Pacifier like Problem

My son always sucked his fingers-- everyone told me I'd NEVER be able to get him to stop. My PLAN was to make him stop gradually once he got to 2 1/2 or 3, just by telling him every time I saw him with his fingers in his mouth that he must be tired and letting HIM choose either to go to bed to suck his fingers or to take his fingers out of his mouth.

HOWEVER when he was about 2 he had the night from H*LL. He'd put his fingers in his mouth, take them out, look at them like "EWWWW, they have SPIT on them" and then start screaming for awhile until he put his fingers back in his mouth.... I think he did that for like 3 hours (It seemed more like 3 YEARS, I think I was chanting at one point for him to just PLEASE put his fingers in his mouth and Go the ____@____.com to SLEEP!) but he hasn't put his fingers back in his mouth since that night......

J. - is there a reason why you don't want your son to have his tag doll? Every parent is different and I'm NOT suggesting that by taking it away (or gradually fading him away from it) you are being a bad mother. Both of my kids have lovey's (a very small blanket thing-y) and my theory is that if it keeps them happy, helps them sleep at night, soothes them when they are hurt, sad, etc., then I have no problem with them having them. Like you, I have rules with regarding lovey's. My twins are 3 now and I've always had a rule that they are not to be taken out of the house. They aren't allowed to take them to playgroups, parks, stores, etc.. Once in a great while they take them in the car if we have a long car ride and I want them to fall asleep. But they aren't allowed out of the car after that. My feeling is that I want them to have them for comfort purposes but not rely on them 24 hours a day. I have no intention of taking them away or fading them out because they are really good about my lovey "rules." Best wishes for what ever you decide to do :)

I don't see why he can't have it indefinately if it's only for soothing and only at home. So I guess I side with your husband! Imagine that!

Some kids need soothing longer than others.

:)

I still sleep with a teddy bear... so I agree with your husband. :)

I would just take it away and deal with the crying. My problem with it is the germs. Kids that have an oral fixation get sick more and can pick up pinworms from daycare or school or even places like the McDonald's play lands.

Maybe I feel this way because of my profession. I get really grossed out by watching how some kids spend 1/3rd to 1/2 of their life with things in their mouth, other than food.

If we didn't live in such a dirty world with things like MRSA, pin worms, and tons of colds and viruses, and a huge problem with illnesses spreading and morphing faster than new antibiotics could be made, then it would be no big deal.

my son took a pacifier until he was 3.5 yrs old. Like your idea, I reminded him to leave them in his bed every morning when he got up - otherwise we couldn't find them at bedtime and he wouldn't have them when he needed them. He was good with that reasoning. I tried several times to "talk him out of them" when he was 2 and again closer to 3 but it only made him want them more. Then suddenly, on his own, without any suggestion from M., he threw them away one day and didn't go back or even ask for them. I think planting the idea in his head 6 months before and then letting it be his own decision was what was needed for my son.

I think a comfort item is key to self regulation and it is actually better for them to hold on to it for as long as they will (although I see how pacifiers as a self regulation thing causes other problems). Self regulation is a skill needed for every step of the day and if a lovey helps solidify that message while they are young, all the better.