Pepping up Sister-in-Law with Cancer

I've heard of getting everyone in the family to bring her hats of all sorts. People always comment on other people's hats which would give them a discussion topic other than her cancer. You can even include out-of-town family/friends.

Having gone through a very serious illness with my son, I can honestly say how lonely and difficult a stay at a hospital feels. How can one be so bored and terrified at the same time? Things that made me feel "better" were emails via the hospital's website (there was access to it right in the room), letters and visits from family bearing hugs and food. I say "better" because I think you need to recognize that you can't cheer your sister-in-law up; she is facing a serious illness which is a forever life changing event that you can only truly understand with a similar experience. The only thing that can really cheer her (and the rest of the family) up is being pronounced healthy or cured... The best you can do is provide her with a distraction. I really like the scrapbook idea, magazines or books on CD if she is having a hard time concentrating. Keeping in mind that she may be on a restricted diet, we found that food was a great distraction for us (hospital food was terrible)---coffee, Whole Foods brownies, sandwiches and bagels are what I remember.

You sound like a caring sister-in-law, just do your best to stay involved and do a lot of listening... to your in-laws and husband. A serious illness is accompanied by a roller coaster of feelings. Good news and bad news lead to fear and anger (why me?). I often found that as much as I wanted to keep people apprised of my son's condition, the constant questioning and repeating of his status was draining. So be there for your husband and his family, be patient and listen.

I have never posted on a website before and despite the emotion in my email, my family is two years past the event that took place. My son is well and thriving. I hope for the same in your family.

I've never been through something as devestating as cancer, but when I had complications with my pregnancy and was on bed rest, I know that care packages really cheered me up. I remember one from my s-i-law, who I'm not particularly close with. It was filled with goodies that were inexpensive, yet were personal and caring, like hot chocolate, nice-smelling lotion, lip gloss, and a gift certficate to a bookstore that I could use online. Best of all a note just saying that they were thinking of us. I'll never forget that kindness. Best wishes to all of you.

C.
I currently work with people who have cancer, besides bringing her "healthy foods" which she is probably not getting at the hospital unless she is at CTCA, how about meditation CD's. There are a number of healing CD's on the market. You could also give her a journal to write down what comes up for her during the meditations and visualizations.

Make her healing foods, very important for cancer recovery.
I know many people who when in the hospital bring in all their food..it is fresh, organic and nutritious.

If you need help with this, I would be glad to help you with more info.
S

Doing something sweet for your sister-in-law is never overstepping your boundaries, I think doing her a great gift basket with her favorite fruits and candies, and muffins, is a great idea!! Anything beats hospital food!!
You can also give her a head, hand, and foot massage, that would relieve a lot of tension that I know she has, and it always appreciated!

Just do whatever you want, as long as it's something, and comes from the heart...you can't go wrong!

I will have you sister-in-law and your family in my prayers. I don't know a lot about Non-Hodkins Lymphoma and what areas of the body it effects, but one thing that may be nice is a mini spa treatment basket. You could bring things to give her a manicure and a pedicure. It's always nice to get pampered, plus she will have your company while you are pampering her. Plus for a little while it may take her mind off of the fact that she's in a hospital.

Good luck & kudos to you for being such a caring sister-in-law.

When my dad had cancer and was going through Chemo the first time, all of the sibblings in the family passed around a little journal, and they wrote about a time that they went through a difficult time, and one word that got them through it, like "faith" or "courage" or something like that. We also passed around a small smooth stone, big enough to hold comfortably in his hand. At the end of the journal entry, we wrote " I put faith (or whatever) into this stone for you." We then gave it to him, and he held the stone when he was having a particularly difficult time. I think this is maybe a Naitive American tradition or something. Anyway, my sister in law was the one to suggest it, and no one felt that she was over stepping her bounds.

Hi, I haven't been through the cancer issues but I have had a very extended Hospital stay. Something that I found helped to pass the time was Puzzle books (ex. Sudoku, Crosswords, or just variety puzzle books). I really like your idea about scrapbooking stuff. I love to scrapbook and my friends got together and gave me a little 8x8 book with paper and shapes cute to fit. That way I didn't need to worry about cutting all the stuff. They brought me a few punches and some scissors and some pictures of my kids and friends. This helped me so much. I got to include my nurses in the book and it took my mind off things with the imagination necessary to creat a page. It might also be fun if you go in and just paint her nails for her and help her to feel attractive during all this. She is lucky to have a SIL that wants to help out. I don't believe you are over stepping your bounds at all. You are just showing you care. Good luck with all and I hope she comes home soon.

Hi C.

First, I am truly sorry to hear about your sister-in-law. My husband has gone through a "base of tongue" cancer treatment last summer, so I understand a bit what it's like to want to do something and not being sure what to do. After spending everyday at the radiation department for 8 weeks, one thing I know for sure is that people want to have someone to talk with. Everyday that I was with my husband, the other patients were "looking forward" to just seeing me and talking about everyday stuff. Now, I do not know that your sister-in-law may want the same thing, but I would ask her outright.
I also know that when my family asked us how they could help, there are times that we had no idea. The best things that people did for us was to do little errands for us like pick up our cleaning, mow the lawn, clean the house, etc. That did us a lot of good. And since you enjoy scrapbooking, may I suggest to give your sister-in-law a memory book of the best moments? When she will not be at her best, that might be the best remedy for her. I think the worst thing anyone can do is to pretend that everything is OK and go on as usual.
We will wish her and your family the best of success with her recovery.

C.

Hi C.,

Your family is blessed to have such a caring in-law. I'm sorry for the pain this causes and pray for healing. As for your pep gift. I think a gift basket is great and you can fill it with several things. I suggest that you get a small photo album (the one with lines beside the photo's for comments) and fill it with family blooper photos and add funny comments. You can make a CD of her favorite music. Ask her mom about her favorite childhood sweet treats and add a few of those. Finally you can add a book on tape of a favorite author and a small blank journal (so she can write/doodle/whatever). I've worked in a hospital setting and know that presents are nice and regular visits (that don't focus on their health) are even better. Stop by and chat about whatever interests her/you. You can even do a project with her like making a scrapbook together for her parents (of everyone not just her, for an anniversary/ birthday/ whatever). Good Luck & God Bless.

As an in-law, I’m treated as a family member so there are no boundaries to cross. I think doing something with her together would be nice, like make a blanket, scrapbooks or you can purchase so smell good basket (email me and I could show some things Avon have to offer). If you spend QT with her would lighten up her day so the littlest thing could make a big difference. Just stick together and God will make away for your family.

God Bless you
C.

I have been an oncology nurse for many years and seen many acts of kindness extended to patients and their families. Each person who does something for another expresses his or her own personality through these gifts. One thing that is very nice for a woman is to purchase small gifts and wrap them separately. Then the patient chooses one gift to open each day. It is a little surprise that lifts the spirits even on a grayer day. The patient may wish to wait and open the gift when family is there to share it or open it with a favorite nurse. Items that are great are bath soaps, stamps, thank you cards, books, magazines, etc. This is also a project that a number of people could participate in.

When my mom had cancer she loved it when people would bring her hard candy because the chemo and radiation made her mouth really dry. She also loved lotions, hats, socks, and little picture books of her friends and families. She was a manager of a company and she had about 200 employees and the employees took pictures of each other and put them in one of those inexpensive photo albums that you can buy at the photo lab counter. She LOVED those! It kept her in touch with the outside world. She also enjoyed receiving cards in the mail every day. I hope this helps!

A scrapbook of her life and family is a BEAUTIFUL idea!

Are you sewing?If you do, I would suggest you to make her a quilt... Have everyone in the family choose a fabric that he/she likes. Then choose a pattern with some white on the border so you can have everyone write a note or sig for her on that quilt.It can then stay with her on her chair or on her bed at the hospital.
Good luck
Nadine (from FRANCE)