There is a mom in our Pre-school group that likes to have get together's and calls them Mama Minglers. She is an awesome woman. Last year she had one, and it was a huge hit, but I felt she footed a HUGE bill. She had invited everyone to this mingler, and it was open bar, and she was going to pay for appetizers. It was at a very upscale place, and prices for anything were not cheap. I dont think some of the women that came understood the deal, and ordered many plates of appetizers. I had to leave early, and I had only a Pepsi, and I had eaten some appetizers as well, so I payed like 10 dollars towards it. If I had my guess this must have cost her well over 200 dollars. She's having the same kind of party, at the same place this year and I want to put forward more money. Whats a fair amount? I dont know I dont eat that much so I am thinking like 30? Or should I at all? is this something you WOULD put some money towards or relax and eat away??
more info:
the appetizers are passed around and everyone gets a little bit of every dish... so its not really a whole meal, but we are talking 20ish women and many apps.
I did last time and this time, I asked her how can I help... she says "Do what you want" not very helpful. I think its just her way of being polite.
I think if she couldn't afford it, she wouldn't do it. It's just like any other party or gathering - the host foots the bill. It might be nice of you told her you would like to chip in, but then she might think you want to be a co-host of her gathering.
I think I would just relax and enjoy myself. Again, it's not like this is mandatory so she probably wouldn't be doing it if she couldn't afford to.
I think if she's hosting this and hasn't said anything about perameters such as, "10/person" or "there will be a bar available if you'd like to purchase cocktails", then she likely is paying to host the event. In such a case, tipping the wait staff or bartender would be appropriate.
When I go to these things, I use tact when it comes to ordering things.
It amazes me when people go hog-wild because someone else is paying.
My employer holds mandatory safety trainings and has someone who caters them according to how many people will attend. The numbers vary because some people can't make it if they're out of town, on shift, etc. Some people load their plates up and go back for seconds before some people have had a chance to get anything and it irks me to no end that they see free food and don't think about anybody else. Half the time the office staff is so busy documenting attendance and doing the necessary paperwork that we don't get anything. It's all gone before we have a chance to sit down.
Sorry for venting, but I think it's the same thing when people just basically take advantage and order whatever they want and however much they want because someone else is paying for it.
But that's just me.
I would guess if this woman can't afford to do it, she wouldn't be doing it again without being more specific.
Not knowing her, that's a guess.
Best wishes.
Ask her. You have no idea what her financial situation is or was. It couldn't hurt to ask or at least talk to her about your concerns.
two hundred does not seem like too much money for a party with an open bar. i would tip the waiter. i would also ask what is expected for each of you to chip in towards the party. it might not be and does not sound to be like something your suppose to chip in toward.
So it's a tapas place? They can definitely add up. I imagine that she wouldn't host one if she couldn't foot most or all of the bill, but for everyone's sake she should be clear of the expectations. I'd just ask her. You're probably not the only one going to it who's wondering.
Did the mama who hosted feel short changed? I would suggest a NO HOST bar with soft drinks at no charge. If someone wants to make a donation that's great.
However, since she knows what the cost was, perhaps she can put the cost per guest in the flyer and indicate that each guest will pay for their own adult beverage.
Keep us posted.
I am pretty confused as well. If she invited everyone and didn't say anything about cost, then you would expect her to pay. I would not order anything beyond what was being served but since it is open bar, I would have as many drinks as the other ladies, probably about 2. If it was 20 ladies with appetizers and open bar, it was probably WELL over 200 dollars. Since she is having it again, it sounds like she doesn't expect anyone to contribute but she isn't going to turn down money if you are giving it freely either. She wouldn't have it again it she felt cheated. Sounds like you cheated yourself. So go and have a good time this year and invite her over to your home soon!
If I am hosting and I invite you I do not expect you to pay anything.
That said, I would also have a private to semi private area for my guests, and I would have an abundance of food available for everyone. I would have already talked to management and set up a menu for the event to make sure plenty of food and variety were availabe during the entire time.
I think it is tacky for someone to go to an event that is paid for by a host and they order other specialities from the menu and put it on the host's tab. In the event someone wants something more or different, then they can pay for the extra dishes that are prepared.
There are a lot of users out there who will do anything for a buck or a plate of food and they have no manners.
