People Touching Baby

You could always say something like, of my baby is really sensitive to lotions/perfumes and even fabric and I don't want to irritate her little skin. There's also, "my baby is just getting over a little stomach flu, I wouldn't want you to catch anything". I remember reading these excuses in a parenting magazine and I thought they were pretty clever.

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You could always say something like, of my baby is really sensitive to lotions/perfumes and even fabric and I don't want to irritate her little skin. There's also, "my baby is just getting over a little stomach flu, I wouldn't want you to catch anything". I remember reading these excuses in a parenting magazine and I thought they were pretty clever.

That always drove me crazy. I just told people especially kids that the"dr" told me that no one should touch the baby. When my daughter was older, I carried antibacterial and had the kids use it if they wanted to touch her.

Although there is certainly a limit to ill people coughing and sneezing on or near the baby, I think people are way too germaphobic, for the most part, and it doesn't do their children any good Children need to develop their immune systems. There are studies that show that children who are overprotected from dirt and germs have many more illnesses later on, especially when they get to school. One of our adopted daughters had been over protected in the orphanage where she lived because of a heart defect. After she came to live with us and went to school, she got every disease known to childhood, plus constant ear infections and her heart surgery had to be postponed. The doctor said this was due to her not being around enough germs and illness. You don't want your child catching eery sniffle that comes around after she enters school!

S. Toji

I understand how you feel. When I see babies under 1 yrs. old, I will usually touch their feet or legs. Most people will touch babies' hands. I don't like that because the always put their hands and fingers in their mouths. If someone is coughing or sick then gently refuse to let them hold your child. If they're your friend then they will understand. You don't want to shield them from every germ but you do want to be careful.

Jae - this is YOUR child. No one else "lets" their children touch your child - you are the mother, you are in charge, you are supposed to protect this little one and you are supposed to be the responsible one.
Sounds like you care more about the feelings of others than taking care of your baby and safe guarding her . You say with a big smile, "No, no holding the baby right now. Maybe another time." while you pick her up and hold her over your shoulder and out of reach of ill , recovering, adults and children. A bath at the end of the day is TOO LATE.
If you can't take care of this helpless infant, because you don't want to offend others, I worry for her.
BE STRONG FOR HER.

You are right to feel this way. This is your child and you need to feel secure in who is holding and touching your child. I would carry handsanitizer and wipes with me and ask them to clean up. I never felt bad about it. Back when I was having my son, RSV was very serious and still is...now pertussis is very prevalent. So this is not being a offensive. Also it's the same for the children. Please do not touch the baby or be so close to her face. Here I have some handsanitizer, then you may touch the baby. Children love babies. My son included and he is 10. He always wants to see them and hold them. But he also goes to wash his hands and has had experience in holding babies. Your not going to offend, if they do get offended then that is their problem. You are watching out for your own!

Hello, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I was the same way with all four of my kids. I am the same way with my grandkids now. People probably think I don't like holding babies. I just feel that it is not appropriate for me to ask to hold other people's babies because I remember how I felt when other people asked to hold mine. My little grandaughter has Downs Syndrome and had health problems when she was younger and did have two major surgeries. There is an employee at the school where my grandkids attend. Everytime I would show up to pick one of them up, she would run to the car and be all over my grandaughter. On two occasions, she actually took her right out of my arms. I finally had to become very rude to her. She is not so forward anymore. I just found it odd since I don't even know her. She now acts like I have a big problem. Oh well!!
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Hi Jae,
I have had the same issue with our little guy. We both caught a cold last week and so now I am being firm with people about not touching him unless they have washed their hands, and I ALWAYS ask if they are sick. Unfortunately for me, my guy is putting his hands in his mouth all the time, and so I also tell people to NOT touch his hands or face. We'll see if this works to end the spreading of germs.

Jae- I am sure that you have received tons of great answers to this question. I know it's really challenging with adults and it sometimes comes down to how much you are willing to insult them, but with little children, what worked for me when my sweet boy was just born (now 10 months) was to sweetly but sternly tell little ones that they can touch the baby, but not on the hands or face, and then I would offer his foot or leg for the little one to touch. When they asked why, I would tell them that he was sensitive to germs that we ALL have on our hands. You can always laugh it off with adults and just say "I know this may seem uptight, but I am trying to be really cautious about germs right now, so would you mind washing your hands? Thanks so much for being understanding!" And the very honest truth of the matter is that your baby might just benefit from some of those antibodies... at least that's what I would tell myself when a snotty-nosed little one wanted to get right up in his face!

Hi Jae,

I don't think you have any reason to apologize if you don't want certain people to handle your baby. You are not overreacting. You are simply trying to keep your baby healthy.

If this is your first child, you can just tell people that you're a little weary of everyone handling your baby (first time mother and all), and would they mind either washing their hands or holding the baby when they were back to feeling 100 percent.

Your job is to be your baby's advocate, and if it means being a little more assertive and up front with folks that are not in tune with your needs, then so be it!

Good luck with everything, and congratulations on your new baby!

L.

First off let me say....ew. Sorry but some of the situations you described would have had me running away, and I am totally not a germ freak either. I didn't like people touching my baby a lot either (she was a preemie and the doctors told me to limit contact and have people wash their hands to prevent RSV). What I always told people was that my baby was sick and I don't want her to spread it around. It worked for me, they would automatically pull their kids away. Also, I would never let anyone but family kiss my baby's face or lips. If you tell these moms no, and they get offended then you don't need to be their friend. Even if they dont agree with your parenting, they should still respect what you want to do with your own child. Good Luck!

I agree- I have three (my youngest is 9 months) and I always felt that way- especially with strangers. Luckily most of my friends were on the same page as me and wouldn't let their kids touch the baby. We just told the kids that the baby was new to everything and very fragile so they should just look. I also wore my babies in a sling for a long time so they were up away from the kids and not really tempting for strangers (sort of in my personal bubble so people weren't as comfortable just reaching for them) and also kind of a hassle to get them out for someone else to hold. I also think you can just tell your friends that you are being extra cautious (most of them probably felt the same with new babies) and they will understand. Do what makes you feel good!

If you don't want someone holding the baby or touching the baby-then don't let them. If it's your friends or family they should understand. If its a stranger who cares what they think! But I would always carry hand gel with me, & if someone did want to hold my daughter I would ask them to use the handgel first! Or if you are going into public, but the baby handmits on so the hands are covered! Don't feel bad about offending people, pretty soon you won't care!!

Here's the simple answer... you say NO. Now the harder answer is you need to find a way to say it nicely. Yes, you may hurt some feelings BUT those parents are not doing any favors to their children by not teaching them boundaries(i.e, the kid in the play group kissing your baby). You are the mother, you don't have to have anyone hold(or touch) the baby ESPECIALLY if the person is showing signs of illness.

Strangers in restaurants would try to come up and touch my child and I would move him a away and say please do not touch my child(what gives them the right to touch my baby, really???). People that we know are pretty respectful of keeping their distance when they are ill because I set limits when both of my children were very young. Plus my children have come in contact with plenty of germs, the world is full of them, but I don't see the need for a sick person to be holding and/or touching my child.

GL!

If the people wanting to hold the baby are sick then I wouldn't let them hold the baby. I would just say that you prefer not to pass baby around and maybe leave as soon as you can if their are a lot of people wanting baby. As far as kisses are concerned, just redirect to the baby's cheek or forhead. Don't keep baby away all the time, she needs some exposure to strengthen her immune system, just be discerning about who gets to hold her.

I am having the same problem there is lack of respect for space when it comes to babies. When I go to the grocery store and reach for something in an aisle almost every visit to the store when I turn around someone is touching my babies hands or asking to hold them.

Family and friends are not a problem because my baby was in a NICU I ask when they reach for the baby or ask to hold him if they are sick and if they have washed their hands because the baby cannot get sick and I have Purell with the pump in each room so that if they say there hands are clean but I have not seen them wash I pump Purell into their hands as they reach for the baby.

In regards to strangers I tell them oh no don't touch my baby I think he is coming down with something when other kids are trying to touch him when adults ask to hold and touch him I tell them that he has some anxiety about strangers and then I pat his back and say it's ok baby and walk away.

I do not feel bad about doing these things because if I were actually being upfront and as rude as them I would say I don't know you, you are a stranger do not touch my baby or let your children sick or well touch my infant.

The best thing to do is start telling the kids and parents no now otherwise each time they see the baby they will want to kiss and touch and hold the baby you are not over reacting my friends with kids totally understand and do not push themselves on me if my friend were sick and asked to hold my baby I would tell her "you are sick and the baby can't get sick so you can hold him later or you will have to come over and take care of him when he is sick". I have told my parents and in-laws the same if you are sick don't come over and/or when you are feeling better you can hold the baby as you do not want him sick.

I'm totally with you and that used to drive me absolutely bonkers, too! I always asked if people were healthy up front, even before they came over to visit. When they did come over -- healthy -- and if they asked to touch or hold our daughter, I'd say "Sure, first there's soap and water right there in the kitchen." And if I knew that I had to go where there would be a lot of people, say a birthday party, I wore my baby in a front Baby Bjorn backpack and this kind of kept people from asking if they could hold the baby. Babies have limited immune systems and you're doing the right thing! I think people forget sometimes about this simple fact. I think our daughter caught a cold around the 6 month mark, and it is really no fun at all when they can't breathe properly. So just stay vigilant, you're doing a great job and if it were me that you asked if I were healthy or would I please wash my hands first, I'd just smile and say, "Of course!"