My cousin is going throug a divorce...won't get into the details other than it is and will continue to be very messy. They have a son and of course he is being used as a weapon against my cousin..Right now the soon to be ex wife is living with her parents and has custodial care of their son because she has been a SAHM and he works fulltime.. Aside from that it is joint custody. My question once a divorce is finalized and custody spelled out and approved by the court. what happens if she doesn't comply and makes it difficult for my cousin to have visitaion and to participate fully in his son's life?
If he shows up at her parents house to pick him up and they refuse to allow my cousin to take his son does he call the police? Can the police enforce the court order? Does he have to file a motion with the court. How is it enforced?
I would tell your cousin to make sure he asks that question when they are in front of the judge so she is very clear on what will happen if she does not let your cousin see his son. And that way there is no reason for her to make any excuses since it will be discussed in front of a judge. That will make her look real bad if she goes against what the judge says.
I'm sure you can find more information by going to your states website. But I would assume (yah I know better)...that yes he would call the police(not 911) and they can enforce the order. He would need to have a copy with him. Then if it continues then he would probably need to speak to a lawyer about it.
My thoughts are he should really be talking this over with a lawyer or someone who knows what they are talking about. I only know what has been happening with my uncle.
Most likely they will have to meet in a public place to "exchange" visitation.
It varies state by state, but police usually don't enforce court orders, they will tell you it's a civil matter.
And if she is not complying with the court order, he will have to retain an attorney and file contempt of court against her.
Like I said it varies...
Every states laws are a bit different but basically if he shows at his scheduled place and time to pick up his son and is not granted access to him, he can/should call the police immediately. He will need to have the court order available and yes, the police can normally enforce the order. He would also want to then file a motion w/ family court. It is not in the child's best interest to be used as a pawn or weapon against either party and it is not in either parent's best interest to violate a court order (it works against them).
Your cousin should be sure to ALWAYS be where he is supposed to be, when he's supposed to be there. He should also be at any/every event he can attend to be and to show he is active in his son's life. Many times, the non-custodial parent tends to check out of any events/times not spelled out as theirs (school functions etc). They miss out and their child misses out so I would suggest that he express to the court his desire to be able to attend such activities/events even if it is not his scheduled visitation (and is ok w/ mom doing the same).
It does vary but a basic standard is,before the order is filed he has nothing. So, that order needs to be filed ASAP. Then, when he goes for visitation if she refuses he will have to file a police report. Have him keep a journal of all visitation and phone contact with all refuses - dates, times, etc. Obtain a copy of the police report(s). It will be filed as interference with child custody. Then he will have to take it to civil court.
That would really depend on the laws in your state, but I think in general, the police would be obligated to enforce the custody agreement. Tell your cousin to start keeping journal of all events: date, time and description. It would be considered a diary and diaries are assessable in court as evidence.
A male friend once told me that the best advice he ever got while going through his divorce, came from a lawyer, who told him to make his ex-wife his best friend. Not matter how much disliked her (and he truly had reason to dislike her) he needed to treat her like a best friend. He said it was very hard at first, but it paid off and they are actually 'friends' today and have three well adjusted nearly grown children. Your cousin may have to take up MMA or boxing to work out his frustration, but he will be doing what is best for his son as well as setting a good example for all involved.
Only an attorney and the court can really answer the question about how this is enforced in your particular area.
I want to emphasize what Lynn M. posted. Your cousin should be crystal clear that besides his official court-ordered time with his son, he intends to be present for events such as: Parent-teacher conferences at school; school plays, chorus concert, whatever; Boy Scout ceremonies; church events such as first communion or confirmation, if that applies; soccer games or tae kwon do tournaments whatever sport or other activities apply, now or later... In other words, he needs to really think through, with the help of a very good attorney, the level of his involvement in and attendance at events that are NOT on "his time" but are important events in his son's daily and weekly life. And he must know that it works both ways; mom should be welcome at events on "his time" too.
It's possible that the mom could get nasty about dad's turning up at the soccer game or the school play, and you want to be sure that dad's intention to be at these things is clear, if that is indeed what he wants. He and she have to work together for him to know those scheduled things that fall in "her time" AND he must let her know about things she might want to attend that fall in "his time" -- he can't hold out information on her and expect her to give information to him.
He should be certain his attorney is very experienced in custody cases and can answer questions about all this and whether it's a good idea to have these things spelled out etc. Eventually it would be good if the mom and dad can have a civil enough relationship to see each other at events and be cordial for their son's sake.
I read just two responses. Custody is a civil issue. The cops will NOT get involved. Cops deal with criminal issues.
If she doesn't follow the decree, your cousin will have to go back to court to ask for assistance. A court date will be given and the judge will then decide how best to handle the situation. The judge may order the mom in contempt, tho I've not seen that happen. What usually happens is the judge lectures the mother and allows the order to stand as is. It can take years to battle this one.
Your cousin needs to talk with his attorney and ask this question. There is no way that we can answer it except in a general way. I suggest that each jurisdiction will have their own policies and what happens is very much dependent on each judge as well as specific circumstances.
If he doesn't have an attorney, he desperately needs one.
I urge your cousin and family to "make nice" with the mother. Mediation is available thru the courts. I urge him to make use of it.
BTW I'm a retired police officer and have had experience with this sort of situation. The law may be different in different states but as a rule the police will not get involved except to keep the peace. That means that if he calls and said he is fearful of violence the police will go with him and standby while he and his ex "fight it out." They will not take the child away from the mother. They will advise him to go back to court.
Cops will enforce the court order and like Jo W. said suggest the exchange take place AT the police department.. Tell him to try to get that in the decree so that there's no mix ups and she's limited to how big of an @$$ she can be.
He calls the police. They come out and try to negotiate, write a report, etc. He should keep a copy of the court order in his car to have it ready to show any attending officer. If she continues to not comply he can file for "contempt of court" but that really gets you nowhere. My husband has filed for contempt THREE TIMES against his ex wife who defies their court order and nothing has come of it. The system is NOT set up for men, unfortunately.
In california, if he had court order for visitation and she wouldn't let the child go, he most certainly can call the police. He would have to have a copy of the court order to show the police, but once they see the order, they will enforce the visitation. Now, that's not to say that if she flat refuses to open the door, they would kick it in. They would, at that point, advise your cousin to take her to court for violating the custody/visitation order. My BIL's ex used to play games like that with him. He finally took her to court and the judge actually changed the custody and gave him full physical custody with visitation to her! Your cousin should be sure to keep accurate notes about the dates/times he tries to pick up the child and exactly what she has said/done. It would also help if he could bring someone with him so he has a witness. Also, if/when the child gets into school, he should be sure that the school has a copy of the custody orders so that they know that he is entitled to know everything that is going on with the child at school and be part of the loop re issues at school, parent-teacher conferences, etc.
Not sure but best of luck to him.
If the court order specify's he is to have the baby on X day through X day he can call the police and they will take the baby out of her arms kicking and screaming and they may even arrest her. Been there done that, called the police, had the dad arrested on the spot, he likes me now more than then but it was the court order.
If it is vague he will not have good results. SO.......tell him he needs to MAKE sure that the court order reads like this.
The father of child XXX will have his child with him from 6pm Sunday until 6pm the next Sunday where they will exchange the child in a neutral place. If either party does not produce the child they will be in contempt of court and proceedings will be taken by this court to make sure they comply with this court order......
Or Each Friday evening the father of this child will be at XXX's home to pick up this child, he will keep said child until 6pm on Sunday evening and then return said child to XXXX.
When the child is older they will have less hurt feelings and hopefully will have moved on and get along better but if the papers are specific he will have the law on his side.
I live in Dupage county...and the cops will get involved. I believe it is custodial interference but can only be enforced if it is in writing. I believe the only thing the cops will do though is tell her she needs to follow the order and if she wants to change it, she will have to go to court. Until he knows how things are going to play out, get everything in writing!
