Kids will play their parents if they are not on the same page. So hubby and you need to find some common ground on the big things.
Hubby and I have a tad bit different parenting style but similar vaules and ideas on parenting just different approaches on how we want to raise our daughter. We argree that rules must be followed, we have a schedule but I tend to waver more on the timing... example: nap or quiet time is from 2-3pm, hubby always is on time I on the other hand during the week running errands or whatever sometimes my daughter does not get a nap/quiet time till 3 or 4 pm... summer bedtime usually 8:30pm (8pm if daughter is really tired and cranky), well sometimes I let her stay up till 9pm if she is in a good mood and we are watching a movie or playing a game or outside.
When it comes to discipline we are both on the same page of not spanking, we do use time outs if needed but most of the time not needed. Where we differ is the the punishment and giving one warning that is clearly stated. Example: At a gift opening yesterday, she was the only kid (she is almost 5 years old, there was a baby there and then then next kid was age 14), I told her she could play in the corner of the room (fellowship hall at church) gave her a stuff animals, books, crayons & paper. She was throwing up the stuff animal and it hit the ceiling I went over and told her she can not throw it that high because the ceiling tiles could fall out if hit. She said ok, I do not want to break the ceiling. She was still was throwing the stuff animal up, which I thought was ok, since she was not bothering anyone in the back and it was not hitting the ceiling BUT hubby stormed over grabbed the stuff animal and said mommy said no throwing you will get the stuff animal back at bed time. This made me furious because this was NOT what I said and I never told her I would take it away, that would be the warning if it hit the ceiling again. He just jumps from nothing to somthing with no warning. I took the stuff animal from hubby, told him I never said that and gave it back to my daughter. He was mad at me for giving it back, I understand that because I was not backing him up but to me there are times that he goes too far too quickly.
Most of the time I try to talk with hubby if we are both home before we punish or discipline so we look like we are on the same page. Now if he does not do the same I will over step him and stand up for my daughter if I disagree with hubby, because at times I think being a parent means you have power over a child where instead I see it as we are teaching our daughter to be a wonderful loving, caring, kind, independant, smart person.