I have an adopted 17 year old who is due to have a baby in Feb. She plans on parenting. She came to us with an attachment disorder that has been very challenging. We need to know how to help her parent a child and bonding with herown baby. She still lives at home at least until she is 18. She "hopes" to marry the baby's father, but that is unsure hopes. They are dependent of both sets of grandparents. Our home mostly. Any insights would be helpful.
Dr. Sears writes about attachment parenting. He recommends breast-feeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping. I have done all these with my kids, and it's been great bonding experience. It sounds like a lot of work, but it's less work (and more cuddly) than trying to avoid attachment.
http://www.askdrsears.com/
http://www.llli.org//
I have firsthand experience in teen pregnancies as I became a mother at 15. I was enrolled in a teen moms program through my hospital (in NJ at the time) which was awesome! The program helped schedule doctor visits, childcare classes (which I highly recommend) and state assistance with Medicaid, WIC and food stamps. I'm a very independent person so I was against the state assistance until I was somewhat forced to enroll but I'm glad I did because I had no idea how much help it was. I was not your "typical person working the system" because I had a job to help support my daughter and I finished h.s. on time, graduating with my class. Try finding a similar program for your daughter.
I have no experience in attachment disorders but I can suggest that you support her in every way you can...my mother was an awesome support. Let your daughter be a mother even though you may not agree with how she parents...my mom stepped in when she thought it was necessary and even though she was only trying to help, it was frustrating and sometimes made me question myself as a parent. Allow the baby's father to be involved...my mom wasn't crazy about my daughter's father but she bit her lip and offered simple advice which allowed me to make my own decisions.
Being a young mom is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through but I was determined to prove to the world that I could do it and today I have a lot to show for it so please don't ever let her think she can't do it because I'm living proof. If your daughter ever needs someone to talk to who knows exactly what she's going through, then PLEASE give her my email address and we can chat via the internet or phone. I wish her all the best and I welcome her to contact me. If only I had someone to talk to 15 years ago who knew what I was going through...
I became pregnant when I was 20 living with my parents and not married. It was a very difficult thing to say the least. I had no attachment disorder and still had a hard time bonding with my newborn. It's very hard to say how your daughter is going to be as a Mother. She could have a very difficult time bonding with the baby or a very easy time. I would suggest if she's not seeing a Therapist or a Psychiatrist that you get her an appointment as soon as possible.
Try to be as supportive as you possibly can which I'm sure you are doing. Encourage her as much as you can and let her know that she is doing a good job.
I wish you and your daugther the best of luck.
Here a few websites that may be helpful.
http://www.pregnancy.org/article.php?sid=1686
http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/teen_pregn...
I would definately recommend having her attend a good childbirth education class with the baby's father (if possible, if not, with you or someone else very close to her.) Also having her work with a doula before, during and after the birth. Studies show better outcomes, physically and emotionally, with doula care. And breastfeeding. As others have said this is an awesome way to bond with her baby. I feel that is also a great way to give mom a sense of accomplishment to know that she is providing her baby with the nourishment that gives the baby life. Definately though, if she does chose to breastfeed, get her lots of support- lactation consultants and La Leche League (starting before birth).
I hope that all works out well for you and her. God bless you both.
There is a program through the Home Nursing Agency for 1st time mommies. A nurse will come to your home starting during pregnancy and continue until the child is 2 years old. The program is income based, and I'm not sure whose income they will use--household or just the mother. This program is wonderful and will help with parenting and also getting help with any other issues that may arise. They cover care, games, checking babies development. See if it is available in your area.
The fact that she wants to parent is great. Even if she doesn't marry the father, having him involved is so important. Also, I agree with the attachment parenting. I've done that, and it really does promote bonding. Please make sure that she is also able to get breaks when she needs them as well. That gives a chance for her to refresh and actually miss the baby.
Congratulations on the coming baby. I will pray for your family to have the guidance needed to help this young woman truly mother her little baby.
One of the best things you can do to get her started off on the right foot is to get her in a good childbirth class that will teach her things to do to "attach" to the baby prenatally AND at the birth. I can not reccommend enough the classes offered through BabyBodyBirth (okay, I'm one of the board members so I am biased, but I didn't write the curricula), and you are lucky enough to be in the same town with the founder and major curricula writer. PLEASE go to www.babybodybirth.com to learn more and to contact her about classes...
I am a midwife and have worked a lot with pregnant teens... I would suggest you really encourage and support your daughter to breastfeed her child. There is some wonderful research out there that teens in particular really benefit from this connection -- it is something that they alone can provide their baby. From a physiologic standpoint, the hormones produced during lactation can help decrease post-partum depression, and enhance the mother's feeling of love and euphoria. Needless to say, it is great for baby too in so many ways. Oftentimes people think that teens have "too much"going on, and assume they won't or can't breastfeed. Not true! Some key things to help all go smoothly is to get the baby to breast within the first hour after birth, or at least skin-to-skin (you can do this after a c/section too). Make sure mom nurses the baby round the clock anytime she seems hungry (this may be every hour sometimes). This helps get the milk supply up and helps the baby get the hang of things. Use the lactationsupport at the hospital to ensureyou've got a good latch (to avoid cracked, unbearably sore nipples). Also, avoiding pacifiers and bottles helps to establish a good nursing relationship. Things are usually going pretty smoothly by 3-4 weeks. Best of luck and congrats on being such a strong, caring mama!
E.,
I don't have any personal experience with this, but one way for your daughter to bond with her baby and really feel like "she is taking care of it" is to encourage her to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is an incredible bonding experience. I remember with my son being AMAZED that he was growing and getting bigger all because of me - he got 100% of his nutrition from me and it really felt great!
Here are some articles that may help you and your daughter.
This one tells the benefits of breastfeeding your baby - even if you only do it for a short time, it tells all of the benefits that you and your baby will get: <http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing/breastvbottle/wean.h...;
This one is full of tips for new mothers - breastfeeding isn't always easy at first - so this article will really help: <http://www.expectantmothersguide.com/library/pittsburgh/b...;
This one has tips for pumping - just in case your daughter needs them: <http://www.mothersboutique.com/woandbrtifor.html>
congratulations on your grand-baby-to-be and I hope your daughter finds peace and joy with her own baby.
J.
A Mother's Boutique
MamaSource Members will receive 10% off of their first order - just mention promo code "MamaSource"
http://www.mothersboutique.com
try for info and classes thru birth right and local hospital..sounds as if you are an awesome family and alot she has probably learned from you already...sounds as if you are supportive so they have good guidance T.
Here is a link for attachment disorder: http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/
I think the best thing you can do is stand by her, and help her as much as you can. You obviously are a very giving person, so I don't see this as much of a problem for you. You will know if she isn't able to take care of the baby, you need to let her try though. Just keep a close eye on her for a while to make sure she can do it.
You probably have an idea already, whether or not she can do it.
Has she ever taken care of a younger child, or pet? Does she seem to be attached to anyone? If she has,or is, she will prob. be a great mother. If she shows that she can care about anyone(not to be confused with doing things to get her way), then I wouldn't worry.
If she is on medications, I would reconsider whether she should be or not. Attachment disorder along with most mental disorders, if not all of them, are just theories. They go trial and error with all these meds, that alot of times make people worse off. They also frequently change diagnosis. You have to go with your hearth on matters like this. Good luck.
