Pencil Grip Issue and Teaching Sympathy/empathy

If he is not experiencing writing difficulty or pain, his handwriting is funcitonal and his grades are good, then I don't know that there is an issue here. There is a pencil called a Twist n write and a pen called Penagain that are shaped like a "Y" that force the index finger into a tripod grasp. You can find them online, and sometimes at office supply stores.

An occupational therapis is a good resource if you think that there is a disfunction. He will not qualify for school based service unless he already has a qualifying diagnosis for IDEA and needs special education and needs the related service of OT to be functional in the classroom also. Private OT's are available to help you if you want to maximize his potential, the grip may overwhelm him as the demands of school move from learning to read and write to reading and writing to learn. I would have his speed checked, personally, and make sure that he stays at the high functioning level he is now. Unless you have left a great deal out of your concerns, this is not going to be a school concern.

As for empathy, that is a judgement call on your part. If you have left out other quirks about your son, especially if he has an intense interest in one thing (and a tendancay to monolouge about it) social reciprocity issues, a preference for younger playmates and adults over peers, a tendancy to miss nonverbal communication, gross motor clumsiness, sensory defensivess, ridgid beahvior or a litteral thinking pattern that you have not put together with these other two question areas, you may want to explore a developmental evaluation.

It is not uncommon for parents to miss very high functioning ASD's, especially went the child is still doing well in school. You absolutly want to identify an autistic spectrum disorder if it exists because at his age, he is about to leave the concrete stage of learning and will soon be faced with many challenges that will require accomodations, even if you have to supply them yourself if he is functional in the classroom and doing well.

A neruopsycological evaluation would be a good place to start.

M.

does your son have other social challenges besides the sympathy/empathy thing? I don't want to sound alarmist, but as a mom to two bright 8YOs, one of whom is mildly asperger's/high functioning autism, the combination of intelligence and a few motor skills and social skills issues (such as looking v very unemotional/unreactive to others) makes me think it would be worth exploring whether he might be on the autism spectrum.

An occupational therapist would be the right person to talk to. You may be able to ask for advice from one at your son's school, even though from what you've said the problem wouldn't be severe enough to interfere with classwork and officially qualify for help at school. I get advice for this from http://groups.yahoo.com/group/dysgraphia/ . For severe cases if OT, pencil grips, etc. don't solve the problem enough to allow kids to keep up with notes in class and homework by 3rd grade, many people recommend that the child switch to typing.
My son is 8, and has Aspergers/ADHD. Difficulty with writing(dysgraphia and disorder of written expression), social problems, and giftedness are often associated with this.
For empathy, some kids are not able to guess what other people are thinking. They need more help with knowing what to do in certain situations through "social stories" or videos. My son gets help through an after-school social skills class. They practice things like manners, taking turns, and learning how to tell what people are feeling by looking at their faces, in a small group led by speech therapists.

As a young adult working in retail I once had a customer comment to her friend, "look how she holds her pen". It wasn't until then that I realized I didn't hold my pen/pencil like everyone else. I use totally different fingers. My penmanship is just fine. :) Don't sweat the small stuff! As for the empathy/sympathy issue, I would sit him down and ask him how it makes him feel when someone else gets hurt. Could it be that he is just so involved in his own play that he just doesn't realize how hurt the other person is? Or does he just not care because it doesn't directly affect him? Hard to know unless you sit him down, and each scenario requires a different approach to amend it. Kids are tricky little buggers.

Teaching empathy and sympathy takes time, my suggestion is talking about the situation when it occurs and asking him how he would feel, also as strange as it sounds role play with him to teach him how to act in certain situations, it may take time...some kids take longer to learn what appropriate responses are.

I was in a teacher store the other day and found a pencil grip for my own 9 year old daughter, it is indented exactly where the fingers are to go, it is very sqishy, I am hoping it helps her, but I did see a more involved one in an OT magazine and I will look for a link to send you in a private message.

Stetro was the name of the pencil grip I got Kristen I found them cheaper here then what I paid :http://www.otideas.com/Items/PencilGrips.htm

I am still looking for the device that is more than a grip, I may have to call my sis for the name of the company.

I completely agree with Martha's answer below about seeking a neuropsychological eval.
I just wanted to add that my daughter with a learning disability had great difficulty with handwriting and by second grade she was using a keyboard to write, both at school and home. Now, she is 15 and has use of a laptop in all her classes. She can write a grocery list and sign her name - she types nearly everything else, just as I do!

My son had OT for fine motor at around age 4-5. It sounds like your son is doing fine in spite of his grip but our OT advised us to do the following at home with my son:
Use tiny pencil stubs for him to write with...it forced them to align the fingers in a small space.
Draw/write on an upright chalkboard because it forces the wrist to flex, which is important for writing.
Use a triangle shaped grip for the pencil.
Do you think he has any other fine motor issues? Is he OK with mazes, picking up tiny objects and putting them into a jar, etc? I guess you could ask your pediatrician if he could have an OT evaluation. Our insurance paid for ours completely (20 weekly visits, I think) and it did help my son a lot. Good luck!

As far as holding the pencil is concerned, you say his penmanship is good? I would just leave him be...I know lots of people who hold their pens in a weird/different way but it hasn't effected them in their day-to day life.

As far as teaching empathy is concerned, I think the best way to teach it is to show it! When you see these things happen, you yourself should help the injured child and then ask your 8 yr old for his help, getting the band-aid or maybe ask him to sing to or cheer up the injured child. Maybe even keep up with the conversation through out the day..."good thing sis is OK! I bet she was scared when she fell and hurt herself! I am glad we were there to help her" etc. I am sure your son will catch on. I know we as mom's always worry about our kids and empathy, it is so important and it IS a hard thing to teach...I really think the best way is to make sure you always show him and his siblings along with all others empathy!