Oh goodness! I can relate to what you're describing!! I don't have all the symptoms and to the same degree that you do, but I have been on a hormonal roller-coaster ride for many months (years actually) and after lots of research (online and in books), I finally feel I understand (sorta) the processes that can lead to hormonal imbalance and how to correct it. And I know what you mean -- I feel very much that most doctors don't fully understand or care about looking at the "big picture". My gyn wanted to put me on birth control pills and my family doctor wanted to put me on anti-depressants. I opted not to do either, and I'm feeling better these days than I have in a long time. I'll see if I can sum it up in a nutshell without leaving out important pieces. It is SO important to take care of yourself (diet, exercise, sleep, minimize stress, take supplements etc). It may sound impossible (I know that feeling - I have 2 toddlers and I own a business that I run from home), but you really have to find ways to make it happen for you and your family! Because your symptoms really do sound worse than mine, I don't want to make it sound like you don't need medical advice and/or prescribed medicine. It sounds like low thyroid function - which you probably know. But every system in our bodies affects other systems, so as to what is driving what...who knows. BUT, the big thing I have learned over the past several months is just how important diet really is to how our bodies function. If you told me 6 months ago that I needed to cut out sugar, alcohol, and caffeine from my diet I would have said forget it - it's not worth that!! But once I realized how horrible those things were making me feel, and how good I feel when I eat "right", it became so much easier to make the right decisions. To be honest, I'm not perfect on my diet but am WAY better than I used to be and it truly has made a huge difference. I think rather than rambling on and on, I will list here a few books that I HIGHLY recommend that you read. I feel so passionately about people taking charge of their own health, because honestly the big picture DOES matter and just treating individual symptoms will not solve underlying problems.
--Ultra-Metabolism by Mark Hyman, M.D. (he also has a good website www.ultrawellness.com). Even though this sounds like a "diet" book, it's filled with great information on how our bodies work and how to get and stay healthy.
--What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Premenopause by John R. Lee, M.D. (website is www.johnleemd.com)
--Dr. John Lee's Hormone Balance Made Simple by John R. Lee, M.D. and Virginia Hopkins
I really hope you can get a hold of these books (and I'm sure there are so many others that would be equally good) and really figure out your path to "wellness". I know there are doctors who speciaIlize in thyroid and hormone balance, and that may be another important place to start (maybe an endocrinologist?).
I would be happy to share anything else that I've learned - if you have any specific questions for me please let me know! I'm certainly no expert, but I would be more than happy to share what I've learned and will tell you honestly if it's just something I'm not sure about.