Paternity

I know someone who went through the same situation. She decided it was best to keep the skeleton in the closet.Her child is now 22 and still doesn't know that her husband isn't his biological father.Luckily, no one ever spilled the beans. She din't want to put up with any BS from the biological father as far as visitaion, etc. So, she never said anything. It's a personal choice only you can make.

I'm assuming the man you're with now knows he isn't the father of your child. I would go ahead and tell the biological father--he has a right to know, and it would be much easier on your child growing up knowing he/she has 2 dads who loves him/her than finding out at a later age and being in shock and hurt to realize the person they've always thought was their dad isn't. Tell him you're not looking for child support, but you wanted him to know the truth. You never know when it can be important to have the medical history of both parents for the child's sake, or even eventually your grandchild's sake. I would definitely let him know, but that's a decision only you can make. Good luck to you.

I agree with Cristina N. I would not tell him.

Please tell him. It's just the right thing to do. Your child is as much his, as yours and he has the right to know. I'm sorry things worked out like they did, and I understand how much harder that makes the situation, but if you tell him then it's up to him to step up. If he doesn't, at least you tried, and your son can never blame you for keeping him away from his father. If he does, then your son has two men who love him. As far as indiscretions go, lying about his age isn't that bad. It's wrong, but if that's the worse thing he has done, that's no reason to keep him away from his son. If your son finds out years from now, that that was all his father did wrong, do you think he will understand why he wasn't given the opportunity to know him?

Here's something to consider. What if your baby some day falls in love with one of his other children? It could ruin your child's life to find out the love of their life is a sibling. Same can happen with a cousin.

Also, the accidental pregnancy is both of your faults. Why should he be punished with not knowing his child, when it took two of you to conceive the baby?

I think you should tell him, and let him know that you are perfectly accepting of his either getting to know the child or not, and you won't push him into anything.

If you had not mentioned that you were using birth control i would say your choice. However, he had every reason to believe he did not father a child by you, which through no fault of his turned out not to be the case. For all the reasons mentioned before and because it is the right thing to do, tell him NOW. If he wants no contact with his child, I wouldn't tell the child until they are grown and can understand how your spouse made a heroic and loving choice to treat them as his own, and the child will already have a personality, can't have self-esteem problems as easily about being abandoned. God Bless you and I wish you happiness.

I think that you should tell him..He does have a right to know.. you don't have to tell your baby for a while, but that other man needs to be aware of it..

Hope that it all works out..

The only thing I can think of is for family history for medical.

My thought turn to my grandson. My daughter got involved with a man who is my age. She became pregnant at 18 and lived with him for several years. I was talking to a Director of a Child Care Center in my town and mentioned my grandson's father, she said "please tell me it's not ***********". I said "Yes, that's him", she proceeded to tell me that about half of the mothers in her center, which is licensed for 100+ children, say he is the father of at least one of their children. My grandson will have to talk to the mother of any girl he dates and ask them is it possible your daughter is my half sister. Even though the father of your child is in another state he may have other children too.

Another thought: if you ever have to apply for any type of aid, such as a medical card for insurance through a state agency or food stamps, etc...the economy is bad for lots of people and a person can be out of work in a day or two, then they will force you to sign papers for child support.

In my opinion, mine alone, I would have to tell him. I think morally that it is wrong to keep a child from a father. He may want to have arranged, formal, visitation or may not want anything at all but it is his child.

I believe you should tell him. Every man has the right to know if he has a child. Even if you don't need financial help, let him send child support and put it back for your child's future (car, college, etc...). Your child should know who his/her father is.
J.

I think you sould tell him. He has a right to know that he has a child out there. I'm sorry to say that if you don't tell him, you are lying to him, and you just put yourself at his level. I'm not trying to be rude or anything so please don't think that. I just feel that he has a right to know. What happens if something happens to your child and he is the only one that can help, like blood wise. You need to know his family history. I know you don't want anything bad to happen to your child. Please tell him.

How do you think the man will react? Will he want a parternity test done? Do you want your child to have a relationship with him. How does your present companion feel about you contacting your ex? These are things you two should discuss.

Good luck to you all!

I would have to agree that you should tell him. Not only to give your child a chance to know him, but also to learn his medical history. There are too many problems that are hereditary. Telling your child someone else is their father doesn't change their genes.

yes u tell him. ur child will know eventually and u do not want the pay back of lying to ur child or the father. if he wants to be involved good. if not that is his mistake but u have to do the right thing by your child. good luck making your choice.

I'm going to go against the grain here - I see no reason to tell him. If he would lie to you about something so simple as his age, then there's no telling what else he may have lied to you about. I see him as untrustworthy, and I wouldn't want to bring him back into my life or into my child's life.
If at some point in the future your child should learn that the person he has known as Daddy isn't biologically related to him (whether that turns out to be the guy you're with now or someone else), you can tell him then that his biological dad was someone that you had a relationship with that turned out not to be the person you thought he was. If at that point, your child wants to know him, you can give him contact information.