Parenting - Macon,GA

If you can afford it, why not? We can't afford it, so it's going to be 2 years at the local junior college, and live at home. If we could afford it, I'd send her wherever she wanted.

Yes! There is so much to learn about relationships, priorities and temptations living as a dorm resident. So valuable!

Of course, each young person is different, as are all individuals, so I can only speak to what we did. My daughter was somewhat shy and I felt still lacked the confidence that I sensed she could develop; in addition, I felt she was a little too dependent on us to help her solve her problems.
So, when she told me that she was planning on attending a school nearby, and commute daily, I literally took her aside and said, "I know who you are and who you are capable of being, but you will never discover that living under Mommy and Daddy's roof. For you, I want you to find a school that is away from here so that you can become all of who you are and can be."

She listened, blossomed, had a few rough times and learned from them, had a fuller, richer experience and ultimately in my opinion, found the beautiful person she was all along.
Yes, there were lots of tears on my part sending her "so far away" and I trusted in her to make the right choices, know that we are still there for her and always will be (we still are!)
Good luck and best wishes with your daughter.

Staying on campus is critical. She is close enough for you to check in on.

es you should let her go. She is 18 and weather or not you like it she is a leagal adult. She may not be a mature adult that will come in pieces. Her going to college shows some responsibility. Let her go she will grow

In talking to friends who did non-traditional college routes like community college or not going until they were older, I've found the one thing they all seem to regret is missing out on that dorm experience. Freshman year in the dorms is where I made a lot of my college friends and also where I made lots of mistakes, but did so in a more controlled environment than if I'd lived in an apartment. She's not completely flying solo living in a dorm, there are some rules and some security measures in place, though she'll certainly have plenty of freedom to make bad choices. I don't think you'll be able to prevent those bad choices in keeping her residence at home anyway. It could make the transition from high school to college harder for her and she'll likely have a harder time being involved in campus life and making friends. I guess you'd be there to ensure she gets out of bed in the morning and goes to class and maybe you can ride her about homework etc., but that scenario isn't great for you and probably won't help her mature.

I'd say unless it's a major financial factor she should get to make the call on this one. She'll sink or swim and that's a life lesson she'll soon have to learn anyway.

Good Luck.

To me it sounds like a great compromise.

I would have a very clear understanding with her about your expectations, and what you are willing to finance and accept in the way of behavior, grades, self-care, religion, etc. She needs to understand that - should she not meet these expectations - she will be living back at home or out on her own as an official adult (without mom & dad paying her way). I wouldn't do it in a punitive way - just a "this is the way it is in the adult world" sort of way.

You should also consider whether you will drop in on her to see how things are going (let her know that you expect to do this, if you think it is appropriate).

It comes down to your comfort level with your daughter and what you are willing to finance. If she wants to be treated like an adult she needs to take on adult responsibilities (bills, insurance, etc.). If she's in the "quasi-adult" world of college life, she needs to accept that mom & dad are still going to have some say-so over her life (as per your agreement to finance), while letting her try her wings a bit.

Good luck to you all - congrats. This is an exciting time!

PS: Don't worry about what your friends think. They haven't raised your daughter and they aren't responsible for her. Take their words of wisdom kindly and carefully (maybe they have good points) but don't let it trouble you.

What a win win situation. She has to begin to live on her on and make decisions, and being on campus up the street is ideal. You are there close enough for her if she needs you.
You can't let fear cause you to hold her back. Maybe that is why she is in the state of immaturity. We have to let them gradually make decisions and even make mistakes. Trust all your training and parenting will surface to help her make good decisions.
I vote to let her live on campus even if she is so close to home. College life is different on campus vs at home.

Yes, let her stay on campus. If you think she is immature - 18 year olds are anyway- . I think her staying on campus and close to home is a great compromise. She gets to be closer to home for what ever reasons you have and she gets to taste independence. If she ever wants to go out of state after this year or later, she must be aware that the new college may not accept all her credits - it can be expensive. So if she is committed to staying at this college, let her stay on campus. She will grow up and needs opportunity to do so. J. Gordon

The most important thing is to make sure she is going where, SHE wants to go. She has to do the work and become part of that community.

This is a time when her decision is the most important. If you choose and she is not happy or does not do well, she could blame others for her failures. If it is her choice she is more likely to make it happen.

Do try to encourage her to live on campus. It may be that the first semester she will want to go home on the weekends, but it will taper off the second semester. Just encourage her to spend time with her roommate,/roommates and to join groups at school.

My little brother went to community college and stayed at home. But he actually was more distracted that way and started getting bad grades. They decided to move him to a small country college in the mountains. He is doing great now and completely bored. I would not pay for housing if she lives so close, seems like a waste of money to me, although she is older and dying for some freedom. He was kind of immature, I think the out of state colllege experience helped him a lot and am glad he went.

I am finding out that the WHOLE college experience is just being able to drink when you want and act out without your parents around. Some may disagree but I have not heard anything different. My son lived a half hour away and wanted to stay on campus for a cool 20 grand!! He commuted to and from our home needless to say. I do not think he was mature enough the first year.

He has now rented an apartment with friends and still attending college but much more mature than his first year. My daughter also commuted to school. I think if your daughter does well with her grades the first year, then its something she has earned. I think sending them off so immature is asking for trouble. She is also only 12 minutes away. I see no reason other than her wanted to be free that she should commute. Good luck!

Hi A.. Living on campus when your home is so close is a financial decision more than anything else. There is no reason why she should have to stay on campus....and if you feel that she isn't ready for it why should she? Let her comute the first year and see how she does. If she does well and wants to live on campus her second year and you can afford it then okay. Best wishes.

If I am t he one footing the bill then there would be no way she would be living on campus. I would see it as a complete waste of money. I would tell the child exactly how much I was willing to pay for and anything beyond that would be up to them. If they want to live on campus or get an apartment, then they would have to get a job and figure out how to pay for it. I think learning that there is no free lunch is a major part of growing up and gaining a little financial independence and savvy will go a long way toward helping them mature.

If you are really debating, then I would assume you can afford it, thus it is more a situation of her abilities. I would offer a choice.....you can have what you want & stay in the dorm thus having freedom, as long as grades are top notch. OR you can stay at home and the rent money we would spend on the dorm will be put into an account for you to use upon graduation. If she is as immature as you believe she will pick the first choice. Then follow thru and when her grades drop, move her home. Do not then let her have choice #2. She will then just have to stand on her own two feet from home. If she chooses choice two, then she does have a logical head on her shoulders & it is a win win for everyone. I would change the house rules a bit though to give her a bit more freedom at home. Let her know that you are not the maid. she needs to do everything at home for herself as though she were at a dorm. Clean her own space, cook her own food, wash her own dishes, wash her own clothes.......etc....Have a curfew that is the same as the dorm. Best of luck.

it would depend on money. I would stay home, only because room and board at college is expensive, and why spend the extra money if you dont have to?

I would say that since you are so close. you let her stay home in order to save money on room and board.

You know, it really depends on so many factors. Does she work now? Will you expect her to work while going to school? Is she expected to cover any of her expenses/extras now? Are you comfortable with relaxing the house rules to let her gain a little more independence while still living at home? Does she contribute to the households chores on her own?

If she really wants to live on campus, it can be a grat experience...but kids can also get into a whole heap of trouble. You might consider making a deal where she lives the first year at home...and if she keeps her grades up and contributes to the household, she can try it her second year--with the consequence of coming home if she can't cut it. These years of the next stage of development, but it doesn't mean to just push her out of the nest.

I remember college being a whole different ball game from high school. Even though I was a top student in high school, it was challenge to adjust to the changes in scheduling and all the distractions. I was just a little over two hours away from my parents and they made more than one spur of the moment trip up to see me because I was a little homesick!

I found when I started college that I made most of my close friends living in the dorms. I was about 4 hours away from home though so commuting was not an option. Also, I was more "homesick" for my close friends than my family (I had worked at sleep away camp for the summer so I knew I would be not be overwhelmed by missing family).

It is a hard call because I don't know what you mean by immaturity exactly. I think for a lot of college age kids that being somewhere 1-4 hours away is a good distance (you are not still at home but it is not problem to come visit either). You do learn a lot living independently in college and there is some support, but not a lot. But one of my friends managed to go to school (at community college because of grades) and work full time while living at home. It took her more than 4 years to finish but she did save a lot of money. She did miss out on some of the typical college experiences though. It also worked for this friend because she was the youngest of 5 kids and by then her mother was very laid back.

I don't know what the right answer is for your family, I just wrote some of the pros and cons I saw.

I could not afford to live on campus and I commuted to collage from home the whole time. If it were a non traditional way of going, why are the parking lots so huge at most collages? My collage had 3 campuses that you could go between using campus buses (they were free). I learned a parking space was valuable real estate so you had to get there early and I parked at the campus where ever my last class would be at and use the buses the rest of the day. I joined the Commuter Council ("Commuters Do It Daily!") and I drove in all kinds of weather (once in a blizzard where I had to count intersections to figure out where you were because visibility was practically impossible). One fine morning I saw a full circle rainbow with a smaller rainbow inside it with lightning flashing behind it. People were actually pulling off onto the highway shoulder so they could stop for a moment to look at it. Just because yo sleep at home doesn't mean you are there a lot. For several years with my class schedule and my Mom's work schedule we'd hardly see each other and communicated by leaving notes on the fridge. I had work study jobs on campus which helped pay for gas and books. I did my own laundry and cooked for myself and washed up afterward (Mom let me eat without paying - Thanks Mom!) No matter how you do it, collage is a learning and growing experience.

if you can financially afford to yes. It will help her to mature and learn responsibility. And let her get a part time job so she can see what real life is all about. And if she needs you, you are right THERE.

Absolutely, if she is not ready than sometimes we set them off for failure when we force them to leave. She can always learn form her mistakes at home and guess what, you and your husband will be much closer to help guide her. It is better to experiment close to home and when is ready than she will let you know but don't force her to leave. You don't want to have any regrets later.

University or tech? My son will be going to a Technical school 25 min from home. He will LIVE at home. He's not happy but if his college will only be $5,000.00 a year, it will cost twice that, at least, for him to live near campus. AND they don't have housing or meal plans at a tech school.
I have friends going 30 min from home and it IS a university and they are living there for the whole college experience.
Money and distance (and school cost) were a BIG factor in our decision. No, he will not go to a technical school further away for the same thing he can get here! He's figuring out the difference of cost vs cost! He is more than welcome to pay for his own college should he not like our idea, too! That has been his eye opener!