My 4 year old daughter has had troubles getting to the potty to go pee since we started potty training her. She had constant accidents at first which we thought was normal. However, she has had intermittant accidents for the past two years. She will go months without an accident and then have a spell of 2 weeks to 2 months of having several accidents in a week. Most people say that this is because of changes in her life like a new sibling, school etc. Some of these intermittant accidents do happen when there is something new going on but other times they don't. She will be 5 in August and I am worried that she is going to have this issue forever. We have tried the caring approach by talking with her about why the accidents shouldn't happen and reviewing proper potty procedures. We have also tried the punitive route with time outs. We have also tried restrictions from favorite activities etc. But nothing seems to work. What else can I do? Has anyone else experienced this?
Thanks to everyone that sent responses to this. I felt so frustrated and alone in this situation buy it sounds like there are many other children out there with the same issue my daughter has. It is so hard to ask for advice because many parents don't want to admit this type of problem. They are embarassed about it. I really appreciate all of your candid advice. I am going to go back to the doctor again to make sure there is not a physical issue and work from there. You ladies have been awesome.
Our daughters are about the same age and we've been going thru the exact same thing! Sometimes it's not an issue, and then a spell with tons of accidents. Nothing has worked so far. I'm interested to see what others have to say though.
Some kids have weak bladders. Have you had her checked out to see if maybe that's the problem? I had a friend w/a weak bladder & until it was treated at age 9, she had accidents too.
Set a timer-I had to live by the timer when my boys were potty training because I would forget they can't hold it long. Every hour, have her sit on the potty. When you're out & about, go potty when you get to the store & just before you leave. Maybe that will catch the accidents before they happen. But do get her checked out to rule out just a weak bladder. Try charting when she's having the accidents-maybe there's a pattern you don't see. Keep the list tucked in the previous months of the calendar (the pages folded up under the nail-it's where I store important stuff) so nobody else can see it but you have ready access & always know where it is.
I would talk to the doctor about this. It could be recurring UTIs. Or there could be a physical problem that makes it hard for her to always control her bladder. Rule those out first, then go from there at looking into other issues.
Don't punish her for having accidents. At 4 there is very little chance she's doing it on purpose. She is probably embarassed and frustrated about it. Punishing her (time outs etc) will only increase the frustration, and could then make it harder for her to control her bladder. But do watch her and remind her to go potty - for example if she is doing the potty dance or just before she goes out to play or gets involved in something engrossing. I've worked in preschools, and I saw many kids who didn't want to stop what they were doing to go potty - or didn't realize that they had to go until it was too late. If you can help her prevent accidents, that's better than any kind of response you can give afterwards.
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My suggestion is that you contact Children's Hospital. They had a program in place, when my niece needed it, for children with various "elimination problems". (Medical diagnosis, p/t, counseling, etc.) One thing I learned from my niece's situation was that, from a medical point-of-view, in some situations, the longer you wait to deal with it, the harder this problem becomes to solve.
They were not successful in ultimately solving my niece's problem, and she now wears pull-ups and pads 24/7, but there are many types of this kind of problem, so your daughter's situation might be completely solvable. (She had a physical challenge which compounded her problem.)
Hi M. - I really really understand how frustrating this is but I encourage you to not put too much emotional energy into this just yet, she is still just shy of 5. It can be all those things you mentioned and a few more like simply waiting too long because they are so interested in what they are doing that they don't want to stop for a potty break.
Frequent potty breaks will help, especially 30 minutes after meals or snacks where she has had something to drink.
She may have weak bladder control. Ask your pediatrician for resources. Here are a couple of programs that I know about locally. Calling them may help you locate resources in your area.
Dry Time Clinic at Childrens Hospital ###-###-####
PEEP Clinic - Pediatric Effective Elimination Program Clinic ###-###-#### or www.peepclinic.com
My 4 y/o daughter has always been this way too. I truly believe that it occours when her body has outgrown her bladder, than when her bladder catches up the accidents stop. Maybe some waterproof undies if it is really a problem (www.hyenacart.com/totwraps) and I know I just remind my daughter to go, and even let her in on my bladder theory so she is more cooperative. And don't worry the problem won't last forever :)
I also have a 5 yr old that has some accidents. The approach that we tried was to take her to the doc. We were trying to rule out the possiblity of an infection. What we discovered was this: she wasn't wiping herself very well and actually had a yeast infection on the outter lips (I know kinda graphic) but not inside her vagina. We treated the yeast infection and also had a refresher course on potty procedures and it has slowed the accidents down alot. When she has relapses we have found it is because she is getting lazy and not wiping well.
hope that helps.
J.--SAHM of 6
It sounds as if the muscles she uses to hold the pee from coming out may be weak. I recommend having her do keegle exercises which will help strengthen that area. Spend a couple minutes each day with her doing these exercises by having her tighten her inside muscles.
I am not sure of the best way to explain it to her, but I explain it to my daughter by telling her to act like she is trying to keep from peeing.
You may find some more information on this by searching for keegles or keegle exercises on the internet. You can even talk to a pediatrician about it.
Hope that helps. Have a GREAT day!
S.
