed my opportunity to sleep on my tummy immensely.

There are definitely conveniences to babies on the inside of the belly - they are much more low maintenance in there. Try not to dwell on it because it simply can�t happen. But it is so much more fun to see them, hold them, hear them, play with them that most likely you won't think much about being pregnant unless and until you want another one.

Best of luck,
S.

I can remember having those feelings too. I got so attached to being pregnant that I didn't want to give birth because then I would have to share my new baby with everyone else. There is something about carrying this baby in your body that gave me such a intimate connection that I didn't want to give that up. But soon you will see how much more exciting it will get once your baby is here. To say that it quadruples is not even enough. It will probably take a little time to remember your not pregnant anymore, especially first thing in the morning. I remember I would not to get out of bed and the first thing I would do was reach for my belly only to realize my baby wasn't there anymore. I do remember having some feelings of melancholy not a depression or anything but emptiness. Then you go and see that sweet face in the crib and it is all worth it. And these feelings will fade with time.

You've received lots of great advice. The thing about childbirth and raising a baby, is that nobody can really describe what it's like. No matter how prepared you feel, it will take you by surprise. But it's a very good thing. :) I just wanted to mention something that I went through, and it wasn't talked about much then. Since you're already experiencing some of the strong emotions tied to the childbirth, just be aware that there are even stronger ones to come. You may discover that you have never felt such a protectiveness, a willingness to give your life for someone else. Seriously powerful stuff. And yes, you may experience severe worry about your baby for awhile. That is normal, and you should talk about it. My own experience with that was a bit traumatic b/c I kept it to myself, and felt I had to be strong about it. My worry and anxiety were so bad that I couldn't sleep. I had insomnia for the first 4 months of my 1st child's life, and I couldn't let him sleep without checking on him every 15 min. I didn't know it then, but I was suffering from post-partum depression. (I didn't have any thoughts of harming myself or my baby, so I didn't recognize it.) It's very important to have support systems, breaks, lots of help from understanding friends, and don't forget that you'll be the best mom you can be, when you find time to take care of yourself. I'm so happy for you and the amazing journey you're about to begin! Welcome to the mom club. :)

M. B

M.,
I totally understand how you feel! I felt that way with my first and my second is 8 months and sometimes when I have a weird feeling in my belly I think it is her at first..That sounds pretty crazy huh? Once you see your little girl and finally get to see her pretty little face you will forget about all your worries and just be happy you can finally hold her!

Wow!! These ladies on this site give great insite!! I just wanted to add that you might have 'phantom baby kicks' for a few weeks or days after, but it really just makes you giggle and want to have another one. I think is something like missing limb syndrome. I experienced this with both of my babies. It would happen mostly when they were napping!! Too funny!! Now that they are 5 yrs and 3 yrs, my husband and I both experience a kicking sensation on the back of the driver seat when the kids aren't with us. Funny how the subconscious works!!
You will be a great mom, and I agree with everyone else - welcome to the official momma worrier association! Just remember.. Never let them see you sweat (the kids, that is, sharing your worries with your mate can be comforting.. knowing that he has most of the same ones and maybe even some that you will laugh at!)!

Hi M.. I know exactly what you are going through. I felt the same way after my children were born. My husband thought I was crazy. But, I too felt a void when my children were not in my tummy anymore. You definitely do miss feeling them move and knowing that they are completely safe. As with the birth of a first child, your whole world will change including your way of thinking. You don't have just you to worry about anymore. But believe me, after she is born, inspite of her not being in your tummy anymore, you will be overwhelmed with joy to meet her and see her and hear her and hold her and be able to watch her at all times if you want. You will be very busy with other thoughts--new thoughts and you won't have time for that empty tummy feeling to really bother you all that much. The biggest time that I noticed it was when I would take a bath and my tummy was flattenned. Of course, that is time to yourself and you have a minute to think about it. But you will also be somewhat grateful that you aren't so uncomfortable and achy and big anymore. You will feel like a new person and you will have your brand new baby to enjoy it with.

All in all, I wouldn't worry too much about the empty tummy. You are going to have a lot more to think about and enjoy. Are you planning to breastfeed? I would totally reccommend it. It is the greatest feeling ever. To be able to hold this tiny being and feed her from your own breast. It is the greatest feeling in the whole world. I cried everytime I stopped breastfeeding and almost gave in several times when trying to quit.

Good luck and God Bless!!

M.

Like Tess said, I give you a few hours of those thoughts when it happens, and then you'll be busy for the next 18 months straight. You'll feel the loss of what you used to call 'a life' more than that of your belly. But it's worth it. Good luck and enjoy.

W.