Parenting Vs. Grandparenting

Hey K.. I so feel you on this one. My girls are now 15 and 16, but when they were not even 1 and 2 (they are only 14 months apart)my husband left. There I was 20 years old with a 8 month old and 22 month old. So because I needed support adn financial support, I moved back home with Mom and DAD. I ended staying there for almost the next 10 years. It was HARD but economically good, and I learned alot. My girls saw a good healthy marriage and a good father daughter relationship as well. I paid a heavy price though. Trying to fight for being my own family unit within my family unit was CRAZY. My girls attached to my father. He hangs the moon in their eyes and they still feel that way. I would have to really bite my tongue sometimes and other times it was a releif to let my parents handle it. It will be important to ahve a conversation with step Dad to make sure he is giving her the same message. He needs to constantly re-direct her to you, or she needs to see that he has to ask you so that she understands grandad has to get mom's permission when it comes to her. She is young and since she is use to grandad all day as the child care provider, some of that going to him, is because of that as well. Young children don't always transition well and "switch up" well like we adults. So all day she is with Grandad and has to seek his guidance adn permission and then when you come home, she isn't just going to kick him to the side, she just continues on, because Grandad is still there. It does get confusing when you live with the child care provider. Familial realtionships always complicate matters, but without them Life would be very different. I wouldn't get too frustrated. Your Step dad is the disciplinarian MOST of the time---and she understands that, now she needs to start understanding YOU are when you are home, or you both are. Work with the relationship. Right now its' better to have the help. She knows you are MOM and right now she and you are fortunate because you have built a strong support network. Believe that is so important. I am glad I built mine up--I have leaned on them heavily. Especially because my daughters are teens now......
good luck to you. If there is anything more you need or want to talk about just email me. hang in there......

Hello! Have you tried to get down at her level and look at her in the eyes? Maybe she needs your attention to know you mean business. And keep being consistant. Or maybe take her to another room to talk to her and get her attention without any one else being in eyes view. Good Luck! Being a Mother has got to be one of the hardest jobs on the planet! But also one of the most rewarding! Have a great day!

K.- I was in the same exact situation. You’re doing everything right; just let it ride its course. Sounds like you have a great support system be thankful. I tried hard not to resent my Dad (who also watched my daughter for me while I was at work). When my daughter would fall and hurt herself she would run to him instead of me, and it would crush me. As time went on, I realized it was only me who had a problem. I couldn't tell my daughter to just turn off listening to my Dad just because I was home from work now. Trust me when its time for you to move on, your daughter will listen to you, in the meantime the hardest part is feeling like someone else is doing your job for you. I lost faith in myself and my parenting skills especially since it was my first child. But I was comforted by the fact that so many people loved and watched out for my daughter, and I learned so much from watching my daughter interact with my parents. I really felt like I wasn't all alone trying to do everything. Remember, "It takes a village to raise a child". Good Luck!

I also have an 18 month old daughter and she never listens. It is her age and personality! My son who is now 3 always listened at 18 months but my daughter never does. Maybe once and a great while. So it could be partly her personality.

She is looking to her granfather b/c she is with him all the time (which I know you understand). My children do what u have described to my husband who works 80 hour weeks. (They always come to me when they want something) However they listen to him quicker than I. Which I believe is b/c he is a male. He is just scarrier to them with a deep voice and larger stature. I find that they take advantage of me more b/c I have them all the time. Being that she is a girl she is entering the age where she will gravitate to a male figure. I have noticed this change in my daughter. She asks were her dad is about 10 times a day. Even though she only see's him for about an hour a day b/c he is working so much. She is in some ways obsessed with him! haha

So I must say that you have many things going against you but you shouldn't worry about it too much. Just stick to your guns and she will be fine. 18 months is a huge change and she is just trying to figure out what is what. Just continue to show her who is the boss and eventually she will get it. Well until she reaches 3! haha Terrible 2's? Nah It's terrible 3's!

I am kinda in your situation right now, we had to move back in with my parents because my husband got a new job right outside of Philly and I am pregnant and we need to find a new place, which we probably won't have until after the baby is born. My hubby is away a lot so especially towards the end now I need the help and my daughter has her moments when she listens and a lot of moments where it seems she out right refuses to listen to me but this is all normal. Just stay consistent with what you have to do, time outs work, taking stuff away works for my daughter to and sometimes compromising helps too. She's 2.5 so she is in the terrible two stage. She looks to my mom when my mom is home for her to override me but my mom doesn't let her, which I had to argue with her (mom) about and my dad sticks to whatever I say and the rules of the house. If it makes you feel a little better, she will at some point stop listening to your step dad, she does it with my dad sometimes. They just like to see how far they can go. Stick with it and good luck!

K.,
don't let this bother you. I'm a SAHM and my 5 1/2 year old all ways listens to my husband much better than he will ever listen to me. You're doing a great job and you have wonderful family too! Keep doing what you are doing and don't stress.
Good Luck
T.