Parenting the Constantly Going Toddler

Am getting a chuckle out of the responses - bringing back memories. Oh I remember the standing up change of diapers - lol. Funny. Yes, you can do it standing up. Poop is another matter ... I remember wrestling them sometimes. It is a phase.

My most active one now - was the most active toddler. He would stop for snacks - so I often gave a snack or sippy when changing diaper (hey, whatever worked) and same with being in the grocery cart. However, I was like Gidget. I stopped taking that one in particular shopping - and didn't for years. It was too much. He just didn't enjoy it and I certainly didn't.

I never, ever did art projects with my kids at 15 months. I would instead fill a tub or sink with water and let them splash in the bubbles, that kind of thing. Mine (not even my quiet project loving kids) would have been able to sit still long for art at 15 months. We did finger painting - that kind of thing (a little later) but if it was a smear, then it was a smear.

My active one at that age enjoyed things like these huge building blocks we had. Climbing on our couch cushions. That kind of physical thing. He loved balls. I invested in some equipment that involved balls, climbing, that kind of thing - and they used it for years.

It wasn't until the next one came along that I realized there are small children who like to play with trains and look at books and that sort of thing. They are all different. I had a very placid one too - who would lay down when it was time to change diaper - just knew it was time and was very helpful, would hand me wipes.

i had to learn the art of the standing quick diaper change with just wet diapers when one of my kids refused to sit for a bath i got a handheld shower head and showered them off while they stood in the tub on a towel drawing on the wall with soap crayons.
i enlisted a babysitter for my grocery shopping so runs to the store were quick for 1- 2 items and i would have the kid help carry stuff and not use a cart at all.
when at home i didn't bother with clothing, shorts over the diaper was about all i bothered with. he got a shirt and such if we went out in public.
i would also let my child snack on the go, a cracker while exploring my pots n pans cabinet or a handful of gerber puffs while playing with big building blocks. he was happy playing but getting food in him too. when it was meal time though i put him in the highchair and if he screamed to get out we used distraction and more food to re-spark his interest in eating the meal. after he ate we got him out and let him run out his energy.

Your son knows you will cave and move the line...he doesn't HAVE to behave because if he screams? He gets his way.

You ALLOW him to do these things.

Set the rules. Set the expectations. At over a year - he can understand simple commands. There is no "treat" for behaving. Not getting mommy mad is the treat for behaving.

Does he NEED to get dressed? Okay - fine. Tell him he has two choices. Dressed or not. If not - he will be embarrassed when everyone else is dressed. It's called natural consequences. He needs to know what the consequences for his not listening are. Right now? It doesn't sound like he has consequences so he is free to do and scream.

Screams in a cart? Okay. We will leave until you can behave. He can go sit in a chair for 2 minutes when you get home. Follow through.

DO NOT make threats you don't plan on carrying out. HE KNOWS. HE IS PAYING ATTENTION.

He's a year old - his attention span is about 1 to 2 minutes. You're expecting him to behave like a 3 year old when he MIGHT have the attention span of 15 minutes - and that's pushing it.

Talk with your pediatrician.
Go to the library and ask the librarian to help with spirited children books.

Good luck!

A lot depends on when it's safe to wiggle vs when it's not.
If what he wants to do (or where he wants to do it) isn't safe - it's a no go and I don't care how much he screams.
(Ear plugs are your friends!)
If I allowed our son to do something that resulted in his being hurt or dead - I'd never get over it.
"He refuses"?
Where safety is concerned - he doesn't get a choice - don't give him one.

I guess maybe I got use to wrangling him because when he was 14 months old he came down with pneumonia.
I had to get his medicine into him and I perfected a hold where I had all his limbs under control, had his mouth pried open (this got harder when those back teeth came in) with one hand while squirting the medicine at little a time into his cheek while he was screaming - and if he managed to spit it out I had to start all over again.
It was rough and nerve wracking - but the doctor said that my staying on top of his meds kept him out of the hospital.

Tub - he has to sit - if there's only a few inches of water in the tub, he can even lie down - otherwise it's shower time.
Yeah, you think this isn't a problem - right up until he slips, falls and knocks out a tooth - and this is EXACTLY where this happens the most - in the tub.

If he won't cooperate during shopping - then have Hubby watch him or get a sitter so he can stay home while you shop in peace.

We had a high chair but we hardly ever used it.
Our son ended up sitting on my lap for most meals and since he wouldn't eat anything unless it came off my plate first - this just worked out well for us.
Their finger dexterity isn't that great at that age - so yes - I fed him.

Diaper changes? - time to do it on the floor where he can't fall.
You need to handle him quickly like you're roping a calf.
I had no patience for this - if he could hold still till I finished he'd be back to playing much more quickly that if he fought me.
It's not a game and I held tight - like vice grip on a leg - and didn't care how much he cried until he was clean and ready to go.
Once he knew this was not negotiable - he didn't fight me anymore..

Our son wasn't a problem with getting dressed - he never fought me on that.

They are at an age where they want to exert themselves and push some boundaries.
This continues through 2's and 3's - (resulting in a lot of tantrums) - and by about 4 they have words and can express themselves a lot better so the tantrums die down and finally go away.

When it is safe get him outside and run him ragged.
After a ball (nerf at that age) or tag with you or chasing leaves - what ever - just make sure he gets fresh air and runs runs runs!
Tired kids sleep better.

You are The Mama and you are in charge.
Don't be afraid to make sure your toddler knows this.
Once they get use to the idea - they really are happier that way.
Kids need boundaries!

Take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is just a phase. It can definitely be a frustrating one. For many of the things you mentioned, focus on what needs to be accomplished.

Bath time - He needs to get clean. Do the best you can with the few minutes he will give you. It does not need to be a long bath. Sometimes you just get the job (or most of the job) done and call it a day.

Diaper changes - If he's not poopy, change him standing up. Take off the diaper. Do a quick wipe down (again, as much as he'll let you) and slap on a new one. Poopy diapers can be changed standing up, too, but they require a bit of practice. If you're willing, they are totally worth it. Have him standing away from you, and bend him over while you clean up. Again, slap the new diaper on while he's standing there.

Meal time - While it's important to teach them to sit at the table for meals, this is a skill that can wait. Toddlers are just on-go-kids, and that's ok. Think about food you can give him that is fairly mess free. Keep it in the kitchen, on a plate, but let it be ok that he grab a carrot or an apple and eat it and go. Maybe you tell him he has to eat it in the kitchen, but be ok with him eating one or two crackers, then taking off, then coming back just a minute or two later for another bite.

Getting dressed - Ok, I got nothing here. I can't remember how I did that one. Somehow I just got through it. But maybe if the other things get better, this one won't bother you so much.

It really is just a phase, so hang in there and know that "this too shall pass."

ETA - Oops, forgot about shopping. My kids learned how to unbuckle themselves. Forget screaming, I was terrified one of my kids would fall out of the cart and hit his head!

So began the years (yes years) of never taking the kids to the store unless I absolutely had to! My husband and I did our best to do all our shopping alone! Now that my oldest is 11 and can stay home by himself, I only have to take one of them :-) And I know the day is coming when they youngest will be old enough to stay at home.

My second born was a mover and a shaker from as early as he could figure out his limbs. It was with this child that I discovered the joys of the toddler harness and leash for public places. He could run around but not get away or into trouble.

Go with it as much as you can, build extra time into everything you do to allow him to do things himself, and when you start to run short on patience, remind yourself that it's a phase.

You can get a handheld showerhead for not very much $ if you don't have one. Then let him stand in the shower and hose him down.

In the store, give him a job. I had my busy one help push the cart pretty much as soon as he could walk. Our carts had a bar near the bottom that he could hold on to to push. I would walk at the front and steer while he pushed. Sure it took longer to get through the store, but an extra 10 minutes was better than screaming. And if he ran off, then I buckled him in (and listened to the screams). He learned fast that he only had 2 choices - stay with the cart on his feet or be buckled in.

Most diapers can be changed standing up. If you find it hard to put them on when he's standing, you could switch to pull-ups. They are easier than trying to do the tabs at the waist on a standing wiggling kid.

I did enforce staying at the table during dinner, but mine would sit for food so I don't have any good ideas for you there.

Good luck.

I too think it's just a phase...kinda! I mean my kids were SOOOOOO busy at that age too, both of them, girl and boy, and it's just hard.

For bath time, I might try adding a timer. He's still on the young side for this, but you never know! Tell him he has to be in there for like 10 minutes and maybe have him pick out something fun to play with in there, even if you already have bath toys, let him get something at the store or just from the kitchen. Cups, strainers, large spoons, etc., all that's fun in the tub! Keep the timer by the tub and let him check in on it if he wants to get out but just be consistent and let him out as soon as the timer times. If that doesn't work maybe just take away all the tub toys and only give him a couple each time and rotate them every bath. My kids loved bath time and it was nice to have them sit and play for a while, so if you can train him to do that it might be nice for both of you! ;)

For eating, take him out of that high chair. He doesn't need it and it's obviously not keeping him contained. We used those soft booster chairs and I loved them. They were a good size, totally portable if necessary and easy to wipe down. My kids sat at the table and ate what we were eating and used silverware and it was all good. Now, it might be hard to keep him at the table too, but I think that's just practice. If he runs off you're going to just have to keep asking him (or bringing him back yourself) to come back to the table until everyone has finished eating or you've excused him.

The grocery cart is hard because he still is kinda little. I was done with grocery carts, strollers, etc. by 2, but he's still a bit away from that. Have you tried giving him a snack while shopping? That usually worked for me. What about sitting in the big part? I know it's a pain because it's hard to get adequate groceries in with a kid there, but I just piled stuff around mine. Honestly, if he's throwing that much of a fit, and snacks and toys aren't working, I might let him try and walk and see what happens. It might be difficult, but it's already difficult, so you might as well try it. Sometimes with a little independence kids change. If he doesn't like it you can give him a choice between sitting or walking.

Those years were super challenging but he sounds pretty normal. I found that we would just go outside and play and walk and climb and explore the most during those years and my kids , who are now 10 and 8, still enjoy playing outside, never complain about walking long distances, enjoy hiking, and still climb on everything :) . Hang in there!