J.B.
We have become huge fans of "Parenting With Love and Logic". It has REALLY helped us, especially with our 4 year old who is quite a handful. It really builds on helping kids develop personal responsibility and problem-solving skills. You basically put problems and issues back in their corner and let them mess up and even fail in the very early stages of life, so they don't do it when it can really harm them. I think a key component that needs to be emphasized about it is that you DO show sadness and empathy even when you're giving them a consequence they aren't going to like. It's not about offering them a choice and when they pick the "wrong" one telling them "I told you so." It's about offering choices YOU can live with and getting them to think. We've seen a big difference in our 4 year old since we started it, and it's been a magic potion for our 2 year old and tantrums -example -"If you want to continue to scream and have a fit, you'll have to do it in your room, but if you want to be quiet you can stay down here and play." He stops immediately! You have to be calm, but that's good anyway, and our house has been so much more peaceful.