My daughter is in Catholic school and will soon complete her first communion. One of the parents approached me first to mention he needed a photographer, but realized I would be there too, because there is the party that Mamma M (the host) is putting on. I was unaware of the party so he added in that I was invited too.
The host has assigned other parents each duties. This parent that invited me, obviously had the photographer, one has the DJ, one the table linens, and so on.
I gently let him know that it is too difficult to shoot at events that I am at, as I have tried that already and it is difficult, however, I could try to help him find someone. In the end, he said he needed the number of people I would be bringing. He also mentioned something about he had so many guests, but they couldn't make it, so perhaps our invitation is based on his guests who cannot make it.
The factors: We were not invited by the host. The host is my daughters doctor. My daughter and her daughter are not in the same class and never have been, nor do I hear of the two playing together. The parent that invited us has two children and the younger of the two has never been in her daughters class either, however perhaps his older daughter knows one of her older children. The party is not a personal party, but a celebration for the kids. I know the host is pretty (really) busy with her practice and her children, I think she has around 5. My daughter may feel left out if she does not go and we may feel like awkward party crashers.
I have started a few messages to send to him to ask if I should contact the host to be sure it is alright that we be there, I just can't find the best words to do so.
My big question...what would you do. We can just as easily go out to dinner. Our number would be limited to 8, being our family and her godparents family.
**Edit - I never see the host, except at appointments. I work full time, so I rarely pick up after school. I know the parents but don't get to interact often with them.
Thank you ladies, I was feeling like we should not go and will decline right now. I sent him a message and he said he understands.
I would go out with your family and not that other blow out bash. A first communion is a big deal but it is a family / god parents close family friends thing. not a big party for the world. If you were not personally invited I would not go.
If I wasn't invited personally by the host, I wouldn't attend.
If the host doesn't invite you?
You're not invited.
The dad probably was tasked with finding a photographer, hence the "invitation." Then what was he going to do? UNinvite you?
I wouldn't go.
I would send a note declining the invite, stating that you were having a celebration with family for your own daughter. Each child should have the limelight on such a special occasion.
LG
I would not attend and tell them you are having your own family event.
I would definitely not attend. I would go out with family for a nice dinner. A DJ and big party just seems wrong. Just my opinion.
I am a little confused by the guest who 'kind of' invited you. Sounds like he was looking to get you to take photos and when he found out you couldn't then said you are not really invited. OMG, if I understand this correctly, that person has horrible manners.
You said the party is not a personal party (most of the first communion type celebrations I think of are, so this is a bit different, but a great way for the kids to celebrate together).
If I was you, I would actually throw the parent who invited you under the bus so to speak, and confirm with the host. Now if she is truly inviting all of the kids then your daughter should be invited too. She may have limited space which could mean you can not bring 8 guests.
Maybe you have a 'i'm not a team player' vibe because you would not take photos, so you got un-invited. I am not saying you are wrong by letting people know you want to enjoy your daughter's day and do not want to run around with a camera. Most people just think you have a better eye and can snap a few shots and while at the party. You may see it differently.
Would you be willing to take a few photos? I think of this as someone asking a cook to come and be in the kitchen. A bit rude, but if all the parents are helping out, this could be your contribution.
From another point of view they may have thought you would have been offended if you were not ask to take photos. Kind of a damed if you do, damed if you don't situation.
