Parents Reaction When Kids Refuse a Meal?

Updated on January 27, 2011
F.S. asks from Portland, OR
45 answers

im to my witts end with my 2 1/2 year old and her fussiness mealtime, and how i have to distract and entertain her in order to eat a meal..most of the time its EVERY meal. what are other parents reaction when your kids refuse to eat their meals? or do you guys also have to distract and play with them and feed them their food? my husband works really long hours so all our meals during the week are just the 2 of us. please help? i mean todays lunch was fish sticks stacked to look like a train, with some mixed veggies as th smoke coming out of the train and round pasta as wheels and still she didn wanna eat... im going crazy i mean she'll just sit with the food in her mouth and it takes us HOURS to eat a meal. with scolding ... what do you do in this situation?

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B.

answers from Augusta on

if my kids don't eat , they don't eat. I will not entertain my kids to get them to eat. If they are hungry they will eat they aren't going to starve.
You do WAY too much to get this kid to eat. If she doesn't eat oh well.

11 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

Honestly, if she isn't eating, she's probably not hungry. Try much smaller portions, and just let her eat what she eats. Don't make a big deal about it either way. When she's done eating, let her go back to playing. As long as you are giving her healthy options, there's really no reason to stress. She'll eat if she's hungry.

My kids eating habits are so random to me. One meal it's two bites, another it's 3 helpings and their still hungry. Makes no sense to me, but I just keep feeding them until they're done.

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M.R.

answers from Chicago on

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

I make the meal. If my son wants to eat it, fine. If he doesn't then he doesn't eat. I'm not a sous chef and I won't make 10 different options. And NO snacks if they don't eat. Otherwise, they'll skip meals and hold out for the snacks.

If he starts fiddle-farting around, I put a timer on him (this is different than eating slowly...I'm talking goofing off or stalling). Once the timer dings, dinner is over. End of story. We only had to do this twice before he realized "whoa, they're serious! I'd better eat."

Don't make a big deal - that draws attention to the issue. Instead just be matter of fact. "We're having spaghetti today." "It's time to eat. You've got 20 minutes. (timer dings) "Time is up and dinner is over."

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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11 moms found this helpful
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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Never use food as a reward or punishment. It sets up a LIFETIME of unhealthy eating habits, whether anorexia/bulemia or overeating/obesity.

Same with MAKING a kid finish their plate. Maybe she's not hungry! Children know better than anyone else when they are done. Keep offering a variety of foods, tastes, textures, colors, and 'doneness' (try broccoli, carrots, cauliflower [etc] raw, cooked al dante, and cooked until soft to see if there is a difference in how she eats them).

Don't shame her into eating. She might either end up obese or bulemic in order to maintain control. Food should be nourishment, not a daily battle!

Scale down portion size to kid-size. It should be 1/3 the size of yours. She can always ask for more! Try this: cut a sandwich into four sections and give one at a time. She might eat all four (or more), where one BIG sandwich is too overwhelming, so she only eats a little.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

Stop making it into a game and standing on your head to get her to eat. Mealtimes should not be associated with scolding and negative experiences. Just give her what's for dinner and whatever she does not eat, either toss it, or give it back to her when she decides she is hungry.

My DD is 3 and has her choices at breakfast, lunch and snack, but dinner is whatever I make (within reason - I don't make her eat sushi, chicken curry or chili but spaghetti or lasagna or beef stew with potatoes is reasonable). If she does not eat any of it, she gets excused from the table but she is not given anything else. If she starts complaining that she is hungry at bedtime, or wants a snack or dessert (right when she's getting into bed and she has already brushed her teeth), I tell her that the time for eating is over and next time she can do a better job on her dinner. She won't starve and she will learn that I am not a short-order cook and mealtime is not a circus for her entertainment.

7 moms found this helpful

M.W.

answers from Nashville on

My dad's trick was to save what we didn't eat for our next meal. It didn't taste as good as the first time, and we didn't get out of eating it. We weren't allowed to eat any snacks either until we ate the meal we refused... Although he did compromise to allow for legitimate dislikes. (I HATED any type of seafood...) We had to at least TRY it. If after 3 bites we still didn't like it, we could eat leftovers from the previous day's meal instead...

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T.C.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I give my children their food. They can choose to eat it or not. If not, they don't get anything until the next meal. No whining about it, no caving for me. Not even fruit/yogurt, etc. They learn to eat their meals. I will warn them if they start saying they don't want it, that that is okay, but they will get nothing until dinner (or breakfast). That usually encourages them to eat. I also try not to overwhelm them with food on their plate. I would much rather have them ask for more than feel like they have a mountain to climb on their plate.

6 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Don't do this to yourself. Their stomacks are smaller than we think (about the size of their fist). Don't heap a whole lot of food on her plate/bowl, etc.
Is she drinking a lot? Is she snacking a lot?
Offer her healthy food at meal and snack times. Don't beg, threaten, entreat or entertain. When meal/snack time is over, put the food away. She can drink water. It won't hurt her to go hungry once in awhile. Eventually she'll learn to eat when the food is in front of her.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I just let my son eat when he was hungry, and not eat when he wasn't. It worked so well when nursing that I just kept up feeding on demand. At age 8... it still works great. Perhaps at some point he'll develop unhealthy eating, but I'm beginning to think that for the majority of us unhealthy eating (overeating, eating when you're not hungry, etc.) are taught to us by our parents.

It was fun to watch stages / still is. During certain parts of his growth cycle he'd eat as much as my HUSBAND which is double what I eat... during others, maybe 3 or 4 bites in a whole day. Most of the time though, he'd eat about 1/4 what my husband ate to as much as I eat. I knew when he started eating like crazy that he was about to chub up for a growth spurt. <laughing> and he does, chubs up like crazy. Then in the growth spurt itself he barely eats at all. He goes from roly poly to counting vertebre. Then as soon as they cycle is over he's back to apx 6-10% body fat again and looks "normal". But it's really fantastic watching how his body KNOWS what it needs, and how he just naturally fulfills those needs.

I cook 3 times a day (brunch, lunch, dinner). But we eat 5 or 6 times a day. Anything that doesn't get finished gets wrapped up on kiddo's shelf and he can eat more of it the next time he's hungry.

As far as not liking a meal (happens occasionally, I'm pretty adventurous as far as cooking goes)... we have a house rule : If you don't like it, you can have a sammie or bowl of cereal or leftovers from something you did like. AKA whatever you can get for yourself (that started at age 5), or whatever takes me less than 60 seconds to make (prior to age 5).

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T.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Well, my perspective is that I want children to develop healthy eating habits. To me, this includes BOTH the kind of foods they eat AND the relationship/attitude they develop about food.

That said... I do not believe in forcing my son to eat. I prepare dinner and ask him whether he is "big, medium or small hungry." I serve him small portions and let him ask for seconds and/or say he doesn't like something.

I always prepare foods I expect him to like, and if I am serving something new for him, I make sure that there is SOMETHING in the meal I know he enjoys. If he doesn't like the salmon, he can fill up on rice and peas or whatever.

2 1/2 is old enough to start standing on a chair at the counter while you cook. She might be more willing to eat the food if she felt a little more involved in the process (sometimes refusing food is more about control than about food).

HTH.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I make a meal my son (also two and a half) with mostly food I know he likes and one thing he sometimes likes (for examples - he likes fish sticks and tater tots and sometimes likes peas) and put it on the plate in a normal fashion - no sculptures for us - and put it in front of him.

If he eats it, good. If he doesnt,I leave it on the table for an hour or so after. Sometimes he goes back and sometimes he doesnt. If he askst for snacks and did not eat his dinner, I tell him no. He can eat the dinner still on the table if he is hungry. If its bed time and he starts asking for food and he didnt eat his dinner, I give him a piece of bread, a few minutes to eat it, and then send him on to bed.

I dont bother scolding or begging.

I figure if he is hungry, he will eat.

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M.H.

answers from Seattle on

My kid doesn't eat, so i've done some research on the topic. What seems to be almost universally recommended by experts is that you supply the food, and she decides whether to eat. You make a healthy meal and put it in front of her, then she eats what she wants. You do not allow unscheduled snacks (depending on the kid you might want to schedule one or two snacks during the day - also to be planned and have healthy food available). You probably want to include something she likes in the meal (bread and butter, say) in addition to whatever you are regularly eating for yourself.

Then, remove all drama. She eats, great. She doesn't, great. You can give her a time - 'when i'm done eating', or, 'at 6:30pm'. When times up, remove the plate. No drama, no commentary, no nothing. Just, 'this is your food, i trust you to eat what you need.'. If she pitches a fit its okay to just call the end of meal time and send her to her room.

It sounds really weird to me, and we're trying to follow it and are very imperfect. Our kid still doesn't eat as much as we'd like. But, meal times are a lot more pleasant, and there is a lot more manipulation on both sides surrounding food.

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Y.B.

answers from Seattle on

My son is a grazer and I find it easier to just give him lots of varieties of healthy foods throughout the day. During meals I sit with him and if he eats he eats, if not, I don't push it.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

Just keep putting healthy food on her plate at meal times, but don't talk about it. Don't beg, coax, or force her to sit for hours. Don't make any comments at all about how much food she eats or does not eat. I like the reponse, "you must be done" and just take her plate away after a reasonable amount of time. I know it always helps set the mood for my kids if they see at least one food on the plate I know they really like, like fresh strawberries. That is the age when I remember my daughter, who is a pretty good eater, would really only eat lunch OR dinner, not often both. If she ate a good lunch, dinner was picked at. If she picked at lunch, she usually ate a decent dinner. As long as she's not filling up with junk food or too much snacking, she is fine. I wouldn't make it an ordeal.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Look, your child won't allow herself to starve. Believe it or not.
I'm all for getting creative, but she might not realize that meal times are about eating what she is served.
I always say that a kid will eat a dirt sandwich if they get hungry enough and it's true.
I have friends who have cajoled and begged and pleaded and made 10 different things for the kid in hopes they will eat. Trust me. You don't want your kid to be 16 and you're not able to eat a meal because you're still doing that.
I have witnessed it and it's not pretty.
Offer your child food. If she won't eat it, take her plate away.
Since she's used to the routine you've set, she may not take you seriously at first.
Wait 10 minutes and set her at the table and offer it again. No choo choo trains, etc.
If she won't eat it, put it in the trash. Or fridge. Whatever. Nothing else until the next meal time. Seriously. Nothing.
Don't offer pudding or jello or fruit even.
It seems hard, but have a schedule for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. The end.

It seems to me that your daughter isn't all that hungry if she just sits with the food in her mouth while you try to "distract" her.
I know that all moms want a child who eats. It makes US feel so much better!
But, we don't have to stand on our heads and do cartwheels to get our kids to eat.
Keep in mind that many children go on eating strikes when they are getting ready for a growth spurt.
There just is no need to drag things out.
If she was eating, just slowly, that might be one thing. She is old enough to be able to feed herself what you serve. IF she chooses to. If she doesn't, put the plate away and be done with it until the next meal time. Don't offer a million things in between because you're worried about her nutrition.

It will work better for you in the long run, it really will.

Best wishes.

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J.C.

answers from Seattle on

Do you give her snacks throughout the day? if so, make sure they are healthy snacks that give her the nutrition she needs. She may not be hungry at meal time - there is nothing really wrong with that! I wouldn't force her to eat - maybe give smaller portions. Otherwise, I would turn off the t.v. (if it is on) and sit and talk with her and encourage, but not force...at that age, they know if they are hungry!

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C.S.

answers from Redding on

Make meal time about eating and conversating and thats it. talk about your day, plans, highs, lows. I know she is two, but she can communicate. Set the basic ground rules: mealtime is for eating and talking. If she doesn't eat, put her food away for another meal. if she gets hungry then she can wait.
We went through all of this with our daughter around that age. She wanted to play instead of eating then would be hungry 5 minutes after I put the meal away, so we just started talking with her and telling her "you can be done but there is no more food until...(lunch, snack, whichever)..." she got the hang of it.

I really feel that a lot of parents that complain about their kids not eating are the same ones that let them snack all day (not saying you are like that, just something to think about). I have a friend in peticular that follows her son around with a spoon to get him to take a bit here and there, but then can't understand why he won't eat a meal.

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

It's perfectly normal for kids to stop eating at this age. With my daughter, I just ignore her. I then give her a time limit to finish. If she hasn't eaten anything, too bad, she has to wait till snack time.

I try not to make a big deal out of it because the last thing we need is a power struggle area, especially around food.

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R..

answers from Chattanooga on

I would keep the meal and make her eat it. If she doesn't want to eat, she can go. But when she's hungry, she gets the same exact thing. (If it's not something that saves well, then prepare the same thing again) She won't let herself starve. I guess when I was a kid, I tried the same thing. My dad kept serving me the meal I didn't want... I went the full day without eating anything, then woke him up in the middle of the night willing to eat it. After that, I ate what I was served. I would allow her an alternative though, if it's a food she legitimately doesn't like. (I refuse to touch squash and most fish) BUT I would make that alternative something really boring that she will eat, but doesn't really like (to avoid her trying to get the 'better' alternative)

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I would not mess with any of that stuff. Meal times are not play times. You put the food on the plate say "its time for lunch" or supper or whatever. you put her in her chair and say come on lets eat. She will eat or not. If she is hungry she will eat. The rule at our house was always you have to try everything. 1 bite. if she chooses not to eat you remind her this is supper nothing else till snack before bed and then stick to that. and for snack I myself would reheat the dinner but thats jsut me lol. I would not give in and give cheese crackers or yogurt etc. otherwise she will thing that if she ignores the real food you will give her treats instead. Make sure there is at least one thing she likes at each meal. but don't do the whole making the meal a production. just offer it and move on. as for fighting with her for hours to get her to eat is nuts. Don't give in. there are so many battles to pick and choose and this is not one of them. just don't offer junk in the middle.

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J.C.

answers from Lincoln on

I put my 2 1/2 year old in his chair and put his lunch in front of him. Then I sit down and eat my lunch. When I'm done I ask him if he's done, if not I leave the table and let him finish. If he says he's done I let him get down.
At 2 1/2 you shouldn't be force feeding your child anymore. Let her make the decision to eat. She won't starve herself. Just continually offer her healthy food, when she's hungry she'll eat.
I also use the vanilla flavored toddler formula in his sippy cup, make me feel better about the nutrition he's getting.

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M.F.

answers from Spokane on

As I answer this, 21 people have already answered. I don't think I get these questions in a timely fashion.

To answer your question: I would not keep up this power struggle. Don't make her eat. When she is hungry, offer the meal again. Keep it in the refrigerator. Don't let her snack on other foods until she has eaten her meal. I don't think kids will starve themselves. It's not about the food, it's about control.

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A.W.

answers from Seattle on

So frustrating, I agree...it really can bring us to our knees when they don't eat. BTW-love the fish sticks train idea.

I would just say, here is dinner (or whatever mealtime) and let her eat and set at time (until I am done, or 15 mins, whatever works for you). If she hasn't eaten, wrap it up and put it in the fridge. Then if she says she is hungry, then pull it out. If she throws a fit when you take it away, you can allow her 10 more minutes, but at the end of 10mins, the food is gone, eaten or not. Set a timer.

It doesn't sound like your daughter is picky, but maybe more of a control thing.

My daughter is a bit of both being picky and wanting control....I struggle with it all the time and then I finally decided that I cannot stress about this because it was ruining my dinner.

My daughter's doctor had a great idea, but geared toward older kids, like 3 to 4. If they don't like the food that you are having, they can make themselves something, but it has to be the same thing all the time, like a peanut butter sandwich or a bowl of cherrios - nothing fancy or elborate that you have to be involved in. It gives them control but limits the choices. And the hope is that they will be tired of the same thing over and over and over again, that they will actually be interested in trying what you are eating.

Kids won't starve themselves, that is for sure. You are doing the right thing by offering healthy options. Just remember it is what they eat in a whole week, not a day. And try not to stress out about it too much...I know it isn't fun because I have been there. And maybe if there isn't so much fuss about it, she will just start eating.

I wish you all the luck.

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A.H.

answers from Chicago on

I have picky eaters too. What works for us is this - no games, no bribes. Everyone sits down at the dinner table to eat together, whether you're "hungry" or not (my 4 year old likes to say he's not hungry when he's in the middle of something fun and doesn't want to stop what he's doing). Dinnertime is dinnertime. If you don't want to eat what we have for dinner, that's up to you. But no substitutes for what's on the dinner plate. You must asked to be excused from the dinner table - and it's only when everyone is pretty much finished eating that you can leave the table. I'll save your food if you don't eat, and if you're hungry later, you can eat what we had for dinner.

This has worked wonders for us, as it doesn't take them long to learn that games don't get you out of sitting at the dinner table, and that what's for dinner is what you get to have...of course my kids can have a snack later in the night if they ate their dinner reasonably well. But if it's an all-out refusal to eat what I made, then that's what's available later (heated up or whatever needed to make it pretty good again later). Once they learned that they aren't going to be able to refuse dinner but then get chips & hummus later or some other snack food, they started eating at dinnertime much better.

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M.S.

answers from Seattle on

Your child will not starve. I would offer her the meal, if she eats, she eats, if not, it's done, not your problem. When you make it your problem when it comes to eating, she is in control. And at 2 1/2, in her eyes, this has been one area that she can control, as long as it bothers you. Before my children could fend for themselves, I offered three meals and 2-3 snacks and that was that-it was there choice whether or not to eat.
At 16, 19 and 22, my girls are all good eaters...they make good choices and they eat when they're hungry and don't when they aren't.
Again, please know that if you're offering good choices, and I'm sure you are, your child will not starve.
Good luck, I know eating issues with young children can be frustrating.

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M.R.

answers from Phoenix on

A+ for food creativity! But that talent would be better served if you went into kids' catering and got paid to doll up the food.

I just have to ditto all the other great suggestions....you've got to stop turning mealtime into some sort of a game. Put on some of your favorite music and enjoy your meal together and then follow the rest of advice below.....

When my kids could count to 3 then that's how many bites they HAD to take. And off they'd go.

F., don't stress. It is very normal for a toddler to eat a lot at one sitting then go a day or two and eat very little. Just continue to offer a variety of items in very small portions, meaning about a tablespoon of each food. She can always ask for more.

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L.B.

answers from Eugene on

I make her sit there for a little while and she will eventually eat something. I don't force her to eat, because I don't want her to get bad eating habits of eating when she is not hungry. If she wont eat I get her down and then when she asks to eat again, I offer what was left (if its something that could be saved) or a healthy alternative. Smaller kids will eat when they hungry and sometimes go through phases of not eating as much.... We just bought some pedisure so that I could know that she was at least getting some of what she needs...:)

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M.L.

answers from Seattle on

If she doesn't want to eat, just put the plate as it is back in the fridge. If she says she's hungry later, offer her the same plate back.

The more of a game it is, the more she'll want to play instead of eating. Just keep offering her healthy options. When she's ready to eat, she will.

Another option if you're up to it is to put a 6 cup muffin tin in the fridge and let her graze from it as she pleases. Again, only healthy options and hopefully one's that make a balanced meal over the course of the day or week if she eats all the options.

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M.S.

answers from Portland on

If my kids want to sit at the table all day slowly eating their meal, that's fine with me. I have only three rules when it comes to eating. #1, they must eat at least one bite of each thing offered. Not a speck, or one noodle, but one real size bite of each thing on their plate. #2, they must sit at the table until one other person is also done. If both those requirements are fulfilled, they may be excused, and their food thrown away. There is no coming back to nibble later, and absolutely no food between meals ( we eat 3 meals and a snack). #3, I absolutely will NOT beg, scold, plead, punish, or nag when it comes to food. I have forcefed the one bite to fulfil the one bite rule, but that is it.
My kids have learned that meal time is not a time for fighting, and they are great about the one bite rule (it was only a struggle for 1-2 year olds), and they quickly understood that refusing to eat more means they will be hungry for a few hours. Being hungy won't hurt them, but fighting with them about food teaches them to fight back and refuse more. They know when they are hungry, and when they are, hey will eat. Your job is just to offer healthy foods and teach good habits. Kids frequently go through periods of slowed growth where they hardly eat anything for weeks.

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C.R.

answers from Seattle on

My 2.5 year old is a booger about mealtime too! I think it's the age. Not to say that distracting and entertaining her to get her to eat is the right thing to do, but don't let anyone make you feel bad about it - we've ALL done SOMETHING "wrong" to get things to go more smoothly for us. Plus, I don't know about you, but I'm seriously worried about my peanut-sized daughter with digestion issues actually getting the nutrition she needs... So, yeah, we do choo-choo trains at our house too! :-)

Here is my best trick: I put 2 things on her plate - nothing else. Pasta and peas (or whatever), the same thing I'm eating and not very much of it. I make a big deal over how yummy it looks and how I can't wait to eat it. Then, I have HER make up the "story" about what's happening with the food every time she takes a bite. I don't touch her food; I have her do it. I'll say, "What's going into the tunnel this time?" And she'll say, "It's a train going into a dark, dark tunnel - here it goes, choo choo!" and she stuffs a bite in her mouth. Next it will be a bear going into his den for the winter... whatever! Maybe it's not the right thing to do, but it gets her to eat, it's just the two of us and I get tired, it's fun and she's learning - right!? :-)

Good luck!

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

Sounds like she isn't hungry. Wait until she is, then feed her. Little kids do tend to take a while and I think that's ok as long as it isn't an hour.

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B.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Give her the plate and walk away. If she eats she eats, if she doesn't she won't starve! All kids have issues with eating at one time or another so don't become a short order cook. She will soon learn that mom will win the battle and she will eat herself. Give her silverware and her plate of food and then walk away so she can eat by herself.

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K.A.

answers from New York on

I find this in my 3 year old (my six year old has always been an eager eater, fortunately). We have determined that it is a control issue wit him, he's just as content to not eat-- he doesn't beg for something else, just chooses to not eat. I have grown weary, however, of constantly making food and having to eventually disgard it. I find it annoyingly wasteful. So i have employed these methods, each has been successful:

1. Meals are not specific to the child, they eat what we are eating. It make them feel included in the family social process and let's them know that meal time is not negotiable.

2. If he refuses to eat, or chooses to get down from the table, he goes into the time-out corner. When he returns, if he doesn't begin eat in the time frame I have allowed, he goes right back to the corner. Usually two trips to the corner get him to see my point of view.

3. I don't engage him during meal time when he is being difficult. They try to distract in various and sometimes successsful ways, so to avoid engaging removes that ability. When he is actively eating and cooperating willingly, we have family discussions about our days or what we should do after dinner.

These things can become tiresome, especially when all you want to do is enjoy your own meal-still hot- like everyone else. But after a few sessions like this, with consistency, they realize that it is not a free-for-all that they get to govern.

Meal times have imporved drastically for us : ) Good luck!

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K.M.

answers from Seattle on

My kids are just 3 and 4.5 and they don't eat at mealtime necessarily. We don't even necessarily make them food unless they are asking for it. The exception is breakfast, I make sure they eat something before we go out for the morning. Otherwise, I would stop stressing about the eating. She'll eat when she's hungry. I usually offer something when I am sitting down to eat, but if they don't want to eat with me I let them do their thing.

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B.B.

answers from San Antonio on

We do a lot of similar things to some of the other responders with our 2 1/2 year old son, who often won't eat dinner, or chooses to eat very little. We do have him sit at the table, meal time is family time, regardless of if he eats or not. Also, I did talk to his pediatrician about it. he said that toddlers need 80% of their caloric intake in the day by 4pm. So if he was eating breakfast (which is never a problem for him), a morning snack, some lunch, and an afternoon snack, then dinner time was not as much of a big deal. That lowered our stress about him not eating, and made time at the table much more enjoyable for all.
Good luck!

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

I dont bother with mealtime woes until after 3 years old. Sometimes my 2 year old wants to eat with the family, sometimes shed just rather sit down with us. i might complain a bit about wasted food, but mostly i just save it for later. With my oldest i reqiure her to eat 3 meals a day, proportional to her appetite. She cant have snacks unless she finishes her meal.

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S.E.

answers from Chicago on

Children eat when hungry,maybe shes just not hungry.I dont think you need to scold her because she wont eat.Id save the meal and give it to her later for dinner.Dont make it a game,She dosent eat take it away .

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well, my little Dude is picky... AND also just does not want to eat sometimes. Regardless of what food it is.
We don't battle about it.
My son, is one who really goes by his body's cues: eats if hungry. Does not eat if not hungry. Even if it is his favorite food. Will not eat if not hungry.
That's fine.

I don't know make like Mary Poppins just to get my kids to eat.

My kids, eat meals and snacks throughout the day.
It is not junk food though. A snack may even be just half an apple.
My Son is also a Grazer... so is my Husband.
My Daughter on the other hand, eats solidly at mealtime, and eats anything and is fine, and also snacks when she is growing a lot.
So... basically, what it is about... is that my kids eat when hungry. Not, when not hungry.
That is best.
Thus, they eat according to their body's cues... not by emotion.

all the best,
Susan

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C.T.

answers from New York on

Call me "old school" but in our house we remove the food after a reasonable period of time and whatever they have eaten is it. If it was not a reasonable amount of food then there are no snacks (or dessert after dinner) prior to the next meal.

We have never made mealtime playtime. We might make choo-choo noises or airplane noises as it flys towards an open mouth but we have never built trains with all those different varieties of food you mentioned. I have also found that most kids prefer things seperated into groups instead of all mixed together. There are also certain foods they tend towards - the "white" or "biege" foods so we try to limit their exposure to these items and focus more on other colors.

My 15 month old is experimenting with silverware already so things that "stick" to a baby fork and/or spoon are best for him. These items are also usually finger food friendly. For the 3.5 YO, she eats well, but dinner does always include ketchup for the meat regardless of chicken, beef, pork or fish! But this is only at dinner time. It is strange.

When we allow snacks, they are healthy to fill in the gaps of fussy eating sessions - raisins, grapes, bananas, oranges, carrot sticks, plain tea biscuit cookies and that type of stuff.

I would not let her hold you hostage at the table. Make the meal, eat it together, set a good example and eat slowly and chew thoughtfully, give her some extra time (15 to 20 minutes?) and then clear all the plates. Depending on what it is, you might be able to reserve it for the next meal, if that is appropriate too.

Good luck.
~C.

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

There are three things you can not make a child do--eat, sleep, and pee or poop when and where you want them to (sigh). I am a firm believer that you should put food, what ever the family is eating--nothing special for her at her age--and give her what she wants to eat from that. When she is done, let her down. No snacks in between meals. Next meal the same. Every meal the same. She won't starve.

I did this with my son because he was a picky eater. He grew to 6' 2" and was a straight A student with honors, won a scholarship to college. He was a picky eater all through high school. All without eating vegetables.

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D.F.

answers from Seattle on

I agree with everyone- she's getting a ton of attention from you by doing what she's doing! You need to disengage and set time limits. If I were you, I would sit with her and eat my meal - I would thoroughly enjoy my food and model eating at a good pace - I would talk out loud about how yummy it is. Then I would give myself a treat (something healthy/sugar free that I like that would be appealing to her - even a lolipop like they have at the Dr's offices?) and I'd talk out loud again about what a good job I did eating and how I am enoying my reward. Then I would get up and not interact any further - stay in the vicinity, but don't react, even if she tosses food on the floor (she might escalate things if you aren't engaging with her!). At the end of the alloted time, quietly clean up and release her. If she eats more than usual, give her a bite of the treat and praise her for whatever she did right and tell her that you're looking forward to her finishing her meals so that you can give her more. Also, don't put a lot on her plate - make it more likely that she will succeed. Remember, she's not going to change what she's doing overnight! It's been working for her! Good luck!!

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N.I.

answers from Portland on

Actually kids around 2 1/2 to 3 years don't eat much. The reason why is because they have had their growth spurt and now there body is slowing down growthwise and their bodies don't need as much food. The child is not going to starve him/herself so just be patient - make sure they get enough to eat before they go to bed (feed them their favorite "good" food) and they probably will snack off and on most of the day. When a child is done eating he is done eating. Just make sure that they have health food/snacks and by the time they are 3, 3 1/2 or 4 they should be eating normally again. Ask your doctor about it. Perfectly normal.

N.

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A.R.

answers from Yakima on

You've got a lot of great answers so far, this is what I do. I don't make a game out of it, their job at that point is to eat, 2.5 is a little young still, but they need to understand that it's not play time. I also use a timer (amount of time depends on what is being served). I don't give snacks throughout the day unless they are healthy. If they didn't finish their meal earlier, then no snacks later. Also, I don't give them much juice or milk between meals, which fills them up. I've saved meals for them to finish. They are allowed a treat after dinner if they've eaten well all day, we've gone a lot of days without treats, too. Remember that a toddler doesn't need to eat very much to be full.

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M.L.

answers from Seattle on

I just have to say I love the fish sticks train! :)

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